你现在到底清楚了吗？

Monday, January 10, 2011

OMG, I actually kind of forgot I have a blog! hahaha. But I wonder who ever bothers to read this space anymore cos I'm practically inactive here.

Anyway, it's already 2011!

2010 was a transition year. The first half of the year, I was a student, busy with all the tiresome FYP stuff, but as I look back now, those are beautiful memories. I probably won't be doing another presentation or exam any time soon, and I actually miss those days some times. Then the next half of 2010, I became a working adult, who more or less has to be independent and take care of almost everything myself. The world becomes more cruel to you because you are expected to be mature enough to deal with adversities thrown your way.

I was a problematic kid when I first started work, come on, my boss even said that I'm the newbie with the worst attitude she's ever seen, but please, I threw that out of the picture cos no one has criticised me like that before. hahaha :P But well, I tried to change a little to make life easier for us all, and I'm glad I'm now kind of back on track. Things will only get better right?

And WOW. I'm 7 months and counting into my job, and I think I'm loving almost every minute of it. I said almost.

Just recently, my boss expressed that she now has greater expectations of me, and while it is good that it means I'm doing the right thing, but then I'm also afraid when people start wanting more from me.

Hmmm, I shall just try my best I guess, and hope for the best. haha. Creative juices, please start to flow!!

Anyway, I'm finally on a short break after working almost non-stop since I came back from Korea, and I feel like it's a well-deserved break.

Pity I got the notice too late, if not I might have planned a little getaway to somewhere. I usually jump on every chance to get out of this small little island you see. haha :P

But it's fine, I'm enjoying slacking at home, spending time with my loved ones, doing a little bit of spring cleaning and the like. hahaha :P It feels really good to be able to take things slow once in a while...I wish time would pass slower at times like these. I want to slow down and enjoy the little things in life.

I feel as if tooooo many things have happened in the past month, coupled with the festive season gatherings and stuff, so ya...it's time I get some rest, right? :)

I don't really make new year resolutions - cos I somehow forget about them the moment I make them - so I don't really have any plans or goals or whatever this year...only hope for health and happiness for myself, and my family and friends.

Welcome to 2011, my dears.

Cheers :)

Labels: goodbye 2010 hello 2011, random

posted @ 8:43:00 pm |

Sunday, November 21, 2010

It seems like it has become the norm for me to blog once a month after I started work in JUNE.

Yes, my gosh, it's been over 5 months since I started working, and Christmas is just round the corner - I hope I'll have luck when we draw lots to decide who's going to work during Christmas and New Year.

Anyway, I want to say, I realised my situation is quite optimistic after all, because I do get some job satisfaction, especially if I see my stories on the cover. I remember being very high, too high, on one day when there were two on the cover. My colleague thought I was crazy. hahaha. But at least that's something that will keep me going for now, and I think it's so important to glean some meaning in what I do.

Some people dismiss the evening papers as tabloids, but I actually think we provide that spice in readers' lives. I always think it's a cycle. Because readers are interested, that's why we write "juicy" stories; because we think our target audience would be interested, that's why we write stories the way we do. haha. I hope I am making sense :P

But on a separate note, as I become more and more integrated into the newsroom, I find the burden on my shoulders getting heavier because I feel that people would expect more from me.

It's funny how I only remember that my computer skills and quantity exceed expectations on my probation appraisal form. LOL :P I heard some good stuff from my boss, and I was indeed encouraged to become better (which I do want to), but sometimes somewhere along the way, some things would just get you down, and perhaps that's where the pressure comes from.

The sinseh I saw said I looked like a cheery person and was puzzled how I got my condition because apparently, people who are more moody and depressed are more prone to be struck by this illness. I told him maybe it's due to the fact that I'm always afraid of not living up to expectations, and he said ya, that could be a factor.

But I can't help it, I don't know why, every time I "kena" from bosses, I would think "oh no, minus 10 marks again". How do I get myself to not care about the appraisal so much? Some people tell me it actually doesn't matter, because it's not really about what you do, if you get what I mean.

Other than the occasional self-doubting moments, I think I'm actually getting on pretty fine at where I am. I am just looking forward to doing more kick-ass stories (er...not like I've really done kick-ass stories) and er...hopefully contribute by getting something our competitors don't have? Then maybe the bosses would love me. LOL =/

Labels: reflections, work

posted @ 5:32:00 pm |

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Every time it comes to around 10pm on my rest day, my mood gets a little affected because that means the next working day is just around the corner. TSK.

