We once crossed paths due to one common love and that one common stage we shared. And earlier, we met again, but this time, we probably share nothing except one thing in common; our fond memories. I'm genuinely glad I'd got a chance to meet them once again. I do not know when will the next ever be. But I'm thankful for the times I had, and the friends I made. :):) Happy New Year..

All meshed in one hotspot. 

I miss you. 

This life we live in is one filled with ironies and contradictions. 

As one celebrates at his/her wedding, two blocks away, another is mourning over the loss of a loved one. As one rejoices over a new addition to the family, another cries over the loss of theirs. As one is thankful for the gain of new friends, another is upset over the loss of old friends. As one found his/her soulmate, another might have just lost his/hers. Life throws situations at us; good, bad, happy & sad, they can all happen in merely a year.. And we all have our fair share of the different tastes of life.. Therefore, despite the fact that life goes on every day, every year, this concept of "new year"continue to exist and matter so much. Call me naive, but "new year" gives me an excuse to forget, to progress, to reflect, to redo, and to restart, all over again. Yes, it's the same old "new year", but I believe there's always something new to a "new year". :):)

A blank page is waiting to be filled. 

Fill it the best you know how. 

Christmas is a day you spent with your dearest ones. But today, I stayed home the entire day, did nothing except watch shows and sleep. The only highlight was breaking my fastfood fast, thinking that it's to celebrate Jesus's birthday. Haha. Pathetic it sounds, and it sure did bring me to some unhealthy reflections. I'm really not choice no 1 in people's lives. Yes, I'm involved, I try my best to be there for everyone who needs me as a friend or anything. But I realised, people don't always think about you, or care about you as much as you wish they would. I guess that's just life, and that's just people. We can't have too many people to care for or to spend Christmas with. But it's ok. I'm pretty used to being alone, I like it. Not always, but I still do. 

Happy Birthday Jesus. 

Thank you for loving me. 

There should be no sides in the kingdom of God. Part of true freedom is being able to live and love freely. Yes, people hurt you. But being able to continue to love and to give is God's blessings. He was the One who exemplified what unconditional love is and I want to learn.

Question choices, but avoid questioning character.

Favor of crowd vs favor of hearts. 

I AM GROSSLY BLESSED...

Look what I've received for my 23rd Birthday.. 

From my awesome family.
Thanks Bro, Mum & Dad.
The best I've ever had. 

From buddies whom I think I need to spend more time with.
Thanks Erika, Sebas, Soo Huei, Sean, Nigel, Eugene, Elise. :):)
The best I've ever had. 

From old birds whom I've known since I was about 15?
They will always hold a special place in my heart.
Thanks Michelle, Cheryl & Weiliang, Joyce, Andy & Wanteng, Gua & Bel, Des & XR.
The best shoes I've always wanted.  

From friends whom I hope I'll never lose.
Thanks Yun Rui, Joyce, Esther & Zitai, Fiona & Mike, Rochelle, Cheryl & Weiliang, Taigong, Ziyun, Donn, Weijian
The best guitar I've ever had. I name it "thanks". Hahaha. 

From Mr Koh. 

Thanks for organising the dinner, baking the cake and cookies, and getting the present. :):)

The NICEST I've ever had. Hahaha. 

These are the most precious. Every word means a lot to me.
I'll keep them and be constantly reminded of how blessed I am. 

This is the fullest birthday card my cg has ever written.

I am so touched and proud to be the first to receive a filled card. :):)

Thanks E418 for your love and your gift!

Not forgetting my angbaos from ah gong, ah ma and MICHAEL. :)

I thank God for His grace, for His favor, for His love He'd displayed to me through all the different precious ones. He rock. And my family & friends rock. Please don't forget me, cos I will never forget you. :):) Tell me, am I not grossly blessed? 

Memories remind us of all the good and bad times we've had in life.

Thanks for being a part of my memory. A pleasant one. :)

Turi Beach Resort :):)

Look what we've found. Beautiful place huh...

Took that little time to walk....

 一针见血。Hahaha. 

It was an awesome three days of encounters with the Holy Spirit at the YK Retreat. It's the depth within people that really draws the presence of God. As much as hype, energy and volume may help to lift up atmosphere, I learnt that it's the depth and the hunger that genuinely attract the Holy Spirit. I was very blessed, by all the time spent with the music team, the beloved cg members, and with God. :):) 

Pastor prophesied over me..

"You will go through a journey..."

