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When i was younger, I used to blog a lot. I would snap tonnes of pictures, edit them and post them up along with a long essay about my week, day or of a specific event. As time flew by, I started neglecting this space, and before I know it, I even struggle to remember the password of this blog. I have thought about shutting this blog down many times, but it never happens because I feel that one day, who knows, I might start blogging again.

I guess for now, it's not going to be so much so as "blogging" but rather, just a space for me to write - to vent my frustrations and emotions to possibly, no one but the cyberspace. That's fine by me, really. Time in Melbourne used to be fun, I had close friends here and we had plans all the time. Then, as time passed by, one by one, they started leaving, some for home, some to interstate for work purposes. As people leave, this emptiness within me just gets bigger, wider and deeper - to a point that sometimes I question my time here in Melbourne, is it even worth it, when most of them are gone? What am I still doing here, in a place I used to adore so much and have grown so attached to?

My point here is that... I'm lonely. It's a Friday night, where young people are out drinking and hanging out with their friends. Here I am, seated all alone on my bed, all ready to sleep, without anyone, without any plans. I try to fill up this void by texting people on my phone - yet, no one seems to be replying. This brings me to the realisation that maybe, just maybe, I am destined to be one of those loners out there and maybe, just maybe, I need to get that round my head and used to it.

I really do not know what to do with my life anymore, I really do not know what I want to achieve in my life anymore, I really do not know what makes me happy anymore, I really do not know if there is love after all.... I really just don't.

It's been awhile...

Hello, if you are still visiting my blog every now and then.

Wow, cannot seem to remember the last time I visited this place, or even wrote something here.

If 2009 was filled with unwanted and sad events, then I don't know what words best describe 2010 thus far. Exciting, indeed, yet filled with so much uncertainties and sadness.

I really don't know what I want in life, what to expect in life, how to live life... I don't know anything anymore.

People tell me to not rush and take one step at a time.

Don't think I can survive based on that per se. I need a plan, yet, there isn't one out there.

Till the next time.

Love, or something like that

Browsing through pictures, reminiscing about the past, it got me thinking... what do we know about love? A good friend once asked me, "Do you know the difference between being in love and merely loving someone?" and according to her, being in love sends this tingling, happy, butterflies-in-my-stomach sensation down your spine, it makes you all excited and it gives you excitement everytime you see that special someone whereas loving someone means you genuinely care about that person's wellbeing and would strive to do almost everything or anything for that person. So my question is, which one are you exactly? In my opinion, I'm a mix of both although the boyfriend claims that this whole thing is a load of girls' bullshit. I have come to a realisation that it can never really just be one or the other - say being in love consistently sounds as though you're simply lacking in attention or it's pure lust, whereas loving someone just means that you care enough to provide for the person, although happiness might exist somewhere else with another person. Sounds confusing? (Truth is, I don't know what I'm rambling about here, hence, the blog's existence)

My point is: thinking about love also makes me very angry, because I see some people throwing their love away, or giving it away all too easily when things could've been mended; love makes people do all sorts of crazy things and again, it gets me very angry seeing how people meddle with other people's affairs for their own benefits and more importantly, even angrier when people are trying so hard to salvage what is left, or making an effort to improvise when the other party is not being appreciative enough.

So instead of going around in circles not knowing what I want to say, I guess I'll just leave it as it is now over here, and go on pondering about love, or something like that, in my life.

Empty

Sitting here all alone reminiscing, I have come to a realisation that I really miss what you and I used to share.

Oh, and you too.

:(

Why hello there

Hi, I forgotten that this blog existed until my friend pointed out to me a couple of weeks back. Decided to change that childish layout and keep this to a minimum. Perhaps I will work with the template once I have the mood to do so, and perhaps I might get back to random rantings when I feel like it. :)

Packing on the pounds

It hasn't struck me that I have not blogged for over a month, slowly but surely I see this blog dying... I try my best to keep this blog alive, so here goes...

