she makes me feel like it's raining outside...when she leaves, i am all torn up inside..

.....was talkign to rosie...deng la..asked her to go for dinner tomorrow night...she said she'll consider..=))..good la..new member of the gang...

i noticed something...with esther and emerson....we reflect on miscommunications and misunderstandings...but you can have the best of me...

nice song la...

i love cheesy love songs..=)) ...i'v a new band....one drummer..two guiarists..and a bassist...haven't thought up of a name yet..


...i need some time alone ....so people..don't feel hurt if i tend to be selfish...=S.i really need my own special time..i've already got my own special place..now...i need my time...=))

...i think a week will do fine..i went cycling..and yes..i've been dishonouring God alot lately..I need a whole cart load of His forgiveness....

I love my new look..=))..super shaved...and i'll be getting a hair cut..and yes...finally...after eighteen years...i'll be getting a hair style...don't be amazed okay??


>>>> we got older..but we're still young...ahahha...i love love songs...

..i don't need sleep...i got a whole bull load of it today...=))...sabar itu separuh dari iman...that is a muslim proverb...it think it is good.

=) =) =) =) =) YES!!!...i've overcomed.=)))

i need a whole grocery store load of loving and caring...i do...=))

goodbye cruel world...today i live again!

rosie.....

look at the pic....that is gemma rose owen...she is so so so cute...daddy's little girl...if i get a daughter...i will manja her kau kau la..just like rosie...




=))....there is no condition to friendship....
...of late i've been feeling really really insecure...really...there's been times when i just rest my head on my table and cry la...real deng la...i seem to be losing friends..people whom are dearest to me..and yea..they've got no choices too..so it's not their fault...i really need someone to blame all this upon...but there just isn't anyone to blame...=(....i'm living the life of a hypocrite ...one life for myself..and one for others.......

i've most definitely ruined my relationship with two of my most bestest best friends...=(..haihs...they are gone la.nothing can be done to bring them back...i don't want them back either...it will only burden them to have me as a friend...

....i really need someoen whom i can count on for everything...someone who's willing to give up everything for me..=S



forget friends la....

I love God la...=))))))) God loves me..

I am looking forward to aussie...new life =)

i am counting on shen to win the bk quiz...

i need a friend badly...please apply within the comments section..

been listening to vulgar music...=)) ...it sounds good...nice way to lepas geram...


good morning ugly and unfair world....good world...=)


=/ contradictions.....


a condom advertistment catch phrase...."make love..not war"


nice eh?....


esther...things are great la..=) they couldn't be any better..you should come an enjoy the view from here...emerson..you too...you should coem up here..where i am...i can see things so clearly..they are great la...=)....i'll be waitign for the both of you..please do come here..i don't want to be lonely...


oh yeah...a message for people who's got something against me....here.....


You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my ass and I can't!


thanks for being pissed...you wont that ability as a free gift....i love you people..=))



i need sleep....listenign to too much proffanity.....it is bad....i wish i could go back to my old life...=)) i want to...it was so good...
i had my saturdasy to go anywhere i wanted..do anyhtign i wanted...=)..i miss those days...



i am goign to sleep...rosie..thanks...i cherish your friendship..shen you too..and tsick...thanks man....no conditions...just like you said..

two face...

=)....well...today is his birthday...wished him the moment i woke up...which was around half past two in the afternoon..happy birthday emerson.....

...i decided not to go to school today...well..there wouldn't be a point in me going there..they guys are having their football match.. and rosie was not staying back...so..really no point..

.....God showed me His power many times this week...=))...he provided fod for me when i didn't have any...He answered one of my prayers...really thank Him for that..=)))

...May Szin has left...I am already missing her..=)..i went for a dinner sesion with her last night...alot of us went...deng..i invited esther to come..she didn't turn up....=) deng la...

.....I really don't know what to blog about la....but..yeah..i'm trying to find out what is the meaning of blashpemy against the holy spirit...=)..anybody who has any idea..pls..post it in a comment...=))

good evening emerson..

=S...i need more sleep..i've been trying to catch up on my sleep lately..It really feels good to sleep long hours..=)


i'm tired of living two lifes la..one for my friends and one for myself...it's reallt troublesome..trying to make sure that nobody gets hrt by my actions..and words.....one day i wish i've got no one to be accountable to..that would be so good..but yeah...like shen said...God holds me accountable for everything i say...


...really "men-deng-kanla".....

