First performance of 2016

Just had the first performance of 2016 with the amazing Phil youth. This is my first concert with PY as principal trumpeteer, a position which I did not really want to take up, because of the additional responsibilities that I do not feel prepared to have. Not just in terms of music, but as a leader of the section. But I'm really grateful for the support that the section and the band has given me.

At an individual level, being able to play well is not a responsibility, but an expectation. Rehearsals were a moral downer for me, as I kept screwing up important parts of pieces. I'm sure those around me would notice how uptight I was when it came to those parts. For the concert, my solo for West Side Story turned out better than expected, given how many times I messed that up during rehearsals. But the feeling of pride satisfaction did not last long, as I soon screwed up the starting solo for Rhapsody in Blue. Then, I started to lose my chops and couldn't reach the high notes in Glenn Miller and Big Band Tribute. Most parts came out well, but some left more to be desired.

Nonetheless, I had fun on stage, and this concert felt really good to play in. It might not be the best performance of the band, but I think we definitely have potential to improve much more.

~~~

And now, I'm relieving the concert blues with Sodagreen. I believe all performers, especially those who stand on stage, such as musicians, dancers and theatre actors will definitely relate very well to this song and its lyrics. Nothing in this world compares to the blood, sweat, tears we spent, and the friendships we forged as we prepare for each production.

可能忙了又忙 可能傷了又傷可能無數眼淚 在夜晚嚐了又嚐可是換來成長 可是換來希望如今我站在台上 這麼對你講
十年的功聚成燦爛 那一分鐘的夢生命舞台發光的人 絕不是只會說

~~~

2016 is a year that is very important to me. This is the year where I focus on the two most important modules of my 4 years as an undergraduate. I will be working on my FYP and design project, and I have high hopes and expectations for myself for these two subjects. And I wish I could get a good job offer before I graduate, and this means that I will be working hard on my resume and (hopefully) interviews for job applications.

Aside from this, It will be the final months of my term as the President of NUSWS. Now with better experience with concert preparation, I hope that the next InTempo will be a successful one.

I don't have big aspirations for 2016. I will focus on 修身、齐家。治国、平天下 can come later when I'm more prepared.

끝

Life was perfectly beautiful
just so long as there were those sweet memories.

Even though life was uncertain in my youth
Not a single moment passed without leaving a sweet taste of life.

Fragments of those sweet memories made my life perfect.
They seemed to last forever

29 Mar, LKY State Funeral

Today is a poignant day in the history of Singapore. Thousands of Singaporeans line the streets or tune in to the media, to send off the founding father of the nation. They stand resolute, undeterred by the pouring rain.

As I watch the live telecast from home, I came to realise just how much he has contributed to Singapore. The meticulous city planning itself was just so evident from the TV footage. The people standing united is validation of his efforts to integrate a nation. The sheer number of foreign dignitaries present was a clear testament of his success in diplomacy and international relations. The guests and representatives from so many different sectors of the community and institutions: defence, private and public sectors, religious groups, sports, culture, arts and media, research and education, with their presence, is a moving reminder of just how many lives he has touched and affected for the better, in so many different ways.

In a way, I am one of the many lives he has touched.

Without his foresight and tenacity in building regional relations, I would probably have not received my ASEAN scholarship Tuition Grant and have the opportunity to study in one the best education systems in the world -- one which he helped to build.

Without his help to establish The Band Movement, I would have been a very different person, for the school band is where I have learnt so much from, in terms of character building and music. The Singapore Band Movement is also very much an influence of Malaysia's band scene, where I started from.

His economic policies will also be a major part of what I will experience as I graduate, and it is in fact on which I have experienced, not just through my scholarship, but in my Industrial Attachment as well.

Some might think that thanking him for all these might be fallacious, as these are all fruits of labour which can be enjoyed, regardless of which leader was present at that time. But, by looking at differences in ideology and achievements between Singapore and regional nations, it becomes evident, that his outstanding successes - how he built so much from so little - were no coincidence. His values, vision, veracity, are as valuable as can be. They were unique. They are the reasons of his success. The reasons why we are able to enjoy prosperity and sustainability today.

I did not attend his wake, nor line the streets to give him tribute. But deep down from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank him for everything he has done. His legacy will live on.

Realisations

Today has been quite a roller coaster ride.

After a fun-filled MT2001 class, things seem to be all fine until a classmate broke into fits/seizures. Not sure what the name of the medical condition is, but it certainly took so many of us by surprise.

