unplugged

I know it's been a long time bu it's been a tough week..or few weeks.

how sad can it get la..i spent christmas in a cyber caffe...sighs....luckily emerson came home and i managed to meet up with him around 12 am.

the year is ending.My battle of the bands finals is tomorrow and i really hope we win it.it would be such a great help to us ...each and everyone of us...

i think i will take up the job as music society chairperson for the next term.

and her birthday is coming soon.I've posted a card.the least i can do.

Innebandy

Salibandy!Co.The floorball club of ours.=)Check the most handsome and cool and charming and intelligent and "have I mentioned handsome?" goalkeeper.

This is me with my latest weird hairstyle and that's the japanese floorball team jersey.

love of my life=Unihockey.Wahahahaha

floorball here la..

WOW.I am in singapore playing in the APAC floorball tournament.So fast but indeed good.Funnily i should be really happy that I am here,but in the team there's so much division,politics and segregation I think.I mean,it's like we have two teams.One penang team and one KL team and I am caught in the middle between them.

Stupidly as well,I am the token guy between them.They use me to make fun of and I guess that ticks me off.If it didn't,I would definitely not be writting this post.

Crap lah,all this is happening when edward and sureshs isn't even here.Imagine how much worse it will get when they arrive.

I had fun at practice yesterday.i manage to hold on the a clean sheet almost until the end.Lol.At then end I managed to let in one goal.ONE OWN GOAL.lol.The ball flew past me hit the post and went in.only one word.Deng.

Another brick in the wall

i feel like an outcast.Everytime somebody i know comes up to me and tells me on my face that I am a traitor to the religion my mom and dad believes in.how do i cope with that?

anybody has any bright ideas?



You,yeah,remember when i asked you what it's like to grow up in a christian family.lol.i wish i could have that.everything you told me you did.I wish I had a mom and dad who did all those things with me.life sucks here la,I can't study like I used to be able to,and nobody,I mean nobody cares for me here like you did.=) remember when i was vacuuming back in church.you came and held the nozzle for me.LOL.You have no idea how loved I felt.



what makes things worse is when the christians you have around you "holding" you up go around behaving worse than everybody else.Not saying they should be perfect but when you can badmouth one person to me,how can i trust you to not badmouth me to another?



kah yee,you hearing me or not?it's saturday.=) shall we cook at home then go for dinner at pancakes on the rocks?my treat.or we can have number 73 at shalom.=)oh wait,I still owe you one of those taiwanese meals at sunflower caffe.=(

eversince april fools day,I've been thinking of you everyday,praying for you.and you know what?the first time i went to penang after i came back,I bought you a jacket for Autumn.It's a "Perempuan Asia harus Bangga" jacket.=)How do i get you to listen to all I have to say?




sigh,how do i get you out of my memory?

Kah Yee's from accross the ocean.
Living just a memory.
A snapshot in my family album.
Kah Yee what else will you leave for me?

heart broken mata

It happened again,somebody went into my email account and deleted some emails.
why again and why me?

is it fun to do it to me?

hold on before it's too late.

I really am not worthy of keeping you in my memory after all?

sigh.

still platinum lah.still.
ish ish ish.
the uncle in me is tsk tsk -ing.

stop making me cry and stop breaking my heart over and over again.whoever you may be.
stop lah,i feel sad enough already.

kimi wa boku no sekkai no chuushin da.

heys,you need help to come back?

i don't know how to get it into your head lah but i love you just the same lah.
though i may not understand why we are where we are,but i still love you
too much nevertheless.

Like platinum,more precious than gold remember.my kah yee.whatever you call yourself,that's who you are to me.

i'll start saving up.=)you'll be home soon.no worries about it.you'll definitely be home soon.

sorry alot for everything.

oboette iru ka? ano toki,bokutachi wa isyo ni sidoni ni itta no toki?itsumo ureshi no toki ne?
mareshia ni kitta kara,mainichi kimi no soba ni itai.kimi wa kono sekkai no saikou no ajia no onna no hito da.

hontou ni boku wa itsumo kimi o kokoro kara ai shitte itte.
mata ai made.

v is for Viagra.it's good for you erection.

WOW.i had a game today against the Selangor floorball club.We lost 21-10.

I DID NOT CONCEDE 21 GOALS.There were two other goalkeepers.

I felt very lousy after the game.Very,Very upset,very unappreciative,very useless.
Felt like quitting.

It's 2.05 am now and I just got a call from Ilyaaz Yushaak.He is the first choice keeper for Malaysia now and also the Selangor goalkeeper.he just called me up to tell me not to be upset and motivate me.he also invited me to train with him on wednesday.

feel so blessed.

Esther kah yee, i hear you're coming home for summer.superb.have a safe and great flight home.don't take gulf air and end up in singapore and try to make your way to kl.Also get ruth yan some sour worms. =)

can't stop.your image in the dictionary.

bodoh.

you are FOS.it's a new term i learnt.
"i'll never leave you nor forsake you" my backside la.
you took so much from me.
don't say you didn't ask.you recieved and you loved it.
you never gave back.don't make it soun likeyou gave back because i never asked you for anything.
you owned up to the fact that you loved it all.so stop pretending like you are holier than me and that i am the epitome of teh devil's work in this world.
you were never the one that waited on me though i never called you to say i have arrived.
you were not the one who walked me home.
you didn't get me things to keep me warm.
you didn't leave my presense so that i would feel comfortable.
you didn't tell me you'd stand by my every decision.
you didn't defend me against others.
you didn't hold yourself accountable for every word you said.
you forsaked me.
you took powerhouse away from me.
you suck.
you're the one who pretended to be happy and sad.

i wish i could get every memory of you out of my head.
i wish you could take back every word you've told me.
i wish i could die with only the sweetest memories of you.

but no.like i said, you suck.you're a disappointment.you only cared about what you'd get out of me coming over...out of me geting you this..out of you coming to my office...out of you going for food..out of you getting me to fix their computers...out of everything.



how could you la?

you're the biggest heartbreak of my life.
i love you very much.more than shireen or ruth or winDatt or J.C. or whoever there could love you.
i left for you.but you're still here in my mind.stop reading my emails...stop even thinking about me.stop breathing the air i breathe.



die.


you didn't come to cook me dinner for CNY because i was lonely and without family.

who's going to be with me for this christmas la? my parents ar? nonsense.
who's going to eat pancakes with me la?....whom do i cook breakfast for now?...whose knife do i accidentaly cut my fingers on now?
whom do i wait for after work or college?
who do i plan my day around la..
who will eat kfc with me now?
whom do i tuck in to bed and leave and lock teh door behind me?
whose apartment do i clean now?
whose bed do i make at 7 in the morning now?

lol..

again....just die la.please.

blahtungguinghpgwhltm

floorball tourney is up next week at penang punya dalat.



