Europe - Early Summer 1994

Troy and I moved in to an apartment together on Halloween Day 1993. We spent the end of that winter planning a backpacking trip through Europe. We stayed with Troy's grandparents for the month of April to save rent money and sold my Ford Escort and some of Troy's musical gear as we needed to fund a 5 1/2 week trip. We had a fabulous time! We arrived in Amsterdam and had our eyes opened to the Red Light District (we didn't partake, but walking the area was definitely interesting!). We then traveled by train to Paris, Austria, Switzerland, Germany and back down to the south of France. I fell in love with Menton, right on the eastern edge of the Cote d'Azur. It was also here where we had some of our money stolen from our little tent one afternoon. You can tell we were real planners as we didn't have return tickets and had only purchased one way! We ended up calling my father, Rick, and he purchased our flight home for us (before 9/11 you could do these things). We stayed a total of 37 days - all but two of those nights in a tent. It rained for 5 straight days in Germany and our closest acquaintance was a huge snail we named Jake. We met an incredible man, "Bomber," in Germany as well. He had participated in the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, 7 straight years. What an amazing life that man had, a true inspiration -- and he was a celebrity look-alike to Sam Elliott! We also celebrated both Troy's birthday (May 2nd) and mine (May 26th) while traveling.

I think that's when we got struck with the Travel Bug. We ended up going back to Europe two more times and had many driving and sailing adventures, too. Those stories to come...

lco

Camping - summer 1993

I think our first adventure was camping at Lake Angostura. We made Troy's friend Bob come along and a girl I worked with - Roxanne. We kept trying to play matchmaker for Bob and I think he was at the end of his rope with our Cupid's arrow! Roxanne was fun and had a "great personality" - but, well, let's just stay Bob was a skinny little twig and Roxanne had the opposite body shape. I can't remember what vehicle we drove, probably Bob's crumby Bronco. We had two tents, one for the girls and one for the boys. I know we brought hot dogs and beer, but can't remember what else for the weekend. It was a nice warm weekend and before long we had all cooled down by quenching our thirsts. Before I knew it Troy and Bob were feeling pretty good and decided to climb trees. I can still picture looking up and seeing Troy WAY up at the top...he looked like a monkey! That evening we had a fire to cook our hot dogs and I recall laughing so hard at Bob that my sides hurt. He was pretty inebriated and kept losing his dogs in the fire, however, he just reached right in and grabbed them. We were all young, poor people and weren't about to let a little charcoal and fire ruin our dinner!

I had a great weekend, but there never was romance between Bob and Roxanne. Honestly, she was very revolted by the guys. I will never forget when we woke up in the morning and Bob was covered in black soot from all those charred hot dogs! Troy and I laughed about that camping trip for years...thanks for the great memories Bob. Love ya!

lco

PS: Later that year we introduced Bob to my friend (and co-worker at the time) Candice. It was love at first sight and later they both said that as soon as they met they knew that the was person they were going to marry. Now Bob and Candice have been married for almost 13 years and have three smart, beautiful children. See earlier post for pictures and story. l

Christmas? Are you sure?

Troy and I actually first met at a dance club in Rapid City in June 1993. I was just off a bad dating experience and Troy had just split with a woman who definitely had some relationship issues, too. That night we danced and talked and drank. I was concerned about telling him my last name (as I'd had to already change my phone number 2x from the previous boyfriend calling me at all hours), but did tell him my first name and that I worked at Spiegel. We had a great first meeting...not a date, as we had met at the club and it wasn't pre-arranged. He even walked me to my car that evening and gave me a sweet kiss...on the lips...but a quick one!

It was a few weeks later and the phone rang at the admin office of my job. I usually answered this line and the somewhat timid voice on the other end asked, "Is this Lori Christmas?" I said it was. Troy explained that we had met recently and he wanted to ask me on a date. Of course, I was quite flattered that this handsome, fun young man had tracked me down and gave him my home number so we could talk more.

What I didn't find out until later was that Troy had paid a friend of his $50 to get my last name. This friend's girlfriend's sister -- or some such relation -- worked at Spiegel, too. When the friend came back with the name Christmas Troy definitely thought he had been taken! Can you blame him??? But the friend was adamant and he did call. I'm so glad that he did :o)

lco

When I Get Where I'm Going

On Sunday, December 9th, we had a nice brunch with friends and family, and afterward our friends and neighbors, the Lemay's, who had played at Troy's service, went to the hospital to play for Maryjo's dad. He loved Celtic music and they thought he may be responsive, as he had not in the few days prior. The family was right! Upon hearing that beautiful music Jerry opened his eyes, talked with us (his wife, children, grandchildren and myself). He even said he "loved" the music and wanted to go home to "get his flute." Everyone in that room, and even in that area of the hospital, received such a warm feeling from Mike, Holly and Ben's music.