It went on for almost an hour, and the classmates tried to control and restrain him. Thankfully the condition was stable, and he was able to explain to us some of his thoughts.

It was a relief seeing how so many of us were willing to help him, though we had no experience, and do not know what to do most of the time.

I wonder how much has he gone through, since this is not the first time he had such outbreaks.

Sometimes, it's only when such things happen, that we realise that we take our health and other's well-being for granted. There's so much more to humanity than just seeking rewards and thrills. So much more can be learned simply by understanding those around us. Walk in their moccasins for a moon and you'll be amazed, dumbfounded.

Life is a blessing. And it's never too late to show someone care and concern.

Thoughts on studying overseas

Sometimes, I question myself, asking why is it that I want to study overseas so much? I felt sad when I gave up on the UK universities which accepted my through UCAS. Gaining admittance to such universities seem to be proof that I am more than what I am. It's like a status symbol, a way to show that you are destined for greatness.

Of course, I also wish to live in a totally different environment, a city that offers much to die for. After A Levels, somehow, UK was the only overseas country I considered. London was the aspiration. Receiving an acceptance letter from Imperial College seemed like a dream come true. It is such a world-leading institution, and it is also in the center of London - and right beside the Royal Albert Hall. It was the best of both worlds in terms of study and stay (and entertainment).

Deciding not to attend Imperial College was tough. My brother was also accepted, and if both of us attend, we'll definitely put a huge strain on our family's finances. Receiving ASEAN scholarships made the decision easier. It was comforting knowing that my parents do not need to scrimp and save and fret over the tuition fees - we'll probably be in huge debt if we had gone to Imperial together. My father is not one who openly talks about our financial status, and he did say that he could have enough to send us overseas, but I know that it will probably use up most of his savings.

At first, I looked at studying in Singapore with a certain amount of disdain. In all honesty, Singapore is wonderful. But when I had set my mind on London for so many months, Singapore felt like a much lesser option. However, studying in Singapore did open up my mind to many different possibilities, and I made lots of wonderful friends. And I found myself letting go of the ego that used to consume me a little. I realised that there are many others who made harder decisions than me. I realised how Singapore was actually the aspiration for many others. I used to admire people studying overseas so much, but I realised that there are also many others who admire me for what I have - when I did not even appreciate those. Of course, I also realised that I am far from being the high-achiever I thought I am, when I did not score as well as I expected in terms of grades. These are all very humbling experiences.

I also came to realise that there are many more important things in life, and I do not need to spend a huge sum of money chasing after aspirations. Any choice you take can be a good one, as long as you make the best out of it. Also, prestigious affiliations are good to have, but you can still be recognised for many other things.

Now, I am glad because I still got to study overseas. Having an exchange in Norway was really eye-opening as well. I was exposed to many different cultures, and I realised how myopic my initial fascination with London was. There are so many other places in the world which can offer rewarding experiences. Also, in terms of study, I realised that university rankings are not all that matters. NTNU is a small university compared to NUS, but I have encountered and interacted with many brilliant minds here in Trondheim. I believe that one reason was because of the size, which brings teachers and students closer together. Furthermore, this university has lots of researchers and teaching staff who are outstanding leaders in their field. During my stay here, two researchers were awarded the Nobel prize in Physiology and Medicine. It was really an exciting time to be here.

My initial fascination with studying overseas was also due to my desire to travel. I really got to fulfil this wish of mine during my exchange, albeit at a cost. I am very satisfied with the way this experience turned out, but of course,  I wished that I have met more people, and travelled more within the wonderful Norway. I travelled alone, travelled on road trips, travelled with new friends, and soon I'll travel with my parents, then my old buddies from high school. 

In this whole exchange experience, I really found peace with myself. I got to discover some of what I like and what I don't, I got to experience a truly independent lifestyle - the many years of hostel life still do not amount to what I learnt in these few months here. I met people, had great experiences, and saw many wonderful places. I had plenty of time alone, and I particularly enjoyed strolling about all by myself, discovering pretty sights here and there. Furthermore, I also felt even more attached to home, and even more proud of my cultural identity - more than I have ever did as a Malaysian in Singapore.

This post was also one of the most honest one I have written. Writing these thoughts in words seems to be a form of letting go - of the things that has been occupying my mind when I was younger - and also a reconciliation and acknowledgement of some conflicting thoughts in my head.