I Like.I am going there as the betul betul semangat and dulan keeper.
i also played floorball in UM today.lol.they play there quite like us and i wanted to meet their keeper for lessons.lol.he didn't turn up.

I am sick.sighs.prayers please?.I called australia today.talked to J.C. and Anna.wish i could have talked to her as well but...dunno..forgot to talk to winDatt.

an escape outlet from my current life which is other than death seems quite distant now.still praying for it to come.

I am getting better at dota.lol.

My right side of my body hurts more than ever nowdays and smart gerrard today shot the floorball to straight to my right testicle.When I WASN'T wearing the ballguard,GUYS, imagine the agony.GIRLS,I spare you the imagination lesson as it is beyond imagination for you.


On another note,I, the GREATEST LIVERPOOL SUPPORTER OF ALL TIME,supported
Manchester United in their game against chelsea.They won 2-0 and Avram Grant the manager of chelsea walked around having the " I BETUL BANYAK DULAN" face.Lol.

Glory glory man united.Glorier glorier liverpool.gloriest gloriest God.

his platinum girl whom he loved to much? name of a song?

blahtungguingyky

this video..erm..not the video..the lyrics itself is dedicated to someone special.

hope that I get a message from that person tonight because the last time i dedicated a song to that person,I got a message.

and the lyrics say "pain.you know you're right."

blahtungguingyky

lol.this is the third most important woman in my life blog post and every kilobyte of it is dedicated to her.It was her birthday a few days ago and she's a whole year older now compared to this time last year.

Happy Birthday Girl.

I bought her a superb gift.One she would like.ALOT.
GuREat Success. =)

She loves takign photos I Guess. =) check these out.

Happy Birthday booie. =) ENjoy the AWESOME FIRE TRUCK which is AS BIG AS MY HOUSE!!

blahtungguingyky

encounterfest is coming.lol.i really want to be there but seems like I have different plans here.lol.will go to surprise visit somebody on their birthday.

another 2.5 years wei and my finals is this friday which is the day after tomorrow.hmmm.haven't had much time to study will have to make do with every second after i press the publish button.

we (the tarc cf) had a random prayer meeting last night and we prayed for many things.lol.then someone also prayed for petronas to not screw people up.lol.someone else prayed that la,not me.lol lol.

soong sern and michelle tan took me makan one night and announced to me that they were an item.lol.I pray everyday for things to get better.sighs.

blahtungguingyky

To every guy that's said, "sex CAN wait"

To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."

To every guy that was never too busy to
drive across town (or across the state)
to see her.

To every guy that gives flowers and a
card when she is sick.

To every guy who has given her flowers
just because.

To every guy that said he would die for
her.

To every guy that really would.

To every guy that did what she wanted
to do.

To every guy that cried in front of
her.

To every guy that she cried in front
of.

To every guy that holds hands with her.

To every guy that kisses her with
meaning.

To every guy that hugs her when she's
sad.

To every guy that hugs her for no
reason at all.

To every guy who would give their
jacket up for her.

To every guy that calls to make sure
she got home safe.

To every guy that would sit and wait
for her for hours just to see her for ten
minutes

To every guy that would give his seat up.


To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

To every guy that reassured her that
she was beautiful no matter what.

To every guy who told his secrets to
her.

To every guy that tried to show how
much he cared through every word and every
breath.

To every guy that thought maybe this
could be the one.

To every guy that believed in her
dreams.

To every guy that would have done
anything so she could achieve them.

To every guy that never laughed at her
when she told him her dreams.

To every guy that walked her to her
car.

To every guy that gave his heart.

To every guy who prays that she is
happy even if he is not with her.


...This one post is for you...


got this is an email.very reassuring lerr shen?

geraldine ong swee li

geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li geraldine ong swee li

Am I not the most babified person on earth now?

nethu molleche cheddiyum ellam

lol.I am listening to Valli Tethudu? I think that is how we spell it.

My finals are really soon.Somebody started her second sem already.Lol.Questions keep going through my head, like did I leave to go through what I am going through now.haihs..No point la.

I though of quitting college and going to work full time.

nonsense.will go to k.k. in october.=)

enjoying spending time with tarzan and softy.

lol.

blahtungguingyky

i put in something into the comonwealth bank account made by george papoutsakis i think that is what his name was.

In the months I have returned,to be put away,set aside,outcasted by people i love,I found new people to love.This has become the closest thing I have to family now.No,on second thought,This Is Family.

blahtungguingyky

the pat on manly.I yearn for another pat on manly.if it means losing my atm card again,I don't mind.also please throw in a trip to the zoo, and a ferry ride back and forth from manly.

lol.Just a pat on my shoulder would do so much la.=)
when you come back to look for me,I'll teach you floorball okay?

blahtungguingyky

i was there on the standing and then he hits me with his fists.he starts using profane words on me and he hits me more.unsatisfied,he uses the chair behind him and hits me with it.amazingly,it hits me where i hurt the most,on my right leg.

I expressed my wish to never return to that place.I stood outside the gate with my one bag and electronical devices.How my heart hurts to be betrayed by my loved ones.

"sayang you la,sayang you very much","i cannot emo,you oso cannot emo,later come over we buy snickers and ice cream and everything with U card."."can you please stay away from me?i am better off without you.","i'll never forsake you.","retire please like you said you will.","i will always keep you in my prayers".