For the past few months, I've completely let myself go, stuffing myself silling with food, food and more food - going on mini food adventures all around Melbourne! I cannot remember ALL the places I've visited, but I'll give it a go:

• Cafe Sweethearts - Lovely place to chill, hang out and have breakfast
• Misty's Diner - Typical American diner, with tonnes of fattening food but they do serve the BEST Dr Pepper and fries with melted cheese and gravy
• Spoonful - Quaint French-inspired cafe
  
• Giraffe Cafe - Reasonably priced, but nothing special except for the decor
• Peko peko - Pop chicken is the bomb!
• Tai Pan - BEST yum cha place in Melbourne, located at Blackburn Road
• Hopetoun tea room - English-inspired cafe with cute teapots?
• Melbourne Supper Club - Apparently a very famous bar amongst Melburnians, it's a good place to hang out with friends... Nice passionfruit daiquiri and "croque monsieur"
• 111 Spring St - English hi-tea @ Windsor Hotel; possibly the best scones I've tasted in my life, this is almost similar to the one @ Carcosa Seri Negara?
• Miss Marple's Tearoom - Very nice scones (albeit a little different from your typical scones)
• Hutong Dumpling Bar - Best xiao long baos in Melbourne, but inedible noodles :p
• JG Dumpling Restaurant - Cheap, value for money dumplings and dan-dan noodles
• Chiba - Serves the best green tea ice cream
• Jade Kindgom - BEST hokkien mee and ais kacang EVER in Melbourne!!!!!!!
• Takumi - Reasonably priced Japanese bento boxes for lunch - nice rice and serves mostly wagyu
• Federal Coffee Place @ GPO - Very nice and smooth latte
• Ramen-ya @ GPO - Love the char-shu ramen especially when it's between 2.30-5.30pm because you pay "happy hour" price
• Kenzan @ GPO - Delicious tofu salad
• Cafe Vue - Heavenly wagyu burger and French onion soup
• French Quarter Patisserie - Best strawberry tart
• Ichini - Cozy Japanese izakaya, lovely entrees and mains especially their sinful pork belly
• Rockpool - One of the nicest wagyu steak, EVER. Oh and their parma ham is simply to die for!
• Ca de Vin - Pretty delicious Italian-inspired food albeit a little pricey
• Lindt cafe - Somehow the Sydney one tastes better :p BUT it serves one of the nicest hot chocolate around
  
• Pepper - Digging their hot chocolate!
• Red Pepper - Yummy Indian food (and cheap!)
• Lim's Nyonya Hut - Errrr so-so only? Although they do offer kuih lapis?
• Pho Dzung - Nicest pho in Melbourne (IMO), beats Mekong anytime, hands down (IMO!)

Well I guess this is as much as I could remember..... It's amazing how much I eat and I think I very much prefer to spend my money on eating rather than shopping but on the downside, I've gained some weight (which is NEVER a good thing) and my mission now is to lose some pounds before I head home this summer before everyone (i.e. aunties/cousins) start poking fun of my fats and big-round face! :)

*Edit: My brother and sister are arriving this Wednesday night for their week long holiday! YAYAYAYAYAYAYYYY! I cannot wait! :)

When things just go from bad to worse

The days just seem darker and darker. It's a struggle to watch the day pass me by and to me, it's similar to being tortured. It's as though I am currently living inside a one-way tunnel, and the deeper and further I walk into it, the darker it gets, the creepier it feels... I keep shouting for help but no one seems to be able to hear. Slowly, I realise that I am losing touch with people and slowly but surely, I think I am losing myself too. And as I continue to walk, slowly, I realised, there is in fact no way out this one-way tunnel. It was all my fault to begin with, for I was the one who chose to enter the tunnel when I knew it was going to be a tough one.

Oh well.

These winter days seem so unbearable. The thoughts of not going home for the very first time, the thoughts of no one visiting me, possibly, seems unbearable too. But I guess, I've made up my mind, to just stay strong and live life as it is. I'm liking the idea of losing contact with people. And I'm liking the idea of living like a recluse, a sad-delusional figure.

Because really, no one seems to understand the pain I put myself through every single damn day.