Now, back to studying for tomorrow's exam. I gotta fill in my cheat sheet with more stuff.

In the midst of exams at NTNU

I just had two exams done. The first one was separation technology, which was ok, except that I could not get a few questions right. The exam was held in Trondheim Spektrum, which is like the MPSH area of NTNU, It is located near a u-shape bend of the Nidelva river, and the view along the building was simply amazing.

Next time I go Trondheim Spektrum, I'll make sure that I bring my camera along.

My second exam was actually a poster presentation for Energy from Wind and Tidal Systems. It was a really fun module as we got to design our own wind turbine, assembled from a blade and a generator. We brought it to a wind tunnel for testing, and our group's turbine had the best performance among all the others. And we got a free NTNU mug and a multi-purpose scarf. For the The poster presentation was more than just a presentation. There were groups who brought huge ass TV screens to show videos, and also some who displayed their blade on lamp stands etc. And most interestingly, everyone brewed coffee and baked cookies/cakes, some of which are inspired by wind turbine design. So you get gingerbread wind mills/ wind turbines, turbine-shaped cakes, etc. The mood was just wonderful. We also brought a tablecloth, had candles, etc. As our blade was so smooth and so well designed and well polished, the prof wanted to keep it! It will be in a hall of fame somewhere. Here's our wonderful team:

I'm the shortest among them all. And apparently, I could very well use a hair cut.

Our multi-national team :)

I have another exam tomorrow. So not looking forward to it, as it is a module which I found it hardest to understand (Process Modelling).

After tomorrow, I will have exams for Petroleum Engineering, where 100% of the grade depends on the exam, as well as for Process Control, which I hope I can do well.

I have a little more than a week left in Trondheim, and when the time comes, I will probably miss this place so much!

7 dec: 3am stroll in the snow

7 dec: long exposure near a small gathering area, after the snow has cleared

8 dec: snow just started falling (after sunset)

Exchange at NTNU

It has been a long time coming. And finally I am back in this blog.

I really did not make it a point to keep diaries/ journals, but I do hope to do as much as I can.

I have had the best trip of my life. In fact, the trip is still ongoing, as now I am an exchange student at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology.

I have learned so much here, and  I really can't be grateful enough for all my experiences. I learned how to write in LaTeX from Truls, my lab partner for Separation Technology (we had two experiments, and there was so much work in this lab - so glad that it is over), and I am learning Process Control from one of the best professors in this field. What better way to learn about Skogestad IMC tuning ruls from Skogestad himself? I am just regretting that I did not attend his lectures that often, due to my travels and my inability to wake up early. In fact, I just submitted the report for one of the most challenging projects I have done, and it was on Process Control. I was supposed to do the project in a group of three, but due to miscommunication on my part, I did not have one. So I decided to do it alone, for the flexibility, and partly to prove that I can do it. It was so challenging,  and I was doing the reports even during my travels. A Chinese group of tourists even commended how hardworking I am while I was doing work on the Switzerland trains. I am so glad that I managed to pull through for this project, and thankful for the help rendered by the TAs. One more reason that I was so proud of my project was because I wrote it in LaTeX, and the final report did look fantastic.

Apart from the above two core modules, I am taking Process Modelling, which was a mega pain in the a$$. It was a module that I partly neglected, and am still struggling, even though it was the module with the best lecture attendance on my part. There are programming parts in Python which I struggled so much at the start, and also modelling parts which I still am struggling. Not to say I am good at Python, but the exercises gradually became easier, closer to the MatLab exercises I did in NUS. But the modelling exercises were so tedious.

My experience here in this university was even better because of the two technical electives I am taking: Petroleum Engineering (Basic Course) and Energy from Wind and Tidal Systems. The Petroleum module has 5 mini-modules within the course, and had 5 lecturers. I was very amazed at how the course content is really a synthesis of knowledge from geology (and geophysics), chemical engineering, material sciences, etc. There was so much to learn, but it was really very enjoyable. Towards the later part of the course, I started to regret not applying to an oil and gas company for internship. I really enjoyed studying this course in Norway, as of course, Norway is so wealthy today because of its rich resources in this area, and we really learn from industry experts.

Energy from Wind and Tidal Systems was particularly interesting. It was really just two parts: design of a wind turbine blade using mechanical/aerospace engineering knowledge, and design of a generator using electrical engineering knowledge. As a chemical engineer, I really had trouble understanding the course. To make matters worse, I was travelling quite consistently, and I missed many important parts of the project phases. This project requires us to construct a working model of a wind turbine, and test it. There are no exams, but there is a final poster presentation. I really felt so bad for missing out on some of the project meetings and I was away during some important submission dates, so I hope to redeem myself by making the final report look really good, in LaTeX of course.

