To have a good boss is a bliss. 😢😢😢
Thursday, August 23, 2018
Thursday, August 16, 2018
August 2018
there you go. already 2/3 of the year. time flies so fast i dont even realize.
what did i do this year? what is my achivement? what improvement i made so far?
hmmm
i almost forgot the resolution i wrote early this year. oh did i wrote that?
1. to loss weight. i gained weight like no body business in sabah. so it should start from kitchen. i must cut down junk food. and eat more healthy food. drink a lot of PLAIN water. target weight 65kg by june.
failed miserably
2. jaga mata. jaga hati. jaga iman, jauhi zina. jaga ikhtilat. (this is serious :|)
improve a little bit
3. keep silent if u hv nothing good to say. jaga hubungan dengan manusia, jaga lidah. jangan cakap merepek bukan bukan takde isi dan menyakitkan hati org lain. kurangkan mengumpat, gossip, backbiting, etc.
i talk less non sense nowaday. i prefer to keep silent rather than talk non sense, ppl might misinterpret it as a rude i guess. But oh well, im too old to care.
4. financial. (we'll see later about this)
50-50
5. get a way from social media. i challenge myself to delete twitter/ig/fb the whole one month trial period in February. lets do it!
manage to stay away from social media half month of February and the whole month of July. self pat on shoulder :p
6. i still cant see my future in relationship and carrier. (we'll see later about this)
Well.. *cough* I made a move recently, i texted someone i stalk past one year. *stalker alert* .it took me a lot of courage to do so, i mean to start the conversation. to be honest i dont hv so much ppl i really fond of. my last crush was only back in uni. but this guy. I hv a hugeeee crush on him. But too shy to confess even to start a conversation. Haha. but then... only 4 sentences and the conversation end. haha. how to make a progress like this. Lol.
i took PAIEM exam last month. wohooo! how it goes? i dont know. result still pending.
but im glad at least i made a progression with my carrier event though i havent see the light at the end of tunnel yet.
sokay let live day by day and we'll think tomorrow's problem tomorrow.
so did i achived my resolution? Not all completed but still there is something to be proud of. I guess.
To summarize things happened so far this year: im glad i transfer back to semenanjung, near to my dear friends and family. But i hate my job.
i transfer back to Semenanjung for good in February. back to my home town in Banting. honestly to start fresh, i really dont know where my future in career goes. they ask me what i want? i just said i was in ed before. initially they put me in OSH; occupational safety dept. culture shock. really. from clinically shift hours job to 8-5 desk job. really good life i guess. on my 3rd week in OSH, they ask me to cover OPD (outpt dept) for a week as they short of man power to cover the clinic. i do hv a good time in OPD. im happy and really enjoy when seeing patients. this when i realize admin job is not for me. but here also the moment that change my life. forever.
it started when i refer one case of dengue to paeds dept. then, on the next day i was summon to the hospital director's office. 'hani, i hv to pull you out from OSH. you hv to go to paeds' what??!!
what the hell. where this thing come from. why all of sudden? why do i need to go to paeds? i dont want paeds. i was ed MO for 3 years. i am ed trained. i want ed. i told the pengarah i cant do paeds. i dont want paeds. im not good with kids. then suddenly out of nowhere, paeds HOD also in the room they both are very persuasive ask me to pull me into paeds. and i persistently say no.
HOD paeds says; i heard from my MO you're good. now im very sad disappointed with you because you not even want to try. what???!!
what the hell. seriously. why me?
the meeting goes for an hour with all the sweat and tears. i kid you not. and i insist persistently say no. at the end of the meeting, pengarah's last word: either you go paeds or you go out from this hospital.
i cried non stop and speechless at that moment. i dont know what else to say. then i replied, when do i start? -you start tomorrow.
i took EL on the next day.
why people are so mean? why they hv to be this cruel. why just dont let ppl to do what they love and achieve their dream?
so here i am. 6months of life in paeds. you have no idea how much i hate my job everyday.