I am trying to give all I can but how my heart hurts to not be loved by the one I love?

ernest is stuck somewhere near batu caves,near your area there,can you go help him ar?We are waiting at the shell.Oh danush,don't worry,I reach shell edi,sorry.where you all going?redang trip la.

oh how i wish i could never be forgotten by those who love me and how my heart hurts when they do.

where do I belong now?

johnmayertungguingyky

all it takes to lose your sense of belonging, is to bear a painful memory.
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?would you get them if I did?
No you won't,because you are gone.when you are dreaming with a broken heart,waking up is the hardest part.pain throws your heart to the ground,love turns the whole thing around,no it won't go the way it should but i know the heart of life is good.I will beg my way into your garden,i will break myself out when it rains.just to get back to the place where I started so I can watch back all over again.i see through your love.

blahtungguingyky

Tooku Tooku Omoi hatenaku
Futari ga Mujaki ni waratteta
Ano koro ni modoreru nara

Konagona ni kudaketa
GLASS-zaiku no you na
Omoide no kakera wo atsumeteru
Daiji na mono wa itsudatte
Nakushite kara kizuku yo

Kimi ga inai sekai wa
Maru de JIGSAW PUZZLE
Eien ni kaketa mama mikansei
Dare ni mo kimi no kawari nante
Nareru hazu wa nai kara

Dou ka Dou ka Jikan wo tomete
Kimi no omokage wo kono mune ni kizandekure
Moshi mo Moshi mo Yurusareru nara
Subete wo gisei ni shite mo ii
Ano egao wo mou ichido

Genjitsu to iu kusari ni
Bokutachi wa tsunagarete
Yumemiru koto sae mo kanawazu ni
Soredemo sagashi-tsuzuketeru
Yami wo terasu hikari wo

Tooku Tooku Omoi hatenaku
Futari ga Mujaki ni waratteta ano koro e
Dou ka Dou ka Jikan wo tomete
Kimi no omokage wo kono mune ni kizandekure
Moshi mo Moshi mo Yurusareru nara
Subete wo gisei ni shite mo ii
Ano egao wo mou ichido


If you could decipher this?how are you doing?yes, you.no, not just you,all of you I mean.
I've got an exam in 5 hours time.I also have a splitting head ache.I think this is the second time in my life I am having a headache.

There's also the matter of me coughing up more and more blood(that thing in the pic up there is blood la,not what you usually see in a toilet bowl.).Ish,so everything-est la me.

Too much to cope with la here,sometimes I wish I didn't come back home.But,what we wish for isn't always what is best for us no?Tomorrow I am playing football for my course.Playing as goalkeeper.

Currently listening to continuum by john mayer while studying for my exam.can't sleep tonight though I really want to.Talking about sleep,anybody want to buy me a bed for christmas?Now I'm Japanese.When I tidur(sleep),I pull out my sleeping bag and sleep on it.=)

God's almost greatest invention,The Sleeping Bag.

This in chinese means "In all Cases".I assume it really means that lah.so,in all cases,I love all of you.Every single one of you,if you are reading this post by acident or whatsoeverreason,though I may never know you,may never lepak with you,may never yum cha with you,

I am sure I love you.

much,much love to all of you.=) much love.

are you still going to wait for me to return to eat spicy chicken?lol.tell me la in an anonymous comment or anyway possible.try and use the force la.=)

sorry la people,a tad bit emo.no,not emo.just realising how much love i've experienced.was going through chat histories and emails,that's why la. =) Internet is good.

Dreaming with a broken heart,when it's all gone,gone,gone.=)

Set Me Free

TO

almu my first friend.
Emerson my best enemy and brother.
Esther goh my brother sister
chong my nigga yap my childhood friend
mrs. ramani my educator
mrs.yap my stepmom
uncle william my king
wei-li my m1
wei-i my guitarist
jonathan and james my set of brothers
jason my alien
jolly my grandaughter
ziling my daughter
tse kai my son
prusso my captain
boon my bruce lee
suan my rosie
peay my kampung girl
fye my driver
deswyn my boss besar
gerrard my boss sederhana
wen lin my sister
wai yip my vice captain
jc my emerson
eraj my gurdian
winDatt my love
esther my kah yee
vallen,liya,tiqa,cyndi,mayvin my kakaks.
wee sim my doctor
sid my drummer
akmal my homo
mayz my big small sister
galvin my gorilla
bobek my hero
kwee jin my shitface
marvin my debtor
mustapha my habib
ali,boudy,khalifi,fachikh,julian,paul,rami my lebos.
bib my dhai
serena my dhi dhi
ryohei my yellow monkey
kuah my JEN<-----> HAN


i'm not sorry.=)
see you guys soon.

rod stewart

i came across this song and i think i can relate easily to it.
about somebody i could love too much too easily.
i do miss you,you know?

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And she's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lovely she's best
When it come to loving me she's the worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lovely she's best
When it come to loving me she's the worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lovely she's best
When it come to loving me she's the worst

blahtungguingyky

i was looking at somebody's pictures.
i thought to myself,why am I here in K.L...
what am I doing here instead of sydney.

I teared.That picture kept making me tear.
By giving her what she wanted,I lost in a noble way.
that's my "noble" prize? the way you spelt it.

i miss you everyday,
I ask myself how can i miss someone who's not there.
ask yourself how can you not miss someone who used to be there.

i'm still waiting.Still.

_________________________________________________

on the other hand,i had a bad case of food poisoning.almost died because of the pain.
thanks for all your prayers.

blahtungguingyky

hey..you should listen harder.can't you hear it calling out to you?

your last email hurt so much,too much that i never got to reading it till the end.I chose to assume you spoke the kindest words in the world at the end of that email.I hope you did.

today was the first time i spoke of everything that happened.I poured out everything to someone dear to me and that person posed a question to me.

"What is it you did that was wrong?"

i couldn't answer her properly.I assumed it was showing you love.Can YOU give me the answer to that?Just the answer in one sentence would do.

On your part,it it easy?To live like this?your well being is one of the few things i think about everyday.I met henry and someone else from ro4ck at chambers music today.When i got home someone sent me a song from some korean show called "full house".

everything that happens nowdays is somehow connected to something i seem to remember.
Remembering is the hard part.I cannot forget.I force myself to remember everything that was taken away from me when those emails were deleted.I have no choice but to remember everything.So much for wanting me to forget things.

I don't want you to show me love.i don't think I am capable of handling it.I never asked you to show me any love at all.

The things in your last email?they contradicted alot of things you have ever said to me.i have no choice but to believe the latest statements of yours.Like i told you,everything i did was to make you happy and you seemed happy.But your emails state they never affected you.I am sorry then for trespassing on you and your individualistic lifestyle.I did look to you for a sense of belonging and I got it.but you said that it was all fake?i left you so that you'd be happy,and you do seem happy now don't you? Powerhouse is more fun,hillsong is more open,you meet a hundred new people a week.It seems that every second i spent with you was against your will wasn't it?

I wish there is more i can do for you,but given the circumstances,I can't help myself and i could do with a neighbour now.

It's hard to face the fact that you are gone,just like that.before the end,one more question.Did you really care or was everything included in the "pity" you mentioned in your email?

again,my humanity is as frail as yours and please ,please forgive me for i really knew not what i did.