So, apart from the studies aspect, I am really thankful for being able to have exchange in Norway. Here are my top few reasons:

1. The academics aspect was wonderful. Scandinavians give out the coveted Nobel prizes after all. While I was here in NTNU, two researchers even received the Nobel prize for biomedical research! It was an exciting time to be here. I also had the opportunity to study with the best experts in their field.
2. Northern lights. The first time we saw the aurora, we went to the beach. The second time, I was able to watch them from my kitchen!
3. Internationality. So many different people from all walks of life, many opportunities to make friends
4. Trondheim is a very beautiful city. It is small, quaint, and charming.
5. Hiking and outdoors. There is no better way to enjoy these, as hiking spots are so easily accessible.
6. Weather and climate. It is so different from Malaysia and Singapore, and if you are looking for a very different experience, why not go as far as you can, to somewhere like here?
7. Schengen. This place has the best of both worlds. You have the outdoors like in New Zealand and Iceland, but you can easily travel to other parts of Europe, and enjoy other cities in this wonderful continent. Even better, due to the near-elimination of border control, I was able to travel around even though my passport was stolen (happy and sad)
8. Salmon. Everything here is expensive, but there's cheap salmon!

So, in trying to make this a real update of my life, I shall also write down the things I did related to /during this exchange:

1. Solo travel (27 July - 8 Aug). So after SIBF, I flew to London as soon as I can. I took Air France and deliberately chose a 12-hour transit so I could do a speed tour in Paris. I then spent a few wonderful days in London, travelling according to the London Pass, and having outings with the beloved Xue Zheng and Han Loong. Berry picking and Primrose Hill and Street Fest and stuff. I then went to Brussels and Amsterdam, where I was truly alone. But the travelling was wonderful.
2. Geiranger roadtrip (28-31 Aug): We drove a car to Geiranger, stopping along the way to enjoy the spectacular Norwegian scenery. It had been a truly remarkable experience!
3. Barcelona getaway (19-25 Sep): Barcelona was wonderful. Our trip even coincided with the La Merce festival in Barcelona, and there was just so many sights and sounds everywhere. The fireworks display at the end was magnificent, and the crowd was just so huge! We were glad to find a good place to watch the show, but I was sad cos my passport and pretty pouch was stolen... I should have been more careful.
4. Birthday trip (16-26 Oct): To celebrate my birthday, I chose to travel in Europe with my twin, and it was definitely an experience I will never forget. We went to Munich, Salzburg and Switzerland. So many beautiful sights: Neuschwanstein, Sound of Music tour, as well as the amazing Swiss Alps. Switzerland was particularly expensive, but I felt that everything we did was worth it. Got a swiss army knife for a self-gifted birthday present, and I started having interests in swiss watches, especially Swatch's Sistem 51, for being a affordable and tasteful automatic watch. Should have bought one! But I shall see if I have enough money to spare.

These were the major trips, and I am looking forward to spending time in further trips:

1. Stockholm (15-17 Nov) to tour the Venice of the North, and also visit the Embassy of Malaysia in Stockholm, to apply for a new passport. sigh
2. Tromso (End Nov) to experience the cold, and see more northern lights!
3. Flam and Bergen (End Dec) with my parents, who are coming to visit
4. Poland and the rest of Europe (End Dec and early Jan) with my friends staying in Europe, before I fly back to Singapore

And by then it will be the end of my exchange journey. I applied for Industrial Attachment, and I have accepted Abbott's offer as a process safety engineer. I kind of hope that it will work out. At the point of applying, I felt really interested, but after a while I started asking myself a lot of what-ifs?. But I should just treat it like another challenge, and a way to understand myself better. After that, my module choices will be more or less set in stone, and I will need to deal with the challenge of writing my FYP in one semester. I will worry about that later.

For now, I am thankful for being here.

Time to start doing my Process Modelling exercise due 2 hours ago...

Beauty World (8 Feb)

I have had many performing experiences, but those are more or less limited to band performances on stage, or ensemble performances with a small audience. Never have I expected to be part of a live band for a 2.5hr musical, playing music to nearly a thousand people.

