Long to belong

I love being alone. There's a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I do feel lonely sometimes. How much i keen for a company but I completely loathe people who rob me off my solitude but provide me with no meaningful company. I do not like wasting time to explaining myself or speaking meaningless issues that brings no good to the self or others. Just for the sake you dont look pity all alone by urself eating outside, drink coffee, shopping or watching movie, i opt for a good company or just by myself. Most of the time is the later. I dont mind and i dont care what other people think. 

I have very small circle people im comfortable with. I know i can be very defensive too sometimes. Its for sake of my fragile heart. I dont like intrusion and im just happy and comfortable in my bubble.Surprisingly, I made new friends and met new people a lot more when I was a houseman in kl. I only have small circle of people here. Which consist of my colleagues, in the same department. I'm glad we hv quite a lot outdoor activities together; playing badminton, hiking and running, occasional roadtrip. Otherwise I would die of boredom. I still remember 1st few months in Sandakan I'm so depressed of being alone with nothing to do after work. Went back home, staring at the wall, sleep and going back to work again. This seaside small town has nothing much to offer compare to kl. Which I only found the hidden gems much later. 

And yet, colleagues still just a colleagues. I dont find my person here. The one you can talk everything to, the one you just call randomly without any occasion, the one you can rely on at the time in need, the one you can trust. 

I wonder if im trouble or falling sick, who i can count into?

How much I love being alone, and regardless how independant i am, it just good to know, actually you have somebody to rely on at the time u need the most, esp here in this foreign land, away from ur families and away from ur beloved one.

Tsk. The thought is sucks.

Land Below the Wind

Hi. Woahhh it's been awhile. Last post was almost 2years ago. While im still a very junior mo. In this land below the wind. 
No. Not so junior anymore. But still alot to learn, to improve, to improvise. 

So currently I've been here for more than 2years already.  2years 4months to be exact counting. I've learned a lot. I grow up a little; less clingy, more independent, but still immature. Still emotional. 

I still remember the day i came to Sabah, for the 1st time in my life. My sister and Mom sent me to the airport only at drop off area. Im already started the journey on my own. Too ignorant I have no idea where is sdk and definitely I didn't do any research before I came here. My friends back in kl keep asking me when are you leaving? Where u gonna stay? Are u gonna stay at kk 1st? How you will go to Sandakan?

As impromptu and impulsive I am, I definitely don't have the answer. I don't make plan. And  i'm avoiding to answer the questions esp from aunty because I knew they will throw a farewell party for me and I'm really sucks at goodbye. I feel bad to receive random act of kindness from others.

Funny story, I almost missed my flight. It's been a while since the last time I travel by air I don't remember when should I be there for boarding. My flight at 630. Already settle check in and everything at 4am. So I took my sweet on time at the airport and heading to gate at 610am. Im surprised the gate was empty! No one there. Then I realized they close the gate already. Find the crew but they don't allow me in. Begging persistently and I almost cry at the gate. By some luck manage to contact the captain and they allowed me in. What a relived. Arrived at Kota kinabalu airport around 9am in the morning. Fetch my sister's car at her friend's, went to lapor diri at JKNS. Silly my sister, the road tax expired on the day i arrived at KK. So find JPJ to renew the roadtax. Settle everything and later in the afternoon i met Jaz. he's in kk outstation, hes been here for almost one week already. We went to watch sunset at tanjung aru. Omggg I'm so glad finally I met someone I know in this foreign land. Later I met Fazila and we went for dinner with her housemates and I stay overnight at her place. Thats all the story and drama of my first day in this land below the wind.

The real journey start the next day. To go to Sandakan. By car. Alone. I knew it takes roughly 5-6hours but I don't know how is the road takes me. Leaving kk at 5am in the morning. The road is really bad. Like really bad. Like all the way to cameron highland in all 6 hours journey. Im surprised manage arrived in one piece at Sandakan on my very 2nd day in Sabah by driving alone from KK. Pheww. Im surprised how on earth my sister allowed me to drive alone from KK to Sandakan all by myself. If im at my sister's place i definitely wouldnt allowed it looking of long hours of journey, geographicly and so bad road condition. 

After safely arrived my very 1st stop i went straight away to hospital. Lapor diri etc, met a HOD and then only im search for a hotel. I know. Im very at a moment very last minute person. I stay at Sunbay Hotel at the town. Quite dodgy hotel actually. I dont know why i choose that. Whtever. So damn tired i just wanna rest. Later in the evening, i met Anati, Farhana and Aqilah for dinner. Former colleagues from HKL. Thank god for another familiar faces. Thats the end of the stories of day2 in Sabah. And my very 1st day in Sandakan.

And the next day househunting begin. Start the day with breakfast with Abid. Jr back in Alex. He's among of few i keep in touch with before coming to Sandakan. Househunting alone, I think i saw about 4 houses before decided to choose the house i like to rent. The house to feel like home. Quite far from hospital but i like it. It cozy, and comfortable to live alone. And i think the neighboorhood is safe.

Long story short... now 2 years++ already. Time flies so fast.