LAST DAY

FINALLY, its the last day of the year!
FINALLY!
to sum up, 2009 isn't a good year for me.
Almost everything doesn't go my way.
AND even on the last day, I just have to make it worst by failing my driving test! ='(
Sometimes I really couldnt stand myself.
Darn! I just have to be sooo worried, anxious, nervous on EVERY single exam I have.
wth!
I made NO mistakes at all throughout my all the lesson in the circuit and today I just have to screw it up, by failing while i am inside the circuit!
Screw up right?
I am going to learn man! really learn how to not feel anxious, nervous and everything during exams.
I have  to overcome the fear of exams. Else, I think I will just continue to fail. and I really don't want that.
I really need to just face it.
It sucks when u have the skills and all the knowledge and then in the end, you just have to face failure because of your stupid nervousness! =(
Its not only silly, its a freaking stupid act!

and 2009!
Its a really dumb year!
all the decisions I have to make! everything!

I promise I will make 2010 better!
yes! 2010 will be a good year!
I am going to PASS every single test i have in 2010!
I will!
Sometimes being too confident isn't that good also!
I will try my very best to make 2010 a GREAT year for me!
and everyone around me. =)

Happy New Year 2010! =)

2nd last day of 2009

So fast its going to be the end of the year le. =)
It's good, cuz, I want 2009 to end, FAST.
I will make 2010 better, I want 2010 to be a better year!

I am sleeping late again! this is not good!
I hate tossing and turning on the bed and then can't get to sleep! =((

And, finally at last, I couldn't keep them inside me anymore and I just pour all of them out.
maybe it's good in a way.. =)

MOVIE! =D

AVATAR(3D) is good! go watch! haha!
it's definitely worth it! cuz the play time is about 3 hours! hahaha! =p
the movie is really good! that explains why they took so long to produce it! =)
I like everything about the movie except! the stupid glasses! TOO BIG! TOO HEAVY!
I dont wear specs! so i couldn't get used to putting on the glasses for 3 hours! so i kept fidgeting throughout the whole movie! hahaha!
Those who cant get used to wearing specs! bring tissue paper! so you can support the big glasses by putting the tissue paper on top of your nose. this sounds wrong! but whatever! I hope you know what i meant! =D

i have night class today!
econs tml late afternoon till night!
work at night on thurs till sunday!
this is good! no more. lily and lily only! =D

i'm good! =D

I have been feeling great the past few days!
I guess devoting a few hours of my time to go work and make some friends, is better than locking myself in d room, keeping to myself and all! It's so much better! and I've really become more cheery. =)
now my days is not just, me and me alone. there is me and my colleague. I'm so happy! I'm so glad I got this job! I hope, it will continue to be so. I hope, nothing will change. I hope things will remain as it is. I really hope so! I hope the people there wont turn bitchy and stuffs! I hope they will remain as nice! =)
and i really thank SH for getting me the job! =D

I dreamt of Ade girl yesterday! haha! i dreamt of her telling me she bought my masks for me ald! and waiting for another 1 to come out so she can buy me a full set sth like that! lols! Thanks for the Xmas card girl! =) Hope you are enjoying yourself now at Korea! =D

and i dreamt of sth else too yesterday. =)

I cant wait for Bestie and Ade girl to come back so that i can tell them things! hahaha! I miss them already! =))

=D

In the end i went to msia (Malacca & Port Dickson) for the weekend! yayness! i'm glad because we reached there safe and sound, had fun, and came back safely toO! and most importantly, i also came back in ONE piece and nothing bad or nothing that shouldn't happen happen. so in short nothing happen. I am proud of myself and i am proud of us. =D

I enjoyed the shopping! the walking! and the eating! and of course, the great companion with Pei Jun, Amanda, Debra, Vipul, Sathiya and Stan.. 7 of us set off on a road trip to Malaysia on Saturday morning..
photos will be up soon.. here.. soon.. =)

I'm practically walking and buying almost every "Mickey Mouse" items i set my eyes on. HAHA!
Most of the stuffs i bought are really. MICKEY MOUSE. lol. =p

neverminds. shall put them up next time i blog. =)

watched twilight today! =(
disappointed! not as nice as i thought it should be, the whole show was quite boring and i don't know.. maybe the 2nd one shouldn't even come out. because its seems that they are trying to capture something out of nothing. meaning, in the end, what they showed was quite kind of extra. not necessary. oh wells. I'm glad they aren't making the 3rd twilight or anything, because if there is, i don't think much people will go catch it..
haha. ok. enough of my complaining. =x

Bestie is in Darwin already. I hope she is having a great time there! and hope everything will be good and great! =D

a trip not possible.

i have been looking forward to this weekend trip to M'sia with Stan and his group of friends.
I really was looking forward to the trip, because i've been wanting to get away from Singapore.

GET AWAY FROM HERE. GET AWAY FROM HERE. 

who i go with is never important, what's important is.. i get to go away from here.
I really wanted to go. just anywhere. as long as i can get away from here. from this suffocating room. this suffocating place. away from the books and the school and the environment. i just need to get away. anywhere, with whoever. but now, i am stuck here. STUCKED.
i just so screwed.. i am still stuck here in the end.

i was thinking back, if i could conclude if my past 11+ years here, was it a happy or unhappy one..
and i concluded that i have been unhappy and the life here sucked since i was here.
i have cried more than i smiled or laughed.
i had more sleepless nights than early nice, sweet dream nights.
the only happy times was when i am spending time with friends and nothing else. other than that, its as if i am locked up in this small suffocating room. every single second..
i know i know. in the end, i need to study and get the damn cert and show it to those elders who thinks a great deal of the cert.

i am still troubled over something else.
its really tiring and really hurting when your loved ones, the person whom you really wanted support from is actually objecting and discouraging something you are putting effort on.
its really tiring. when every time we talk, the question that will pop out is, "still together?"
till now, i am still thinking if all that is said will come true.
if what those "tellers" said made any sense or not.
i know i need to get this done as soon as possible, else, i will be the one getting drained from it all.
they never knew that their support meant a lot to me. they never knew and i guess they never will.

be grateful that your parents are supporting you in the relationship. because family support really means a lot.
else, if you have to hold on to it alone. it gets pretty tiring.

Bestie girl is going overseas tomorrow. Have a safe trip. Have a great one. I'm sure you will have a great time. I am happy for you girl..

missing H O M E

i am missing home so so much. =(
i miss my parents.
miss the food, i miss everything
i want to go home. =((
this sucks!
i don't get to go back at all, this time round.
not during xmas
not during chinese new year.

if i am lucky, i can go back when the lesson ends, after prelim in march.
if i am unlucky i have to wait till end of exam which is in june 2010!
wat the shiet.
i want to go home.
NOW. ='(

I HATE THIS HATE THIS HATE THIS!
I WANT TO GO HOME!

cabin crew

we have been discussing and asking around (when we meet ups) what our ex-classmate has been doing since we graduated from innova because she has been flying around to different places, all over the world.

so it struck me just now..
ad i thought maybe she is now an air stewardess!
i mean, it explains why she has been to many many places right?
so ta-da! yes.. my dear ex-classmate Latha is working as a cabin crew under SIA now.
wow! thats nice! Good job! =D
an occupation i have always wanted to have! =(

"ungrateful"

there is this one kind of people which i really dislike.
People who have been helped by others in any kind of means, and then turn their back and forgets about everything, as if they never owe the person anything.