God bless you kah yee.

Is this what you call true love? a love that expects response?...It's false.

There was a girl whom i liked in my hometown,i thought i could do anything for her.This girl wanted a musical instrument so i worked hard and bought her one.But it was too late because by the time i did,she got a boyfriend,I was sad and i was angry but anyway,i gave her that instrument anyway.Because i thought the sound it made would express my deepest feelings.


The sound of silence is what it made.

i'ev got you J.C,(jesus)

i just did something i didn't think i'd do.i called australia.sighs.i was crying.i don't know if J.C.(Jian Chean) noticed.how i miss him.They are at superbowl.eating.so proud of them all.so so proud.Sarah Chan picked the call up.I wanted to ask for kah yee but decided not to.sighs.

i am not emo.i can't be emo.I won't be emo.

how you feeling now rosie?

You packed in the morning
I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didnt stand in your way
Now I miss you more
Than I missed you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows

Because you left me
Just when I needed you most
Yes, you left me
Just when I needed you most

Now most every morning
I stare out the window
I think about where you might be
Ive written you letters that Id like to send
If you would just send one to me

Because I need you more
Than I needed before
And now where Ill find comfort, God knows
cause you left me
Just when I needed you most
Yes, you left me
Just when I needed you most

You packed in the morning
I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didnt stand in your way

Now I love you more
Than I loved you before
And now where Ill find comfort, God knows

Because you left me
Just when I needed you most
You left me
Just when I needed you most
Oh, you left me
Just when I needed you most

allah akbar

i can't forget this guy.all the time i've spent with him.all the time he's kept me sane.all the time he's kept me alive.they don't come better,the lebanese. =)

mustapha el chami.

take care bra.

miss you dearly.

why cannot be tihap?

it's raining here.
i remember five occasions in sydney when it was raining.

1.I was cycling back in winter and it was raining.I freezed my ass off.
2.I was walking yuki home and it was raining and i offered her my jacket.
3.It was raining when we went for renee welmsley's birthday and you sent me that sms.
4.It was raining and i had lunch in Kamadhenu and you told me to come over after lunch.
5.It was raining and it was monday,you had our sunday mood swing and weren't talking to me,and I came to get you from Uni because you had no umbrella.But you went home yourself.

do you think of me like i think of you or are you there happy and smiling about life as it is?i do hope it's the latter.=) make me proud.



okay.a christian friend's sister commited suicide yesterday.It get's me thinking,if she can do it and end whatever it was that's troubling her,why can't I?
No,i don't want your advice on the cons of suicide,so save it.no comments allowed.

another thing on my mind is suing my doctors for negligence on my right arm problem.Get probably a million or two million aussie.(the doctors are in australia.)that money can be used for so much good.Can pay for mustapha's,marvin's,my brothers' and prusso's education.Kah yee wouldn't have to work to live in a one bedroom apartment.

sighs.somebody hurry up and please save me lah.god give us peace and grace from truth.

Marvin Lee Aday

some days you don't come easy,some days you dont' come hard,some days you don't come at all and these are the days that never end.

some nights we're breathing fire,some nights you're outright nice,soem nights are like nothing i've ever seen before or will again.

soem days i pray for silence,some days i pray for souls,maybe i am lonely but there's just one and only promise i can keep.you know it's true and that's a fact.will you raise me up when you let me down? will you get me out of this godforsaken town?i'd never do it as good as i do it with you i know.

come back.i promise i won't be the same again.i'd change every single day if it's how it should be.come back.

my humanity is just as frail as yours.
please.

the uncle is tsk tsk-ing already.

how do i put it to you?
there is only one thing i am upset about regarding you.the final emails you sent me.after which you disappeared leaving me dumbfounded here.why did you have to sound so sad ?knowing well enough i can't do anything for you in my position.i don't want God to bless me if He will avenge those who wronged me.

why do you still have to forsake me even after all that has happened? can't you see i don't hold anything against you.everything you have given me and not given me,I still love you like i loved you on the 15th of March,february,april,june...whenever.

truthfully,i honestly wished i had those emails back.it was unfair of you to do so but it wasn't wrong.luckily i still have the first one?i'm sorry i fell short of whatever you asked me to be in that email.

you wait for me as i wait for you.I'll come get you like i said.on top of the quadrangle you know when.don't forget okay?

wait for me there on that day.

rosie said i've already made my decision and all i needed was for someone to tell me it's okay to wait and encourage me.See you in 2010.It's not too far away.

i hope you have the guts to say.

The sky above, the field below said:
she knows your password?

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy said:
that person gave it to her..

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy said:
i'm heart broken

The sky above, the field below says:
aiks

The sky above, the field below says:
i duno what to say la

The sky above, the field below says:
but you talked with her?

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
i don't know what to listen to.i want to be angry,to be upset,to be disappointed.I want to put the blame for everything on someone,but i can't.

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
i hung after saying goodbye which was after i confirmed what happened.

The sky above, the field below says:
i think its normal to feel like that

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
it hurts alot,when somebody can come up to me and enforce upon me that i am not worthy even of the memory of her.am i not?

The sky above, the field below says:
yeap it hurts

The sky above, the field below says:
i think as hard as it gets forget her la

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
but,you can't just forget a friend just like that can you?
i hate it when people make me cry.i wish i could not cry.wish i really could have no emotions but love for everyone.

The sky above, the field below says:
yeap

The sky above, the field below says:
you can't

The sky above, the field below says:
it takes time

The sky above, the field below says:
i think you crying shows that you love people la

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
i guess.thanks doulos,for hearing me out.

The sky above, the field below said:
no problem

The sky above, the field below said:
my pleasure

The sky above, the field below said:
but dun blame yourself la

The sky above, the field below said:
and dun feel bad for feeling this way

The sky above, the field below said:
i'm more worried if you dun feel anything

The sky above, the field below said:
but time to move on la

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy said:
sighs.

The sky above, the field below says:
i think for one last time

The sky above, the field below says:
you should call her

The sky above, the field below says:
and tell her how you feel

kono sekai de ichiban no onna no hito was kimi da.

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache


Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart


I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

________________________________________________________

remember,we fight evil with good.bless those who curse us,give to those who steal from us,be polite to those whom are rude to us,love them who hate us and hold not a grudge against a soul.
peace to all who need it.

Kami sama wa anata o ai shitte imasu.