...bk quiz is so near....reading up alot..=)....if anythign good ever happens in it...well..i owe it to two people la...GOD...definitely Him ...and shen...aahhaha=))

=))....love Him so so so much...can't love Him enough la...=))

hope...one of God's gifts to us la..

....there was an earthquake...in penang..goodness..doulos told me about it...it hit seven on the richter scale...haihs...i realy hope that nobody got hurt la..will be praying for the penangites after this.....

i will start a church in 7 to eight years time...doulos will be my helper..=)we are going to call it the House of God...ahhah..just a small place...where people come to worship God..just do that..worship Him...=) doulos stated a need for the theology and doctrines part...and i said..esther can help...ahahha...haven't asked her about it though..the both of us will be praying and planning it with God for the next few years....

...just now i got into a quarrel with daddy...teruk la...he and mom weer quarreling..then suddenly he came to my room..and jut bang the door open..started scolding me...i really don't know why he did that..then he just turned of my computer plug...and he started ranting...haihs...after he left..i went online again...teruk la these persons...will pray...

..the earthquake is scarring me la..these recent earthquakes are signs la i think...and like wei-li and eunice were tellign me at camp...famines in somewhere and the persecution in china...teruk la...He is coming back for Us...the place for Us in His FAther's abode has been prepared already...and now He is coming back.....that fact or rather..theory..is really worrying me...i don't have much time to save those whom are dearest to me...my family,jolly,Jun,Rosie,A.Caylice..and prusoth ...I have to go all out la..I realy don't think i have much time left....

please do pray for the salvation of the world la....=)....what's wrong with praying....and shen....blurtign out bible verses work la..=))

my grand daughter...jolly...take care la...there is a greater love in the world la..like i told you..a love far greater than any MAN could give you...=))....


i am fasting sleep...really la...cos my parents forced me to have dinner...and i can't tell them i am fasting...deng la...dun believe i am fasting ar??...look at all the smudges on my face..and my solemn look...ahahhaha..trying to be a pharisee..


good night LAH.....

=S ..i shouldn't say that...i am not going to sleep....

!!!!!!----------->>>> you people must meet rosie la....her cheeks are so so so the rosy one la..really wan..very rosy...



=-) about my picture up there.. there is always HOPE in this world...rosie..listen to me..HOPE


=\...don't know why i write this blog la..soemthing drives me...


assalamualaikum.....muallaikumussalam(peace be upon you....peace be upon you too..)

My refuge..my fortress...

...God is working la...Today somehting was told to me la..first tiem i looked at it that way..sinning is trying to play GOD....not doing things the way He wants us to...=)

aunty ai ling and alvin prayed for me today...before the prayer meeting..i was exhausted la..so exhausted..and tired...i found it so hard to even walk to church..and then i went there..sat down..esther,alvin,jasosn and two aunties were there already praying...when i went there..aunty ai ling made hand getures for me to sit down near alvin..and i did...they were singing a song..and i just did not want to particiapte..i just sat..and kept quite...i wasreally tired la..then i started to think about Jesus..and tears fell down my face..haihs...it is so unfair la...i expect so much out of Him..and i dun fulfill His expectations....i was crying and..telling Him all my problems...every signle problem that i have faced for the past three months..and more and more tears were coming down...i asked Him to help me...and suddenly...alvin opened His bible..Hebrews chapter 12,verse one...and he read it out..and he said that verse was for me...and he touched me adn started praying for me..and aunty ai ling joined too...she held my hand and prayed with him...and they prayed for every problem i complained to Jesus...I don't know how they knew about all those problems..But Jesus helped me la...after that..i fell new la..I was revived..haihs...thank you Jesus...


psalms 91...this i will say of the lord...He is my refuge and He is my fortress..In Him i will trust...=)



goodnight world..this world..not the whole world...

I am bonding with Victor...=)
it was worth tolerating him all this while la..he is such a nice boy when you get to know him..


=\ ... i need alot of sleep la..haihs...

esther..things are going to be great la...the shirt you wore today...ahahah it was the shirt you wore when we ate cotton candy....with the psychology terms movie..=)

dunno why i put that sentence here la..she doesn't know about this blog..hahahahah...

deng..shen...so dengtifying...

Jesus LAH!