I don't mean that you have to show your gratefulness after you've been helped.
I don't mean you have to repay what others have done for you.
at the very least, you should acknowledge what they have done for you and not talk rat behind their back, this is the very least you could do.

i simply cannot stand people who have been helped, then turn back to me and say "aiya! he don't know anything one lah! he should go to...."
seriously, damn it, i think you are the one who should go. even if your friend is not that fantastic, you don't have to talk about him like that! wth! you are the one who has been constantly looking for your friend asking him to accompany you this and that. and now, you tell me, he no use one. then jolly bloody hell make sure you never seek his help anymore.
i despise this kind of people! so crappy! act as if they so "li hai" they so great, when in the end, tehy are actually nothing.

i also don't like children who are not filial to their parents. they brought us up. so the least you could do is. not to make them worry or let them clean up your mess.
i believe in karma. one day it'll just get to your side. please wake up for your own sake. =(


the past few days has been GREAT, WEIRD but I feel great!
haha! so all in all. im doing good. the past few days has been great!
I love my darlings! yst day out with Bestie is so so nice! thank yous! =D
and i bumped into my Pri sch friend Yeow Chin!
and i also bumped into LH girl!! haha! so qiao!
nice nice nice!

enjoy your weekend peeps~ =D

im going to S T U D Y now. =(((((

hahah! its nice man! i've been bumping into people, i never expect to see. i mean, bumping into friends!
Today! i bumped into SUN ZHONG KAI! haha! its so unexpected lah! & i immediately called HEUP to tell him!!!!
really unexpected, though we didn't talk, but bumping into people you know is nice. =)
Then i saw Genieve in SIM today.. my SJAB junior..  think she is a junior, if not same batch as me, *forgets*..
its nice! haha! =)

last last week while gg out with cousin i bumped into Idhzuan & Shuang Ai!
i've been bumping into a lot of different people in my life!
Its really nice! =D

Good Luck for exams to all those having exams! you all will have your 1 month holiday soon! =D

Treasure the people who loves you, by treating them better and not expecting for more and more, i know we, humans are greedy, but sometimes, really, try to put a comma, before continuing.

Else, you'll regret it when they lose their patience and put a full stop to the relationship.

shiettt shiett! i duno y, my heart is beating so fast every quarter hour!? like within the past hour, i've felt it like 3 to 4 times already! and i don't like the feeling, it made me feel "asthmatic". it's like i can't breathe properly! =(
ah, whatever it is, i am still fine, i guess its the too-cold weather... yeap yeaps, i guess so..

and yay! i meet up with Heup today for lunch! thanks for making me wait 45 mins. i thought i heard him say 15 mins! but yuan lai is 45mins~~~~~ so anyways....
as usual, i talk alot! hahaha! and as usual, we talk about a lot of things! so in all, whatever i remembered very clearly was, its the small small things which can hurt people. haha! hopefully, i can move out soon to some plcae more comfy! i hope my cousin will faster get a house, and i hop eshe will let me move in with her. so i won't feel so "un-welcome" anymore. =)
the occasional feel of being "un-welcomed" is getting pretty irritating. =(( but.. i'll just bear with it. I know my place, i know i don't belong here.. so, i should have gotten used to it after so long la. =D
jia you to me! =D

HOHO! i thought i made someone angry again today, but it turns out that, maybe he understands why or maybe, he can't be bothered. Whatever it is, i think i made the right right and rightest choice of not traveling to his house and instead go home and rest. =D  
but but but.. i did apologise for my rude-ness. hehe! i was too straight-forward in telling the reason behind WHY i never bus to his place. NONO! he nv ask me why, is i backside itchy wana tell him. I thought i very li hai mah~~~!!! hahaha! oh wells, glad that he is not angry. hehe!

I am meeting mad mad mad girl next week! yay yay yay!!! that will make my weeek for next week!
Dear God, just letting me meet with one, only one.. of my dearest darlings every week, is good enough. i won't be greedy to ask for more. =) Thank you for looking after us. =)

and and, i saw Bestie's girl Mom at Plaza today too! very very long since i saw her! It's nice nice nice nice! made my day even nicer. =D

okay la.. to end this entry i shall end it off with...

We girls can be quite demanding, ba dao at times, but trust me, deep in our hearts, we want you all to be well too. and most importantly is, we love you all! else, we won't be so ba dao righttt?!?! hahaha! =D

oh yahs! Goody Lucks to all having exams!!! jia you!!! 4 papers only!
just POOOOOOTTTTT them all down! =D jia you!!!! *HEHE*

and, i am happy today! hope you all are too! *loves* :)

for Besties & him :)

this is going to be very random.
i just washed up preparing to sleep.
and while washing my face and brushing my teeth, i looked at the mirror and thought of something. =x
i dont knwo why, but i just have to blog about it.
i suddenly feel that i have been very very very selfish.

i like to MIA like nobody's business. like there is only me in my own world, that no one would care and no one would be affected. i really thought no one will be affected.
i totally forgot about, i have one darling whom i almost always talk to every single night on msn, because she in Jakarta and the cheapest way to keep in touch is thru msn.
and i have another person whom i am currently in a relationship with and this one too, though we don't talk every single night (surprisingly! =x), but i know he is there and he cares. and of course not to mention the other bunch of people, who don't know much and i don't talk to every single day, but they are my darlings too. =D

so anyway, me and my MIA act, has brought my 2 dearest person some... worries... im like.. pushing them to one side.. leaving them there, looking at me, wondering what am i trying to do. not replying them, not msn-ing, not replying sms-es and best of all, keeping my phone OFF.

Irene girl couldn't do anything. but the one in singapore can, he actually drove to the carpark opposite my block. made sure i am in my room, then messaged me and then he went home.
i am creating some unnecessary troubles right?!
so damn selfish.
im not going to promise i wont be doing this again. but i'll try not to and i really apologize for yesterday.
i made both of your days bad. as if mine wasnt bad enough. so i am sorry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

next, i just want to say, whatever decision we make, whatever we are thinking about, whatever steps we take, they are all just part of a process. and we have to go through this process in order to get to know the outcome.
Thanks for enlightening me dearest Bestie. =)
I am so sorry, i kind of freak you out, with my worries. But, i know, we know, in the end it'll all turn out fine, whatever is going to happen will soon pass too. 
I wish you all the very best for everything, if anyone of us, ever fell, we know, we are there for each other, then it won't hurt as much.
We can't avoid what's coming, and since we are already in it, then just give it a try.
at least, in the end, we know, we tried. 

and..

