...better weeks than kids, I suppose.
Things have been good around here. Good and uneventful, just the way I like them nowadays.
I haven't been having any more bleeding or spotting (knock on wood) for about 3.5 weeks. I know it could come back at any time and I still have my moments of panic when I am sure I am suddenly bleeding, only to find out everything is fine. But those moments only happen a few times a week now, instead of a few times an hour, like they did a few weeks ago. I think my paranoia is starting to fade a bit.
It's really no wonder all mothers end up crazy.
But I am finally settling into this whole pregnancy thing and even possibly thinking it may really happen for us this time. I will definitely feel better after our 20 week ultrasound that we have on the 15th. Even though we had five ultrasounds early on, we decided this time to forgo all genetic testing and just take things as they come. I'm terrified of going in because of what they might find, but I'm trying t stay positive and just focus on seeing Butterbean again.
We're also hoping The Bean isn't shy so we can find out the sex. We thought about waiting, but I think for us, finding out the sex will be a great way to help us bond to a pregnancy we have been to wary of attaching ourselves too. Awwww...is The Bean a girl or a boy?!?!? Honestly, I have been going back an forth. Lately, I keep calling it a boy on accident, but my first instinct was a girl. And even though J will never admit it, I think he is secretly hoping for a little girl :)
At this point they could tell me there is a chimpanzee in there. As long as it's healthy, I am totally cool with it.
Speaking of my little monkey, I think (but am not sure) that I may have been feeling it move now for the past week. It started last Thursday as I laid on the couch after dinner. I felt the little "flutter" or "bubble popping" as so many people call it. Actually, it felt exactly like gas, except there was no actual "passing of gas" to go along with it.
I have been feeling it at least once a day since then. Sometimes harder than others. A poke here or a light rumble there. It's like as soon as you realize what you may be feeling it's gone. Just like when you see a shooting star or something. It's still very light and honestly, it could just be gas (unfortunately for everyone else, my most intense pregnancy symptom at this point). Since I have never felt a baby move before and seem to have gas constantly now, I really have no way of knowing. But it does feel just a tiny bit different...I can't really explain why.
Also, the past few days, after some serious round ligament pains that scared the shit out of me, my stomach completely popped out. I have noticed it getting a little bigger over the weeks, but last Saturday I woke up and was like "WOW!" Then Monday I walked by a mirror at work and was even bigger! As you can see in the second picture below, I can't even suck it in anymore without there still being a big bump on the bottom. It's exciting to finally have a visual symbol of this kid inside of me, although most of the time, when I am wearing my everyday clothes, I still just look like I finished off a pizza and a six-pack. Oh well.
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Other than baby stuff, things are great. Work is good and keeping me busy, the house is great (we are having our first get together this weekend), I'm feeling great right now and I am LOVING the cool fall weather. Although I have to say, it does make me a little sad not to be out there. It's PREFECT running weather!!! I'm so sad to be missing it and was SO bummed to miss my favorite race last week, the Philly Distance Run.
I even had a dream a few nights ago that there was a 10 mile race by my house and J wasn't around and I kept telling myself that even though I haven't run in ELEVEN weeks now, I could just sign up and run it and be fine. In my dream, I kept running around the parking lot to see how I felt and was like, "Yeah, this is no problem, I feel great. I can sneak in the race and he will never know!"
For some reason, I didn't end up doing it in my dream although I can't remember why. But I do remember that those few moments I was running around the parking lot, felt amazing.
You know you haven't run in forever when you are dreaming about sneaking in road races.
Oh well. I hope you like jogging strollers, Butterbean.