All humans are sinners.We've broken God's laws ,so we stand guilty before God and deserving of punishment.sin has warped every aspect of human life ;it has had such a radical effect on us that we stand in open rebellion and defiance of God who made us and loves us.think this is overstatign the case?consider this...God made Himself vulnerable to human beings one time,and we murdered Him...because of our sinful nature..we are incapable of pleasing God and doign anythign on our own to change the situation.we are as paul says..dead in our sins..and dead people can't really help themselves..we desperately need help from someone who can please God ..soemone who can do somethign about the desperate state of human souls.....Jesus ,by virtue of his sinless life,is that SOmeone...but helping us is a terribly expensive process...we deserve God's anger and punishment...but God took the wrath we deserve and puored it out on Jesus..on the cross..Jesus recieved the punishment for our sins...Jesus stood in between God and man ..that gap was brought upon by our sins..and he filled the gap with his blood..as horrible as His physical agony might have been..His spiritual and mental agony was wrose..No wonder He screamed out"My God,My God,,WHy have You forsakken ME?"..Jesus was deserted by God so that you and I never have to be..=) ...Jesus took your place on the cross and bore the terrible brunt of the sentence God could have imposed on you..It might be hard to belive that the death of one righteous man can bring upon the salvation of the world..but..belive it...that was teh one..darkest hour of huamn history..And Jesus turned it into the way of redemption for people everywhere...=)) I love Jesus...do you?

my bday card

hahahaha....this is the card mayz made for my bday this year...so nice la...somebody actually made a card for me...=)) i am beaming...hahah..somemore she made it in dorai colours...ahahahfor the dorai captain...hahahah.

thanks mayz..happy birthday again....wahahhahaha!!! I WISHED YOU FIRST!!..today i went to school and brag..gorri was bengang since i beat him to it..hahahha...everyone was solemn in school la..they were saying the were going to fail the exams..ahahha..pity la...

Ah Lian...

....happy birthday may szin...oi oi...thanks ar..you never gave up friendship with me wei..even though all the nonsesnse i put you through...and the card you made for my birthday..hahah..it was the only card i got..and it was SUPERB.=)=)i love you very very much!!!!.no matter how crazy i seem to you..or all the stupid things i say and do...especially concerning your hair..I love you very very much!!!!===have a superb birthday may szin...you deserve it=) my big sister...ahahha... I am way TALLER than you la..hahah.thanks..for being my friend.=)

rahmah,,,,

My dear puan rahamah has left....haihs..puan rahmah.. will really really miss you...amd yes..i will study hard..i am so so sorry for being the danush i was..but puan rahmah...like you said..i've changed..haha..too bad you couldn't spend more time with the new danush huh?...welli am glad we had that conversation yesterday morning...you take care puan rahmah..wherever you go..and always come back and visit us..=)) thank you for everything you've done for me...for giving me those chances when another teacher would have just given up on me..=))

....I had lunch with my friends..haha..after such a logn time we finally had lunch together again...=))...thirteen of us together..ahahhaha...good la..this friday..football season begins!!!!1

yeay...thanks guys,,,God was up to soemthing last week..cos i was down to nothing.!!!!

=) =)

how i feel la ...deng...

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away

Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow the rivers flow
Where you are I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
I'm still here

You've seen the ashes in my heart
You smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I try to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place

But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be


Maybe tonight it's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today it's gonna be okay
I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered
And I wanted you to come and make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
You just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The lights go out the bridges burn
Once you go you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you used to say
I'd be the one to run away
But I'm still here
I'm still here

six feet from the edge...haha..now i get the song..

...haihs...i miss white chocolate so much la...=(...errol..give her back to me la....
was talking to peay while having lunch.. pity la..i saw apryl crying..i asked her what was wrong.and she put up a so super fake smile and said nothing...hiahs..i felt so bad..wanted to go comfort her..and then peay pei told me..leave a girl alone when she is crying...haha..

haihs..i hope everything is okay with her la...

this emerson ar.. dunno la...yesterday was trying to start a conversation with him..and i dunno if he was just not amused,busy or plain sarcastic la..haihs...sigh sigh sigh.....=(..super the sad la....

No matter what people are telling me...i don't think things will ever be the same ....i think this is very true because when we were not at talking terms..a whole lot of opinions were shared...accusations thrown a each other..nd most importantly..the three of us..were very honest to each other...those things we said..well,,they cannot just be taken back like that...cos some of them seemed to have been built up over time...