*prays for a smooth day at the mort tomorrow*

Shall plan my next break / holiday for Dec and Jan. Nov is out already because a colleague is going on a very long marriage and honeymoon leave :)

It's soon the end of October, which means I've been here for 5 months :)

You know, I actually quite like being in this team, at least every day is different and I don't have to keep waiting for replies like those in the general team :)

Labels: rants, work

posted @ 9:56:00 pm |

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I was very upset yesterday because I didn't get the credit I deserved. The reason she gave was so ridiculous that it made me wonder if I should even have bothered. And the way she phrased it made it even worse.

Basically, I sourced out someone that's pretty important in the story, but credit was taken away from me because well, apparently, I was just following my senior on the job, so people who read the papers would never know that I actually contributed to the story. Yes, I'm a newbie, I may not be as experienced, but hey, that doesn't mean the work I do is less significant okay.

But oh well. My friends in office told me to think positively. One told me that he was always scolded when he was working in another paper. So, when he came over here, every time he meets people from the previous paper, he would make sure that he gets things that they don't have. Another told me that this setback would push me to become someone not to be trifled with, it will push me to become someone that people would recognise and be afraid of. haha. I hope for that day to come :P I don't want to be someone whose credit can be taken away so easily.

Go, go, go! :)

Labels: rants, work

posted @ 11:31:00 pm |

Friday, July 30, 2010

And so I'm officially no longer a student.

I'm so glad I chose WKWSCI, the last 4 years must be one of the best times of my life.

I met some amazing people with great talent and passion, and I'm just so proud to say that I'm a CS graduate.

To the people who entered my life in the past 4 years and will be here to stay, thank you for being a friend, thank you for the times we spent together, thank you for being a part of my life.

It's really only when people start working that they realise the best times of their lives were spent in school.

Labels: graduation, school

posted @ 10:26:00 pm |

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hello, I'm still alive.

Yea, I know, I say the same old thing every time I blog, it's as if I'm always expecting myself to "die". LOL :P

I realised the thing about working is that, you really don't get much of a life - okay, actually it very much depends on your job scope - and I have no idea why I stay so late everyday. I think I really got to force myself to work faster so I can get my ass out of the office earlier, and have more "me" time at home.

It's scary if you only reach home at 10pm, then shower, have dinner - or supper, watch a bit of TV, and go to bed by 12 midnight, only to wake up again at 6plus am the next morning, and the whole cycle repeats itself. This routine is not very healthy, I think. It's really scary. It's really very difficult to have a life with a routine like this.

And it doesn't help that I feel stressed reporting to work because I don't know what each day may bring (I'm supposed to be excited about this particular aspect of being a journalist, you know). I'm afraid of making mistakes, and where I am now is not exactly very forgiving towards people who err. Well, at least that's what I think, and I think reality is as such too. Okay, maybe it depends on how grave your mistake is.

It can be quite demoralising some times but like what people have told me, fact is I'll be at where I am now, at least for a while, so there's no point in thinking about how "good" a life other newbies my batch are having at other papers, and that I really should take every "scolding" and mistake as training and a learning experience, rather than brooding about it, so that my life would be easier. As always, it's easier said than done but I guess I have to try.

And it's so irritating to not be able to speak your mind, and having to learn who to trust in a "dangerous" environment full of traps and mines. TSK.

And I'm still waiting for a piece of work that I'm proud of and makes me go "WOOHOO, I did that, you know!" I enjoyed this sense of satisfaction a number of times during my internships, so maybe when that happens now, it means I've found some joy and meaning in what I'm doing.

I should stop "complaining" and start thinking positively about my "destiny". All things happen for a reason.

Labels: rants, reflections, work

posted @ 12:24:00 am |

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Alright, so after three weeks at work, I'm still alive. Haha. Things are not so gloomy now - though they aren't exactly very cheery yet - but I think I'm starting to settle in to the rhythm and pace of the work cycle here - good news this is I would think :)

Things are looking good, and I definitely hope it'll become better. I still make mistakes here and there, but hey, all newbies do, and well, even the "oldies" make mistakes some times so I think I should cut myself some slack. I'll be on my toes, learn as much as possible, and hopefully become a fully-functional member of the team soon.

