They said that i should be thankful, cuz i had a job. I have an income every month. I dont have to do much but get paid.

I know i hv been complaining since the day i start this f-up job.

Things hasnt got better. They never improve.
Maybe working with brainless people has made the day worst n even more worst.
I feel like im wasting my time here.
U call these job experience?!

I have wasted 15 yrs of my life here in this shit hole.
I m soooo HAPPY im still wasting my life here.
As if youth is infinite for me.

Random.

Not really random. But I think. I got his mentality, when I got pissed and got sad and got really down. And showing the I-want-to-break-up behaviors. He start showering me loves. He start to want to make me cherish his presence. He will make my want to break up with him feelings be put on hold.

And then when, everything went back fine. His 1001 pattern is out again. N again he makes me wanna let myself off this stupid silly little nonsense.

Deep down inside, I really wish & hope this whole thg will work out.
I guess I never learn.
I guess I m too soft hearted. I don't know how to describe myself. But I guess I m just plain stupid.

Probably should wait till his exam is over. I shouldn't be such a jerk. To cause a mess in such a time when his grandma is in hospital n his exam is just around the corner.
I should probably be nice.

Sometimes i did think back.
When I'm nice to ppl wat do I get?

Life is. Really. BO-tiful.

Sometime it's just really difficult to want to be happy.

Today's valentines day.
I very much want to be happy.

But things at home is not looking good.
Dad n mom n bro are not on good terms. There is always things for them to quarrel about.

I have no idea what daddy's thinking.
I dont know why my brother can't be grateful for Dad's presence at home.
I don't know why Mom can't tolerate Dad either.

Well, yes. Daddy's behavior has gotten from bad to worst. But thing is, he is our Dad. He's the head of the family. It's true that he can't do like he please. It's true that he always get on our nerves.
But I believe he has our interest at heart.
I believe he loves us.


Sometimes I just Want things to be simple. I want us to be happy.

I want a happy family.
I just want such simple things.
Why must things be so difficult?!

I realise, i do get scared.
I realise i know why i dont dare to let him go.
Im scared. I am really scared, what will the days be without him.
But i know even holding on to him will not get us anywhere.
But i really dont dare to let go.
I dont know how to let go.
I hate it when i am like this.
I know i still do love him.
I know.
There is no third party.
Its just that there is no more communication between us.
Something is missing between us.
I dont know what it is, neither can i find it.
I really dont know what it is.
Now we r like. Together for the sake of being together.
And i dont like it. :'(