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累了， 哭了， 说了。 结果还是一样的。 难过、失望、绝望。 你们全都无法体谅。 放弃吗？ 继续吗？ 答案，已不再清晰了。 真的快透不过气了。 可是。。。最终。。。 我还是孤独一人的。

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Feeling a little burned out recently. There're just many things that have been troubling me etc etc... Especially friendship problems. It's weird to start a post like this after so long of posting completely nothing, but yeah. I'm feeling even more strangled with each day... Really dont know what i should do now... All that i know is that very soon enough, i'll really explode. Feeling breathless is all that i can say.

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First post in 2013: With a new year comes a whole new beginning. But.. why on earth am i so unlucky to have to meet a pervert on the first day of the year?! WHY?!): ): ): WTS. 3 TIMES ALREADY LEH. WTS. FREAKING 3 TIMES. BUT.. THIS TIME ROUND, IT'S THE WORSE I SWEAR. ALMOST FELT LIKE PUKING WTS. ALL THE PERVERTS ON EARTH SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR OR SMTH. LIKE STOP HARMING PEOPLE WTS.

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Haha. Just thought that I would end this year on a happy note cause I think this picture is quite cute hehe^0^. Anyway, 2012's ending.. Sigh..having mixed feelings about it but yeah... time and tide will wait for no man. Thanks for everyone who has been there for me when i needed someone. Thanks for helping me through that period. I've grown stronger and have seen things now from a different perspective. Thanks for all the memories that everyone has given me; be it good or bad, or they are what maked my 2012 unique. Watching countdown now! I ♥ fireworks!!! ^@^ Last post for 2012!! But well, life goes on!!! See ya in 2013!(: & May everything go well!

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One of my all-time favourite! 如果不是那镜子不想你 不藏秘密 我还不肯相信没有你 我的笑更美丽 那天听你在电话里略带抱歉的关心 我嘟的一声切的比你说分手 彻底 泪湿的衣洗干净 阳光里晒干回忆 折好了伤心明天起 只和快乐出去 这爱的城市虽然拥挤 如果真的遇见你 你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替 离开你 我才发现自己 那爱笑的眼睛 流过泪像躲不过的暴风雨 淋湿的昨天删去(忘记) 离开你我才找回自己 那爱笑的眼睛 再见爱情，我一定让自己让自己决定(坚定) 离开你 我才发现自己 那爱笑的眼睛 流过泪像一个人看旧电影 是我不小心而已 离开你我才找回自己 那爱笑的眼睛 再见到你我一定让自己 让自己坚定 再见到你，我一定让自己，假装很坚定

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Said that i'll post before i sleep so yup!! Hopefully i wont fall asleep halfway while typing... Anyway i shall post about my trip sometime later! Hmm. Glad that i've more or less recovered from the trip. Haha waa really scary when i found some blood in my phlegm... mum said that perhaps it was because i coughed to hard or smth.. but im fine now! Thanks to all those who were so concerned after seeing my tweet and those close friends, via sms! Haha. Kinda got freaked out myself too.. haha sounds disgusting but i blew out some blood in my mucus too.. guesa it's because of the cold weather and etc.. haha but that was not my first time so yup! Same thing happened during my beijing trip too.. But well, im usually healthy i guess?? Haha okay maybe for the past few months im not, when im like down with flu, sore throat etc.. Anyway, realised that i've not typed chinese posts for quite a while so i'll work that out! But yup. Getting more stressed and pissed with myself recently.. like my revision and homework plans are seriously not going according to the way i wanted it to be... slacking, procrastinating and the overseas trips... sigh. REALLY HATE MYSELF FOR THIS NOW. Sighhh... gonna sleep now so that i wont be bothered by my headache.

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COUNTDOWN: 1 MORE DAY! TMR AT THIS TIME I WOULD HAVE JUST TOUCHED DOWN IN TAIWAN!sigh. But im having mixed feelings suddenly.. idk why either. But to be honest, it's gonna be my 3rd time there tmr! Okay. Shall post again tonight after rounds of double-checking my luggage!