Showing God’s Kindness and Mercy
By Joel Osteen

How we treat other people can have a great impact on the degree of blessings and favor of God we are experiencing in our lives. Are you good to people? Are you kind and considerate? Do you speak and act with love in your heart and regard other people as valuable and spe­cial? Friend, you can’t treat people poorly and expect to be blessed. You can’t be rude and inconsiderate and expect to live in victory.

The Bible says, “See that none of you repays another evil for evil, but always aim to show kindness and seek to do good to one another and to everybody.?Notice the words aim and seek in this verse. God is saying we must be proactive. We should be on the lookout to share His mercy, kindness, and goodness with people. We must aim for kind­ness and seek to do good. Moreover, we need to be kind to people even when they don’t deserve it. We need to walk in love and be courteous even when somebody is unkind to us.

When that coworker walks by you and doesn’t give you the time of day, God expects you to go the extra mile and be friendly to him any­way. If you are on the phone and somebody speaks harshly or is discourteous to you, it’s easy to think, I’ll just tell her off and then hang up. She doesn’t know me. She’s never going to see me. But God expects us to be bigger and better than that.

When that checker at the grocery store jumps down your throat for no reason, your initial response may be to act rudely in return. That’s the easy way; anybody can do that. But God wants us to live by higher standards. The Bible says, “We are to love our enemies. We are to do good to them that spitefully use us.?Daddy often said, “Everybody de­serves to have a bad day once in a while.?We’ve got to give people room to have a bad day

If somebody flies off the handle at you, instead of retaliating and giving them a piece of your mind, why not show them some of God’s grace and mercy? Aim for kindness and give them a word of encouragement. After all, you don’t know what they may he going through. That person’s child may be in the hospital. His or her mate may have just walked out; they may be living in hell on earth. If you return their venom with more vitriol, you could escalate the conflict, or your re­sponse could be the final straw that causes them to give up and sink into utter despair. Neither scenario is pleasing to God.

When you are placed in awkward situations where somebody doesn’t treat you right, you have a golden opportunity to help heal a wounded heart. Keep in mind, hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can al­most be certain that they have some unresolved issues inside. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily.

Evil is never overcome by more evil. If you mistreat people who are mistreating you, you will make matters worse. When you express anger to somebody who has been angry with you, it’s like adding fuel to a fire. No, we overcome evil with good. When somebody hurts you, the only way you can overcome it is by showing them mercy, forgiving them, and doing what is right.
Keep taking the high road and be kind and courteous. Keep walk­ing in love and have a good attitude. God sees what you’re doing. He sees you going the extra mile to do what’s right, and He will make sure your good actions and attitude will overcome that evil. If you’ll keep doing the right thing, you will come out far ahead of where you would have been had you fought fire with fire.

The Bible says, “God is our vindicator.?He will not let you lose out. You may think you’re getting the short end of the stick, but when it’s all said and done, God will make sure that you don’t lose anything truly valuable. Moreover, He’ll make sure you get your just reward. Your responsibility is to remain calm and peaceable even when those around you are not.
Overcome Evil with Good

I called a restaurant one night to order a pizza. I often ordered pizzas from this particular establishment, and each time I placed an order, the clerk asked for my phone number. I got in the habit of giving them my phone number right up front so we could save a bit of time.
On this night, a woman answered the phone. I politely said, “Hello, my phone number is 713 . .?
“Sir, I am not ready for your phone number,?the woman snarled into the phone. “And when I get ready for your phone number, I will ask you for your phone number!?

I could hardly believe that someone working with the public could be so cantankerous and rude. My initial instinct was to respond, “Lis­ten, lady! I’ll give you my phone number whenever I feel like it. I’ll call you at midnight with my phone number if I want to!?My mind in­stantly considered ordering about twenty or thirty pizzas and sending them to the wrong addresses. In my imagination, I could see that lady running all over town attempting to deliver pizzas to people who hadn’t ordered them!

Fortunately, I was able to maintain my composure. 1 kept telling myself, You are the pastor of a church. Behave!
I don’t always do what’s right, but in this case, I made a decision that I was going to overcome evil with good. I recognized that the woman was just having a bad day; something was bothering her that had nothing to do with me or my phone number. I decided I was going to be a part of the solution rather than part of the problem. I took her on as a personal mission project, determined that I would do whatever I could to cheer her up.

I began by complimenting her work. (I had to really use my imagi­nation!) I said, “You make the best pizzas in the world. I’ve been or­dering from you folks for years, and your food is wonderful. Your delivery is great; you are always on time; you’re running a first-class operation.?On and on I went, trying to encourage her. I said, “I ap­preciate your being so efficient and answering the phone so quickly. And I’ll tell you, when I talk to your boss, I’m going to recommend that he give you a raise.?By the time I got through, she not only took my phone number, she threw in some hot wings and sodas and coupons for more pizza!

That’s overcoming evil with good. I didn’t know what she was deal­ing with at work or what she was going through at home. Who knows what was going on in her personal life? But it wasn’t hard to figure out that she was having a bad day. She needed somebody to encourage her, to cheer her up, to let her know that she mattered, and to tell her she was good at her job. That pizza order was a small matter, but it was a giant opportunity for me to share God’s kindness with a woman who needed it.

The Bible says, “Love overlooks a person’s faults.?That’s not always easy but love believes the best in every person. Anybody can return evil for evil, but God wants His people to help heal wounded hearts.

If somebody is not treating you right today go out of your way to be kinder than usual to that person. If your husband is not serving God, don’t go around beating him over the head with your Bible, preaching at him, nagging him, coercing him to come to church with you. No, just start being extra kind to him. Start loving him in a fresh way. The Bible says, “It is the goodness of God that leads people to repentance.?If you will be extra good and inordinately kind, before long God’s goodness expressed through you will overcome that evil. Friend, love never fails.
If anybody had a right to return evil instead of love, it was Joseph, the famed young man with the coat of many colors. His brothers hated him so much they threw him into a deep pit and were going to kill him, but “out of the kindness of their hearts?they decided instead to sell him into slavery. Years went by; and Joseph experienced all Sorts of troubles and heartaches. But Joseph kept a good attitude, and God continued to bless him. After thirteen years of being in prison for a crime he didn’t even commit, God supernaturally promoted him to the second highest position in Egypt.