Once again, my birthday is coming. And I'm not only excited about the presents (cos we all love presents) but I also can't wait to spend time with friends. Birthdays are always good excuses to have people you love gathering to have a good time together. I don't need celebrations friends, just want to know that you guys are still around! Haha. Start booking my diary!!! :):) It's time for birthday wishlist to be up again. I must reemphasize, wishlists do come true! Thus, it has become my ritual. Here we go! 

Intangibles: 

To love my life more, to love my family more, to know God more and to have never-ending joy!

Tangibles: 

Cards with SINCERE wishes, Anything that can help me LOSE WEIGHT, DANCE classes, new GUITAR, SHOES (for all occasions, of all kinds), CLOTHES (i trust your taste cos mine's no better), BRACES, accessories & bags (never enough), pretty Iphone covers, MAKE-UP, Squash racket (it's just a want), ORGANIZER, WATCH, WICKED TICKETS!!!

Doesn't it sound like everything and anything? Hahahaha. oh wells. TOO BAD! You asked for it. :X

Please leave the actual day out. Might just want to be alone. :)

Today is another first. :) 

And I've accomplished another of my goal for 2011. 

I thank God for all that He has done for me and the people in the services. I may not be perfect, but He is. My "First" experience was phenomenal, not because it was great, but because He was faithful. 

I learnt something new. 

Faith is visible and tangible. :)

In this world, no one is irreplaceable. 

If you missed your chance, someone else will take it. If you don't turn up for an audition, the show goes on.  If you don't perform well at work, your boss can always hire another. If you break up, you'll find the right "next" one. Really, the world moves on with or without you. Yet, at the same time, no one can be replaced. There is only one you, and no one is exactly the way you are. Coco Chanel says, "If you want to be irreplaceable, you got to be different." True. But I think, 

"If you want to be irreplaceable, just be yourself!" 

Even when we are replaceable, be irreplaceable.

Be what you are meant to be, especially to the ones you love. 

Hello everybody. Just a reminder, it's november already! *WINK*

Hahaha. And I'm gonna experience a breakthrough. 

Favor & Faith & Fearless & Fabulous. 

Eileen, don't be afraid. 

It's a blessing to be able to be a blessing. 

God, help me choose the important things in life. :):)

Have an awesome birthday card idea. 

Wonder who to do it for. Hmm...

Practise Chinese. 

在回家的路上，我们谈起了感情与选择。我们的结论是：对于每一段感情，虽然我们可以说服自己说爱是一个选择，但我们都同意，感情的开始不可以只是因为是一个选择，而应该带有感觉，默契，与欣赏。之后，习惯与接纳就得尽快地运行；在这里才让人真正地明白什么叫做 “选择爱”。在感情的领域里，有太多顾虑，有太多复杂的感触。若对彼此没有信心，没有感觉，没有默契，那“选择爱”的这个过程会非常令人疲惫。所以我们不能因为能选择爱而选择爱，我们不能心急，我们得非常仔细地聆听心里在说的每一句话。:)

I wanna be Your fan. Not this fan. Hahaha. 

I wanna go all out for You. I wanna know everything about You. I wanna stand up for You. I wanna sing and dance for You. I wanna scream for You. I wanna be crazy for You. I wanna speak for You.       I wanna live for You.

I just want You. 

"Who can stand between my Lord and me." 

Every single time i finish singing that line, I'll hear an answer "me" ringing in my head. Sometimes I scream because I think that God can't hear. Sometimes I keep silent because I think that God don't care. But I realised, I've been talking to God with my back facing Him, and He has been there all along, waiting for me to turn around. I thank God for His grace, that even when we do stupid things, He is always so ready to forgive & so happy to receive. 

Jesus, can you be my disciplier? Please..  

Everyday after a long day of putting up a brave front and upholding the "all things are possible" image, i come home like a zombie. One who is lifeless, emotionless and speechless. I'll turn into someone whom no one recognises except my family and, there's nothing they can do about this "helpless" daughter. Both ignorance and concern don't seem to work on her. Maybe I just want to be alone. Maybe home is the only place where I know I'm accepted even when I'm at my worst; selfish and rude. 

I'm sorry. 

But just let me be. Don't worry, I just need my space. Alone.  

Fill my thoughts with You. 

I want my joy back!!

Rainy season. It'll be over. 

All the "Should have", "Could have", "Would have", PUI!!!

I don't want to regret anything. 

God, take the lead. 

There is more depth in tiredness than in feeling sleepy. And I guess i'm tired. It may sound like I'm just whining over being overworked, but it feels more than that.. There is this unexplainable heaviness in my body and my heart. And it doesn't help when everybody thinks it's just "tired". What's happening to you Eileen? Pick yourself up. 