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COUNTDOWN: 3 MORE DAYS!!! Anyway, today 's minho's birthday! Haha. And he happened to be in singapore for his concert yesterday! Haha. Imagine twitter being spammed with all the shinee's news and minho's birthday wishes! But still, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINHO! I've grown to like him after watching "To the beautiful you"! It's super nice and funny! ♥ his boyish smile though! Kay. Shall go to sleep now cause in starting to suffet from late night symtoms again...):

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失望。生气。 失望;是对于自己的一切。 生气;是因为自己所给予的回应。 好累了。连找个人诉说的力气也没了。

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COUNTDOWN: 10 DAYS! Leaving soon!:D Nth much to blog about... But i feel guilty...towards myself... The past week had flew past...with me slacking. Unproductivity's creeping in as always. Seriously need to start work soon or i wont be able to finish that scary pile of work awaiting me. Zzz. Plus cip and cca etc.. The number of days left is like...wow.. Been watching dramas all this while.. But seriously, they should upload faster omg. My neck has grown a few centimetres longer while waiting for each new episode to be uploaded. 3 dramas leh. Okay. 4 actually.. but well. The shows are nice and touching. Always made me so emotional after watching them. But well, i still love watching them^^ #imjustlikeanyothergirlwholoveswatchingdramas Anyway, another reason for watching showsis because of their soundtracks. Haha! Well. In my own opinion, what's a good drama without good music? Somehow. I'll always find myself being immersed in the lyrics of the songs played during the dramas i watch...intriguing and fascinating. Like how those words...often captivates my inner soul. Haha. Too many songs that it is impossible for me to list all of them here. Anyway i met this ex-nhrian yesterday while dining at marina! Haha so cool and coincidental! Andand! I FINALLY SAW MY NEIGHBOUR'S SON!! okay. My next-door neighbour always closes their door and i rarely see them.. But yesterday it really was so coincidental i swear!! I actually met them at marina omg!! And i finally saw their ADORABLE SON!!! He is like a month-old plusplus! AND HE IS REALLY ADORABLE OMG!!! I AM REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIS EYES!!! HIS EYES CAN TALK!!! AND HE SMILED AT ME HEHEHEHE!! LOL I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A PEDO... BUT I LOVE KIDS HAHA! If i am ever gonna be a teacher, i would opt to be a kindergarden teacher hehe! #iloveadorablekids♥ Okay..enough blogging.. i should probably go read some bio before i ko! Think im gonna fall sick soon for i kept sneezing throughout the day.. #做最爱你的朋友 ♥the lyrics. Okay. PCR, GEL ELECTROPHORESIS, Etc, HERE I COME!

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Typing is super tedious for me now cause of my swollen finger. Like my right hand of all places! Okay. Holding a pen properly is not an easy feat either. Right. Blame it on my carelessness. So sotong enough to get poked by a metal tip. Now my finger is swollen. Sigh. It has been 3 days already. Super painful too.. Okay it is gonna rain again!^^ shall let the melody of the falling raindrops accompany me to sleep!

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快乐，也可以来自于一个人的独处。 听着广播, 广播员正述说着她独自逛街的体验。 听着听着，突然间我自己也想独自一人，悠游地走在大街上逛街。 好久没有那么做了，我还真的有点儿想念那种感觉! 听着音乐,到处逛逛，就这样过了一个悠闲的午后。 那种，沉浸在自己世界里的感觉,偶尔感受一下也挺不错的! 有时，沉浸在自己的世界里能够为你搭建一座桥梁，让你能够更近一步地去了解自己。

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等待‭　‬的時空‭　‬有點重　重得時針走不動 我來不及‭　‬說聲嗨影子就從人海暈開 哪天　撲了空‭　‬折了衷　祈禱終於起作用 一陣風‭　‬吹來夢　卻又敗在難溝通 我勾不著還‭　‬微笑忍耐 In love with this song currently. Especially after watching that drama. Did i cry? I can't rmb, but i think i did. It really was so touching! I'll definitely watch it again some time later. Realised... that I haven't been blogging as much nowadays... Shall do smth about it and see how it goes from there. Anyway, i wont be able to blog in mid december since i'll be away. So... till the next post when i feel like blogging, i guess?

