Sigh...

Thoughts for the day:

Life itself is a cruel reality.....

What is right/wrong...good doesnt means its good for others, bad is not neccessary bad afterall....

mmm..ever since i started working in d office in jan, I cant help thinking is this what i want to do for the rest of my life??? though fully aware that d job for temporary....I still cant help thinking why am I here doing this while counting the days for my contract ends..desperately checking the calender every time. Guess anyone would realise something is wrong somewhere with this kind of behaviour...you wont behave like me if you really like what you are doing right...even its hard and tough...you would do it happily....sooo this is what been bothering me these days....

At my age..there are some people that know precisely what they wanna do...some doing what they always wanna do...some on the way achieving what they want...some still clueless and juz follow the flow...while some juz doing what they doing for the sake of doing....etc etc etc...me?? I THINK i have some idea what I wanna do +(doubt doubt doubt) and my biggest problem now is that how do I get there??? O.O....

Alright back to working life..wake up early every morning...jam to work jam back home...i start to think is there any meaning at all for this..i keep wonder how other permanants felt (well maybe they love their job).Then you felt alive again over the weekends and the cycle begins over n over again.....This is totally not me...nononononooo....everyday i dont felt like myself...doing things not myself...im NOT me...n this is when all the depression ...emo..sadness :( creeps in...n slowly I felt 'dead'...The thing i felt bout office work (at least mine) is that everything seems so grey..so repetitious that is transforming you into a machine!!! slowly it drains you.... why? u ask me...why is that so...im also asking myself...the answer is always there in me...you dont belong here...tis is not for you...but many times we juz dun wanna admit it until we try...

Thanks to the job I am one step closer in understanding myself...not only what I want but what suits me more...I used admire what OLs are like...dress nicely, prettily to work...air-cond room...stable and cool..Laughing at myself...i always knew and convince now that I tried i never will or able to be like this...me is always me...you are who you are....Looking back to my intern days...i remember how happy i am back then...no nice dress...lots of sun n hardwork...but at least its genuine happiness...

Many times when caught in a jam...I always say to myself is this the life i want....there are so much more in the world that i wanna try...wanna see..wanna explore and experience...i felt suffocated confined in this small little space of life...I juz wanna live life....Not practical some say...unrealistic?? but how many times we've been trapped in out own thinking...fear...busyness and 'realistic' life that we forget to dream and live...we are all living but how many are truly alive...I know i am not definately...for now...

How....to free myself??? Seriously i have no idea..else i dun hav to sit here writing this confusing silly blog post...Attitude i guess...its all in ourself...in our hands...how v think....step by step...gradually...we can climb out of this hole....Step by step..one thing at the time...live and accept the present situation...never giving up hope...take up good habits and right attitude....follow our heart...n also have courage.....hahahaha talking to myself.... :S

Right....have courage to embrace my present situation...make best out of it....tats what i have to do now....but not forgetting to reach for things that i like n appreciate n tat makes me happy......
not forgetting my dream to live life and follow the heart that leads the way...being free...



-on an emo sunday night-

Time

Time is both wonderful and scary...

Time can change...almost...everything..
Strangers become friends...friends back to strangers...  
Understanding to distant...near to far...

Changed environment...changed position..
Changed relationships...
Things changed...ppl changed...feelings changed..
You change i change we change...

We fall...we stand..we grow..
We forget, forgive...we let go, moved on....
We cried...we laugh...we remember...

Remember and cant help but wonder...
How we cant go back to the past...to the used to be...
How often we looked back.....just looking back...

im back...

things were familiar...yet not so...
i dunno wats tat but its too weird...
things seems the same but not anymore...
so am i?
those wasted time...those time i missed...
cant help but a part of regret in life...
im back but really am i??

lala...

at last i can breathe better... im alive!!!

suffocating does not onli happen when n have not enuff air....suffocating also happens when u have piles n piles of things to do in a short time n nobody even care whether u alive a not....never knew doing something u do not like is such such horrible n suffocating....

read in a book that things regardless problems, work o good stuff comes in a group...a pile...like rats...ants...thinking of that...i actually think its somehow true now...


finish whining....have to continue drowning......

dun wan to

i dun wan to do it nmore.....i realise that things are much much more difficult when u r not interested in it....i had enuff....i dun hav d motivation to write nmore....TT