Now i don't even knw if i am still going to be his best man on his wedding day...i don't even know if i will be invited..=(

haihs...dun care la....=(..as long as i am still there for the both of them...my duties are done.=)

...i thin it very hypocritical...why bother preach forgiveness and acceptance,when we can't even practise what we preach.....deng la...


deng..deng..deng....

you could hide beside me,maybe for a while,and i won' tell em your name=)

hahaha...Elysse.....I love her so so so so much la...My little Elysse...can't wait to spoil her kau kau after i come back from aussie..the most beautiful thing i've seen...Elysse rocks....speaking about rocks..

deng la..esther said i rock only if i don't jump to conclusions..that is such an insincere statement la....




deng la...haihs..i am so addictd to that word...deng....

well ...life seems to have taken a superb u-turn...things which seemed so unevitable soem time ago has totally changed..God worked his wonders...Love Him so so much la..=))..

and..erm..well my best friend...yeah...he and i..dunno la..things are better then last week.but not as good as last year..well the only thing that keeps me going is..that i know i should stoop down to the levels of others..w.w.J.d. =))
hahah and..yeah like Esther said..i can't keep comparing to now with the past...I should make the best of now ..so that i don't think back and regret later on...thanks esther..

.....melody...oh melody...i ahven't seen you in super duper long time edi...hope you come for b.k. quiz la....i was starting to think that you were just a part of my imagination..hahah...long time never see you la...cannot say i mis you..cos i really dun la..ahahahahahah

mayz....dun feel so sad la...life is always unfair...we should learn to make the best of what we get la..malaysian universities...haihs..i think nursing la mayz...you would make a superb nurse...

......No point on giving up in life la..Like Thomas Wayne said..."We fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up".


well ...i am tired...tired of watching people getiing treated unfairly..tired of being treated unfairly..tired of playing my guitar..tired of being branded without proper judgement...actually i am even tired of being judged la...haihs...i am...literally tired...i need to cut some zzzs..

i need some good sleeping.

peay pei..thanks...especially for the coffee..=) love you alot =)

goodnight imperfect world.....

Goodnight God....i love you more than i love peay pei or mayz..or shen...or esther..or emerson...or xin lyn...or tse kai...or prussy..or MELODY....or even white chocolate...

Goodnight,,,

=)

ha ha ha

<------------------see???? that is me...with a guitar which doesn't belong to me...look happy hor?? fake lar that face...simply smile cos i was feeling vain..wanted to look good in this photo..happy ar tse kai??...i am..or rather..i was a vain MAN when i took tha photo..which was this evening..before i watched batman begins..

haihs..i didn't eat dinner after all...deng..shen''s computer has been infiltrated by spyware..good la..spyware helps companies prosper..so that means you are helping that to prosper la..

haihs....i feel so lonely an deprived....errol has my wife la..oh my dear old white chocolate..i love her so so much...everynight i feel her curves...but not tonight..poor old white chocolate..

God..he showed me the right way la...i bet if i defied Him..i would kena nicely la..like sarah said"ZAP ZAP LIGHTNING" hahah..scarry la you sarah..thanks anyway sarah..42 kilos is oo underweight for a guy la..

ok..now i want to have soem tea(chinese tea)..remember..?i changed diets la..no moer milo edi...

=/


goodnight..prussy =p

liberty of speech..or rather..liberty of type =)

haihs...finaly i have the freedom off myself...right here i can blog without feeling guilty for anything i type...=) =)
becky=a friend of mine....hahahah...her idea of having kids..way totally different from mine...but i support her fully...she plans to adopt a few kids..not concieve them..but adopt..ahhha a hispanic kid...an asian..an ang moh and so one...ahah..and her names for her kids..ahaha..one of them will be called jamie gerrard micheal bill bob carragher..ahahahha..is that right becky?..and my friends and i will be sending our children to her football club...=) =) all the way becky..I am so proud to have a friend who thinks like you..=)) when you really adopt...wah..i'll bebeaming for months la...=)....

the last week has been absolutely dreadful..how i wish i can erase this whole one week from my life...so many bad thigs happened...=(...i lost my best friend for a few days..i almost quit church..I almost cut ties with some of the best friends i could ever dream of having..haihs..
and i realised...that..people whom i hold dearest to my heart...and whom i call my best friends...well..they can't seem to accept me for who and what i am...they expect me to mould myself into something they can accept...haihs..i find that extremly disappointing..but..i can e like that...whatever it is..they are my best friends..but..sometimes..i know..i can be extremely hard to please...

haihs..dunno la..=)

i need to have my dinner...i've had so many slices of chocolate cake today..yummy..my aunt baked me soem cakes.so..i was alone at home...mmmmmmmm =))

well..i want to have my dinner...

good night world...=(,,,,

={p