.my.life.would.be.incomplete.

merry xmas!!!

the reason for the very late update?well i doubt i can update this blog anymore..coz i've quit working at ntuc income (woots!!!) and got to another company instead at raffles place..kinda far,but hell they pay damn ass good money,yo.

'Aon consulting' where it's a broker company so we're in charge of the insurers.and time to time i read/hear the word 'ntuc income'...my heart just beats slowly and i find myself smiling.. :) i miss that place...especially when working at aon now is crazy.the environment's different where nobody, and im serious in saying this....Nobody has the time to even smile..coz it's just busy,busy.busy...

btw out of the whole company,aon consulting,aon re and yadayada..there's only 2 malay ladies.not being racist,but seriously as i walk from the office to the train station,wow...it's realli populated with other races..and i just wonder..being biased?racist??i wish not to burst this humdrum thinking.and yes..i am the youngest there.sucks coz i dun have anyone near my age to be crazy with..at the moment my homies are 2 40-year old ladies.did i just say they all dun have time to smile?hence i couldnt make or they couldnt make the time to get to know me or each other..kinda sad...coz i miss being friendly and warm.HAAAA!!!

it's actually night shift that i'll be working..10pm-8.30am.having only 2 staffs working night shift doing admin and answering of calls and answering to their claims,it is quite okay..however,after chilling out with one of the security guards and knowing wat lies beneath the 29th floor,it damn gives me the creeps,man..regardless i am on the 25th floor...things can fly,u see. -.-

ej and me??GREAT!!!12/12/08...marks the beginning..a surprise of diamond ring and sheer words of romance...didnt expect to come from him to be honest..coz he had nvr been as mushy as that day...hee...oh wells..proposal...u got the idea... ^_^

im at his place now...am gonna sleepover...and at this hour,that bloody zul is here...so i shall at least say hello to him and not coop myself in the room,typing on the comfy green sofa..

2MRW'S SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACREII!!!!!

and lulu,thank you!!and it's time u bring ur gfs for a drive...i'll hold on to the seatbelt for my dear life...ahaahahahha

happy friday,all...and if i dun get the chance,HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
**it'll be the first time i'll be celebrating new year with a bf,balls..

.not.as.lovely.as.you.think.

fading...

last saturday went over to his place as we were suppose to go out after..but his parents came home after 8pm...i was having my stomach pangs again which was so bad..excruciating pain as it spread to my lower back as well..all the way while waiting for his parents to be home i was lying on ej's lap as he tried and tried to make me better...nothing worked.

his parents came home and bought mcdees for us..i had no appetite coz of the pangs and i was already near wanting to go home..his mum forced to eat a fries or two as the boys had their burger...there were 2 drinks..1 for ej and wawan..another for me...his dad accidentally took my drink and (this gave a shock to everyone) his mum was like "OI!!!THAT'S DIDI'S!!!" literally at the top of her lungs..omg..i was like.oookkkaayyy...chill now...hahaha...his mum passed particular medication and asked ej to rub on my tummy and lower back..i was crouching and was very much in pain,thank you and then his mum asked me to sleepover..

i needed a breather.eventhough it was already nearing 9pm we went out to ps to mit sid..amber is so big now and damn cute as she walked hand in hand with me and laughed and smiled..we all took the train home after much talking and fagging and yes,i got abused by the little kid..eventhough her size is small,her strength is strong,balls...she took ej's green tea bottle and hit my face a couple of times which she will laugh after..and yes,too many of a time that i didn't noe where she was aiming for and will catch me offguard.but she's so beautiful with her big eyes and her gibberish language and her 'nak!'..damn cute,lor..

so then ej and i stopped by the 711 near his place to get something warm..bought mashed potato and carrot juice..i dun think it goes well together..coz i wasted my money as i puke it all out after..gee..reached his place again past midnight and everyone was already aslp..we crept to his room as i bathed and got changed..(super turn off as his mum passed me the butterfly dress for my pajamas) we then played guitar as i played the chords while he did the solo..i was getting sleepy so we went to his mum's room and disturbed her sleep...

ej was sleeping on the mattress just so he can still sleep with me..- ___- while i slept next to his mum...he was being so annoying by tickling my feet and making so much noise which woke his mum up again..and so i heard someone singing a song in his sleep.hahahahah....

woke up super early..everyone's still aslp..his mum woke up with a start..saw me being awake and asked me to get bck to sleep again...i tried..but i still could not..finally i nudged ej with my feet to tell him im off to shower...well u can guess who knocked on the toilet door then after... -.-

we went to the market and bought breakfast..and redundant trip to ntuc coz it was a warm morning and i needed some aircon..ej and i fooled ard which got us back home late...and everyone was hungry..hee...after the number of dvds watched and the talks we all had,his parents and wawan made their way to the relative's house..and it was me and ej left at home..

i woke up with him lying on my lap and the tv watching us instead..nearing 2pm as i dragged my ass to get changed and get ready for home...

too detailed and long entry...but who the hell cares??
it's my blog..so yeah...

happy thursday all..

.coz.that's.all.we.have.

there' nothing to despair...

yesterday 2 of my close colleagues,mar and nazeerah placed their resignation letter on ashik,my manager's table.their's is a week's notice,hence their last day would be next tuesday...while for me,it's 24hours notice..and yes,i'll be shoving my resignation letter up his nose on the 10th,once i get my pay.can't take it here anymore and it's time that i find other prospects after waiting patiently of the proposal he had given for 2 whole months.but nothing came out of it.i wouldnt say i've not been doing a good job at work.i'd say there's nothing that can bring me down..coz my colleagues are a bunch of nice people and loading bay's always filled with laughter as the smoke billows to the ceiling.however the management??not professional and he cant handle pressure.not that we were asking for it,he was the one who brings it upon himself.and it's time that he earns his own respect.

on the 3rd i'll have an interview..still with ntuc income,but under another department...'branch servicing'.now that would be handling policyholder's queries face to face as i'll be at the frontline hence they'll come directly to the branch to either make payment or make noise..thanks to suhaimi who had helped a lot on this..

im on half day today..thank god..as i dread gng to work in the morning..a whole month of being super short-tempered,as though im having my pms moments every single day..work is just getting too much and it's time to move on further..

last 2 nights had dinner with liz and pipi at 'blue oasis' at century square..before that i went to snip..i cut my hair and my bangs look awful..due to the fact that the receptionist who answered my call said that Nitch,my hairdresser's fully booked.i trust Nitch coz she's the only one that noes how anal i can be about my bangs..so i thought..fug it.let's just go.i got darwen and nitch wasn't busy at all!!!and i cant just ask darwen to stop and let nitch take over.the results,my bangs look awful and i feel ugly.lesson learnt?be patient and wait for nitch to finish wat she has to do. -.-

i miss the ghumbra..a whole lot.ohtosan!!lol...

happy thursday,bitches.