People, do you realise that June is almost over? Oh my oh my, half of the year 2010 is almost gone. Why must time fly past like that? :(

Labels: work

posted @ 12:07:00 am |

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

One week at work, and I'm still very disoriented. Sheesh. Not very happy with myself for not being able to settle in. But then again, it's not a very easy thing to settle down at this place. Boo.

It's just...I don't know, weird? Some things that I'm doing now really don't come very naturally, so it makes things a little difficult. Rahhh. I can't really go into details, you know. haha :P But I'm fine, I guess I just need more time, but I wonder how much time people are willing to spare me. Bleah.

I wish I had an English-Chinese dictionary computed in my head, seriously. And I wish I can think faster, type faster, and finish my work faster. But to do that, I need to be more competent in Chinese - I really hope it gets better with more on-the-job training - and be less hard on myself. Seriously, there's no room for too much consideration. Rahhh. I'm learning la, still learning.

Although things are still quite okay now, I do hope something / someone will appear to help make my life better. LOL :P

Alright, going to bed soon, working for the next 3 consecutive days. Pui.

Labels: rants, work

posted @ 10:15:00 pm |

Thursday, June 03, 2010

So I've officially started work. I haven't done it long enough to say "I hate it" like Leigh, but neither am I going to say I love it. I'll need more time to tell you that. LOL :P

The nature of the work at my current department is vastly different from what I used to do so there's a lot to learn. I just hope time doesn't pass too quickly, so I can use the "Oops sorry, I'm new so I didn't know" excuse for a little while longer :P

The reaction of some people when I tell them where I am scares me a little, but it's okay, I shall see how long I can hold out for. I certainly hope it'll be for a while.

I went to see my TCM sinseh today because I sensed something wrong with me. You know what? He said I was too stressed. LOL. The stress has caused me to experience increased bowel movement, and may trigger the relapse of my thyroid condition. Oh my oh my. It's very difficult for me to relax at this stage because I'm still adapting, understanding the things going on around me, and trying to get into the thick of the action, but I will try. I don't want to pay the price for being so stressed up later. bleah. I wanted to go for a run in the evening to sweat it off, but the rain foiled my plans -_- I shall try to keep myself happy and positive and not take things too hard so the "evil stuff" wouldn't come get me :)

To my other friends who have just started work, I hope you guys are getting on fine! Just hang in there okay? It's always more difficult at the beginning I guess.

Labels: work

posted @ 11:47:00 pm |

Monday, May 31, 2010

When a new day - and a new month - begins tomorrow, I embark on a new phase in my life. 1 June 2010 is the day I officially say goodbye to the 16 years of being a student and mark my entrance into the "real world". I don't know what I'm feeling right now, perhaps it's a little of everything - excited, apprehensive, uncertain, hopeful, restless.

Seriously, I still can't quite imagine myself starting work. I'll become one of those who work five days a week, only meeting up with friends and having some life once in a while after work or on precious off-days. And I can't keep jetting off to somewhere else anymore, like I've done so often in the past year. I only have....20 days of leave (I don't know my terms of employment yet)? Fortunately, though, I've chosen something that's not so routine, something that allows me to get out of the office and meet people from all walks of life. I hope I continue to like my job for at least the next four years :)

Friends are envious of me for being able to do something that I'm interested in, but these days I wonder, do I really love what I'm doing? Did I make the right choice four years ago? Am I really suited for this profession? Did the panel make a mistake back then?

No, I don't regret my decision, I think I still like, and am going to like, what I'm going to do. But it's just human nature to pause and reflect when you see peers taking a different route from you. What if I didn't have a print journalism scholarship? Would I have chosen to go down the broadcast journalism / production line? What if I didn't have work commitments right after I end school? Would I apply for a programme that would send me to the developing world and uncover stories that the world may have neglected? What if I hadn't stayed in Singapore for my tertiary education? Would I be dreaming bigger now and not be so contented with my lot? I guess I'll never have answers to these questions. But that's life, and I still believe things happen for a reason. I guess I can only go with the flow and see what awaits me.

Looking back on the past four years in university, I think I've learnt a good deal and have grown much as an individual.