There is just so many roles one person can play. 

I think I've just reached my max for now. :(

A sudden surge of emptiness and helplessness. 

In deep need of "ME" time. 

Fill me God. 

I witnessed a break-up of my very very good friend and it really hurts to see how heart-broken she was. It got me thinking... The bible says "Love never fail", true, but people do. Sometimes our weaknesses, incompatibility, inability to communicate and selfishness just overwhelm what we thought "love" is. Just how much can you accept another person in your life, just how far can your tolerance or your "love" stretch?? What is our current capacity?? Before we jump into a relationship that might end up hurting us more than anything else, we need to be sure that our hearts are ready to accept another living creature, unconditionally. 

Friend. Be strong. 

We are here for you. 

God, help me believe in love. 

I feel overloaded. 

I need grace.

Can a habit translate into love? 

Or is love always the one that translates into habit?

I used to think that we shouldn't have to share our troubles with anyone because no one will ever understand how exactly we feel. But I learnt, no one is alone in their troubles; there will always be someone else thinking, feeling or suffering in the same manner. I want my friends to know that I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE ALONE. In all matters, I want them to know that if they need a friend, I WANT TO BE THERE. I may not feel what they feel, but i know how it feels to have someone beside giving a hand and lending a ear. So if you are my friend, let me be your friend. :)

Everyone needs to be reminded that they are remembered, as much as possible. 

Including me, and you.

I learnt one thing about myself through our Genting trip.

I'm so not communal, and I so love to do what I wish to do.

Refusal to be part of the crowd, Unwilling to compromise. 

Selfish. Again?

I think I have a fear for commitment. 

Which explains why I don't decorate my workdesk, why I don't keep pets or grow plants, why I don't dare to enter into relationships. Relevation. 

Or is it the fear of disappointment??

Sometimes i just really really really dislike myself. When can i stop behaving like some childish shit and stop losing my things all the time and causing trouble to everyone! When!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Grow up Eileen, grow up!!

Endings, whether happy or sad, we need to recognise them and know them when they're here. Paulo Coelho wrote "What matters is to leave in the past the moments in life that are over." I need to learn that. I need to know when and how should let go of the past endings; so the new stories can take over with no hindrances and walls. Take away the regrets. Take away the fears. Take away the remembrance of the pains. 

Help me be strong to accept the fresh and new things.   

Twitter. 

I don't see the point of following people whom you know you don't really bother about. So if you don't care about me. Maybe you should stop following me. Thanks! :):) 

Be genuine with your care towards people. 

It can be felt! Even through Twitter! 

Work. 

Family Portrait. 

Glee 3D alone. 

Dinner with Wanling & Elise.
Some time with God.

What an awesome day. 

Yet, something kept me thinking. And I'm still thinking....

God has been good to me. :) 

I smell breakthrough. 

Was instructed to start penning down God's word again.
So, it's back to pen and paper. 

This thing about "season" is pretty fascinating. 

I wonder how it feels like to be enchanted. 

These days, I'll get fascinated by how some quotes in books and lyrics in songs can so accurately capture the realities of life; be it philosophies, experiences or emotions. It makes me wonder if people from two ends of the earth can feel the same feelings and encounter the same encounters.

"All you have to do is pay attention; lessons arrive when you are ready, and if you can read signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step." - The Zahir (Paulo Coelho)

God, I need a break. Take me away. 

To a place where I can find peace and hope.   

I had a dream. 

It seems so real. Yet not real. 

I freaked out. Erase it please!

How is she insecure when she's able to say something like that?! 

Selfish. Cruel. Sad to say, they both sound like me. :(

You showed me a different perspective to the song. 

You are right.  

I'm sorry if I'm not who you thought I'll be. 

The thing about my facebook statuses is that they usually speak of situations that are happening in my life. So when people assume what I'm talking about, they usually get it wrong and their kind comments often turn out unapplicable. I know they meant good but maybe I'm just zzzz at the fact that people think they know when they actually don't. Or worse still, they don't even really care. *Ignore if this brings discomfort to you. But anyhow, it's the truth.* 

Choose wisely.

Don't depend on what you see or know, hear what God has to say.

The thing about potential; it has 2 extreme results. 