Whatever is coming, will come. =)

i must say i have been having mood swings the past few days and all i wanted is to be left alone and i don't want any companion, so that i won't unknowingly, hurt anyone...
went to school today and left halfway through, because i really wasn't in the mood to continue with the lecture listening to the lecturer talk crap.
with him going on and on about "what the heaven?!" that is what i always hear him say, amidst the lecture.
so anyway.
i have been feeling rather and very frustrated recently.

yes, i know i have been worrying for one of my girls, that is one.
and i have been worried about my parents health and their well-being, that is another one.
and i am worried about another, what my so called elder brother is up to in msia, that is another one.
and i am racking my brain, on how to earn lots of money to provide for myself, so my mom will stop worrying for me. 

y must life be this complicated?
behind every smiles, you see another different story.
behind every happy endings, you see another person in pain.
y can't life be simpler.
childrens being filial and obeying their parents.
parents, honoring each others trust and honoring the relationship and respecting one another.
and there you go a happy family.
y must there be divorce cases?
y must there be, gf/bf cheating each other?
y can't gf/bf stop being so domineering, and start to understand each other, appreciate each other presence so that both will be happy in the relationship and not only ONE is happy?!
y must there be so many different kind of illnesses?
y must there be this and that?
y can't anyone be truly happy?

i am really very irritated, i can't go back home anytime soon, and the worst scenario is, i can only go back after next year's exam? and i am already home sick.
i miss my mom and dad. ='(
i miss home a lot.

by burying myself in my stack of notes, its not even helping. its making me more depressed. =((

now, then i realize that i haven't actually got over it.
I still bear grudges, in my heart i still "hate" him. I still don't like him, i still can't accept him.
I know, we are all family, I shouldn't bear grudges, bla bla bla...
but whenever i got reminded of how he spat vulgarities on me. I just couldn't accept it.
I couldn't. and i couldn't accept it either when my parents wants me to just "let him be", forgive him.
yeah yeah.. so much talk about "forgive and forget". but certain things, when u got hurt so deep, u just can't seem to forget. Maybe in my heart, i already did, forgive, but about forgetting, it's just too bad that i have good memory. =(

everyone knows how i hated it when people throw vulgarities at each other.
i don't know why, but i just don't like it when i hear people throwing vulgarities at each other, as if its one of their mother tongue.
whats so good about vulgarities?!
why are u so proud about using them?!
does it reflect how "gung ho", how "fierce" you are?!
i don't know why.
I just couldn't take it when i hear people speak in vulgarities.
i hate them even more, especially, when the vulgarities are used on me... ='(
maybe i need to learn how to let go.
maybe i should. but how to?
when you are hurt by your "supposedly" loved ones? =(

on a lighter and happier note,
i went to catch 2012 with Stan yesterday!
it's good! sad! scary when you think about whether that day will really come or not...?
actually i was thinking... why not 12.12.2012...? why 21.12.2012...?
hmmm.... to think i actually plan to get married on the 12.12.2012.. haha!
but only planning, haven't found the right guy yet. =X
anw, go catch 2012! it's a nice show! really nice. meaningful. it really made you treasure your life more!
and i was actually asking myself, if we are really facing that ''doom's day", what am i going to do? how am i going to spend the rest of the days till then?
think about it and go watch the show. =)

on another depressing mode.. 
i have so so many things to do.
i have 2 tests coming up next weds & thursday.
i have 5 tutorials to do.
i hope to finish all my revision for each topic by end December.

enjoy your weekend darlings! =)

hahaha! i am so proud of myself that i must post this up to make myself happy! =D
i cant believe my attendance is 100%.
YES. i did go to school and all, every single day! but haha! seeing the "report" on its own lift my mood by alot lot up up up! =D
i can become model student le. =D

i suddenly got mind block. i don't know how to continue my HRM essay. =X
this is not good.
i want to get away man.
damn bored.
i'm getting sick of this kind of life already, but i know in the end, i will still be on track, doing what i am supposed to do.


a lot of random stuffs happening recently!
I bumped into Hariz at Far East on Sat! after dont know how many many years!!!
I bumped into Valentino! my pri school friend just yesterday after driving class!
i rmb how we use to be kind of very good friend when we were in primary school before he flew off to Aust to study! now he is back! i bumped into him after my driving class yesterday! haha!
and we still click! and chatted as before!
I bumped into Bingren at SIM yst. my sec sch mate. haha! i don't know him la. just random seeing people everywhere nowadays..
haha! nice!


you know its weird, you keep bumping into people you don't plan to bump into.
but people whom u want to see, you just don't get to see them, no matter how much you missed them!
i miss my dearest darlings!
i hope their exams end soon! and meet me soon. =D
i just miss those days where we can all meet ups, sit down around a table, anywhere! and chit chats!


and i don't like going to town anymore, the place, is so out of the place now. i don't even think about going back there anytime soon, except for specific reason. the place is now too "atas" for me. and i don't like it. =x


back to HRM.

i realized, that i have been so so bad.
it struck me just now.
what he asked me really feels like a tight slap on my face.
I am so sorry for being such a girl..

have you ever wondered, how many of your old friends, current friends and future friends will grow old together with you? meaning, how many among them will u still frequently meet up with in future?


i am very greedy. i want to really be able to keep in touch with each and everyone of them in d future to come.


i suddenly feel very old and i want to do so so many things. i know i dont have as much time as i thought i have. =(

when i'm quiet and wants to be left alone. please respect my decision and do so.


sometimes i dont know if i am being practical or this is just me. i dun like to go out at 7 at night, walk to the bus stop in 10, wait for the bus for 30mins. travel for 45mins. reach ur place at 830. see each other for 1hr 30mins.
leave ur hse at 10 wait for bus for 30 mins travel for 45 mins.
walk back home for 10mins.
reach home at 1130.
shower den lie down to sleep.


what's the fun or what's so meaningful of the above? dont u think it's such a waste of time?
i'm sorry i'm so. but i really couldnt find anythg meaningful.

it's no big deal really. and. yeah. really no big deal. why am i so focused on thinking what will happen this n that. i've had my regrets. and the last thing i wanna do is to add on to my regret list..


i am really crossing my finger, i really hope that we can talk this over nicely. no shouting, no crying, no "pissing" each other off. just understanding talk. i'll respect whatever decision you make. n i hope you Too.


i seriously understand and i know that this sem of studies is very important and critical for me.
i'll do whatever i can to do well. i will. at the end of the day, at least i know i tried.
and i also know that, nothing is ever enough. so i'll do more, more n more.

all my close frens know that i have 1fren whom i sort of grew up with whose parents are divorced n whose dad is my dad's very close friend. and this uncle, i do respect him alot. so apparently, usually, when adults get a divorce, the one who will be hurt most is their children. most of the cases will be so. but in this case, from what i see, its the dad who is really hurt. from the day they got a divorce, he is left all alone, he lost his 3 daughters over night. he has a daughter who is 1 yr younger than i am and yes, she is my close fren.