.blue.lights.and.guitars.

streaks of red breaks through the horizon..

weekends well-spent as he held me and hugged me randomly..those funny antics he'll make and gibberish language he'll say..however on saturday nite we had a small tiff over the words he said..which had hurt me deeply..like a slap across the face.

every argument we have,i wont be able to sleep at night without settling things..hence i tossed and turned and waited for sleep to come..yet it didnt happen..it was so tempting to just call him in the middle of the night..but im sure that that would only add on to the argument we just had..alas sleep came..for just a short while..

ringtone 'the fallen' went off as i knew who it was.smart ass sure noes how to get things his way still as i heard his mum saying 'hello' over the fone..she asked me to come by open plaze at tm since their cousin's performing for Asian Beats..ska band,'private eye'..by then it was past 2pm..and they'll be performing at 2.30..i scolded ej for being suchan ass by calming me down with the use of his mum as he laughed away..

once i alighted from 291,i saw his family..fug..obvious that i missed the show..talked to his cousin's gf and talked to his mum..then after they wanted to go off as his mum hugged me and pulled me close and whispered,asking me to take care of ej...hurhur..

went back to open plaza,just me and ej as i saw kayyum and hafiz..they'll be performing as well..some deathcore band..stayed to watch as criss irwin was there as well to perform..whooh..kayyum's band was damn awesome as me,ej and dafi cheered them on..at 6.30 we went off as he had to book in by 8pm..

he held and kept hugging me..and as i waved him goodbye while the bus to his camp pass me by,i felt a part of me empty...but i'll see him again soon....very much soon..

as he said those words on sunday nite..i smiled and did a dance as he remembers..he remebers... :D

happy tuesday,babes.

.solace.

when the cold wind blows..

he better not be surprised to see 4 resignation letter on his table next week.work's being more than a bitch and things are being changed from time to time without our acknowledgement.i dread coming to work every single day,pale to comparison of how it was last time where every working day is a normal day..now,i have to drag myself out of the bed and ignore those promising excuse running in my head just so i can take the day off..

i did a crazy thing,sending my resume to sph.knowing that that would be prolly chucked out of sight for them..but hell..the idea of working there gives me adrenaline rush,knowing that it is one of my interest to write..eventhough there wasnt any need of qualification nor did it indicate the number of experience,im sure they're more interested in those who has qualifications under journalism or mass comm..blardy..

last night after work met up with tsue as we catch up on life and lots of bitchtalks..it was great as it was prolly a month since i last saw her..stories being shared and stuff to update each other..sat at waterfall,in front of my work place when we heard sirens..there was an ambulance and it stopped at interchange...okay..i shall not say anything else coz it was damn too embarrassing and super kental of us.

ej might book out 2mrw...or might not.honestly yesterday was not a great day for me and i needed him the most but time didnt permit him to even use his phone.and today,he tried to make up for it as the morning text came and a smile was plastered on my face all the way to work.thank you,angel.

happy thursday,everyone..(OMFG 2MRW'S FRIDAY!!!!hell yeah!!!!)

.what's.in.a.name.

incomplete story,unfold the theory.

i remember months back sitting at mcdees with ira,liz and pipi..after an incident that had happened to the former and myself,healing,trying to move on from the previous relationship..liz asked the question that was brought upon her by her sister.."wat isit in him that u can nvr ever get from another guy.." we talk for hours and hours..our last stick became the second last and so forth as more discussions took place as we left the place alas nearing 2am..and right now,the question is in my head..all those memories still vivid in my mind..

it's now 11 months that have passed,being with ej..and nvr have i thought that it would last this long..not that i intend to break up with him,but just that this is by far the longest relationship i've ever had..and each time i want to turn my back against him,i see myself chasing after him and nvr had i find this relationship anywhere near stale.

so wat is it about him that i can never ever get from any other guy?simple.

his sincerity in loving someone and to care for others had always been pure..his concern for me and the way he hold me,despite his build is so tender..his patience is endless and he would always calm me down..he will always try to please me and though few empty promises,he'll have ways to make it up to me..he pampers me throughout,not with money but from the love that i can feel and somehow see..all those affectionate names he'll call and chosen words he'll say that will always make my day..of course his build is a huge plus as i love to lie on his chest and feel extremely secure when he hug and hold me..and those eyes and smile and silliness..that ensures me that i can be myself..regardless farts or random spastic antics i'll make on the streets..

his patience and endurance..that's wat realli keeps us going..happy 11 months to us,baby...for sure most of you cringes while reading (that is if u totally read everything) or say it's ONLY 11 months..but hey..all relationships go through the months and years together before u settle it all down,isn't it?

i'm blessed.

happy tuesday,loves

.as.it.jerks.forwards.

i thank god i'm still alive..

i shan't post my recent adventures and things that have happened..one thing for sure,i enjoyed saturday..with love,gf and dude.thank you..i realli wished that the initial plan happened,but it backfired as we all were rushing from places to places..yet,she was still smiling from ear to ear...as we sat outside cathay and laugh our asses off with bad jokes and stupid antics..and for sure..lots and lots of mockings..

glass broke..plate fell..all within reach eventhough we were about to grasp it..and rite now im realli thinking of how much a bad omen can realli affect me..to stay till late just to wait for my sister to be home...and yesterday as shagged and sleepy as i was,i dragged my ass to mit ej bfore he books in..just to ensure everything is fine..that ppl that i love are still here with me..from cabs to cabs..nets to cash..i can foresee that imma go broke in weeks to come..and with that,i'll be so damn dead.

the insurance agent from prudential's such an ass..unprofessional and too casual..we had to go to tanjong pagar just to mit him at his building..finally time was up as the agent was damn late..we grabbed our bags and laugh our ass off as we took the bus to leave,without informing him..while waiting,ej fooled ard outside fujirox building...with him singing and us screaming randomly..i was brought upon those memories of us months back..waddyanoe..2mrw would be our 11 month...a year would be knocking on our door soon..and it's realli unbelievable of how fast time flies...

i woke up with arch enemy's ring tone..time was 5am..love texted...and yes,i cant wait to see him...a year or 2 may pass us by..however love's still burning madly in me for him..and it will not cease neither will it die..carpe diem..today's a new day..and always it'll be..

death sure is impatient..

happy monday,y'all..

.sure.is.dark.

tara love..

.i'm.part.of.you.definately.

the number of mickey..

a big shout out to my love.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAIHANAH LOVE!!!!

it was her boobsday yesterday..unfortunately was unable to celebrate with her as im broke,broke,broke..literally a dollar in my account,balls..anyhoos,happy 21st and i promise to celebrate come pay day,okay..hope u had fun regardless and able to gobble all 3 choc cake despite urself being so sick..lol..

yesterday was sucha horrible day..the target had increased tremendously and it caught each of us offguard as it was the first working day for the new month..having the target as 60 and to have 4 leads,i was working my ass off and was rushing to hit the target bfore i could do the assigning of data..at 5.35 finally i finished everything..god..i slumped back in my chair and gave a huge relief,balls..eventhough it was all done,i was damn pissed coz for the last hour it was damn hard to get hold of the policyholders..blardy...

eversince ej get to hold his mobile,he had been sucha sweetheart..i was pmsing and a need to have chocs or my koko krunch (note.craving for it since last week) just to make myself better..but ej was assuring and kept calling and texting to ensure that i'm okay..a couple of breakdowns as i had my typical excruciating pain due to red dot day and policyholders being nasty weren't of any help..he made me better..thank you...

one thing for sure right now i need to quit this job and find other better prospects..i need to explore further and of course to get more pay..i just need to have time to do all that though..it's better to secure another job,then quit rather than to quit and then to find other opportunities..

i cant wait to see the bf..i need him..and he had always been there for me..thank you..he assured and reassured me the whole day yesterday as at night he coax me and all the rage i felt about work had been lifted...he had always been wonderful..i love him and will always do...and today i brought a whole pack of koko krunch..hurhur..

happy wednesday angels.