One to bless and one to hurt. So who is to determine who has the potential to do what? Some say the leaders get to "choose", but then again, are they always right, are what they see always the case? When the chosen ones are blessing, the leaders will share the "honour"because they discerned accurately. But when the chosen ones don't, who's going to take the "blame"?? I know I'm being pessimistic here; but instead of rejoicing over how some potentials are released, I am a little upset over how all the rest of the untapped and unspotted "potentials"may never get to. The world is unfair. People are unfair.  The fact is as much as we say we don't "judge", we are constantly "judging", constantly "selecting".

When the leaders choose, who chooses them?

When the leaders correct, who corrects them?

God, I'm so thankful that You are righteousness, You always see, and You always believe.  

Who do you think you are. 

Running round leaving scars.

Collecting your jar of hearts.

These words resonate so loudly in my head.

Really. Who do you think you are!!!

Don't take me to where you don't intend to stay.

Thanks.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

The complications of the world and the complexities of our minds should never rob away our hearts. The numerous unexplainable and undefinable questions, perhaps we shouldn't try to answer them at all. I realise there's really no point wondering why things don't work the way it should, or blame every possible reason why we didn't get a chance to be chosen. I've learnt, through my life, that as long as we are pure in our hearts, He will work in our lives. 

Let go and let Him take over. :)

We could have been. But we didn't make it.

DA, it's been years. :):)

I know where I stand. I know where my seat is. 

Too often, I look around and no one knows how much I admire, I envy and am jealous of people around me. Whether it's their looks, size, character, style, talent or whatever, everyone just seem to better than I am. Truthfully, without God, I'd probably die comparing myself to others. I question too many times why am I not like this and like that. But you know what, there's no answer to the question. They say look at yourself like how God look at you. But how? I don't know how God look at me?? 

 "How do we value ourselves, especially when everyone seem better?" 

Maybe I don't need to. Maybe I just need to know that I'm loved, just the way I am. :)

I want a voice that bless, not impress. 

Decided not to explain myself. It's pretty self-explanatory I guess. 

To love and to be loved; both are our choices to make. 

Many times, we are taught to love, to choose love. But I guess to some people, "to be loved" seemed like a harder decision to make. I am like that. But I'm learning, learning how to let people in.

Be safe.

EMERGE 2011. A vision fulfilled. 

I thank God He came to touch the youths of our generation, it was a very very memorable experience for me. I will never ever ever ever ever forget THAT moment when God used me as a vessel to usher in His presence. I am honored and humbled to be able to stand where I stood. And I really really really thank God for this encounter. Even if there's no next one, I can say I did my best and I served the best I know how. :) Was telling my friends that I feel the people whom I've blessed most throughout this EMERGE are the people who know me personally; people who know that without God, this is really impossible. I'm just a girl-next-door who no one really knows, or bothers about, as compared to my peers. I'm the least outstanding, the least visible and has the least voice amongst my ministry people. How interesting is God! I'm amazed by what He did through this miss invisible, this girl who never thought she could make it anywhere. I have been a testimony of a miracle. And friends, if God gave you a dream, trust me, do not despise it, because, it will come to pass! I'm so encouraged by all the words of affirmation people around me gave and I will ride on them, and continue to believe that I can do greater things and bless more people with the little gift I have. The image will never fade, it's sealed in my heart. 

God, use me.

I thank God for my band who supported me and ran this race with me! 

And thank you everyone who encouraged me. You don't know what those words mean to me! I feel so very encouraged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was at music practice and I was touched. 

Not by the presence of God. But by the fact that I know my friends are backing me up. I know that even if i fail or screw up or whatever, I have the full assurance that they've gotten my back. This feeling is indescribable. I'm beginning to love my ministry, to love my youth band, to love my team, and to love my friends. I'm so grateful to God for bringing us together. Although we don't know each other well, yet, each other's company seems so enjoyable. We've grown a lot. Each in our own way. I love our "before", but I'm more excited about our "after".

God. Be there. 

We used to say 我们考完了！But now we're saying 我们毕业了！

Thank you E418 for sending my 2 awesome friends down to celebrate the graduation commencement with me! Though I still don't understand the rationale behind giving me flowers when I mentioned I don't want flowers but I still love you all!! And now, I genuinely don't know what to do with the flowers!! HAHAHA!!! 

Thank you. 

If there's one person who I really dislike; it's me. This thought which I'd "kept" aside or tried to remove for the longest time just came back to haunt me during Camp Step. They say a conscious effort to not think things that way might help, but really, when things go wrong, who else is there to blame but yourself?? I'm getting a little afraid of myself.... :(

"My valuation of you is not the same of that you have of yourself"
That I believe.