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Haish. Tmr's the first day i need to get through. Let's just hope... that i can meet the promotion criteria. Otherwise, friday's gonna be another tough day to get through too. Oh gosh. Somehow, I don't feel like the old me suddenly. Don't know why, but im just.. Somehow, everything's like changing in my life idk why. Feeling as though im going through a crisis now. That paranoid feeling, is making me even more insecure, worried and jumpy. And i don't know, if... i am still stuck in the past, when i was still naive enough to think that everything will not change. Well, i guess i was wrong ultimately.

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好久没去流浪 我的爱 如果变成你的理所当然 留些寂寞让你品尝 我喜欢 浪漫能掺一点酸 继续 爱我像从前一样 像从前 我的倔强  像从前 你的体谅 所有都想和你分享 我一直守着这个信仰 快乐却已变得 不简单 其实不爱流浪 你笑我 怎么可以这么没方向感 对你何尝不是一样 想定位 你的心里怎么想 继续 爱我像从前一样 递情书 那条小巷 发着呆 那个橱窗沿着回忆的路线闯 幸福的感觉带着伤感 泪光闪闪满天 的星光 天微亮 心微慌 一个人的车站 雾像梦一样 还是会笑着 回到你那一站 爱我想从前一样 像从前 我的倔强 像从前 你的体谅 所有都想和你分享 我一直守着这个信仰 快乐回到当初 的简单 还是爱你像从前一样

已经放手了，也决定不会再期待些什么了。 我想，打从一开始，我们就已属于两个不同世界的人, 只是在那一刹那间, 偶然相遇而已。累了，也厌倦了等待。 ↑ to the top

已放了，也决定不会再期待些什么了。我想,打从一开始, 我们就已属于两个不同世界的人, 只是在那一刹那间, 偶然相遇而已。累了，也厌倦了等待。

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just happened to chance upon this song and yeah. the lyrics sound... meaningful!

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I'm referring to the memories that are now, more like the " once upon a time" kind-of thingy...




Back to the main topic. Here's the post that I said I would update weeks ago...
Had been so busy that I didn't have the time to.


shall just continue from this week's schedule.


Mon and Tues nth much apart from school, and well, just school. oh. but i think one day this week i met someone from my primary school. 


hell.. it's been 4 years plus...


all i can say is that... 


" I'm sorry that I chose to be a coward in the end, that I chose not to say anything even when I'm standing in front of you... yes I know that u'll probably not see this, but yeah...


Still, all i want to say is that I've already forgiven you for what u did back then... But...idk why, seeing you again( not the first time actually), has actually made my courage disappear. To be honest, in my mind, I've already rehearsed through what i would say to u if i actually see you again, countless number of times in fact. But the words simply won't come out of my mouth in reality when i saw u. Words that are just stuck in my throat. Yeah. I wish we could start all over again, as friends. But i guess it's gonna take a miracle for that to happen again..."






Wed:


Didn't go for photog cause my class and I joined our Inter-House Games! played netball. yeah wth. me with netball?! oh well. i tried my best already. haha. But one team got into the finals from our house! haha! our strategy!




Friday: joined the games again so didnt go for cca..


played floorball this time round and how fun it was! yeah. floorball's more in my league than netball hahaha!


ah. but i missed quite a few shots. like i could have helped to score a few more goals actually! yeah.  but these 2 games have caused my muscles to ache like siao! zzz.. plus pe too... zzz. wasted almost a whole packet of salonpas already... plus i sprained my wrist before netball, then played when it was slightly better, only to find that i strained it again.. haha. then on friday, it just got worse so yeah. my poor wrist and ankle. but yeah. it was really fun though. i met new ppl who are quite okay haha!




a lot of things to do nowadays so im just gonna summarise everything.


last fri: covered event.
wed: interhouse game-netball
fri: interhouse game- floorball
sat: YMCA briefing


etc etc etc! will update again later!
next sat: YMCA event coverage for the whole day.


yup! YMCA INVITED AJ PHOTOG TO HELP THEM TO COVER THE YOUTH DIALOGUE AND IM GOING FOR IT. HAHA SOUNDS COOL THOUGH!