.the.heart.beats.your.name.all.the.time.

sweet child o' mine..

too much to type,too much to say.a whole lotta things happened over the weekends..friday where i rushed home from my half day of work to go to his prom nite..balls,i tell u..prom nite my ass.it was held at the parade square,whereby chairs were being lined up and tables were stacked to make a mini-stage..sheesh!ej broke my rose..it's given to the girls when they register their names..he took the initiative to find another..and then he broke the 2nd rose while in the bus otw home.blardy...i was wearing a low-cut dress and felt damn exposed at my chest area..thought to myself that it'll be fine as i have ej with me..but nnnoo...was wearing so nice when i looked on my right and saw the girl wearing shorts and slippers.kapeesh!!and ej had to alight at ct hall to take the train home coz if he takes the bus at int,he'll miss that last bus for sure..felt too exposed all alone in the train where a group of guys were standing in front of me. so i took the cab home from tanah merah..

saturday morning rushed to the chalet..closest cousin,yana's getting married to fad..vocalist from morning eutopia..hence the whole deco was gothic and since he has connections with fatimah mohsin,everything was from her package..dang..awesome,man..held at the ballroom and during dinner,suhaimi yusof and seha were there..due to fad being the editor of suria.or something like it..and so he made a surprise to yana as the lighs went dim and he got up and sang to her..i cried,okay..it was damn touching..

got back to the chalet where it occupies only me,mum,pipi and the 3 kids..ej came over with egg sandwiches and the nescafe pack that mum had asked him to buy..eventhough it was nearing 11pm that he had reached,the kids went all hyper over him and he was so sweet as to entertain them.oh yea..a box of chocs for me that he had bought.. :D the kids didn't wanna slp as ej was playing with them..only when pipi got realli mad that they stopped and went to bed..mum and him made some talks..awesome.. :)

the next morning,i woke up feeling so groggy..didnt get enuf sleep as ej and i were playing animal kingdom and teased each other all the way till 3-4am..he was awake since prolly 7am..had brought my nephew to the playground and my niece to the shop...aaww..how sweet..mum was all complimenting him,boy..and so when it was 9++ we were all watching tv..tom and jerry was on the tube..and guess who was laughing his ass off??ej..sheesh!!damn loud and damn tickled by the antcis,balls..damn cute..

walked all the way to mcdees to have lunch..took a cab and i noe that mum and him are comfortable with each other..mum and him were already making conversations casual and seemed as though they've known each other for quite a while already...*smiles*...all's well...all's well..

he's in camp and now they get to hold their fone!!yessah!!!so every now and then i get texts and calls from him...love it..cant wait to see him this weekend..bbq pit with the company.manager asked to invite him.."go and invite ur part-time bf...no,no,no..ur weekend bf!!!" cb...can't wait,can't wait...woots!!!

i see myself loving you more as each day passes by..and we'll reach our dreams in time to come..coz it'll always be me and you...just us two..

happy tuesday,arses!

.coz.i.have.limits.too.

the swell as i blow my nose off.

mystery of the moon...

one of my colleagues made me so mad in the morning..i noe that i had taught her a particular project few months back.however she lost the script and she lost the default spreadsheet in which i had done for her,out of own's will and effort.gee,thanks.so yesterday i taught her all over again.and today morning,i passed her the data that she's suppose to do and stared blankly at me.oh boy would i love to give the finger right in front of her face.so wat do i find myself doing??

telling her wat to do all over again.testing my patience.i was damn mad that i gave her a curt reply and didn't tell her in details of wat to do after..prolly she guessed on her own as i saw the cursor moved to open the spreadsheet (duh!!!). i dunno wat eff she's been doing at work.she still can ask me.."wat do i do now?" so i replied..."wat do u think?" and swivel my chair back to my desk.damn pissed i tell u..

last nite i got home at 9.30pm coz i did overtime.and it realli kills.i spent 12hours at work,balls..i was damn shagged once i come home.ally gave a hug and kiss as i put her to sleep..in the morning when i woke up she was the one hugging me instead.aaww...lethargic..my body aches..and a hectic week's not helping..

2mrw i'll be gng for his prom nite..the next day my cousin's getting married.in which i gotta wake up damn early and rush to east coast park where her wedding will be held at.sunday prolly send ej off..the next day,work,work,work...

i need a holiday.i need a getaway.prolly jazz bar will just do..or somewhere that i can totally just get those evil energy outta me and relax...i need,i need,i need to get away from the workload and the early mornings and late nights.ej or gfs will do..they keep me happy.i need a full 7 days of heaven..of not waking up to find myself late for work or sleeping knowing the next day i gotta work my ass off..i need a place to relax...fine. full 2-3 days then.okay,okay!just 1 day of that.gah!!!! life sucks and then you die!

happy thursday...not.

.catch.a.falling.star.

never let it fade away...

im sick right now..since saturday..bah! it sucks being at work with my nose being stuck.ej took good care of me..on friday nite i waited for his call,thinking of fetching him from cck mrt..at ard 8plus in the evening he eventually called and told me to mit at ct hall instead.so there we met,myself with killer heels(excruciating pain) as we had dinner at burger king..we took the train to our destination as we spent the night together..

on saturday afternoon i went to my cousin's place..for their open house..it was boring..i was feeling kinda sick..at night,it all hit me...that typical sore on my tonsils..which means...imma get sick real bad.

sunday, ej's mum called..she asked whether i wanna follow go to ej's aunt's house..i agreed,eventhough i was sick..told mum about it and she gave her permission eventhough my uncle's coming over to my place to see the baby..so ej fetched me at my void deck and dang he looked damn hot with his long sleeve formal top..i was feeling so sick and my head was spinning..from one house to another at jurong..so then his family and ej and i part our ways as we head to dhoby to catch a movie..the show starts late,so we ditch that plan and head to ct hall to have dinner..

decided on spageddies as i was craving for the lasagne..i was famished,boy..i was gobbling it all and devouring the taste knowing my tastebuds will not work it's effects in days to come..we talked about our relationship and we talked about our past of how we were all just friends and how it brought us to this stage..awesome talks as i felt to grateful to have him..

he sent me home and each time we get off the train,he'll stand a step lower on the escalator and support me by hugging each other..he touched my forehead and it was hot,hot,heat.i was already having runny nose and kept sneezing where it'll be damn loud for the whole train to hear.and each time i sneeze,my head will spin..and so he'll give an assuring smile that i'll be well soon..he kept insisting to kiss eventhough i was sick..and now,he's sick as well..poor boy.

monday i spent the whole day at home,in bed..i couldnt breathe properly and i kept gasping for air..ej kept comforting me..somehow i wish he was next to me to stroke my hair and make me better..which he intended to do that today,but since i have to go to work,he's not able to come over to my place..that sucks..

the reason for dragging myself to work today?coz on friday he has his prom night.and if the boys dun bring any dates,they'll have to do 3 extra guard duty.pfft!! how unreasonable.so for that,i gotta take half day on friday and today,i gotta be at work the whole day to cover up for my absence for the half day.

im still sick.

happy tuesday,lovelies.