Later in the day, Becky, Maryjo and I went to get a little R&R at the Alternative Health Care Center - where Maryjo works and I used to work. I'll admit, we did take our box of wine and some glasses and sat in the massage chairs and did foot baths. We were having an amazing conversation when suddenly Maryjo sunk to the floor and said she had to go talk to her dad, Jerry, who had been in the hospital a week. I knew and loved Maryjo's parents and had spent a lot of time with them. Also, they had the same wedding anniversary as Troy and I and I'd always felt a kinship with them.

Maryjo was adamant about me not going up there with her, she said I had been through enough. However, I wanted to be with her as she told her dad goodbye, I felt I needed to go. When we arrived in his room I knelt by his side, took his hand in mine and placed my other on his cheek. I told him it was okay to go, that his family would take care of each other, that he was hurting and we didn't want him to. Maryjo was right beside me, with one hand on her dad and one hand on me. The words just kept coming from me, it was like I was able to tell Jerry all the things that I wasn't able to tell Troy at the end, because he left so quickly. As I spoke there wasn't much response, but when I told Jerry that Troy would be with him in Heaven a huge smile came across his face. At that very moment we knew he understood, that it was going to be alright. I moved to the other side of the bed so Maryjo could tell her dad how she loved him and how she would take care of her mom and that it was okay for him to let go. Suddenly I began to sing Amazing Grace, just the first verse as that's all I knew, but the sound that came from me was beautiful, I told Maryjo afterward that I felt like I had channeled an Angel, because I can't sing! She had joined in and as our voices grew strong so did our hearts.

Jerry passed away the following day, just hours before Becky and I flew from Rapid City. I was able to stop at the hospital earlier that day, to hug all the amazingly strong and beautiful women in Jerry's life - his wife, his daughters and his granddaughter. I thank Jerry for giving me my wonderful friend, Maryjo, as I know he taught her to be kind, thoughtful and loving. She has been a pillar for me, as I have been for her. We may question in life why things happen and the strange timing of our loved ones' passing seemed almost cruel at first. I now feel that we were meant to be there to comfort each other and perhaps for Troy and Jerry to stand together, too.

I recorded the song "When I Get Where I'm Going" to disc while in Maine to play before Troy's service, along with a few other songs that were fitting to the occasion or were favorites of Troy's. I passed the disc to Maryjo to take to the hospital and this song played as Jerry took his last breath. It was also played at Jerry's service. Coincidentally, another dear friend, Nicky, bought Sharon and I copies of the CD and accompanying book. It's a beautiful song and truly fitting...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6Zfx5qra_g

lco

Tears in Heaven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRsJlAJvOSM

Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton
Sent to me by Patricia Marquis, Hollis, Maine

Troy & Lori, Glacier Bay Alaska, June 2004

Troy's Memorial Service

Saturday, December 8th.

It had snowed the night before and early that morning, but it was the beautiful, fluffy kind of snow that makes a nice, clean blanket over the earth. We arrived around 1pm and set up a photo board Gary and Sharon had put together. Becky had printed 5 pictures of Troy and had them mounted for the service - the black and white portrait of Troy, on the sailboat, fly-fishing, in Paris at the Eiffel Tower and on the beach in Maine. They were all wonderful examples of Troy's adventurous life...and the portrait was very intense. The church in Hermosa was perfect for the service, a nice white country church where Troy had gone with his grandparents over the years, and it was filled with flowers. Our friends and neighbors, Mike, Holly and Ben Lemay, played gorgeous Celtic music before the service. I still don't know how many people attended the memorial, I heard over a hundred and I know we had printed 75 handouts and only had 2 left. Some ladies from the church sang Hero and Wind Beneath My Wings. Reverend Behringer led a nice service with appropriate scriptures. He also read a letter that Jerry Herber had written and encouraged others to speak. Jim Massey and Bob Meis came forward to share memories of Troy and funny stories. Bob even wore the rubber boots that were Troys - just as he promised me he would. Mike and Holly Lemay spoke about Troy's love for animals and some sailing adventures.