so everytime i go back home, her dad will come by my shop, and ask about his daughter. =( and every single time, his eyes teared. it really hurts me alot. he missed his daughter to the extent of asking me if i want to be his god daughter or not. apparently, me n tt fren, we also hv alot in common. n her dad could see that. and everytime i go back, he would ask me to help him contact his daughter, ask her to give him a call, when her mom is not around.


i could remember very clearly how her dad dotes on her, how much he loves her and how much she USED to love him. i just couldnt accept the fact that everything could be changed overnight.
i kept thinking, your eyes could blind you, but your heart won't.


and furthermore i am very sure they know very well who is at fault. when they sided more to material things, i understand y, because we are all human. but to erase off almost 1/3 of ur life into a blank piece of paper, i seriously dont know how they could do that. a father figure, a father who brought them up, they could delete him out of their life, JUST LIKE THAT.


i could still rmb how she answered me when i ask her if she got call her dad or look him up when he came by singapore years ago. and she said,
"i ask da-jie to go with me, i am scared, i dont want to meet him alone, i dont even know what to say to him."
at that point in time, i only answered her, "he is YOUR father."


sometimes i really wonder how their mind works. :( how could they do this.
while they r hvg family reunion here n there, seeing other ppl with their parents, i often wonder, have thoughts of their dad ever crossed their mind. the fact that their dad is still alive and there living alone, without anyone of his family with him. have they ever thought about it.
i always believed that, no matter who is in the wrong, HE IS STILL YOUR
DAD AND SHE IS STILL YOUR MOM.
u r all connected by BLOOD.


yesterday, uncle sms-ed me from JAKARTA. he said he missed his daughter alot and wana see how she looks like now. so he asked for her facebook name. i texted him back immediately n gave him her email. then he replied me saying, he couldnt see her from d pic v well cuz she was with a bunch of frens on her dp. he asked me to ask my fren to contact him. just an sms will do. he really misses his daughter alot. =(((


i m really thinking, y must things be like that. people who r not with their parents are dying to be with them. here, people who have their parents are doing so much to hurt them.


life.

i just feel that its really nice and the feeling is really nice whenever u meet up with "old" friends! esp, aft so so long. i am a very lazy person.
lazy to go out, lazy this n lazy that.
but when i know i have to do sth, i know i just have to do it.
it's about responsibility, self-fulfilment n satisfying/ answering to the dearest people involved.


yes! i meet my another dearest girl today! ade girl! :D
its been sometime since i sat down n chit chat with her! :))
its really nice nice! thats the the thing with close friends! no secrets! i really treasure these people alot. how i trusted them and how they do so the same way. and how i know they will never judge me like others who don't know me.
so anyway, its all great, seeing her doing well. i'm sure things will turn out for the better and even better for her. i knoe things will just turn out fine. :)
and! thanks alot girl to u n SY for
listening and all the advices! it somehow, enlightened me.
and not to mention the gifts u bought for me!! thanksss!!!
n again! gundu n forgetful me! i alw 4get 2 bring the woody keychain i bought for all my close frens from Bali!
its nth expensiveee! but, i dont know what else to get! i'll make sure i bring the keychain the next time i meet my dearest girllss. :)



n then d talk, brought me back to reality again. i really should end my
own misery n i should be fair n talk this over with him. yups! :) thanks 4 enlightening me. :D


n really, nothing is ever enough.
i will do more, practise more, understand more. just more lah! n i'll do whatever i can. this time round must pass if not do better than a pass. i just don't believe that i am that stupid. i know i m not.
focus! :D

i sent my baobei vaio for repair yst! n im missing it now ald! :(
but also good. no lappy means no show means no msn, means can devote 100% of my time to finish the unfinished tutorials. haha. trust mel they are a lot!

n i finally straighten my thoughts again. haha, when im emo nemo, my brain really knows how to divert attention to i-dont-know-where. but now, im all good again. thanks to myself. :D


n i've been spending time reading my notes, listening to lecture recordings, doing abit of tutorial, praying n watching CSI MIAMI. haha!
i'm addicted to CSI MIAMI now. lol.
the show is really nice can.
THAT IS how i spend my free time.
i dont spend my free time by smoking, clubbing, drinking or wasting time on people who don't deserve my company at all.


have i mentioned about the mickry omouse jigsaw puzzle stan made for me all by himself?? haha. i salute him can. at the same time, i am touched. bcuz, seriously dont ever expect me to sit down, n put the puzzle into place one by one.
see! that is another reason, y i m still holding on to this relationship.
it's really not that easy to let go.
plus, he hasn't done anything unfaithful to me. except that he doesn't keep his words thats all. maybe that is good enuf a reason!? well, maybe when i couldnt tolerate it any longer, then that day will come. till now, i still want to be in this. =)

n life is really very fragile. u really wun know when u'll die or contract some deadly disease. i really hope her medical report is wrong. please let it be wrong. i want to see her healthy, grow old, see her children get married, see her grandchildren and enjoy her old days.


for this one time, again, please treasure our life. :)

the wisest thing to do is, never to tell anyone this sentence.
"i know how u feel, i really know."
this is nonsense k?
please don't ever say such things because, you are not the person and you'll never know how he/she feels. so, please, yeahs, wake up, get your thoughts right, THINK before u say anything.

i just remembered somebody asked me this question..
"if u don't drink!, don't smoke!, don't club!, don't flirt!, don't poker!,..."
then what did you do in your free time.


HAHA.
now that i think of it, are these what the people have been up to over here?
i mean, there is definitely so many other things to do.
bitch around with your darlinks! sleep! shop! watch shows! (which i usually do!) study! badminton(at times)! eat! stone!
a lot a lot ok!
so please, don't even think of "luring" me into drinking, smoking, clubbing, flirting, gambling, bla blabla...
yah yah! u may say that, i should try these since i am young.
BUT seriously! hell no!
haha! yeah! maybe i would, when i am not in my right mind.
and, you should probably try to be patient and see if that day comes.


lol~
good night world!

i get really pissed off when i thought of certain things.
it really just pisses me off a hell lot.
when i GOT REMINDED about all the empty talks.
I really. get very pissed off.
and i do a lot of other things which will distract me away.
arghs!
and it really amazes me how some people can turn the table around.
when they are at fault, yet they can make it seems as if U are the one who is at fault.
I really salute these people, at the same time, i pity them.
they really should stop living in their own world. =(


this is bad.
i am falling sick! =(
kept sneezing away and my body is starting to get warm.
boo! i don't want to fall sick.
just allow me to have good night sleep and everything.
its been very very long since i get to enjoy my sleep, my day and all.


money in the bank is decreasing at such a fast pace.
its scary.
when i haven't even started shopping on anything!
lets see what i paid for.
renewal of the stupid student pass.
rental!
ezlink!
the seriously DRIVING which really pisses me off BIG TIME! (i better pass the test at a time time taking! don't waste MY money. NOTE: MYYYY MONEY!)
herbal life for my health!
pressies!
that is all actually!
but u know what..
except for herbal life, nothing else is spending on me. its all on. whatever u call them.
all these.. depletes my money in the bank for almost 700+++ ald. within one month. GOSH~~
i think nx month i can practice to become "神仙'' ald, else, really, money not enough and thing is i m freaking NOT WORKING.


boo!
i miss home.
i miss my mom!
i miss my dad!
n
i miss my brother!
i miss H O M E!!!!! =((


time to try to sleep.
nights world.
sleep with me tonight.


and please, try not to irritate me. =(

u know what, thank you so much for not replying my sms-es and all my msn conversations with you.

you just woke me up and made me decide on just breaking the string that tied us together.

thank you so much.

after the 1st time, i can think u r busy.