.atrocity.known.as.man.

when throughout ur life u will never grow up and you live each day like a disgusting piece of shit.

when the news finally registered in my head,i swear i dun wanna hear further. the fact that already the third time she did this and it happened WITH someone from my past, i felt so damn disgusted.

how a cheap person could be.god,woman.where's ur dignity?away from u like all the babies u've aborted?wat happened?isn't it expensive to even get that third breast? (inside joke) oh yea..it's just cheap.just gotta spread ur legs and get screwed.

it's a wonder whether she even think or have in mind of how i was with him.when she knew wat happened and wat kind of a bastard he was.waddayanoe..hook up with him.get pregnant.irresponsible piece of shit.

im just so disgusted by the words u played with her.and the girl?she's damn stupid enuf to let herself be in this situation.to even think she might even trust his words?ha.wat a joke,dude.

that bastard will never grow up.going ard,screwing ard..wat's new with him?and to think that he says 'i love u' so loosely it taints the whole meaning.no longer a player,boy. u're just a jerk. a git. a bastard. an asshole.

there u go.4 years have passed,finally i've found words to describe wat a fucking asshole u have been.and for the girl.who the hell gives two hoots to the shits she got into?she was proud of it! bullocks.this is the shit i'm hearing from the world.and i wonder how ashamed u are..

maybe u'll nvr be..ur life had always been like this,anyways..

this is all just way too appalling how capable two minds can work.without their dignity and get chased outta the house each time.HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA...god..loser,balls.and so he says.."how am i suppose to face didi and rai??"AHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!see how pathetic ur life is?bear in mind.an asshole will always be one.like a git u'll always be.more than a jerk.u're just one piece of a fucking bastard,boy.

happy friday,huns..

.dignity.

when we take the plunge..surfaces..

i can't wait for this week to be over..lack of sleep and food intake decreases as each day goes by..nevertheless the only thing that i look forward to end of work is his call...that cheery voice that nvr fails to cheer me up..where i can place the bratty side of me in that call and remind him the yearns i need..my dosage of everyday addiction.

upon greeting and placing my bag on my desk,frustration arose as my colleague was complaining about the lack of data being assigned to them.fact was i transferred yesterday and i daresay there wasn't enuf.however when i checked their projects,they had quite a lot of pending data to clear.of coz,nobody would wanna call policyholders like a loanshark in the early morning.but dude,the other data i've assigned is sufficient to last u till lunch.then after their 'loan' project can kick in.indirectly they complained to each other and i just stared hard at them.a particular colleague whom i lashed at said,"u can't expect me to call apl in the morning!!" fug..i was damn pissed and i was waiting for time to tick by to have my 2nd stick of the day..wait.3rd stick.

i cant wait for friday to come..i'll be able to fetch him from camp,if he books out on that day then bless the holidays...he'll only have to book in on tuesday nite.and myself,back to work on tuesday..in which come fetch me from work and i'll send u off to camp.oh baby,pink daisies please? (=

losta love,
xoxo

.dear.story.

say hello to tara nabeelah

when 10 months pass us by..

it was the heart ache that placed me in sucha a stressed position.of knowing tat faith can never ebb thru us anymore..and i cant take anymore of the empty promises that always happen..i would nvr know wat to do when this happens..and my decision and choice that i'll always take would be running away..though i noe that that wont help as the problem will always be there..and somehow i see myself repeating the same words again and again..that i can't take this nor do this anymore..and that was my final decision on saturday.on our 10months..

empty promises hit me like a stone in the head all over again and again..and i see myself staring at the 4 blank walls,only to get up and pack his things..numb i felt and my head felt so clear,it kills thinking that this is not because of the anger i felt..

intended to take a cab to his place..time was past 8pm..he texted and said he'll come over instead.and there we sat at starbucks..the thick silence dampened us as i fiddled with the fag i was having..not that i wanted to,but i just had to do somehing..and himself,fiddled with his mobile..

"you're sure about this?you've think it thru?dun make this decision just becoz u're angry...don't,didi..don't..i've nvr wanted this..it's my fault,i noe..im sorry..but u think that u're happy if u end this...wat abt me?i have to respect it even if i dun wanna let u go..think abt it,didi.."

"the more u ask,the more i doubt myself..pls just let me stick to the decision..i dun wanna think anymore,ej..no regrets,after everything.."

"well...gotta respect it,then....*sigh*...well,it was nice knowing u.."

he grabbed the things that i've placed bfore him..and as he said that last sentence,everything came so clear..tears welled up my eyes and cling onto my eyelids...i dun wanna cry..i dun wanna let him see me weak..ego..my ego took the better of me..and he told me not to cry..and told me that my decision was haste and it was not wat i really wanted...as tears flow freely,he wiped it...my face stony,trying hard not to cry..(eff's sake i'm in public,balls!!eyeliner!!mascara!!!) he wiped those sheer tears away and held me...

"im still here,baby...im still here..dun leave..please..wat about all those memories..10 months,baby...10 months...all effort will be wasted..stay,baby..stay.."

i curled up like a ball,with his arms enveloping me as silently i cried..."i just don't know wat to do..each time..i just don't noe wat to do,ej..."

"hush,baby..hush..."

and we stayed that way for quite a while before he cheered me up with the faces that he makes..and whispered to me of how much this relationship meant for him and us..and i noe..that each time i give up,i'm a fool to do that..it may be the best decision..but that would be for that point of time..

hence happy 10months to us...thank you,ej..thank you for guiding me and holding me still...

happy monday to you..

.a.man.

coz i'm your angel...

for the past few days i've been damn busy..i dun even have time to minimize this window to blog when im suppose to do my calling..oh fug that..there's always politics at work..and facts being kept hidden rather than transparent.it affects me and everyone else..it made me damn pissed that i found myself hating this job i'm doing,the effort i've put in and also to despise the manager that i can always get along fine with.

yes,it involved me..being placed in contract is still under consideration.a month had passed and i took 2 days MC last week due to stomach flu...and waddyanoe..last 2 days my teamleader informed me of the news..i was so frustrated by the fact that i wasnt informed.hence used in some way or another..it seems as though they have a lot of time in their hands to even plan about the bbq outing for the section come november...it realli is very depressing when one works his ass off,to even be the top leads performer to just receive a 'good job,but i'll consider..'

obviously productivity had nvr been first priority when every single day all CROs work their ass off to achieve the targets.and myself,rushing to exceed the target bfore assigning data to the rest of the them.fair?unfair indeed.

ej and i are well.i love him more than anyone could imagine.coming to 10months with him and it had nvr gone stale.and that,my dears is a wow-ifying thing for me as well,only the close ones noe how playful i can be last time..yet now..let's just think of future and the second heartbeat in me years to come..coz i wanna be with him..thru thick and thin he will always be there and assure to me that everything will be fine..one who cools my flaming and raging mind and soul..and that,im thankful...and always will be..hiccups here and there,yet he still insists on holding my hand eventhough my grasp would be pale in comparison as his..regardless the number of heartache and distrust..he'll find a way to make me realise how much i still love him..and as much i can despise him,i will always find myself running after him..everytime..all over again..all over again..

for now,let's welcome my latest 'collection' of niece!!!!eldest sister just gave birth to a healthy,baby girl last 2 nights!!!CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

happy wednesday,sugahs..

