=*____+ Color my world~ `

Saturday, February 09, 2013 10:17 PM

I still trying my very best to think positively.. even though i know that it not gonna be the same.. but i will still hope that it just so qiao or happen for some reason..

Everyday i trying to tell myself its okay its alright.. but actually its not okay and alright at all..
I trying to pretend that i never see or know anything but the feeling in my heart cant pretend.

Now i dun even comfortable to talk to anyone abt this.. i sld say i have no one to talk to cos i guess no one will care and willing to listen to me anymore..

I just hope that my work can keep me busy so i can dun think abt it.. yes im a coward.. i want to avoid it cos i not brave enough to face it

Monday, December 24, 2012 12:42 AM

I guessed the layout had back to normal? oh well..

.... I gained and lost at the same time :/

No one will be looking for me now.. :'(
Im sorry i had created so many trouble

Sometimes i had no choice but oh well..

Trying to think positive......

Wednesday, October 24, 2012 9:36 PM

My blog is like so messy nw :(

Too lazy to find out how to change the pic and layout..

Well, after 4 mth i have been happier than before.

Especially after I step down.. I have lots of time to do what i never been doing before.. I don't have any responsibility nw so i can do what i want and no need to care those i dun want to care.

The only responsibility nw is myself. Future~~~~~

oh no.. 3 mth later i gonna be 24 already.. nnb hate myself never study hard at young..

i dun even know want to cont study nt :/ not young already T.T

("v") my ah zhu!

Thursday, June 28, 2012 10:50 PM

Chapter 472

If you will in my shoe..
No one will understand what im doing and why i am doing all this for.

My heart is so dead that i dun feel anything anymore..
oh well... suck it up

Now i only left with responsibility. nothing else

Saturday, April 21, 2012 11:03 PM

Chapter 471

At this point of time i sld be waking up and stop being in this way anymore.
Its is so tired to please every single one person.
sometime i will just ask myself why am i doing this? actually is i care for them. every single one
please to a point until sick and tired already..
i shall stop this and just be my own way right?

I been trying so hard to fill up this gap but it seem that it not going to work..
i will not walk away but will just stay normal and silence..
it is like i really put a lot of effort in but what i got back is just like kena pour cold water on myself..
why i have to be so xinku and got this in return?
well.. i guess this time round i just gonna stay at my mini circle and not cross over..

Hate to get those "cold" return from others..
why am i got this feeling that when ppl feel good to talk, they will talk to me.. but not when i approach
its been a long time.. very long

This teach me a lesson.. never make this mistake again. fml

well.. im tired of everything.. i don't even feel like talking to any single one
so many things in my mind nw and it get more and more, heavier and heavier
almost cant breathe.. seriously hate this feeling max.

Sigh.. hope i can find back my motivation soon.. pls

I just feel like shouting out loud at a open sea T.T

Saturday, April 14, 2012 8:07 PM

Chapter 470

How am i suppose to feel nw?

this feeling is seriously knn nnb de sucks..

Am i so easy to let ppl control?

I can make a turn over right?

Come on.. i need to seriously wake up and do what i am suppose to do nw!

11:58 AM

Chapter 469

Time checked, date checked.. 3 more days to sch start..

Time passed so fast.. left with one more sem in sch + stupid fyp and one last sem for attachment..

So many upcoming events on this coming sem.. all impt ..

hoping for the best :/

how am i feeling now?

ans: Useless, hurt, sad, disappointed, angry

I feel useless cos i know there is something happen but i dunno how to help.. i wanted to help so much but... sigh

I cant just walk away or ignore.. its my responsibility and i really care for it..

I'm so angry, disappointed of myself being like this.. cos i cant solve it.. seriously fml ttm

its so hurtful when i see them being not happy and weird..

my heart is so pain until i feel like banging wall nw..

i really hate hate hate to see this.. why everything happen at the same time?

i know its my fault that i cant handle it and cause it to happen..

seriously i fucking angry of myself.. nnb

Why cant i do a thing properly? screwed ttm

maybe i not suitable?

how am i going to pretend and lead? i hate to be fake :(

but is it the only way nw?

hope i can dream of guanyinma and give me some hint..

Tuesday, April 10, 2012 12:00 AM

Chapter 468

well.. its been so long.. very long

i'm a human. i can see and feel it.. but i still trying hard

trying hundred and thousand time but it still won't work..

i willing to open my heart to you.. but you not opening to me anymore :`(

I always pretending... pretend im okay and alright..

crying not going to solve problem but i just cant control myself every time i see or think of it.

i feel cold.. very cold

I really dunno what to do already.. now i dun even dare to contact or tell you stuff.. i must think a lot before i send a simple text.. i scare you will think that im fake..

actually i just want to care for you.. but i very scare

everyday i just pray hard that ppl dun hate me.. dun think that im fake or what.. because i cant afford to lose any one again

I'm thinking a lot everyday.. and it affect me a lot alot..

Saturday, March 17, 2012 10:48 PM

Chapter 467

I dunno what to do.. i just not good enough

why am i screwing up everything? what have i done... i dunno

too much things that i really cant control it..

I realized that i had lost myself.. the previous me

lost in somewhere where i cant find..

where am i at? i dunno...

hai......

hiding and pretending is very very hard..

i may look normal.. but behind my face im actually have a lot alot of stuffs hiding behind..

but nvm.. i think i can pull it through.. can i?

i getting tired.. very tired

sick and tired of myself all the time..

I dun like to tell ppl how i feel and what happen to me

the more the push, the more i will run..

run till far far away..

11.11pm.. hope everything will be alright

Thursday, February 16, 2012 1:13 AM

chapter 466

actually i dun feel good at all.. or rather very bad

i keep on trying and trying but i cant make a diff..

how true it is i still rmb last sem in psychology class francis said that once you make a decision in your life and it will affect the ppl ard you.. you and the ppl ard you need to adapt to the change..

at that point of time i dun agree but now i agree......

At this point of time i so stupid and silly that i wishing to have a 1 yr supply of fortune cookies just to get a hint of what to do everyday..

because i really dunno what to do anymore..

Sometimes i blaming myself why must keep thing to myself...

maybe i just too used to hide it..

i know by crying cant solve any problem but i just cant control when i think of it..

why am i causing everyone to be unhappy? why it happened on me?? what am i doing?

I been taught how to solve ppl problem but why i cant solve mine?

i may need empty chair technique..

seriously i get affected.. alot :/

我真的很怕。。。非常的害怕