2nd time, i can think u r tired.

3rd time, when i really needed your help while i was having my monthly stomach cramp.

all you can do is not to reply me.

thank you so much.

if u don't reply me then, then don't reply me ever again.

i will make my own way to school. tap the bloody card for attendance and i will travel back home on my own.

just like usual time when i am single and have to fend for myself and bloody take care of myself.

thank you so much for the hell lot of time we spent wasting time on each other.

had a very long talk with Irene girl yesterday!

she gave me a very big surprise!

my girl... the mommy & daddy's girl... is actually offered by her dad to go Germany to take her Master. how nice is that!

when she asked me! i immediately say... YES YOU SHOULD GO!

i mean! ITS GERMANY!!!

its a whole new envoronment!

new things! new people! new everything! she will love it there! i will love it there too! (i think =p)

anywhere is better than here la! seriously! i think she should go.

but but! haha! i discourage her in the end! bcuz, she has never left her parents or stay away from home for the past 23 years of her life! so now.. ask her go Germany?! 3 years! alone! how is she going to survive?!?!?!

well well, anw her going to Germany is still not yet confirmed! she is thinking to go or not to go!

because if she go, she will have to risk calling off her marriage with her husband to be.

because, her bf ald proposed to her and marriage is supposed to be mid next year or end of the year, if not early 2011.

now if she is going to Germany, what do you think???

HMMM.....

IF its me, i will definitely say yes to my dad! and just! fly off!

nothing else to think about.

really.

hahas. bf! if he loves me, he will wait for me. or rather if he wants to be with me, he will wait for me.

there is no such thing as, he will me very much, i shouldnt leave him aloone.... blablabla..

no such ting..

hahaha!

ok le. im off to facial! and medical check ups!!! =D

its a almost perfect day yesterday! =))


i had my 1st LORRY ride. =p
yes its really my very FIRST LORRY ride. sitting in d front seat.
I've taken once a few years ago, but i was sitting at the back.
This time round i sit in front.
not very nice leh! maybe because the lorry was too lokkk kokkk! and dirty!!
tt's y i din enjoy the ride.
who says all diesels vehicles are nice to ride on?!
nonsense.
only my dad's diesel family car is nice to ride on k???
=DD
Boo! i miss home alot lot lot!!!
i wonder how things are going on over there.. =(((
I hope everything is alright though. =))


Yesterday! nice!
i get to spend some time with Mad girl, though we didn't talk much about anything but! its just nice seeing her again after so long. =)
then went for Gerald's party. quite a successful party.
Congrats! thanks for inviting! & Happy Birthday! =))
met lots of friends!!! happiness! =)))
finally met a lot of people i havent seen for very very long time!!!
its nice! nice meet ups!!! i'm all smiless!!! =D
then after the party! went TOUTY room for a sleep over!!! nice nice!!! went with ahmir!!!
its so nice can! we had, pop corns! ice cream! and movie! and then i medicured my fingers! haha! after so so long!.. =p
and and and!!!
the condo is so spacious! her room, i realise, longer than mine by 1 whole ceramic width!
haha! bigger than mine~~! nice nice! but the rental is so ex!


I am actually looking forward to staying in my own house.
I know its quite impossible in the next few months, but yesss... in the next few years after i work and all... ta-da! i will get to decorate my own house! buy my own furniture!!! I always tell Stan, i will want a room! decorated with MICKEY MOUSE! and painted the whole room PINK! and fill the room with loads and loads of soft toyss! hahaha! I can re-live my childhoods days when i have the money to buy my own house ald!!! hahahaha! I just get excited thinking about it. =D
Oh wells, for nowwwww.....
NOW, im waiting foR cousin to faster buy a house, then hopefully! i can move in with her.
HAHAHA~! duno she will let me move in nots lah.. but i think she might... =D


i want to travel travel travel.
i know my turn will come!
ade girl is travelling in Guangzhou now!
i hope she is enjoying herself!! =)))

!I MISS HOME!
I MISS MY MOM & DAD & MY EDI KOR!
SHIT!
THIS IS NO GOOD!
HOME-SICK-NESS AGAIN! ='(((


whatever i do now, i just want to make myself happy and make my life meaningful at the same time.
is that very difficult to achieve?


and now! what makes things worst is...
NO MORE BKK!!!! =((((((


i thought i could do some CNY shopping! but now! hais! =((( GONE! GONE!
sobs!
oh wells, i guess, my chance will come next time! =(

i have been thinking about this actually and yes.
one part of me wants that and another part of me wants another.
so which is which.
we have concluded that yes. he is negative. =x
but we also cant let his negative over throw his positive sides.
oww mann! how?!


what i think now is.
I just want to let things flow. just let it be. i really regretted asking. i really do. but in actual fact! i didn't ask, i was more worried about my studies than anything else.
other than studies and family, the rest of them, i can put them all aside. i will lie back and see what happens.
but if u r ald warned and you dont heed advice. what do u think will happen?
i dont know the answer. only He knows.
oh wells. i dont know lah.
whats more important is the present. isnt that what we always say? so y bother about the future when u dont even know if u can survive the next second of ur life? -_-''
sometimes, i really think that all this is really. BULLSHIET.
there is always somehow, something to counter-fight what we believed in. -_-''
life..


i really want to put this aside.
let nature takes its course. when problem arises then we'll c how oks?
=(
i really hated this.
i really hated all these things.
let me have my peaceful life back.
not knowing anything..
who told you that when u ald know about the future it will make your life easier?
i tell u. its all bullshit. it gives u more troubles, that is.


i really hope the stupid student pass comes soon.
its pretty retarded that i am in school. attending lessons, yet i cant mark for attendance! -_-''
and then i go home, i have to appeal for them to count my attendance bcuz its not my fault that i cant attend school. -_-''
they are so so inefficient!
they r so fast in receiving money. yet so slow in processing all the necessary stuffs. ARGHS!


i am looking forward to my BKK trip with cousin! =DD

badminton on friday with coussies was great. =) finally exercised! =)
and sleep over at coussies house was great too! =D
I'm looking forward to the trip me n my cousin will have! =D


n then the sms from Ms Chu, really made my day. really. Thanks Ms Chu.


and then, the mood swings i have is kind of horrible. =(
haha. i can smile this moment and dont feel like talking at all, the next moment. =(


and i know i will do just fine on my own too.
it's no problem.

