kAIxuan is OUt of yOutH cUp lE... theY loST tO hOMe uTd on SUnday....
hAIx... upSet & diSappOinted bUt mAybe lUck iS juSt alwAEs nOt wiF uS...
lIke i've sAid before, somEthings are juSt nOt wAt i tink it shd bE..
the yOUth CUp seAson for kAixuAn gAls is Over... shOuld bE hAvin a breAk befOre we resUme trAInings i tINk... diE le lA, tiNK i'm puttin oN some weiGht le.. coX hAf nOt been trAining... ARgh... muX gO on diEt reAl sooN manz... :P



aNywAy, i've aCCepted the oFFer and sHould bE stUdyin in NTU in JULY.... mAterial eNgineering dIrect 2nd yeAR... nOt suRe iF i diD the riGHt deciSIon...
coX it's reAlly EXpensIve to study in University loHz... i'Ve nO confidence i would dO well sOMe mOre... FurthermOre mY pARents aren't yoUng le & i dUN wanna seE theM work sO hard tO pAy off fAmily expEnses & ouR sChool Fees etC... aNd we seems tO be ruNNing short of cAsh lAtely... hAIx... abIt vEXed Over MONEY things... wHY??? $$$$$$$$$

wOrst thIng iS tAT i'M like hAlf-heARted tO do alOt of thiNgs and letting thiNGs tAke their plAce on their owN... fOr exAmple, i accepted the appliCAtion quite lAst mINute, even when i'm nOt confirm whether i wAnna stUdy aNot. my mInd was like juSt accept first then sEE hOw lohz tat kind... reAL pAthetic mAnz... hAIx

i tout i'm alwaes a sensible perSOn, as in i nOe wAt i wanT and i'll dO it tAt kINd... and i Always dO things considering the outcOmes & stuffs... nOt sure it's good or bAd coX i'm sOmeoNe wHo pLAns & thiNKs ALot..
bUt for nOw... i'M totAlly BLANK aBout my fUture... wAt i wanna dO next...

*** IN CONFUSED STATE ***

suddenly i felt tAT i've been running awAy frOm these quesTions all this wHile bY juSt putting mYself and all the time to wOrk & wOrk & work... hOw tRue??
bUt As time drAWs neArer to deAdlInes, my hAlf-heARted mINd stARts to pAnic and tink alot... cOuldn't sleep lAtely.. dun kNOw whY alsO. bEEn juSt stARing at the computer sCreen, plAying mY handpHone gAmes... dOIng nOthing... HAIx.
i'M really sOMeone whO caN't confide tO otHers about mY wOrries & proBlems... not becOX i dun wAnna sAy... bUT it'S like me myself soMetImes dun knOW wat i'M worrying about and i can't & dunnO hOw explAin wat Are the problems i'Ve fAced.. it'S difficuLt for mE to tAlk to others ABout mY probLems lA... tINk it'S my personality Or stubbOrn chAracter bA. i DUn wISh Others to bE bOthered bY my stuffs.. i alwaes AppeARed to Be too Strong & independeNt in fRont of oThers, able to mAnage mY proBlems & emotions well enuff... alwAEs seem to Be cArefree & hAppy with no probLems.... i tink i'Ve miXed uP my ideAL liFE with the reAlity...

sOMetimes i fElt tAt it'S really trUe tAT one will sHow theIr reAL seLf oNly when nO one is around... wAt's reALly in Me mANz???
i kNOW i'm independent... i know i'M cApable of the things i wAnna dO... i kNOw & uNderstAnd aLot of thIngs otHers mAy nOt knOw... bUt thiS tIme rOund, i'M beAten bY myself...
i dunnO wAt i wANt and wAT shOuld i DO.
wAt i wAnt mAy nOt be wAt i shOuld Do.. and wAT i shOuld dO mAy Not be wAt i wAnt..
i cAn sEE the difference bUt i cAn't weigh the importANce.
Is it my responsibilty to tAke up the fAMily loAD oR just tO study mOre?
i shOuld continue to stUdy firSt or shOuld i eARn money first to tAKe off the fAmily loAd?
unDer different oPinions, different people's sHoes, different people gifs differEnt solutions.. wAT"S MINE???
fOr the tiMe beiNg, i'Ve chOsen to studY firSt... buT... hAIx

oUt of a sUdden i Felt tAt WEIHUI is quite a very fAke persON... becoX i seldOM or Dun sHow others my deepesT DEEPEST feeling and i alwAEs just let people seE my hAPpy & cARefree smilE =)

i dUN wAn others to ask mE questIONs and i dun like tO explaiN tHings...


*quote of the day*
~ tHe fUture iS fiXEd... How one'S Life unfOlds iS a mAtter oF deStiny ~
*** DILEMMA ***

it's been loNg since i felt sO sad & disAppoInted...

i actually cRied!! for a match i din plAy... sO funny...

yUp... it's mY deArest kAixuAn yOuth cUp teAm..
thEy lOst the mAtch a toDAy... by 2 pOInts!
a tOugh & leArning gAme I Would sAy...
buT i touT the gAls will bE aBle tO mAke it...
i not booSting bOut my kAixuAn gAls... bUt i reAlly felt they are goOd enOugh to tAke the Other teAm... yAhz... but " jiu sHi yuAn de" and thERe's nO absoLute in anythIng... maybe sOmetiMes i juSt overlOOk some things... =(

i'M indeed very sAd tat we hAf loSt bUt of course i cAn't deny tat the OpponeNts did weLL enough tO win. i cAn only say there are sOme misunderstAndin goIn oN and tAt we loSt to our oWn free-thRows... we miSsed mAny mAny mAny frEE-thrOws... hAIx. just toO mAny whIch might made sOMe differenCe...

anywAy the gAme's oVer and there's nO point saying bOut the things tAt hAf been dOne & can't be undOne... we should bE lookin forwArd & focuS on other mOre impoRtant thIngs.
i hOpe the gAls cAN do better thE neXt feW gAmes... jiA yOU kAIxuAn gALs.. i'll alwAes be suPPorting u all.. wE cAN dO it yeA?? =)



*quote of the day*
~ LIfe's eAsy when u lOOk bAck on iT... it'S eveN mOre eAsy when u lOok forwArd to it ~