After the service we caravaned in 4-wheel drive vehicles to the South Plateau to spread Troy's ashes; just as he had requested we do. The current land owner had plowed a path and we arrived just at sunset. I think some of our group didn't believe we could get up that hill...but Gary was going to perservere. We were in the second vehicle, following Garry and Marsha, who had stopped at the bottom. Our "gang" yelled and encouraged Gary to give it all that Suburban had and we made it a little ways, just to start sliding back down the hill when he let off the gas! I told him I thought if I had been behind the wheel we may have even made it...HA! So Gary stepped out, grabbed my arm, I had Troy's ashes in the other, and he helped/dragged me up that snowy, slippery slope. It was truly exhilarating. At the top I walked around a moment and Gary hollered at me to come back to the edge to see Troy's loved ones. He later described it as a scene from a movie, and I don't know how I can describe it to you now. But what we witnessed was miraculous - people were pushing, pulling and dragging each other to the top. Each one forging to the top with the help of those around them. It brings a warmth to my heart at this very moment just remembering that amazing sight.

Once everyone arrived at our destination Terry placed flowers in the middle of the circle and we all stood and held hands. Candice said a beautiful prayer and I asked for those who wanted ashes to come forward. After those people went back to their places in the circle I realized we still had plenty of Troy's ashes to go around. I walked the inside of the circle and placed ashes in the hand of every person on the plateau. I felt such joy and strength in sharing with his family and friends. I spoke briefly about my love for Troy and his love for each of those in attendance. I honestly can't remember what I said, but looking at that circle and those faces, I don't think it really mattered, we were all on the same page. Then we raised our hands and threw Troy's ashes into the circle. We also tossed in the red roses that had been brought to the service. My sister described the ashes on the snow as having a "starburst" effect and I remember the sparkling in the late evening light. There was also a red hue in the sky during the plateau service and a mysterious calm that isn't usually felt in South Dakota in winter.

The intensity of those moments were broken by humor as we descended that hill. I know those of you who attended can still hear the laughter! For those of you not there, you should have seen us! Some running...and not being able to stop easily at the bottom. Some scooted on their butts and we ALL slipped and slided to the vehicles parked below. I'm sure Troy was up there laughing at us, too.

It was truly an incredible day. The snow, the family, the friends, the music, the sunset, the tears and the laughter. It was just as Troy had wanted.

lco

Troy's photograph of Lori, Summer 2007

Fly United

On Thursday morning, December 6th, Bob, Candice, Lillie, myself, Handsome, Sheriff and our combined 6 checked bags, 3 carry-ons and one stroller arrived at the Portland Jetport. However, we showed up 30 minutes prior to departure and there was no one at the terminal to check us in. You can imagine the stress we conveyed in NEEDING to get on that plane! Also, Lillie was running a fever, I had Troy's ashes in hand and Bob hates to fly. When a customer service rep finally came to ticketing there was no way we were getting on our original flight. After hearing our story, true and shocking as it was, she re-arranged our flights so we could still get to Rapid City that day.

We left Portland 2 hours later en route to Chicago, however, just before boarding that flight we noticed we were not on the same flight from Chicago to Denver (which the lovely rep had booked for us in first class, but not together on the same flight!). The problem with that is if we didn't catch the early flight, the one I was ticketed for, there was no way we'd catch our standby flight with a 20 minute connection in Denver and I really wasn't supposed to be traveling alone due to my injuries. They couldn't change anything in Portland but told us to head straight to our gate in Chicago and get Bob, Candice and Lillie on standby for my flight. So off we went.

Upon arrival in Chicago we did as we were told but had to wait until 10 minutes prior to flight departure to know if they would be on the flight. Luckily, they were the first one's called to the podium and we all practically ran down the ramp. I still had my first class ticket but B,C&L were in coach. Just as I settled down in my rather luxurious seat, a man in a suit approached me and stated he was from customer relations. My mind was racing - does he know my situation or not? After a minute of his introduction I realized he did not and when he wanted to ask me a few questions because I had "paid good money for this flight," I reached up and grabbed his arm and began to cry. I told him I had not paid for the first class ticket but had been upgraded because my husband had just passed away and that I was traveling with his ashes to a memorial service. This man knelt by my side with both my hands in his and stared into my eyes as I told him the story of the accident and the tears ran down my cheeks. After I spoke of my friends in coach, our 20 minute connection in Denver, and our stress of trying to get Troy home, this kind and gentle man sat quietly for a moment. Then he said that he didn't know what to say to me. After another short pause he said, "God will take care of you, and I will take care of you." He asked for the Denver to Rapid flight information and told me he would get me and my friends on that flight. He then left the plane. I felt like he was my guardian angel.