.missin.my.baby.tonight.

.my.pouty.love.

when we search deeper...

im at home rite now..didnt go to work since yesterday..damn sick..stomach flu..almost fainted at work on tuesday evening..it was nearing time to end work when i found myself staggering and legs almost gave way..my vision was hazy and i noe that imma fall anytime soon..stubborn me took a bus home still eventhough i had like more than enuf money to take cab..but nnnooo...found myself slipping on the bus railing...grabbed the railing again with my numb hands and shivered for the rest of the bus ride...legs almost gave way again when alighting..

my whole body felt damn numb..and aching everywhere..i needed ej the most so that i could complain and cry to him how much it hurts and how sick i felt..but i knew he wont and cant call..he's off for fieldcamp..2 days,1 night..so i weeped myself to sleep..coz my eyes stung in pain..all i felt was heat,cold,heat,cold.

the next day which was yesterday i went to the doctor..he checked my tummy..and pressed one part of my tummy..fug..it hurt real bad..he said.."bacterial infection of ur intestines.." shitzits,balls..obviously no way could i understand any medical terms..or language..he could simply say stomach virus or something.sheesh!!

ej was suppose to call yesterday nite...i waited..and waited..only to receive texts from babes...still no calls..past 10pm,past 11pm,past midnight..i knew he wont call..i rested my throbbing mad head and reminisce the days with him..the past ones where lanson was our favourite spot,where heinekin would always be the best,where we walk,talk and laugh every single day..where he'll fetch me from skool,from work,from wherever i'll be...those days...those memories...then sleep engulfed me..

im still sick.

happy thursday,rockafellas

.too.late.to.change.

first and foremost..

selamat hari raya to all fellow muslims..maaf zahir dan batin dan harap halalkan semua makan minum...do forgive for all the wrong things i've done and any profanities that had been thrown to any of u..to any jokes that seems personal,pls dun bear any grudge..coz it's unintentional..all in all,do have fun for it's a whole month of visiting and closing the gap with ur closed or far ones..and...PPPAAARRRTTTYYYY!!!

im at work..on the 2nd day of raya..i'm the only muslim working now..the rest took mc..blardy..yesterday was so tiring..only 4 houses that we went to..and i only got $9 out of it all..oh wells..i was too darn embarrassed to receive anymore money from my relatives..i'm working and i'm old enough..so whenever they wanna hand out,i'll just say that it's okay..im working..haha...shy,la..

it had not been a good week..on tuesday after work i went to snip ave to do treatment,colour and trim my hair..ej fetched me at 5plus at the hairdresser's and off i went home..it didnt end off the way i had in mind...first day of raya was kinda shitty..ej lied..i am now thinking of whether something's happening behind my back that i dunno of,until the first day of raya..dude.it's the first day of joy and being on mercy to beg for forgiveness..i received a text..of a name that i don't even noe..and all was said was it was a typo error..my heart thumped madly as i think of the excuse given and how he would nvr text me with my name 'didi' in it..all would be affectionate names..so wat is this?an excuse?a veil to hide something that i'm not aware of?

im not feeling good at all about this..and he did say that he lied about something..after being defensive,after being angry with me for assuming when actually it's the truth all along..and when he finally admit,i felt like a fool..the stupidest person on earth..parts of the past came crashing thru as i dun wish to be that naive and stupid girl all over again..to be in a relationship full of lies and being cheated on..and wat happened after?beaten up by that bastard.do u think i've not learnt my lesson??doing all this just for one thing called love..to just bear with all the shits he had put me thru coz i loved him..and i dun want that to repeat again..ej wont beat me up.i noe.but to be lied and to be cheated upon,that is enuf for me to pack my bags and leave..i can flirt and kiss any guys while he's in camp.but i dun do that..i dun see the need to even think about doing that.coz he's my bf..it's contradicting isnt it?the fear u had,u're putting urself for it..it's sad..it's just so sad how stupid i can be,to be a fool in one's eyes that i dun do things while he's in camp..yet himself...i wonder how he managed his time in camp using the fone only at night,yet this can still happen...wow,ej..u amaze me..and i thought guys cant multi-task.tsk..

im still wearing the ring..im still thinking about u..and im darn a fool to even love u..i dunnoe why...but instinct's telling me to hold on still...for??

"i noe u dun trust me..and i'll do my best to regain ur trust...baby,im sorry"

happy thursday,liars.

.my.own.star.

who we are..

on saturday afternoon ej book out from camp..hence went as planned..i met apom,zul and mil at kembangan mrt to break fast together..we walked all the way to kampong chai chee restaurant which mil had booked the day before..apom kept on complaining about the distance and the hot weather.sheesh!!alas we got our ass there and settled down,choosing the food to order..ej came a short while later with his eyebrow piercings on which caught me by surprise as i thought it's closed already as apom went off to fetch sitt from the station..

we all had good laugh and talk..i kept asking ej to hold me as i miss him so but we knew we could not,due to the seats occupied by makciks and pakciks..the rice arrived late,although the dishes came rite after we ordered,which turned cold at the sound of azan..famished as we gobbled everything down..we crossed and each had a fag as sitt and i played 'catching' after knowing ej spilled the secret to her..and i kept asking who until...dang..my own bf..blardy!!took the bus to joo chiat for mil to get the ethnic costume for her bro..ej too..we walked..we were complaining..we wanted to get out..so damn hot and crowded..from joo chiat to city plaza(which i chose the lime green costume for ej as it's the same clr as mine..:) )..back to the bazaar for apom to devour his dendeng cravings..and so we walked back to paya lebar station with sitt's dangdut song being stuck in each of our minds..bah! "stop!kau mencuri hatiku..hatikkkuuu!!!" god..u can just imagine how annoying that was..from sitt to mil..to ej..and then i found myself singing it..it just got stuck.yes.with a very annoying high pitched voice..all of us,that is..lol

decided on punggol at yishun..to chill out..it was past 10pm by then..in the train sitt and i insulted this woman from china who wore realli skimpy clothings..her butt cheeks can be seen and if i were to push that strap bag,i swear her pussy can be seen as well.that was how short her hot pants was and damn she's fugly..i wonder if she even understand the dissings we shouted to each other due to us sitting across from another..

reached yishun,bumped into arman as i talked to tsue for a but over the fone and chilled at punggol..the name of the coffee shop..ordered milo and talked..taufiq came by and sitt and her hubby went off for home..past midnight..i wondered when i'll be getting my ass off for home..we were deciding on places to go..as mil walked off from zul from a tiff they had..apom wanted to get toiletries..suggested mustafa centre..then ej suggested something else to me..decided on that..nearing 2am we got our ass off,finally and cabbed to our destination..