OH OH AND DID I EVER MENTION THAT THIS IS THE SECOND TIME WHERE MY PICTURES ARE EXHIBITED IN SCHOOL?!! OUTSIDE GO HAHAHAHA! I'M SO HAPPY WITH THE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT AND THE PRIDE I HAVE FROM MY WORK!:D yup! but of course, I'm still in my process of learning to be an even better PHOTOGRAPHER!:D

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It's been a long time since I've last posted so I shall just take this time when I'm supposed to be doing GP to blog about things happening here and there!^^




Saturday:


wanted to have a clique outing but it was cancelled cause everybody last minute cannot make it...): zzz... it happened already on friday... then again on sat...:/
planned to go to bugis area to settle some stuff there but was waiting for ppl to accompany me there.. well, shopping for presents is on my itinerary, but it will always be a better shopping trip if there was someone who could accompany u and give u some good advice in the mean time. Sadly, i have none, so I was so annoyed that I didn't bother asking who's free anymore, but I chose to go down on my own instead. 


Yes, I can be independent at times like this. LOL.


hmm. went to bras basah to settle some stuff first then walked all the way to bugis street. haha. actually it's not a long distance; somehow i found myself loving that walk haha. ah. bugis street-as crowded as always! haha. went to the second floor cause i remembered i saw smth nice on my trip there with meiqian some time ago.. haha.


The first shop i went to, i ended chatting with the shop owner! haha! she is so nice! haha. We were like "complaining" to each other about how hard it was to get presents for ppl HAHAHA! IT WAS FUN-although i spent like half an hour in her shop or smth, deciding what design to choose! LOL. IN THE END I BOUGHT 2 THINGS OF THE SAME DESIGN HAHA. okay. one was for myself-well, it was smth which i've been wanting to get for myself and well, i just wanna "treat" myself a little after everything that has happened over the holidays and plus the exam stress haha! then the other was for felicia!( haha. WAS- because i walked around after buying, and i saw this shop again! )haha then i remembered previously meiqian also bought smth from the first shop, then she regretted a little after she bought when we saw the second shop!! zzz. vicious cycle haha! so i saw smth which i think also suits felicia, so i bought another one thing for her!! haha! omg! i like the old granny in the shop haha! she wanted to help me get a cheaper price from her bos since i bought some random stuffs from her shop as well, then she jokingly told her boss to give her "face" cause it was her "birthday" that day haha!


hmm. was a little touched actually! haha! small gestures are often enough to make me happy for the whole day!!!(:


haha. well, bought finished the presents then i walked back to bras basah again to get some cardboard haha. art friend dont really have what i wanted, so i went over to pop. but pop super ex so i wanted to go back to art friend again to find a substitute haha. but art friend was closing already so the person don't let me in! haha. luckily cause of this i managed to find another shop, which was more cheaper(on account of the number of big big boards that i need to get for my scrapbooking stuff!) haha. in the end i was like this crazy person who carried so many stuffs in my hands, waiting for a bus to take me home. haha. quite heavy also! haha! but quite fun actually, to have all your hands loaded with stuff! ah. luckily there were seats on the bus after a few stops haha! OTHERWISE U CAN IMAGINE ME FALLING!


missed my CITYVIEW@BOONKENG 's HDB welcome party! okay. CITYVIEW@BOONKENG' s my house's name. just like those condo type. LOL. ( cause its the DBSS kind of flat!) haha. but it attracted super lots of ppl! haha! got popcorn i want omg! but my bro ate finished all the popcorn and ice-cream by the time i came back! ): well, he was earlier than me although he went for his table tennis training session at the Singapore Table Tennis Association!


hmm. went home to unload all my stuff, then headed out with family to somewhere behind the Eminent Plaza near my house for dinner! quite nice actually! haha. okay i meant the soup! i love soups hehe. LOL. I CAN DRINK 2 BOWLS FOR DINNER EVERYDAY HEHE^^ MY MUM'S SOUPS TASTE HEAVENLY!!!:D haha. then after dinner we walked back and yup! slacked till sleep time!