This is so challenging - there are so many solos throughout, and the notes are so high (many top Ds and a top E). And the brass section and I are so heavily mic-ed up any mistakes will be perfectly audible. Mr Lun's mouthpiece was a savior - without his Bobby Shue, I would not be able to play those high notes so well. There were a few misses (mostly over-pitching) but I'm super happy with my playing on that day.

The musician team was so perfect on the performance day. (There's definitely some room for improvement. But it only shows that we are human, and that itself is "perfect" in its own way). Now that I remember how we started of fumbling all over the place, I realised how much we have improved. And all the angst and whines do not matter anymore.

Of course, this show will not be successful without the efforts of the cast, the props team, the lights and sounds people, and chorus). Everybody was so amazing, and played their part to the fullest. This is the type of show I have always admired, and I am glad to be part of this collaborative success.

Now that this project is over, I can't wait for what's lying ahead :)

SEP

Since secondary school, I have had the privilege to study at one of the best secondary school in Singapore. It wasn't all smooth-sailing, but I did learn a lot, and I most definitely will be a very different person if I have continued my studies in Malaysia. But I have always set my sights much further abroad. My father's subscription to National Geographic might have played a key role in my aspirations - I have always imagined myself in the shoes of those photographers snapping photos of the beautiful landscapes. I wanted to see places, I wanted to experience those diverse cultures, I wanted to get myself out and about.

I was quite passionate about applying for studies in UK after JC. Then again, I was rather naive, and thought that the most accessible place for overseas, privileged education was in UK. I did get offers from a dream university, but decided not to attend, as it was expensive and I could not secure an overseas scholarship. NUS offered me a scholarship, and I accepted it after much deliberation.

Then came the chance to apply for Student Exchange Programme. I didn't really know what I wanted. There were so many choices, and I really did not need to limit myself to English-speaking countries. Almost anywhere seems possible. Well, I did regret not putting enough effort into my SEP research - my aspirations are largely held back by my laziness. There were so many things to research on - location, accessibility, cost, and most importantly, module mappings. I even had to make changes to my application after the deadline due to change in minds. All was well till the announcement of the offers.

I was offered an SEP to Norway in Semester 2. And I was immediately hit with many after-thoughts. Longer semester time = larger cost. SEP in Sem 2 = no chance for IA. Inability to map HR modules = only able to do TEs and UEs. Limited mappable TEs = inability to specialise. My cortisol levels rose so high I had trouble sleeping. After talking to many seniors and department staff (who were so very kind), I finally made an appeal to change my SEP to Semester 1. It was hard justifying my intentions when my initial application put down Semester 2 for Norway. And to add on to the stress, my request was only put forward on a Friday afternoon, and the application deadline was a Sunday. The coordinator who makes the decision was on a half day leave, and this means that she can only inform me of her decision (and whether there are vacancies) the day after the deadline.

Fortunately, the coordinator was so kind. She advised me to accept the offer first, while waiting for the appeal to be processed. On the next Monday, she called to inform me that all was well, and I can re-accept the SEP, this time for Semester 1.

My choice for Semester 1 was largely based on module compatibility, and the prospect of applying for Industrial Attachment after that. For now, I stand by my decision, and I am proud to have made the choice. I have never felt so happy in my life - I am finally going on an adventure!

Mahler 2

O glaube, mein Herz, o glaube:

Es geht dir nichts verloren!

Dein ist, ja dein, was du gesehnt!

Dein, was du geliebt,

Was du gestritten!

O glaube

Du wardst nicht umsonst geboren!

Hast nicht umsonst gelebt, gelitten!

Was entstanden ist

Das muß vergehen!

Was vergangen, auferstehen!

Hör' auf zu beben!

Bereite dich zu leben!

~~~~ o ~~~~

O believe, my heart, O believe:

Nothing to you is lost!

Yours is, yes yours, is what you desired

Yours, what you have loved

What you have fought for!

O believe,

You were not born for nothing!

Have not for nothing, lived, suffered!

What was created

Must perish,

What perished, rise again!

Cease from trembling!

Prepare yourself to live!

~~~~ o ~~~~

German text and English translations of the "lyrics" from Mahler's Symphony No.2 Fifth Movement (taken from wikipedia). I find it to be such a great mugging anthem for the exams. I am not too confident for the physics exams today, but I'll let it pass. Other exams are more important!

On a side note, the dinner today was awesome. In a sense that they are not cheap. Crayfish and steak don't come to your dinner plates often!