we were late as we woke up feeling so groggy and sleepy..it was 6.30am as we joined the morning commuters..sweet enuf to send me off to tamp int as early as morning i was already giving him a stupid joke..fagged at our usual spot and waited for his bus this time as he's always doing that for me..and so we talked about brunei and ns and all..

ard 5pm we talked again,after getting our ultimate rest at home..he didnt wanna go back to camp..i didnt want him to either..but we both noe he has to go..he assured and reassured me as i cried over the fone of the things that we wish..the time,the effort,the yearns...i noe i got him...i've always got him..and that makes me love him ever more,no matter wat..

he'll be booking out 2mrw nite and we'll mit..and we'll see if over the weekends we'll get to see each other due to hari raya family visits..sigh...at least i'll still get to hear ur voice each nite,baby..

happy monday,angels..

in time it ticks..

did my spring cleaning for my room last nite..everything finished at 1am...i seriously gotta stop sleeping so late at nite..and i've been talking in my sleep..that's how shagged i am..sigh..

ej called last nite..giving me 13 miss calls..i was in the shower..gee..but thank god he had not surrendered his mobile..he's on 4 days off from training..after that 4 days,back to all those marching jogging and suchnots..kinda worried..but rite now i'm not realli that bothered...i dunnoe..im feeling mellow and trying to be numb to all those things that i've been feeling or talking to him about..2mrw bros back from qatar for hari raya..over there eid mubarak is the wildest ocassion..whereby holidays had been prolonged just to celebrate that day...woots to that,while for myself,it's only for one day..anw,im not feeling well rite now..i dun feel like blogging..so tra~~ loves..

happy thrusday,babes

.you.will.always.be.my.baby.

running thru my head..

i had been feeling depressed lately..with no appetite to eat and always feel so lethargic..breakdowns for no reason and always a dread to do something..all i wanna do is to coop myself in my room,lie on the bed and just stare at the empty ceiling above me..reason for it all?i have no idea..prolly ej and his rifleman thingy..or maybe i just feel so tired every single day from work and not having enuf rest makes all problems pile on my shoulders...i've been popping piriton pills just to have a good sleep..no,not addicted yet..

talked to mum about ej abt him being a rifleman and how disappointed i am in meeting him only on weekends..mum said that if i really wanna be with him,i gotta have patience and i gotta endure..mum says that he's suffering and i gotta give my support..i said that he's not the only one as im suffering too..and i noe that i'll be damn upset if i dun get to see him during weekends..for 2months i've endured that weekends thingy..and now for the rest of his ns life i gotta endure as well..sigh..i do wanna be with him..but it's tough,balls...it's realli an obstacle..

ej's dad and i talked over the fone..it was nice talking to him as whenever i go over to his place,i find myself being shy to talk informally with his dad..somewat awkward..prolly the lack of a male figure in life had made me feel distanced and weird when talking to a fatherly person..but his dad had made me feel comfortable in talking to him over the fone as we talked about ej and all..

ej got back from cmpb and had his x ray of his knee done..we talked over the fone since morning..an awesome morning for me,i'd say..can't wait to see him soon..

with love,dids.

.my.beautiful.

when life is..

i dun feel like blogging but rite now let's just write it all down for memories' keepsake..brief,yet i noe it'll be etched in my mind after readin it all..on friday after work he fetched me at loading bay..suppose to follow him for his jamming..but i was upset and i did the most stupidest thing ever..yes,i walked off from him again.fug..i noe i shouldn't..but i followed my emotions too much..sigh..sucky..and yes,i did gave him some profanities bfore departing..i was sucha bitch for doing that..and almost i wanted to end it all..end of the day i took back my words..i noe for sure i needed him and it was all out of anger..im sorry..

.saturday.
we went out and had our dinner at ps.waited for zul and apom and we got ourselves couple ring..cheesy,i noe..very cliche but hey..i trust that this ring will bring us to the dreams we have..and im very much happy with it..waited for sitt to finish work at cotton on and we all went off..bumped into azri at platform and we took the train ride home..

.sunday.
initial plan was to go over to his place..but decided to cab to our destination and i can say that that was the best ever!!okay..prolly u guys already have things in mind of wat happened,well the sins are between me and god.and it wouldn't affect ur life now,rite?hence the body connects as profanities were thrown only to see each other in hunger..thrash it all..

.monday.
he books in today..i spent last night talking to him and coaxing his upset self as he do not wish to return to camp..guess that 10days was pure joy for him despite the fights we had.he was very relunctant to go back to camp..he sounded so sad and i wish i was next to him at that moment to hug him better..that was the only 2nd time i hear/see him being sad to go..we talked from dusk and he was already in the bus otw to camp..tried to converse in a cheery voice and fought myself from falling back to sleep..finally he had reached his camp..

he called while i was in the bus otw to work..he's been posted as a rifleman.and now's the time where i dun feel like blogging...as this is wat wan text me "it's the worst vocation anyone could get. gng in and out of the jungle nearly everyday. as usual book out on weekends. very lucky to get a friday book out, if that happens."
for the rest of his ns life he gotta do this.i admit im very much upset and cried in the bus..and i noe he has no control over it..but for the rest of his army life..gosh..and zul texted and said that rather than swearing at him for something beyond his control,i should be giving him my utmost support.yes...i noe i should be doing that..a glimmer of hope..i just need him back..coz i dun wish to see him only on weekends for the rest of this ns..i will be missing u....i am missing you..

joy,my love..bring back the smile..

happy monday,addicts.

.life.is.of.black.and.white.

in ur presence..

i woke up feeling groggy and my head was throbbing..ally was sick and had high fever..i think i'm sick too..i'm feeling so warm and my throat hurts..prolly not enuf rest and too much fags..or prolly plain sick.

yesterday his dad text me to call him,to wake him up to fetch his bro as his mum's not at home..i talked to a pissed off voice and i hung up as i couldnt be bothered anymore to talk to him after relaying the message..then after,his mum called me..i had to call him again to ask him to call his mum.and he hung up on me this time..bfore that,he gave a few shoutings bfore ending the call..a very happy 9 months,huh?sigh..

i decided to think thoroughly of the decision i was contemplating..i was still at work,i couldnt concentrate so much as the heart was yearning to shout,only letting it all be a silent scream..finally i took up the courage to text him words i was unsure,yet the best that i could think of..i couldnt take the screaming i get every nite,the hang ups i had to endure,the false hopes everytime..i found myself texting words of contempt as i couldnt take all the cuss and swears being thrown..i then decided that it's best to end things..yet i was still unsure..unwillingly..

he texted asking me whether it's all joke..a plead at the end as i found one being on mercy..yet it disgusts me as a call was received and there he was asking me not to end it,yet he was still shouting..the reception was not of help as his voice kept breaking off..for all i noe he screamed his lungs out as i caught offguard and hastily hung up the fone due to shock and being frightened..

i was shivering mad and my heart full of anger and disappointment..i didnt noe wat to do..i was helpless as i chose the decision that came the first thing in my mind..impulsive as i made the decision clear of where to mit and time to pass his stuff back..