Last week Wednesday, something.. hmm.. something happened. I wouldn't call it weird.
There have been many times when, Christians ( I apologize if referring them as Christians would be quite rude. but i dont know what other word i should use, so please pardon me.)
so Yeah, there is this 2 girls from the SIM Christian society or something who came to approach me while i was waiting for Stan to come pick me up.
They asked me several questions actually..
Asked me if i have read the Bible before.. and YES i have... and personally I kind of like reading them, because to me they are inspirational and reading them really warms my heart. =)
And then they asked me again if I know about how Jesus passed away, how He sacrificed HIS life for HIS children ( us ).. then i didn't say YES... neither did I say NO.. i just said.. "heard before, seen the "play" during one of the Easter night."
Then she asked me, If she could share a verse from the Bible with me, I said.."Okay! Y not.. =)"
So she shared a verse with me from the Bible. I can't remember which "chapter" it was from.. probably "John or Mark" I can't remember but.. I know.. I have read it before.. the content was about.. "God will not forsake any of His child ...." I shan't continue further, as I'm scared I will be typing the wrong one up.
So she asked me, if i have read it before and if i understand the meaning. I said yeah.. and told her what i think the verse meant.. I just said.. "as long as we believe in Him, He will show us the way out and we shouldn't worry, as He is there."
and the girl smiled to me. maybe it was some kind of approval? I don't know. but she continued to ask me, if i would be interested to join them to read the Bible together. I didn't reject her, because I know it would be rude.. So, I just smiled to her.
Then probably she got what i meant and she said.."y not.. ?"
I said, "... hmmm... because, I am not a Christian, I am a Buddhist..."
maybe the situation would be better if she didn't ask me why.. =x
and then she continued to ask me, if i am a Buddhist by choice or am i just following my parents religion. and i said. I am a Buddhist by choice. =)
then she politely say.. Okay.. thank you for your time and we'll see you around. I said, thanks to her back and said, see you around in school too. =)


the content of the verse is still there in my mind and up till now, i am still wondering why.. she came to approach me instead of many others who were there... and.. the verse she shared with me is just like telling me.. "THERE! stop worrying, everything will urn out fine, He is there just believe in Him, He will show you the way out."


You know! I am really glad she came to approach me, and it really lightened my mood then. and yes, people must be wondering why am I a Buddhist reading the Bible. I can't explain that too. But.. i just pick it up to read when i want to read it. and my brother is a Christian, so He has a Bible. I see it there every single day.. but I don't pick it up to read every single day. so u get what i mean? I only pick it up to read when my heart tells me to. =)
and yes, i am definitely a Buddhist by choice. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed going to the temple to join in the prayers and read the Scriptures, they call it 经书. Yeah.. and as always, I respect every single religion, I believe every single religion taught us to be GOOD. So every religion is really, all the same. It's just that the method they use to teach us is different. =)
I am glad the girls who approached me wasn't like what other whom I have encountered before. I am glad, they aren't. I really thank them for approaching me. really.
There was once someone told me that I make a better Christian then she is. I forgot who she is, but yes, she told me that. I have too many Christian friends, I don't know who told me that.
My boyfriend is a Christian, my best friend is a Christian, my brother is a Christian and there is a lot lot more.. and, there is nothing wrong with me being a Buddhist and still being around with my loves. =)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


and now.. you know what. I am having a HOLIDAY yet again. well.. maybe not holiday. BUT i am not supposed to go school for a few days or maybe a few weeks until i get a student pass. that institute of money is screwed. oh wells..
so i cant attend lessons. so meaning. i cant go to school. so meaning. i am quite free. but not exactly free, cuz i know i need to study and do my revision too.


the past few days in school has been really. exhausting. not that the lesson is. not that the work load is. but having to face the same text and everything for the third time is exhausting. i am quite ashamed of myself really, and i haven't got into terms that i have failed for the third time now. and this is my last chance, i know i am not that stupid.. with more and more and "never-say-enough" practices. i am sure i will do well this time round. If not. really, i should probably consider quiting school for the rest of my life. because to me, still education is rubbish. memorising all those nonsense.. is kind of rubbish. really. its the application and experience that is more valuable. oh wells, no matter what, this time round i just have to do it, for my parents, for myself. GET THAT DEGREE! =D


I've been back in Singapore for 2 weeks + 1 day now. and i haven't seen any all of my darlings!
Bestie! LH! Ade! Mad! Yiks! Heups! and some some more.. lazy type.. =x meet up soon okss!
but i got to know something through FB! haha! even though my heart feels weird when i got to know it, especially when we were once so close.. but ohwellls... anyways.... i wish u happiness! =))


and i left my another darling Irene girl in Jakarta! and she is troubled! whether to accept her boyfriend's marriage proposal or not. oh wells, even though, i want to see her settle down soon with someone she loves, and stop changing bfs ald.. but yes yes.. i hope she will make the right and heavy decision. i wish her.. all the best!


and i miss home! ='(
and i still now.. over here.. i have something else i have to do. =(
I am waiting for the right time to do the right thing.


God Bless everyone.

y couldn't it be simpler?
y can't i just live through this and when the time comes, just take it away from me, without me knowing? at least it wont hurt that much.
I really don't know how i should go about doing this.
u tell me.
someone tell me.
i really don't know how.

back in Singapore.
the feeling inside kind of sucks.
everything i have down here since then, seems wrong.
i know i need to do certain decisions. i need to carry out that decision, but i cant bring myself to do it.
lets wait and see, lets see what happens.
it's something, which, i need to bear the consequences if i dont follow or whatsoever.
lets see how.
the sight of the school makes me sick.
whatever.


i need a saturday and sunday job. any job lobangs?


anyways... i now have a PINK mouse to match my PINK lappy. how nice. at least this made me happier a little bit.


i miss home.
i miss BALI!


arghs. whatever, got to start tidying up my stuffs.
got to start tidying up my notes.


p/s:
if u don't like me updating my blog, don't like reading whatever shit is in here... then please KINDLY, don't come anymore. That will be better than, you reading and then coming to me to kbkb..

5 more days. I dont feel like going back there. HOW?
Ade girl once told me that, since i dislike staying in SG so much, have i ever thought of leaving there and come back to jakarta with my parents.
Actually, yes, i ever thought of that before.
but i know the place here and everything, dont really suit me. I cant go out on my own, I cant do much here. well, yes yes, if i really have to stay here, i will learn to adapt to the situation here. WHatsmore, i have learnt how to be more independent here. i dare to go out on my own ald. so, it's really, yeahhs.. sooner or later i will learn.

sometimes, i really ask myself, what is it about singapore that i dont like.
actually there i sonly one reason why i hated that place, why i hated going back there.
It's all because, i hate being alone there.
I dread having to do everything on my own.
I have said this a lot of times. So yeahs.. I just dread being alone there, not staying in my own house and everything.
I hated being alone.


whatever it is, no matter how much i hated going back there and having to fend for myself alone..
i know i have to go back by the 23rd and that is it. I just have to go back..