During the course of that flight the attendants came by to pat my shoulder, gave me hugs, one even brought a poem about losing a loved one. I couldn't believe the outpouring of support and compassion from people I didn't even know. Candice was even allowed to come up and check on me during the flight. When the plane touched down in Denver the flight attendant gave her usual talk about seatbelts, luggage, etc, but she also asked that everyone remain in their seats because a family had an emergency and a short connection. I was only two seats back but was worried about B,C&L. As I stood up the attendants hugged me and wished me well. I could see a suited woman standing on the ramp with a notepad and when the door opened she said she was there for Mrs. O'Neill and her party. I gasped and told her I needed my friends, however, they were right behind me! We were rushed up to a waiting inter-airport taxi/shuttle and told the plane was being held for us and that they had our boarding passes at the gate. We were all in tears! We even found out that the online flight information showed the plane was delayed due to Customer Service.

Needless to say, we arrived in Rapid City only 10 minutes later than our original scheduled itinerary had we left Portland on time that morning. I was shocked that the man in Chicago was able to call ahead and actually hold the plane for us. The whole day was miraculous. We felt a definite "divine intervention" and I know Troy had his hand in getting us to his home safely.

I plan to write a letter to United Airlines. Their customer service and genuine showing of care and compassion meant the world to me. I hope if you have a choice in the future you will fly United.

lco

Bob & My Soul Sista

When Bob and Candice (aka My Soul Sista) came to the hospital in Portland, Maine, I was thrilled to have them at my side. They both came as emotional support, however, Bob is a professional mover and was going to pack up the farmhouse and Candice is a wonderfully supportive and positive friend - we've been best of friends for 17 years. And, they brought their 15 month old daughter, Lillie, as a lovely distraction. Of course, if you know me at all, you also know that I'm not good at being taken care of, so I think I caused them both a bit of grief. I had already informed my doctor and nurses that my "support group" had arrived and I needed to be discharged immediately. That was Tuesday morning, December 4th. We drove out to the house (about 30 miles to the west) and Bob surveyed the situation and started getting boxes from the barn and the convenience store nearby. Candice and I read and sent emails and began sorting in piles: pack for storage, send to Henderson, take to Rapid City and donate before leaving Cornish.

I knew we were emotionally drained when Candice had called to order pizza and began crying on the phone. That night and the next day were mostly a blur - we were getting on the plane at 9:00am on Thursday morning and had a LOT to do! Luckily, my big sister and Organizer Extraordinaire, Becky, had emailed us a list of things to get done. We would still be walking in circles without that darn list.

On Wednesday evening we had been delivered Troy's ashes. We decided to take him to dinner with us, just across the street. Even our waitress had heard of the accident and before we left had given me her name and phone number in case I needed anything while away or to call her upon my return. I was amazed that people who didn't even know me reached out to do what they could. Joe, the funeral home director in Cornish, had our house keys brought to him by the tow truck driver so he could go check on Handsome and make sure he was warm and had food. We had Sheriff in the car with us and the homeowners near the crash took him in and told me they would keep him until I returned. They even phoned me at the hospital to say they adored him and not to worry. Our landlord called as well to ask if there was absolutely anything he could do. Even the postmistress offered her support and sympathy upon recognizing my name.

Obviously, I don't know my long term plans but I know I will return to Cornish to gather my belongings and meet with the people there who touched my heart in those first few very difficult days. I may even stay in Maine...the people there were amazing and I felt so at home.

A special thank you to Bob and Candice, their children Mackenzie and Kale (who sent a care package and get well notes), baby Lillie, Dave and Dixie (Candice's parents who watched the older kids and whom I consider extra parents of my own). Without their love and kindness I don't know what I would have done. I love you all.

lco

Troy and Sheriff, Old Orchard Beach, Maine. November 30, 2007.

Maine

We arrived in Maine on November 12th, just days after selling our home in Rapid City, South Dakota. The drive was wonderful (even with the cat and dog!) and we saw parts of the US that we hadn't seen before. If you haven't driven east on I90 I would definitely recommend it - Wisconsin out to Maine is so beautiful. Troy had mentioned it was very "Norman Rockwell" and about 100 miles later we saw a sign for the Norman Rockwell Museum. No coincidence there!