i hold a grudge to the paeds MO that i refer the dengue case earlier. because of her now im here. i dont know, should i be flattered the HOD personally request for me? to do something i hate. they gave me 2weeks so called trial period in this dept. seriously i talk to no one. just do my job, came to work with sour face everyday i dont even read msgs in the group. at the end of 2 weeks, im ready to see the HOD again to tell her i cant do this. but then she says oh hani, you seems ok. you can start oncall next week. *nangis air mata darah*
i hate it and it drained me so much i want to rebel. but thinking of my job is dealing with other human, little human some more, and how much i hate my job, i dont want to harm and jeopardize my patient's care. i need to suck it up and just to my job no matter how much i hate it. paeds and ED are two very different things. the ward round, the OCD is killing me.
there is a job opening for emergency resident at UITM private medical center. i applied for the job and went for interview. And... I got the job. so tempting to take the job but when i ask opinion from others so many people against it. stay, they said. esp mom and my sister. it broke my heart because i really want to leave this dept and ppl against it. sigh.
here i am, still in paeds. 6 month and barely survive. i take it as a part of learning curve in my career to learn and for the knowledge and skill that definitely will be useful later.
btw successfully did direct suction for the 1st time early this week. it made my day. :)
i hate how much my temper getting worse nowadays. i did something bad today. im postcall and i went to see developer the get my house's keys for house inpection of defect. appointment was at 4pm. you know how much i hate waiting and make ppl wait. after an hour drive and when i arrived,there is no one at the office. im sleepy, tired and grumpy af. call the person incharge and she replied other person will attend me shortly. i am so mad, when the person came, i just took the keys and left without saying a word. he knock on my car's window because there is some document and procedure i need to fill and discuss, but i just drove away and leave.
im not proud of it and it is a bad attitude. but cant help myself not getting pissed off. i find it very annoying and irritating keep ppl waiting.
God please help me.
so many things i want to write and tell. but till next time.
what did i do this year? what is my achivement? what improvement i made so far?
hmmm
i almost forgot the resolution i wrote early this year. oh did i wrote that?
1. to loss weight. i gained weight like no body business in sabah. so it should start from kitchen. i must cut down junk food. and eat more healthy food. drink a lot of PLAIN water. target weight 65kg by june.
failed miserably
2. jaga mata. jaga hati. jaga iman, jauhi zina. jaga ikhtilat. (this is serious :|)
improve a little bit
3. keep silent if u hv nothing good to say. jaga hubungan dengan manusia, jaga lidah. jangan cakap merepek bukan bukan takde isi dan menyakitkan hati org lain. kurangkan mengumpat, gossip, backbiting, etc.
i talk less non sense nowaday. i prefer to keep silent rather than talk non sense, ppl might misinterpret it as a rude i guess. But oh well, im too old to care.
4. financial. (we'll see later about this)
50-50
5. get a way from social media. i challenge myself to delete twitter/ig/fb the whole one month trial period in February. lets do it!
manage to stay away from social media half month of February and the whole month of July. self pat on shoulder :p
6. i still cant see my future in relationship and carrier. (we'll see later about this)
Well.. *cough* I made a move recently, i texted someone i stalk past one year. *stalker alert* .it took me a lot of courage to do so, i mean to start the conversation. to be honest i dont hv so much ppl i really fond of. my last crush was only back in uni. but this guy. I hv a hugeeee crush on him. But too shy to confess even to start a conversation. Haha. but then... only 4 sentences and the conversation end. haha. how to make a progress like this. Lol.
i took PAIEM exam last month. wohooo! how it goes? i dont know. result still pending.
but im glad at least i made a progression with my carrier event though i havent see the light at the end of tunnel yet.
sokay let live day by day and we'll think tomorrow's problem tomorrow.
so did i achived my resolution? Not all completed but still there is something to be proud of. I guess.