Frankly speaking, I don't remember much of Year 1, besides FOC and maybe ISG, and having an exact timetable as Phoebe, someone who I played alongside in secondary school but was never really close to. I'm glad we were given a second chance to be friends, and that people see us as an entity, as if we're twins. haha :P

I think Year 2 semester 2 had the greatest impact on me. I was thrown into a foreign land with 3 acquaintances, and that was when I learnt to live with others and be independent. That was the first time I actually had doubts about myself because adapting to a different environment has never been so difficult. I remember crying because I couldn't be in Singapore for CNY - so silly I know - because I felt so alone at times (okay I think it was just once lah :P) but I emerged stronger of course. When I wasn't emo momo, which was most of the time actually, I had great fun going to school (cos I only had to pass my modules), eating, shopping, sightseeing, holiday-ing, and chasing stars in Hong Kong. haha :P I played so hard during my exchange that I screwed up the first semester of Year 3, seriously, because I never really got out of the holiday mood. And I paid dearly for it -_- haha :P More on it later.

And of course, semester 2 of Year 3 was a blast too because I was away in China (funny how the highlights of my university life seem to be overseas :P). I thoroughly enjoyed my stint at Radio 774 in Beijing, mainly because of the wonderful people I was working with :) And not that I'm boasting, but I was really impressed with the work I did over there. haha :P In Singapore, I usually didn't have to source for stories, they'll somehow land on my lap and I get assigned to cover this and that. I never really had to worry about not having anything to do at work. But in Beijing, if I didn't move my ass and find something to do, I'd probably just rot in the office and come back with a lousy PI experience. And I really liked the feeling of following through with a story, from sourcing to contacting to interviewing to scripting to producing the work to listening to it on air. It was like...delivering a baby? hahhaha :P I now believe that there really isn't such a thing as nothing to cover, it was more a matter of whether you bother to go and look for the story. And thankfully for this stint, I now understand China and Chinese a little more - not so prejudiced (no, I'm not trying to be politically correct) :P

I would have stayed in China for a little longer if not for the fact that I signed up for GOFAR so I had to be back in mid-July last year. It's another decision I don't regret because if not for GOFAR, I don't think I would ever have gone to Bangladesh in my lifetime! :) I thought China would have prepared me enough, but no, the madness in Bangladesh was really a whole new different level for me. The dust, the heat, the honking, the chaos, and everything else were really not quite what I had expected. Or maybe, I just didn't read up enough. haha. I should have known. It was tough but I'm glad I went because it made me more appreciative of what I have :) The trips we made to the country culminated in a magazine + DVD publication called Jibika. I was part of the editorial team, and I never knew it can be so difficult to publish a magazine -_-

And how can I miss out FYP? I was so happy when I found myself a group that was going to make a documentary (I always thought documentaries are more meaningful) but seriously, I never thought we would go to Thailand to do a documentary, much less a documentary on elephants. hahaha. The journey was arduous, but I guess our efforts paid off in the end :) Sometimes I feel bad for not being able to contribute much technically, but I hope I made up for that in other ways. And I cannot ask for better groupmates - Phoebe, JJ and Ting Yi. I'm glad we did well and that our group is still intact after a year of working together. ahem. And I hope we get to win some awards at festivals. I remember telling Phoebe maybe she'll be so busy touring film festivals around the world with our film that she doesn't have to start work so soon. hahaha :P

So I graduated with a second upper, and I'm agonisingly close to a first class - 0.02. It was painful at first, I wanted to slap myself for doing badly the semester after hk. hahaha. But well, we can't turn back time, and if you look at the things I did in my four years at CS, I guess it doesn't really matter right? (Please say yes, thanks.) It means a lower starting pay, but hey, not everything can be measured in monetary terms right? (Please say yes again, thanks.)

Alright, so much for a recount of my life in university. Sorry if I got you very bored in reading this entry - who still reads my blog anyway - I know I usually write more enthusiastically, peppered with more ! and :P haha :P

Oh just to add, in the past year, I've also thought quite a bit about friends and friendship. I've become more skeptical about relationships with people. I'm really not as "friendful" as people think I am, I really only have a handful of friends - "real" friends. And I think you know who you are. People come and go, I'm grateful for the friends I have now, and I hope we'll all grow old together. haha :P

Okay I'm going to stop here for now. I'll update when I next feel like it. heh :)

Labels: friends, life, reflections, school, work

posted @ 3:57:00 pm |