We stayed a few days in Biddeford where we had an apartment on hold. However, after driving in the country one day we decided a home outside of town was more suitable for us. So, we bought a paper in York County and looked at a few places. As soon as we saw a farmhouse for rent in Cornish we knew it was the one! We told the landlord we'd take it just from seeing the outside. It was built in the late 1700's and all the floors sloped toward the middle. Handsome (our 12 year old cat) and Sheriff (2 year old toy fox terrier) seemed pleased with the old world feel and the attached barn. On November 16th we unloaded our little 5x8 uhaul trailer and began to unpack the few possessions we had brought with. After sailing and living on a boat, the collection of "things" just isn't that important and we knew we could purchase what we needed.

We spent the next two weeks exploring the area - close to Cornish, west to New Hampshire and east to the ocean. We began to put a few more things in the farmhouse and took some pictures of the area.

On Sunday, December 2nd, we were returning home from one such outing to Falmouth and were only a few miles from home. Troy was driving our suv when he lost control and the car left the road. We struck an electric pole (the power went out for about a minute) and came to rest against a tree and telephone pole (which cracked). I recall the impact and the vehicle stopping. When I looked to my left what I saw was a dark grey shadow. I looked out the front window and saw smoke. Then a voice in my head said "It's okay. There's nothing you can do about that. Get out of the vehicle." I reached down, unbuckled my seatbelt, opened the door and stepped from the car. A man was stacking wood at his home nearby and had heard the accident. I made eye contact with him as he yelled to his wife to call for the ambulance. At that point I fell to the ground but remained conscience. Amazingly, this man's wife was a CNA and came to my side to hold my hand and tell me not to move until the paramedics arrived. I asked about Troy but Amanda (as I found out her name later) did not answer. I had overheard a firefighter say that Troy wasn't breathing as soon as they arrived. I just knew he was gone. There was a sadness in my heart, but also an unexplainable calm knowing that he wasn't hurt or suffering. I was taken by ambulance to Maine Medical Center to the trauma unit. After a full body CT scan I was told I only had four broken ribs, a slight lung puncture and a nicked spleen. I was also informed by a police sergeant that Troy did not survive the accident and had died instantly at the scene due to head trauma.

I think that was the longest night of my life. I had to call and notify Troy's mom, Sharon, and his stepdad, Gary. You can't even imagine the difficulty of that one call. I wish none of you to ever experience it. I also called my sister and my parents. Over the next hours my room phone didn't stop ringing. My dear friend, Candice, and her husband - and Troy's good friend - Bob, called to say they were coming out the following day. What a relief to know that I wasn't going to be alone. So many people offered to come to my side, but knowing my friends were coming to help me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I assured the others I would be okay.

Before I left the hospital on Tuesday morning I heard more about the accident. I was told the vehicle was upside down when it stopped against the pole and tree. My sister was told by the investigating officer that the accident was considered "unsurvivable." That the trauma unit had an operating room reserved for me as they were convinced I would have serious internal injuries. I feel that Troy must have helped me from that vehicle...or more likely his spirit and that of a higher power.

I have so much more to write about the goodness of humans. People who helped me who didn't even know me. The "divine intervention" on our flights back to Rapid City. So, so much more. This will have to wait for tomorrow.

What I do know is that I am not sad. I am truly blessed to have shared in Troy's life. Because of him I have wonderful family and friends. I traveled on incredible journeys. My eyes were opened to another world. I will not mourn my loss, but take the lessons that he taught me and build on them. I will also teach those lessons to the people I love...and even to people I have yet to meet.

lco

Troy Wayne O'Neill

May 2, 1966 - December 2, 2007

Today, December 13, 2007

Dear Friends,

Today I've created this blog for Troy. I want to share my memories, my feelings, my happiness and my tears. I hope to inform and inspire you...and myself along the way.

Troy was an incredible inspiration to so many. I am sad for myself that he passed before I was ready to say goodbye, however, I feel so incredibly blessed to have been such a huge part of his life. I know that I was his angel. He said it. His family and friends said it. I even said it. And that being my role, I promise to continue his legacy of adventure, humor, loyalty, love and friendship.

Please feel free to pass along your stories (via email or through comments) and I'll be sure to include them.

Enjoy the blog. I'll be adding to it often.
lco