I know in the end, no matter how i dislike certain things, when it comes my way, i just have to do it. I have no choice at all...


wish me well bahss...

sometimes, its not really about what people say, how people want me to do this do that, it's what i want to do and how i want to do it.
I also wish, i could pick up the courage to do things i want to do and face whatever outcome. It's funny how certain things can happen and then POOF! everything is gone again.


what my cousin said is right. I can only choose between A or B.
If i choose A, i will lose B and vice versa.
Its the rule of the game. No one can have the best of both worlds.
So now, i need to do that, no matter how heavy my heart feels, no matter how sad i am, no matter how difficult the situation will be, I know, i will need to go through this again.
I haven't been honest with anyone, i haven't been honest with myself also. Deep inside me, I really know what I should do and how I should do it, but I am afraid, I am scared of the consequences. I cannot afford to fail again.

I've been on my own for the past few days..

Dad flew over to Penang for body check up.. I hope it all goes well and i really hope this time round he will listen to what the doctor said and please... heed his advice... I just want him to be healthy and all....

So while I am all alone... to prevent my mind from "wondering" off... i spent my whole day watching TVB drama and continue to watch it till i sleep...

That is the only thing i can do... i dont want to think so much... I got tired of thinking... I think i did promise.. no i mean.. i did tell him that i will do what he told me to do.. but then.. i really cant bring myself to do it.. thing is i really dont know how i should do it..

Life has been... really weird.. maybe humans are weird.

those not in a relationship are dying to get into a relationship, while those already in it are dying to get out of it..

and then those already having almost everything in place, still think that their life is not so complete and still asking for more..

WE are weird, aren't we?

Sometimes i really hope i am alone.. so that no one and hurt me and i wont hurt anyone...

the last thing i want to do is to hurt people who are already so dear to me...

It would have been much easier, if i am hard hearted... if i am selfish and i am ignorant..

right from the beginning of this all... i already told myself... IF.. this dont work out in the end, i wont blame anyone.. i wont push the blame to anyone.. I am the one who chose this path. no matter how disgusted with the way things are now... no one is to blame. because, i chose this path. i am responsible for this. yeahh... so this is it...

I've decided... i'll just wait and see.. Till the day i dare to do anymore things... I guess.. i'll just wait and see... because.. i really dont know what to do...

Results are coming out soon. I am really SCARED. I dont know man! I am really scared. I know i need to pass. I need to and i must. so please... really.. Bless me and everyone, so that wie will all be happy with our results.

and then... i am going to Bali next week! =D

Like finaly after so many years.. I can go Bali and i am going for a week! I am really looking forward to this trip. PLease let it be fun. please allow me to forget everything during the trip and let me enjoy myself. =)))

it's been 3 days? since i last talk to him as in really talk...
I've been thinking if i should or i should not. Ah mir, gave me some advices which i really agree with.
He is probably right, i did not spare a thought for him. What i have been doing is thinking of what to say correctly, so that I wont hurt him and i wont lose him as a friend. and yes... I know that, if one day we do break up, he will go his way and i will go mine. I must be prepared to lose him, even as a friend. And, i haven't lost any close friend, since young, and if i am to lose this bf, whom i see as a bf, a brother, a family and a best friend... it'll be ... I don't know man... i don't know how to react even...


The days that we haven't been talking, i feel really weird, because, i am a quite random some time, i can just P.m him silly stuffs, talk to him about silly things and all, but now! i need to restrain, because i cant talk to him, not that i can't but he did say that he wont disturb me, while i am doing my thinking. even when we do talk on msn, the feeling is really different, it's like 2 strangers talking to each other.
I really don't know what i should do. should i continue to believe and protect myself... or should i just carry on and see what happen in the end. Being In a relationship, can really.. in simple terms... make you happy or sad.
I really don't want to lose this friend. Furthermore, really, 15 months is not very long, but it is not very short either... I mean, all the feelings, all the things we've done together and all the silly things we know about each other.. it's a lot.. its all memories... memories to keep? or to be thrown away? I don't know mannn! I feel really confused and i know, i need to make my own decision and accept whatever consequences there is...


It's like, even when i know he is studying, my mind can drift to.. how i wish i am there studying together with him, because i've studied the stuffs he will be studying in October...
Its getting really frustrating... I don't want to let him go, but something inside me, is scared about what might happen, what will happen and all...


me, and every girl, hopes that the guy... the man.. they will meet in their life will be that correct man for them.. the so called.. my prince charming... of course we want to meet the correct man and settle down with that guy, we hope, we wish and we pray that this will be the right guy for us... but how many of us, found the right one and settled down...?



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I am going Bali next week! YAY! =D
with my cousins! I'm looking forward to it! i hope it will be FUN!
Please let it be fun! It has to be...... please let it be... it'll be my last holiday.. before i go

i haven't been blogging for quite a few months now..
and i am still at home in Jakarta now! =))


life has been...
i don't know what is the correct word...
messy? complicated? I dont know mann! everything has been really.. urgh!
i dont know what to say...
ad there is another thing i have yet to settle.
and i am really lost as to how i should settle that stuff...
i dont know.
its might sound silly, it might sound stupid.
BUT. well, yes.. i dont know is all i can say now...


hope all's been well over there! school is starting! and my result is gg to be revealed soon.
pray for me.. i hope i pass everything...


Bless me. Bless us. =)

tell me who would watch gossip girls and tear..?

LOL.

yes, I teared. Gossip Girls is nice! go catch it if you can! =))

Exams over now..

But i am so bored.

I cant wait to go home.

Yik ping left for Hongkong today..

Bestie is leaving for Darwin on Thursday!

I'm leaving for home on Friday!

and my aunt is leaving for home too on saturday!

I hope all our journey will be great and fun!

Enjoy the holis! and I'll see u all soon! =))

3 months of staying at home.

I think it'll be great even though i know there will be times when I will be stubborn and will get kind of into a heated arguments here n there.

I still hope my friends can drop by =))

So do text me into my Sg phone when u guys are coming.

I'll go pick u all up..

Stan n his friend will be coming in July?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

met up with bestie girl yesterday..

talked alot..

i was kind of worried after all the talks, i know what i am worried about.. but i guess things will do just fine. =)

and after the talk.. today.. i thought a lot.

ha. maybe i really still dont know what i really want.

and i am confused as to what i should do.

i dont know to let go now or what.

oh wells, as long as the feelings is still there, i guess its hard to let go.

BUT i know, and i am sure when its time to let go, i guess, i'll need to let go.

but maybe, not now..?

I just want to relax and enjoy the holidays and not think about anything now..

hmm..

i guess there is one saying that is really right..

since you don't know what will happen tomorrow, so.. why worry about it..