Sunday:


Went out on my own again to Farrer Park to get some photos printed for my scrapbooking stuff! haha. This time round I planned to complete Mr Tan's, Felicia's and Ahrang's cards! ah. but so far i only managed to complete Mr Tan's! haha! cause it's my first time doing it the guy-style, so its kind of hard since the amount of neutral materials that I have is limited haha! but it looks quite nice eventually! shall upload the photo some other day when i've completed the rest of the cards! but ah, thanks CHAR FOR SAYING THAT IT'S NICE HAHAHA! i'm so happy when someone acknowledges ur work. hmm. so i went to print the photos yeah, LOL I WENT THERE SO MANY TIMES ALREADY THAT THE PERSON WORKING THERE KNOWS ME! SHE WAS LIKE, "YOU HAVE BEEN HERE MANY TIMES RIGHT?" (OKAY, AND TO BE HONEST, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I SAW HER HAHA. GUESS SHE KNEW THAT I WAS A REGULAR CUSTOMER BECAUSE OF THE WAY I CHOSE THE PHOTOS TO DECORATING IT HAHA!)


headed to my favourite place again and spent some time there browsing through those scrapbooking stuff hehe! well this time round surprisingly i spent about half an hour only! an improvement as compared to the previous times! haha i can spend more than an hour there! just imagine, i can enter a shop when there is no other customer but me in there, and leave when i am the only customer in the shop! of course in the process there were many other customers who came in as well! haha. someone i love this kind of places! well, when im shopping for such stuff, i like to be alone-it gives me the clarity to think haha and to immerse in the crafting world as well haha!


went home, then out again for lunch then to my grandparents' house!




okay i shall stop here for now! haha! i think i've spammed too much already. now my fingers feel a little tired from all the non-stop typing.. haha!


shall go focus on my GP for now and probably blog again tmr!(:


ah. meanwhile i think i've caught a cold thanks to the stupid strong aircon that was blowing at me for 3 hours plus today...

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Suddenly, I feel very much like a lost sheep now, trying my best to figure out my next step... Maybe, maybe i should take some time off by myself to think things through a little bit more. Yes, perhaps this is the best right now. Let me retreat back to my shell again for the time being. Who knows? Perhaps this might be better, for you and me.

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PURPLE BRACES!!!:D 

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Finally I've managed to survive this week.
It just sucks when u have to spend the last few days of your year with tests..:/

zzz. and all the tests are kind of screwed...:/
okay, I will always not know how to do questions on the last page...:/ super irritating ah.

like i got back chem and GP comprehension...
failed by a mark...:/

): haish. can I say that it's quite hard actually?

okay, everything in AJ's quite hard...

oh well, but i guess a lot of people in my level share the same sentiments as me, cause a lot failed i guess. haha. Fail as a level LOL.

AH. BUT I ALREADY KNOW THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A FAIL TEST WEEK, so yup! and at least I didn't fail as badly as I thought I would!!

Well, at least I hope maths and bio's gonna be good!


Hmm...

Been thinking recently...
Haha. something which I've not been doing for a period of time...


And somehow I feel kind of pathetic with the state I'm in.



It doesn't hurt to dream, but more often than not, it's the reality that hurts the most.

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3 more days.

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WAHHHHHHHHHHHH

TMR'S 1 MAY LIAO!!!! ):):):):):


OH NOOOOO......

HAISH. I DON'T WANT BE 17.....

AHH.

How i wish I was born on 31 Dec!:/


oh well. anyway.

Saw someone on the way to school this morning.
That person brought back many memories into my mind.

That person's really someone close to me.
Well, at least, that person was.

We've lost contact for almost 5 years.
And I don't want to wait anymore.
I don't want it to be my regret in the future.

That's why, that's why I'm really trying to find you now.

And this, shall be one of my birthday wishes.

Well, I wanna be greedy this year.

Since I'm going to be 17 soon, then I want to have 17 wishes to myself!

And I've already made a few, which i hope, will be fulfilled before my special day arrives...

HOPEFULLY.

and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.