he called again as he consoled me,apologising for all the profanities being thrown at me for the past few days..i cried as the guy beside my desk threw glances and gave a "are u okay" look..naz was there for me thruout as she hugged and calmed me down..thank you..informed him that i'll give a call once im home..as im still at work..there's no privacy and i couldnt think clear..he apologised again and pleaded for things not to end.."9 months to waste..when all these while we've endured everything.." and so he said..yet i guess endurance had nvr been part of me..or maybe i've endured too much that now it really had triggered my button..

i forgot about the call as finally he called me and talked to me..in the wee hours in the morning he called again as he just reached home..i was already fast aslp when 'the fallen' kept ringing..we talked.i cried.he was trying so hard to be patient as i let all my emotions out..i told him how things had changed and how degrading i felt when he screams at the other end..he said that he dun wanna lose me..as much as i love him..yes,still no matter wat..i just can't do this..honestly i can't..

i swallowed my ego and let it all come in..let him break my defensive manner and decided mind and thought about how things will be after losing him..that is when i realise that i do need him..and the former was such a haste decision..the best,yet an impulsive manner..he promised not to shout anymore..and i begged him for the guy that i once knew..the one that's always been near perfect during our ite days..and during bmt..the one that i've always known and been comfortable with..not the monster that had emerged suddenly..nothing is of a happy ending..but yesterday i felt all the dampend feelings lift up as i close my eyes for a good sleep..

happy friday,love

.within.ur.f*cking.self.

so wat happened....?

happy 9 months..i can't be bothered anymore..yest i didnt make any effort in calling nor texting him..only him calling me and myself at the end of work..while i was downloading projects to be assigned to my colleagues he gave a call and told me that he's bored..his mum went out and he had to take care of his younger brother..and so i asked.."so what do u want me to do?" he said that he wants to go out..asked "with?" he said out with me..and so he said once his mum comes home,he'll go out and meet me..

remember me saying i can't be bothered in asking him out anymore and he should make the plans not me?well..since he did,i agreed to mit him..FUCK!!

he called again and told me that he can't go out the next day,in which he has session..so he'll substitute to go yesterday..i was like huh?thought u're gng out with me..fug yes,i gotta be understanding.but tell me,fucking tell me how am i to understand when this had happened too many of a time?it's like he was the one who asked me out.HIM.not me.HE was the one who wanted to mit me,to kill his boredom.and alas bail out on me?!WAT THE EFF!!i was so pissed off..always.ALL THE EFFING TIME this will happen..it's like im so happy that i get to mit him..and then he had to give a second call to inform that it's cancelled???for session...fug ej.FUCK.

he gave me multiple hang ups as the conversation hung in the air..i was still effing pissed off and god noes how much i wanted to punch something..and my heart in a knot full of rage..since 6plus yesterday evening..all the way till now,no calls nor texts from him..and for myself,i dun wanna be bothered anymore.

9 months my fucking ass.it's all the same.all over again.

btw sorry for the profanities,dear readers..happy thursday,all.

.if.it's.time.to.be.alone.or.rather.hanging.by.the.phone.

dids,ira,nysh



the days that we count..stars that we found..

after work yesterday met up with babes to break fast together..omfg!!i just miss them so!!nysh and ira..it's like a month since we mit up..the last was my surprise bday celebration and it's realli great to see them again..yes,i miss them..upon crossing,i saw ira..and i was already smiling to myself..threw her a hug as we walked ard thinking of places to chill..finally decided to just sit at ramen ten to wait for nysh..

it's under renovation and it was quite stuffy and the tables and chairs were too close..there wasn't any privacy..it's like the ppl at the other table can just hear us talking..nysh came..like finally..after choosing food,we ordered..lotsa talks and time flew us by as we saw the crowd thinning and our tummy bloated..bah!!so fat..had a fag and waited for the victoria secret's bag that i had ordered..popped by to see audrey and she gave us chanel samples..from mascara to facial products from chanel,balls..woots!!how cheap can we get??yea..hahah..

plan was to surprise tsue at her place..well,we did..but..the party's over.ha!!tsue was already washing the dishes and the mum was already aslp..hahahh!!!k..we were late..but she was surprised coz we told her we couldn't come..so wat else..we camwhored with her slr...hhahaha!!chilled and talked while nysh made many bloopers and airhead moments as we were all too shagged to let our brains work properly,of course except for ira who had bummed at home all these while.sheesh!!lucky ass!!

finally tsue's bro came home and so he sent all of us home..got home late..shagged..it was near 12midnight..but hey..HAPPY BIRTHDAY,TSUE BABY!!baby my ass...dah 21..dah tua!!!

i think i gotta stop gng home so late..since saturday i've been reaching home near midnight..next day i would be working..so which means i have yet to get my ultimate rest..sucky..im mentally,physically and emotionally drained out..sssooo tired..each morning i had to literally drag my arse to shower..

called ej last night as he waited for me to wash up..we talked and he told me something...i realli wonder,ej..will u blame me for asking u out?i have 10 days.we have 10 days..and i wanna make full use of each day that had been given to us..but i see us fighting at the end of the day..and when i ask when will i see u again?god noes that it might just be next week.hell,i wouldn't be surprised..by the rate we're gng,i think might as well u go back to bmt where we make it a point to anticipate each call and each mit ups every weekend.fug..u dunnoe how much this 10days means to me..and dun u blame me for asking to mit up..but u noe wat now?i dun bother..i dun want to bother asking u anymore..coz i noe i'll get the same reason.."everyday i go out..i need to be at home.." the last time i saw u was monday..that is not everyday..i'm not asking too much..i just need a day to spend with u again..so that i can make proper planning..work,family,frens.and if u're gng to prioritize who's important,then it's time to think about it thoroughly.ur frens..yes..fine.but dun u even think of blaming me for gng out everyfuggingday when i hardly see u anyways..and dun say things that u noe will nvr happen..coz im too pissed off with u..im too pissed off with u shouting every single nite at me when things are not fine..im still keeping my cool,ej..u're a step closer to crossing that line..dun take advantage of my silence..u can shout,and i'll talk to u patiently still..back then we'll have a shouting match..but eversince u told me that dun like it,i tried hard to please u...and now looks who's shouting..contradicting,isn't it?yea..i think we both have issues.

oh btw ej..2mrw we turn 9...happy 9 monthesary..
*rolls eyes*

happy wednesday to u all..

.liyla.

desires burn..

on saturday we had another tiff..i was very upset and disappointed..badly..he had his training in the morning,then after it's done,he called and gave me some bad news which had left me appalled..i was fumng mad,not that i showed it much,more like disappointed..after hanging up,then it all hit me..ggoooddddaaammmnnniiiitttt!!!!

after much thinking,decided to mit up after breaking of fast..pipi and ally went down to mit him first as i was a wee bit late..they waited at neptune and from behind i hugged him..off to tmart to get our dvds and pipi's stuffs and all of us took a cab to orchard,to george's condo..it's funny how the cab fare wasn't expensive..still makes me think..

anyways,reached there and watched tv while ej was still in awe with g's condo..we watched music and lyrics,by then it was past 9.45pm..decided to part ways..we went to the swimming pool at the top floor..it's an open area and fug...awesome..the view and all..ffuuugggg...and so we said our gdbyes to pipi and ally as they went back to the house while ej and me cabbed to our destination..

first and foremost,i would like to say that i love him..no matter wat..and the nite was spent in ecstasy as his snores brought me to sleep...

so sunday came and we cabbed to tamp int..had subway and off home..

