closed for good

wont be writing on this blog anymore because there is nothing good ever to talk about so fucking depressing bye

is it really my fault that everything goes wrong? have i...and i alone ruined it? So then, i tried not to care too much so i wont feel so much disappointment. but even then, i still have done wrong. what, then, should i do? i am lost because i cant seem to do anything right.

when things are good, you say i look unhappy. is a smile not enough to show that i am good? i dont know how i should act or feel now because i am scared it ruins something. i am being negative now, i dont fucking like it and it's driving me up the wall!!! but can you blame me though? because the very best thing that i have is going wrong and it's ALL MY FAULT!!!

Start munchin'!

Since we started going for the graduation rehearsals, I've been seeing people I have not seen in ages! And all i hear is "Omg you're so skinny now!!". I have lost count of how many people have said it.

I didn't think it was that big a deal at first. And then...the terrible happened. My clothes are all too loose now!! Jeans that used to be tight now fall off my waist! Not cool. Ah, well...i guess i gotta put off hiking till i get my weight back! (Hehe...and this is also an excuse not to work out - I'm lazy). I realise I no longer have regular meals - I skip meals even, and my food portion is getting smaller la.

I gotta start being the bottomless pit again. Heh heh...i actually like being called that. Heeeeyyy how many people can eat so much and not worry about getting fat? I took that for granted. I worked out but didn't eat enough (Mind you, I didn't do that on purpose. Sometimes i'm just lazy to look for food). All because i wanna look fit and toned in a bikini. Euch. Stupid...how many times in a year do i actually get to wear a bikini? It's disgusting to look anorexic.

And I certainly do not want to and WILL NOT get there!

Ah well...now i wont feel bad for pigging myself out! YAYY!!!

And btw,

IT'S GRADUATION DAY TOMORROW!!!

Congratulations to the Class of '10!

I'm so excited I can't sleep. Omg...I'm going to be so nervous getting my cert from the Sultan and have cameras on me. What if I trip? Or my hat falls off my head? Or my tudong biut? Nah...I'll be cool. I can't wait till tomorrow comes!

(To be continued tomorrow...)

Missing the second home :')

I've been looking back at some old pictures of Florida, and I miss being there so much! I miss Houssamo, and the kitty cats Apollo and Koi, and I am bloody excited to get our doggie :) I miss the people there although some girls si beh fake and bo standard. But it is hilarious to watch them nevertheless. I miss seeing many transformers on the road lol...although it is friggin scary to drive right next to them coz you don't know when they're gonna turn into Optimus Prime they swerve unexpectedly coz the drivers often fall asleep while driving. And, I also miss having an awesomely good night sleep / passing out after a puff of maryhuana and then laughing about it the day after...

Optimus Prime asleep

I have about 5 weeks left of tutoring then, i'll be done teaching for good. 10 days later, I'll be on those planes to see my boyfriend =D Oh, and I feel like riding a rollercoaster now... Sheikra!! I'm coming!!

♥

43 days till USA =)

Getting ready for Graduation

Today is the first day of our graduation rehearsal. I was planning to leave the house at like 8am but Momma was driving coz she needed the car to go to Tutong, and I feel bad for making her wait while I take my sweet time. So I decided to go at 745 instead...and what do you know. I was late! The "rehearsal" was supposed to start at 745! It wasn't really a rehearsal...it was just a briefing about the do's and don'ts on that day.

And any reason for NOT doing anything is because "it's not nice" or "it doesn't look nice"...because His Majesty is going to be there. So pretty much, the graduation is all a show for His Majesty. The graduates aren't really the main focus of the event. This just shows how much of a suck-up we all are. Not saying we shouldn't pay attention to HM, it is a great honor that I'll be receiving my certificate from the Sultan. But couldn't they think of a better reason than "it wouldn't look nice kan? Coz HM is watching..." Be creative lah can? Nobody likes suck-ups... (Ok i'll stop here. Those are my rants for the day)

So yeah Sam, stop laughing at how many times we have to rehearse for graduation. I'm getting my cert from the SULTAN OF BRUNEI, who are you getting yours from? hahaha loser!!

So anyway...I had only 4 hours of sleep last night. Stayed up to talk to my boy :) I didn't really mind waking up early coz I get to see a bunch of friends I have not seen for soooooo friggin damn long. Feels awesome to be surrounded by people again. =)

We were told to get the tickets for our guests to watch us graduate, and BA Education graduates are to get theirs from Counter 2. Mag, Shar, Lina, Kelly and I left the Main Hall and oh my god...like pasar malam man outside! These people were like asak-asak to get the tickets. Study so much still don't know how to queue. Sia soi.

So we went in the crowd of smelly people (eughh). A bunch of my friends came out of the crowd and I saw an opportunity to go in. Just then, a group of large girls came pushing their asses in our way saying "Hey, it should be our spot you were behind us!! Lalala..." Then another bunch of girls from my other side went "Heyy hey pregnant woman! Pregnant woman! Watch it!"

Kanina. I also pregnant lah can? Push push push...i fall down later HOW?! Nah I'm just kidding. I'm not. Hehehe! Bet your eyes terbeliak for a while huh?

After that, we just gave up and decided to get our tickets on Saturday. Just then, I saw Lan and she told me we have to find our numbers on a list so they can find the invitation card for us for the event. I saw a list stuck on a notice board and checked for my name....and I found it....and right next to my name, in bold, was:

Recipient of Book Prize.

HAHAHAHAHA OMGGGG I AM SOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!

I got the book prize in my first year and I never thought I will get it again. This is the best news I've heard in soooo long! Totally made my day!! =D And I'm seeing my niece and nephew again. Today is a good day :)

7 days till GRADUATION

47 days till USA

When the going gets tough, the tough get going!

So much unpleasant things has happened lately (I won't mention it here), and I feel like it has brought me down...downnn...all the way. I let it get to me and makee me feel terrible all day. I became upset all the time, moody, and I dont talk to anybody. I was just frustrated and angry all the time. With everything.

Today, I read my private journal and it brought me back to the times when things were all good. When I appreciated what I had and did everything I could to keep them that way. I guess I forget all of them as times passed, and I pushed them away without realising it. I let my anger take over my reasoning, and change me.

I used to think there was nothing that I can't handle. And, really there IS nothing that I cant handle. I had simply forgotten that simple fact that kept me confident and optimistic. It ain't easy when you lead two completely different lives, and you constantly have go back and forth between those two extremes. But I have to deal with it anyway. I know I can get myself out of this situation. I just gotta pick myself up and get going! 아자 아자! 화이팅!

Ain't nothing gonna bring me down!!

Rouge Berries

I've been on a spending mode lately. In the last week, I've bought a set of bikini, a top, a pair of shorts and now a BAG! Well...going to buy a bag... because Sam said I have a grandma bag hmph!

Just as I thought I was done spending, my cousin told me about this website called Rouge Berries <--click here. And I'm back on spending mode again. Goddamn, so many bags to choose from. If only money wasn't an issue, I would get everything!

Good thing though, the bags are affordable. I was worried about burning a whole in my wallet before I travel again. I saw the bags my cousin bought and the quality seems to be good. Quite a steal...hmmm.

Now the only problem is, I can't decide to get

or

How?