Joseph was in charge of the food supply when a famine struck the land, and his brothers traveled to Egypt, hoping to buy provisions for their families. At first they didn’t recognize Joseph. Joseph finally said, “Don’t you know who I am? I am Joseph, your brother. I’m the one you threw into the pit. I’m the one you tried to kill, the brother you sold into slavery.?
Can you imagine what was going through his brothers?minds? Imagine the fear that must have gripped their hearts! This was Joseph’s opportunity to pay back his brothers for the years of pain and suffer­ing they had caused him. Now their lives were in his hands.
Joseph could have ordered them killed or imprisoned for life. But Joseph said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to harm you. I’m going to do good to you. I’m going to give you all the food you need.?

Is it any wonder why Joseph was so blessed? No wonder God’s hand of favor was on him in such a strong way. Joseph knew how to extend mercy Joseph knew how to treat people right.
The Bible says, “Love doesn’t hold a grudge. Love doesn’t harbor unforgiveness.?You may have people in your life who have done you great wrong, and you have a right to be angry and bitter. You may feel as though your whole life has been stolen away by somebody who has mistreated you or deceived you. But if you will choose to let go of your grudge and forgive them, you can overcome that evil with good. You can get to the point where you can look at the people who have hurt you and return good for evil. If you do that, God will pour out His favor in your life in a fresh way He will honor you; He will reward you, and He’ll make those wrongs right.
When you can bless your worst enemies and do good to those who have used or abused you, that’s when God will take that evil and turn it around for good. No matter what you’ve gone through, no matter who hurt you or whose fault it was, let it go. Don’t try to get even. Don’t hold a grudge. Don’t try to pay them back. God says show mercy. Aim for kindness. Seek to do good.
You may be thinking, But Joel, that’s just not fair!

No, it’s not. But life is not fair. We have to remember that God is the one keeping the score. He is in control. And when you bless your enemies, you will never lose. God will always make it up to you.

Go the Extra Mile

God told Abraham to pack up his family and head toward a better land. Abraham moved all his flocks, his herds, his family and even his extended family members. They traveled for months and finally made it to their new land. After living there for a while, they discovered that the portion of land where they settled wasn’t able to support them with enough food and water for all the people and their flocks and herds.

Abraham said to his nephew Lot, “We need to split up.?He said. “You choose whichever part of the land you would like to have, and I’ll take whatever is left.?Notice how kind Abraham was to his nephew Lot looked around and saw a beautiful valley with luscious green pas­tures and rolling hills and ponds. He said, “Abraham, that’s what I want. That’s where my part of the family will settle.?

Abraham said, “Fine; go and be blessed.?Abraham could have said, “Lot, you’re not going to have that land. That’s the best land. I’ve done all the work. I’ve led this journey God spoke to me, not to you. I should get the first choice.?Abraham didn’t do that. He was bigger than that. He knew God would make it up to him.

But I’m sure after Abraham realized what was left over for him, he was disappointed nonetheless. His portion was arid, barren, desolate wasteland. Think of it; Abraham had traveled a long distance. He’d gone to great effort in search of a better land, in search of a better life. Now, because of his generosity and kind heart, he was relegated to liv­ing on the scruffy part of the land. I’m sure he thought, God, why do people always take advantage of my goodness? God, why do I always get the short end of the stick? That boy Lot wouldn’t have had any­thing if I hadn’t given it to him.

Maybe you feel that you’re the one who’s doing all the giving in some situation. Perhaps you are the parent of an ungrateful child. Maybe your former spouse is taking advantage of you in a divorce settlement. Possibly your company is talking about “downsizing?after you have given them the best years of your life. Perhaps you are the one who’s always going the extra mile. You’re the peacemaker in the family. Because people know you are kind, generous, and friendly, they tend to take advantage of you or not appreciate you.

But God sees your integrity. Nothing that you do goes unnoticed by God. He’s keeping the records, and He will reward you in due time. That’s what He did for Abraham.
In essence, God told Abraham, “Because you preferred your broth­ers, because you treated your relative kindly, because you went the extra mile to do what is right, I’m not going to give you a small portion of land; I’m going to give you an abundant blessing. I’m going to give you thousands and thousands of acres; miles and miles of land. All that you can see is going to be yours.

Don’t grow weary in well doing. God is a just God, and He sees not just what you are doing but why you are doing it. God judges our mo­tives as well as our actions. And because of your unselfishness, because you prefer others, because you’re aiming for kindness, one day God will say to you as He did to Abraham, “As far as you can see, I’m going to give it to you.?
Sometimes when we’re good to people and we go the extra mile, we have a tendency to think, I’m letting people walk all over me. I’m let­ting them take advantage of me. They’re taking what rightfully belongs to me.

That’s when you have to say “Nobody is taking anything from me. I am freely giving it to them. I’m blessing them on purpose, knowing that God is going to make it up to me.
Think of the biblical story of Ruth. Her mother-in-law, Naomi, was an older woman who had just lost her husband. Ruth and another daughter-in-law named Orpha lived with Naomi because their hus­bands had also died. When Naomi lost her husband, she told those young women, “I’m going to move back to my homeland. Why don’t you do the same thing and just get on with your lives??Orpha took Naomi’s advice and went her own way. But Ruth wouldn’t do that.
She said, “Naomi, I’m not going to leave you all alone. You need somebody to take care of you. I’m going to watch after you. I’m going to stay close to you.

When Naomi and Ruth moved to Naomi’s homeland, they had no provision there. They had no money and nothing to eat. So each day Ruth went into the wheat fields and followed behind the reapers who were harvesting the crop. She picked up any leftover wheat and grain that fell on the ground. She was finding just a little here, a bit there. Then at night, Ruth and Naomi would make a meal from the glean­ings of wheat. It wasn’t much, but the women were able to survive.
God saw Ruth out there working hard in the fields trying to take care of Naomi. God knew that Ruth could have taken care of herself, selfishly living her own life. God knew she had nothing to gain by being concerned about the older woman. And because of her acts of kindness and her good-heartedness, God instructed a man by the name of Boaz, the owner of all those fields, to help her. He said, “Boaz, tell your work­ers to leave handfuls of wheat and handfuls of grain behind for Ruth.Now, when Ruth went out to the fields, she gathered up more than she could handle. She was blessed in abundance.

God sees your acts of kindness and mercy as well. When you are kind to people, when you go around doing good to people, God arranges for others to leave behind “handfuls?of good things for you. You will find a handful of blessings over here, a handful of blessings over there, supernatural favors over here, an unexpected promotion over there. Everywhere you go, you will discover the supernatural blessings of God lying in your path, left there for you by God.