Exam IS over!
so whats next?!
lOL!
I hope it will be party party and party.
meet up with my ladies =)
and guys! =D
HAHA!
I know this is kind of silly!
BUT thank you Ade girl!
haha! this small girl, is really small in size, but sometimes i really go WOW with all her.. yeahhs.. i know what.. neverminds! I just wana thank this girl for that little sms! I mean, you know, who would bother to text you when ur exam in over? just to tell you to enjoy your deserved holidays?
This girl did! Thank you girl! Jia you for your exams! and definitely ur upcoming holis! I am sure u will enjoy it! =)))


so I am going home next friday! =))
i know i will miss all the class outings.. IF there is any...
everyone and anyone close to me, is welcome to visit me at home! =))
text me! email me! I'll go to the airport to pick you all up.
and what will be better is?! for you all to join me back home, next friday! =))
It's been so long since i have a company for aeroplane rides home..
Oh wells.. hmm..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I am really sad for my uncle and aunt!
not exactly related, but, yeahs, i am told to call them uncle and aunt and yes, i do respect them..
IT might sound pretty stupid because, i dont see them often..
i can count how many times i have seen them.
so anyways.. i went to find my dear cousin just now..
ate dinner with her and him and my eldest aunt!
dinner was great, chatting was great, everything was great.
BUT the bad thing is..
Having Aunt to tell me about what happened to that aunt and uncle i am referring to earlier on..
apparently on wednesday night, while everyone is having fun.. some studying.. blablabla..
their house got "robbed" if you calll that robbery!
I think that man is trying to take their life.
FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
ROBBERS! JUST take the money they gave?! why the hell do you want to use the hammer and hit an old man"s head?! and continues hitting him when he is already begging you to stop? he is 71 years old mind you! wth! and he is still unconscious now! and he has been sent by plane to Mount Elizabeth hospital yesterday morning.. all i hope for is.. for him to regain his consciousness soon. and yeah.. get well soon. and yeahh.., his wife is still in the hospital in Medan now.. her condition wasnt as bad as her husband.. both of them are injured very badly because of the damn robber who used HAMMER?! to hit them.
From what i know, they are very nice people and its definitely not the case of them unknowingly offended the guy.. hais.. i was just thinking! what on earth is hapening in this world? people killing each other? hurting each other? yeah.. rich people are rich.. but they worked hard for those money! If you are poor! y cant u just be contented that at least you have a shelter? a job? an income enough to feed yourself? IF you dont have so much, then dont spend so much?! as simple as that! why the hell do you want to go rob people?! and even if you do wana rob.. and you are ald given the money, why dont you just leave? why din u stop ur hammering?! why did u even try to kill them? they are just two elders?! their age is ald 70+++ why cant you let them leave the last few years of their life happily? why must you make this tragedy happen to them?
you are so inhuman! even if the police catch you, tortured you, imprisoned you? whats the use when.. you have hurt two innocent souls? and even if your life was taken.. it couldnt atone for what you've done.


sighs! whats with this world?!
I dont know..


I really hope that they will recover soon. With the current technology I am sure the doctors could do something.
God, please help them.

this song is nice! =D


anyone has the full gossip girls season 1 and 2 series?!?!
LEND ME PLEASE... =DD

u know i am very amazed by his "never give up", "never say die" spirit.
yeah. I am amazed and inspired.
He just never gave up.
if i were him, i;d definitely already given up. But he didn't, he goes all out to find every means and ways and try to get things done.
Maybe this is what they call,
as long as you've done your best, there is nothing to feel "regretful" about...
天无绝人之路。。。
I wish him all the best, I always do! and I do believe that even if this fails, given his spirit, given his determination, he'll be able to find something else to do. =)
So i wish him all the very best! =)


and so i called Mommy yesterday.
so i now know that she has fallen ill, thus her bad attitude last week. =/
so now i so feel like going back to help her out, IF there is no work for me to do.
Today is the day that I will book my air ticket.
I know my friends hated me for doing this, at least i know one.
I always do things and make decisions last minute.
So it's like, I'll go to them and say, "I'm going back home tomorrow, I'll see u in 3 months time."
and i forgot all about the outings we planned, all the after exams day out!
I'm not going to ask them to understand me..
I'm not going to ask for forgiveness, by making such decision.
But then again, I have to do so.. cuz.. yeahs.. money...
I wana save having to pay the full month rent.. that's y i got to go home next week, if i dont get a job. =)
So i'll see all of u in 3 months time.. IF i do go back next week..
for these few years.. its only 3 months-4 months.
have you ever wondered when i'll say...
"i'm going back home for good tomorrow, i'll see you guys around when i visit! =)"
Just the thought of it, kind of scare me.
Because, it'll mean, I'll be unable to contact my usual girlls so frequently..
i'll be unable to go out and talk crap with my usual girls n boys!
i'll be unable to suddenly ask heup late at night "eh wana go out or not.."
I'll be unable to do so many things.
Time is passing by so fast.
I need to find something meaningful to do..
I need to.. at least, I need to treasure the times I get to spend with my darling friends..


and then again, i know one day i'll need to make the decision to stay here or to go back..
which means, to choose another guy who will let me stay in Jakarta, or continue to be with Stan, if i'm still with him then.. and stay in singapore..
given my LOVE for sg (i'm sorryy 4 d sarcasmmm =x)
i would want to stay in Jakarta.
I really prefer the life there.
yes, i know it's very er.. un-safe there...
It's very unstable there..
It's very chaotic there..
But u know what..
I like the life there simply because, the people there are moving at a very slow paced..
they are not so competitive..
wells, even though I still dun dare to go out alone and I get scared when people look at me..
I'll still choose to go back then staying here.
Hmm.. lets see and decide when the time comes.
I know i will have to decide one day.
I really want to enjoy my life now, despite all the "problems"
despite all teh unhappiness.
I just want and i really want to spend my current life meaningfully, at least, until before, i get involved in a job..
until before i get involved in a family.
I just want to enjoy this moment, where i am free to do what i want.
travel around if can.
Just do anything and everything i wont get to do when i am already old and dying..
we'll all go that stage one day, since we need to live, so yeahs, why not.. just live it..
and i know being my parents girl, i have a lot of things i cant do.
i know. because, i just cant stop making them not worried. =x
OH wells...


I know i've been living my life, lying to myself all along, lying to myself that tomorrow will be a better day, even when everytime i wake up, i just dread what i have to do the next day..
I feel like doing what i really want to do, but i know i have responsibilities to fulfil first. =)
I will, try my very best to fulfil them.
I know i've been crying a lot this month. I know..
Im so sorry.. but from now on, i'll try, i'll try my best not to cry anymore.
I'll try my best, to smile, even when i have problems. =)
i'll face the problems smiling..
yeaps..
So now..
get back to real stuffs. things i dread doing a lot. =(
studyingg.. i just need to do it right..?


and i've been seeing images of them everywhere..
but i know.. i know.. whats past is past.. i can't bring them back anymore..
i'll just stay at the current stage.. =))

the gas stove in the house.. just er... yeah... exploded... -_-''
I seriously don't know how it happens.
Oh wells, I'm glad, no one is injured and luckily uncle is at home.
else.. i don't know..
like how the hell can the gas stove explode right?!
the bang was quite loud, but i thought, auntie broke something or what..
i never thought the stove exploded..
oh wells, glad that no one is injured! =)


I still havent decide to go back or not..
it doesnt really matter anyway..
oh wells, i'll decide when i have to decide.. hmm.. =(
I hate thinking, because when i start to think, my head will ache.
so im not gona think.