To summarize things happened so far this year: im glad i transfer back to semenanjung, near to my dear friends and family. But i hate my job.
i transfer back to Semenanjung for good in February. back to my home town in Banting. honestly to start fresh, i really dont know where my future in career goes. they ask me what i want? i just said i was in ed before. initially they put me in OSH; occupational safety dept. culture shock. really. from clinically shift hours job to 8-5 desk job. really good life i guess. on my 3rd week in OSH, they ask me to cover OPD (outpt dept) for a week as they short of man power to cover the clinic. i do hv a good time in OPD. im happy and really enjoy when seeing patients. this when i realize admin job is not for me. but here also the moment that change my life. forever.
it started when i refer one case of dengue to paeds dept. then, on the next day i was summon to the hospital director's office. 'hani, i hv to pull you out from OSH. you hv to go to paeds' what??!!
what the hell. where this thing come from. why all of sudden? why do i need to go to paeds? i dont want paeds. i was ed MO for 3 years. i am ed trained. i want ed. i told the pengarah i cant do paeds. i dont want paeds. im not good with kids. then suddenly out of nowhere, paeds HOD also in the room they both are very persuasive ask me to pull me into paeds. and i persistently say no.
HOD paeds says; i heard from my MO you're good. now im very sad disappointed with you because you not even want to try. what???!!
what the hell. seriously. why me?
the meeting goes for an hour with all the sweat and tears. i kid you not. and i insist persistently say no. at the end of the meeting, pengarah's last word: either you go paeds or you go out from this hospital.
i cried non stop and speechless at that moment. i dont know what else to say. then i replied, when do i start? -you start tomorrow.
i took EL on the next day.
why people are so mean? why they hv to be this cruel. why just dont let ppl to do what they love and achieve their dream?
so here i am. 6months of life in paeds. you have no idea how much i hate my job everyday.
i hold a grudge to the paeds MO that i refer the dengue case earlier. because of her now im here. i dont know, should i be flattered the HOD personally request for me? to do something i hate. they gave me 2weeks so called trial period in this dept. seriously i talk to no one. just do my job, came to work with sour face everyday i dont even read msgs in the group. at the end of 2 weeks, im ready to see the HOD again to tell her i cant do this. but then she says oh hani, you seems ok. you can start oncall next week. *nangis air mata darah*
i hate it and it drained me so much i want to rebel. but thinking of my job is dealing with other human, little human some more, and how much i hate my job, i dont want to harm and jeopardize my patient's care. i need to suck it up and just to my job no matter how much i hate it. paeds and ED are two very different things. the ward round, the OCD is killing me.
there is a job opening for emergency resident at UITM private medical center. i applied for the job and went for interview. And... I got the job. so tempting to take the job but when i ask opinion from others so many people against it. stay, they said. esp mom and my sister. it broke my heart because i really want to leave this dept and ppl against it. sigh.
i can see the effort of my bosses to make me stay. regardless how rebel i am and im showing no interest at all in paeds. i dont attend any dept makan2 event or celebration. i find my excuse to escape from dept activity and meeting. but despite all of that i dont know why they still want to keep me here. you know, to hv a good boss also a crucial and important factor at work. i dont like my boss back in my prev work place and he's one of the reason i dont want to stay at Sabah anymore. and here, the bosses are very nice. i made a fatal mistake, twice. and recently just 2 days ago. i went to see the big boss and confess the mistake i made. the mistake is huge she summon all the staffs include all the nurses and mos for an emergency meeting. it getting worse and drag on up till other specialist and staff nurse get the blame. i feel so bad. and she didnt scold me. tsk. 'even someone's good can do this mistake. make sure it wont happen again ok Hani.'
and the other time, one the specialist said to me, thank God boss didnt scold you Hani, because she likes you. tsk tsk.
btw successfully did direct suction for the 1st time early this week. it made my day. :)
i hate how much my temper getting worse nowadays. i did something bad today. im postcall and i went to see developer the get my house's keys for house inpection of defect. appointment was at 4pm. you know how much i hate waiting and make ppl wait. after an hour drive and when i arrived,there is no one at the office. im sleepy, tired and grumpy af. call the person incharge and she replied other person will attend me shortly. i am so mad, when the person came, i just took the keys and left without saying a word. he knock on my car's window because there is some document and procedure i need to fill and discuss, but i just drove away and leave.
im not proud of it and it is a bad attitude. but cant help myself not getting pissed off. i find it very annoying and irritating keep ppl waiting.
so many things i want to write and tell. but till next time.
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