_______________________________________________________

Kah Yee sent me this in an email today.I find it extremely relevant in this season of my life la.When I feel like people keep taking and taking and taking from me,this sermon gives comfort and relieve.=)

thanks.

yo ho a beatles' life for me.

hahahaha.how good is my hair.just the way i want it.=)

sid...our uncles lennon and mccartney will be so proud of me man. =)

hahahah.betul betul macam tempurung/mop top.

beautiful intelligent conversation.

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy said:
gwen cantik la.

bappuji. says:
yeah yeah

bappuji. says:
shreya saran more cantik

bappuji. says:
she cuntik

bappuji. says:
cunt-ik

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
no no gwen more cantik

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
bodoh..itu vulgar la.

bappuji. says: yeah baby.

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
gwen cantik.beautiful lah wei.

bappuji. says:
yeah alright great fantastico fabuloso

bappuji. says:
allow me to read the signs in peace panditji

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
what signs?

bappuji. says:
signs that a woman likes u article la cow dung

bappuji. says:
since i'm bapuji i have to resort to cursin u that way sorry my child

al timur.nobi nobita.danush boy says:
bappuji don't worry,this humble pundit take not to heart your words .

bappuji. says:
good good

poor poor brother of mine

nusundayo

blahtungguingyky

oxford circus.

tarcian

rape me,rape me my friend.
kan ngo,kan ngo pangyau.
keduthuvidu,keduthuvidu nanba.
rogol aku,rogol aku kawan.

no,i am not the only one.
mou,ngo mmhai chikei yat ko yan.
illai,nan tanni aal illai.
tidak,aku bukan seorang.


random la..i met this non lala girl at college.hahah.and she's weird la..not bad weird..as in different from normal boring people.She's got the hots for metal.the music la.

colour coley

this girl whom i really sayang since i met her...whom i used to bully kau kau and whom i look up to as my big small sister came up to me to say "I miss the happy go lucky danush,not this always emo one now".

wei...what have i been doing lah.I've been emo-ing for so long i forgot that i used to be UTIANMD which stands for ultimate teacher irritating and noise making device. =)

hahaha.how i miss those days.

so,guess who's back.

Yeah Baby!!!

oh yeah, liverpool gave the cup lost to AC siMilan .

the times they are changing.

princesses and all you pretty people..exchanging all you precious gifts,
turn away from what you can lose,gather up what you can give abundantly,
move along from ways of below , what's the worst that can happen,
lose yourself for that you don't want to lose,let yourself be a rolling stone.

now our ties are broken,i can still care for you.
another trip to the woods where the fat people sit,something i don't mind.
grab your snickers we'll move up the hill to where the beasts lie.
where the ocean has been moved till another time comes.

for seventy three moments we'd fill our hearts with stories,
only wanting to do things we can't do,
while the ducks at the pond cry in pain,while we move our ways in vain,
searching for things we want but won't get.

boku no sekai no chuushin wa kimi da...itsu aimasu ka?

i'd take the stars right out of the sky for you..honestly..i am sure i would..

you have no idea where my mind rests now..all those emails..all those text messages..
i've got no idea where we stand now...all that wanting to avoid,all that not avoiding..all that everything....i guess nothing on your part was wrong..it just can't be you, no?i should have been someone else...i assume that way things would be different now would they?

why is this paragraph here?i have no idea..i don't think it is intended for you to read..after all,you do hate reading off the monitor don't you?you have no idea how much i yearn for another night of tasteless italian and copenhagen..haha..in a shirt that makes you look fat and the style of danush...Nichi flannel.

wait till i can see you again someday ok?i'm waiting for you return as well..you return to where,i have no idea...

elbib

wahlau leh...

that's a huge phrase in the mori and kensett community now..wahlau leh..

sighs..things have been so different from sydney these past few weeks...It's good to be home.so many challenges i have never faced before i face now.it makes life exciting.

everytime things regarding those challenges don't go too well,i try to run away.run away from everyone and everything.well at least almost everything.when i try to hide from church,i hear esther goh telling me what she told me before...danush is able to praise and love God even when the most important thing in his life is taken away.












wahlau leh....

i start school in a week.i can't wait for the semester to end.then i'd disappear again.I guess.funny how one decision i made could change my life this much.

that sunday when i came back from sydney,i felt something.i felt like i had plans to do everything but it was only me and those plans.for forty days and forty nights i had someone i realised those plans with and that sunday when i came back everything changed...somewhere between leaving singapore and reaching kl..it changed.

Shen...london ar...=) soon.the moment i got money,i'll come see you.

and good morning kah yee. hahaha. JC koko would be laughing his head off when he sees this sentence.

something stupid my filipino friend typed in his phone a long time ago.

confucius say you go to jail bad boy.

everytime i have trouble...i seek advice from a really wise friend of mine...

no..it's not prussy or emerson or whoever...

his name is confucius kung fu tze =)

here are some of the greatest words he's said to me.


confucius say man who run in front of car gets tyred.
confucius say baseball is wrong,man with four balls cannot walk.
confucius say war doesn't determien who's right,determines who's left.
confucious say it takes many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
confucius say men who drive like hell bound to get there.
confucius say man who jumps of cliff,jumps to conclusion.
confucius say man who stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.
confucius say man standing on toilet high on pot.
confucius say secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk.
confucius say man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!
confucius say when called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
confucius say foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

confucius say too damn much.

wah lao leh...

yallah imsyii

i left aussie thinking i'd be happy and indeed i am.
i miss the people there,you guys know who you are.
i worry about someone there,you know who you are.

i always said some people aren't meant to stay,just linger and this is the first time it's on my part
i guess.i wish i could be there with you forever but i assume that you wouldn't let me.Well I base those assumptions on things that have been said since your arrival.Sadly,since the 15th of february,I have never been happier in sydney.the small disappointments of you not talking to me,play no part in me being unhappy there.I wish i could have done more for you but i ended up spoiling things for you.i became a distraction.i am sorry for the stupid things i did and sorry for letting my emotions get the better of me.since i have left,I assume you'd fare better.Just keep to the things i've told you and come back in one peice as i wait for you.I will see you when you return and don't change too much or we just wouldn't know each other.


nowdays when i face disappointments,i hear hadassah telling me that remember that you can love god with all your capabilities even when the most important and happiest things in your life are taken away.I believe i have changed.

you guys take care:united,suv,city campus,hillsong campus and classmates.

from blah to kah yee.

chairil anwar

sid..you know those periods in life where all you keep facing are disappointments?
sighs...
sid...i miss how i use to be..when we don't care about stuff surrounding us...
i miss the way school protected me from everything outside..

so much for no worries..yok choi tong..connect group leading...drinking milo and chatting...cooking..making music...going to adelaide...all that....everything that was promised was never delivered...sighs...

sid man...ever had suicidal thoughts before?...sid sid sid..i need you man...where are you?

kau tak sayang aku lagi ke?
bila kau nak datang balik...dunia aku tak tenteram...dimana-mana sahaja wujud kepiluan...sid..
aku benci diri aku lah...
sid..almu..sighs..

aku tak sayang diri aku lagi..
sid ngan almu...kalau ada benda bodoh terjadi...maafkanlah aku ya...

almu man...if we meet again..we'll eat mee together in the canteen with mahbar and you can lend me the dollar twenty i need to buy it..

sid...kalau kita berjumpa lagi...aku akan tolong kau score lagi satu gol yang membanggakan kelab kita...

aku nak mati dah ni..tak tahan betul la...macam nak masukkan pemutar skru ke dalam hati aku and turn it and twist it and say screw you to all the emotions i have..
sakit hati la sidek...bila kita rasa macam orang tak sayang kita..or bila orang buat macam kita tak mungkin disayangi...sighs...sid...almu...if i die ar...i'll see you guys in our studio in bangsar...sighs...

isabella adalah...kisah cinta dua dunia..
mengapa kita bertemu namun akhirnya terpisah..
siang jadi hilang..ditelan kegelapan malam...

amy search..pak cik aku ngan pak cik sid ngan pak cik almu...

you're beautiful jamie.

i'm going through something in my life,which i have never gone through before and i believe i'll make it safely.

it's nice to see the comment from hadassah.

i am listening to chicago now and i think i should blog about something that's on my mind.

it's this girl i am attracted to and i don't know.She's the perempuan kristian agung i've been searching for.She knows how i feel la and she has not been treating me differently since she has known.some people should take a leaf out of her book la.

but the sad thing is..that i am depressed of all this la...it's like all i have ever done is like and like a girl...it's as if i am not meant to have someone special for me...and this really really bugs me..i cannot talk to anybody about it..i think it's sort of a taboo matter as i am asian...
sighs...at times...no,everyday the thought of suicide does come across my mind and the only thing that pulls me away from it is that i would just give other people more trouble.so i thought of a plan,if i do get the courage to pull the plug on my own life,i'd first isolate myself,then pull the plug.

I was thinking about melbourne.i don't know anybody there and then slowly i can just disappear.

atsui ruth.

The whole new year has been pretty good.It is exceptionally good if I put all the ridiculous things family members do.

I almost drowned at youth camp.I got pulled into the ocean by a rip and i thought i was going to die till my CG leader arrived to save me.PTL(learnt that from wei-i) Praise the Lord.

I have lost too much weight which I have to gain back now to compete in june.I will have a really hot..hot hot body.Esther is coming soon and I will have chats with her.Every single day we'll sit and drink my milo while she mixes her yok choi and drinks some weird medicinal herb drink(kacip fatimah) and have superb and magnificent chats about the things malaysian's normally chat about and we will enjoy the bike rides.

I spend too much time with the So sisters or rather,they spend too much time with me.The picture below is of steven,sandy and I.Note that sandy has a wannabe SPECIUM KOHSEN(Ultraman's Finisher Beam) pose and steven has the RED KING(Evil Monster in Ultraman) pose.

I spend alot of time practicing my guitar skills and cricket bowling skills.With my current cricket skills,I could take on the whole MBSSKL team which included Nik,Raja Putar Alam and Kuah Jen [huge amount of space] Han.The cricket world cup is coming and if Malaysia is in it,I hope we make if quite far,far beyond Sri Lanka.

I have not spoken to Haddassah in ages.I don't know what's wrong but it's as if we're just not meant to speak to each other?.I miss her truly.I miss her too much.If she is reading this,I'd like her to know that the last happy memory i have of her is the one on the 27th of april 2005.It's when we went to MV and watched the highly psychological termed movie and ate good food at Little Penang Caffe and took crash courses on STAR WARS and ate cotton candy and listened to Greenday in the old PROTON WIRA.

Malaysia seems so distant now.Gwen too seems distant.I didn't want to talk about her but I just had to say that I guess.Imagine a camp with 1000 people.Imagine when that 1000 people know your name.Famousnyer danush kita.Anna,the girl I met at camp,took me to LINDT caffe a few days after camp.It was so good.Imagine good swiss chocolate based mamak.Enaknya.

I cannot seem to protect all the people I want to.I cannot seem to keep my promises like I used to.I seem to think a whole lot more about my self nowdays.I think it's about time.About time we all TASTE AND SEE.


OH!,when girls are around and boys are around,what happens?

They become SQUARE.[pusat sains negara]

God it's good to be alive,I'm still here waiting for you.

akhrinya

finaly....new years post...

no resolutions la..but got goals..


lose weight and shape body.
become a better genius serving the public of australia by busking on the streets with someone.


feel like collecting all our famous quotes..


siapa rasa anus...dia rasa besar

devandran,tan wen ee..pukimak...semakin hari..semakin sial,macam celaka.

ASK HER TO SHUT UP LA (wai cjun to ramani)

he who eateth the chilli felleth the spiciness.

Good Horrrny Teacher..(danush to kasturi[history teacher])

you dunno how to stand on one toe ar?(thong to me)

if you don't disobey me you leave at 2 if you obey me you leave later...who else...

oooooooo....senyapnya....kok fai...HAHAHAHA

i see..did i ask you?too many people..

ngo yao tong lei kong meh?galvin to me..

syazni sayang adik die...on syazni and jagthiswaran..

apryl rocks..dhanniya power...esther amazing..wei-li cantik....danush bozo...afiq debab...all that bullshit la..danush supported by ernest and emerson

suck dick...HAHAHAHA...almost forgot that...everyone..esp me and yuen han..

pantat ayam...boon..Bouhahahahahahah

update this post later la..mahu berak la..

Malaysia Boleh.

sidek is gone.
sara yasmin is gone.
Akmal is gone.
Almu kinda never was there.
afiq has his wgheow.




serious...afiq has a girlfriend.fuiyoh.


i had the best one week here in sydney.Sara yasmin came to visit.with so much of malaysia in her. =)