.monday.
work is tiring..i woke up wishing not to go to work..i didnt have the meeting-cum-interview as manager was on childcare giver leave..so i dunno when the whole discussion will take place..anyways after work accompanied naz to her bf's place to collect some stuff from his mum..we freaking walked all the way to int back again..just to kill time and of course,we entertained ourselves crazy..finally ej called to say he's otw with wan the mark the himbo..and yes,wan will always be so annoying..they had collected the ipod video at woodlands and was otw to meet me..awesome..

i swear the whole nite was full of restrictions as they didn't let me touch the ipod video neither wan's itouch.CB!!since i didnt noe wat to eat,decided on pastamania after the boys had their dinner at food culture..yes,one and a half hour to decide..sheesh!!anw,babe called me at night..we talked till past 1am..i was damn shagged..and he teased.."chey...someone's got an ipod video..." i was like huh!?!?coz i swear i thought the ipod video was for him.so wan!!!there's not reason for me to say thank you coz i realli thought it's his,okay!!but ooouukkkaaayy...so now i noe...

THANK YOU!!!!

thank you for searching for an ipod video at sim lim square..thank you for gng thru the net to search on it..thank you for gng all the way to woodlands and wan,accompanying my ej to collect it coz he's scared as it might be a false one..thank you for coming all the way to mit me..thank you for making sure everything's in order..thank you,thank you..well,prolly i've said many thanks after both of u robbed me of money,rite???yes,wan?!?!hahahaha...okay..the treat last nite is for the appreciation.hahaha...seriously..thank you ej my ghumbra and wan the mark!!

love,
annoying me..happy tuesday!!

.myriad.

a person's jovial..a man for himself..

woke up this morning with a great mood to start the day..the fact that it's friday and it's ej's pop,i opened my eyes with a smile..upon reaching my workstation and reading thru my email,this is wat i received from my manager..with regards to the proposal he asked the other time..hence my teamleader urged me to follow up with him about it..hence,this:

Hello Siti,

I would be more than happy to recommend you for contract but before that Dolly and I would need to sit down with you and we will need to discuss your KPIs as a CRO moving forward. Let's catch up early next week for this discussion. Thanks.

i was beyond elated as i noe that my effort had been recognised and instead of staffs approaching the manager,it was the other way round..kudos to myself..and yes,did i say i was beyond elated?last nite the guy that i texted with texted again..i wish it all to stop..things dun matter to u now..and i've stated my purpose by apologising on the past that had been forgotten..so let's just put everything to a stop.

i was happy..yes..i was..ej called just now..he had just finished his pop..i was giggling to myself..and i was so happy for him..well done,love i said..and then he said a few string of words full of news i wish not to hear..the fact that everything was planned and i was looking forward to 2mrw...the day that i'll see him on the whole full day...yet,it'll nvr happen..it'll nvr fucking happen.

call me petty,call me a brat.i dun care with wat brands been stamped.all i noe is that i hate false hopes.when one's aniticipating,i dun see a reason to burst that person's bubble..but bubble'd been burst too many of a time.and i'm getting too sick and tired of this.of getting this stupid feeling of the heart slowly cracking into two.and tears welling in my eyes and holding it all back.sick and tired of the hiccups in plans..coz it had always been like this..u nvr fail to ensure plans dun work out as much as u nvr fail to make me anticipate for that day.fug.

i'm too pissed off to begin with.fone's ringing.he's calling.eff off,okay?anw,it's realli disappointing.sure,we'll spend the night together.but wat abt the afternoon that had been planned?the restaurant i had in mind?the places that we shall go in the evening bfore we blissfully give our utmost attention..wat about it all?

dun go back on ur words,boy.

u noe how much i fucking hate.

.FUCKING.HATE.IT.

period.

happy friday.eff off now.

.ignite.the.funeral.pyre.

an insult to memory..

how annoying..i called this policyholder to wish her happy birthday..she couldnt speak english,hence conversed in mandarin..after wishing her,she talked to me in english..wtf!!!i just got punk'd!blardy annoying effers..and she was complaining abt the lack of follow up from her agent..in english!!!damnit..

have u ever felt guilty for doing something?for something that had nvr mattered,yet after a while,realised that u feel regretful abt it?i did..it's when looking back of how things go..and then news upon a few days back..and i was eating my own words..an insult to memory,an insult to one's effort..i couldnt afford to prolong that guilt.annonymously i went,and if that person chanced upon my blog,then hello now..u noe who i am..apologies for the past.though to u it didn't matter,but might as well voice my sorry so that i dun have to feel guilty anymore..

ej called last night after his co nite..party,bitches!it wasn't a good conversation,i'd say..coz end of call i was already sighing and feel shitty..u noe wat..i dun feel like blogging..

happy thursday,all.

.i.received.the.text.that.you.sent.

freeeeeeezing cold...

sometimes i wish to bring gloves to work..those thick,durian ones or the posh-looking ones..coz it'll always be cold eventhough the temperature had been increased to make it warmer..*teeth chatters*

on monday nite i was taking pics of the three kids..decided for them to play dress up..damn cute!!with their oversized hat,spiky wig that my brother owned for halloween and graduation hat..check out my frenster pics..damn cute,la!!anw,didnt go to work yesterday..i woke up with a throbbing head and found myself seated at the computer at home,gng online..hence uploaded the pics..so lazed at home,with texts from babes and dudes,planning the day to break fast together..so far,4 invites and i dun even noe when i can sssqqquuueeeezzzeee the time with myself working and a need to go geylang to get my other ethnic custome..let's see..nysh and ira,on the 16th,which falls on tsue's bday,but i bet she'll be celebrating with mr arman or her family..so that's fine..then there's rai and fhil..and zul and mil..then,there's johnny and liz..so..10days after pop would be ej's freedom..since he need not book in nor book out..woots to that,but i'll be working..still not enuf time..but it'll be fine..i hope..

ej called last night..and we talked for freaking one hour,balls!!though there were lots of need to hang up to check his rifle with his sargeant.but still!!an hour!!it was great as we didnt get to talk the day bfore..he's so excited for his pop..and i am too..and it was realli nice listening to his voice..at the end of the conversation he sounded so tired..it realli sucks when i dun hear anymore happiness in the call..oh wells..2 more days..then saturday,a whole day with him... :D

just checked my payslip via internet..last month was the most that i ever got thruout working here..i'm very much contented with myself.but once the proposal made by my manager kicks in,i'll get more pay..coolio wakiki..i'm very,very much happy..so let's fill our tummy wummy,pamper ourselves crazy on saturday,shall we??
and yea..woke up at the break of dawn to eat..took out my tongue stud..went to work,lit a fag.DIDI!!!!gah!!!i wonder when will be the first of realli fasting..2mrw??i realli hope so..discipline,didi...so stop chewing on that gum u're eating now!!anw,it was so weird talking to policyholders without any stud in my mouth..i kept slurring and it just felt empty..i guess i'm not used to it...and kerin gave me a star ring..very cute..love it..okay!!2 more days!!and i've just booked an appointment..and tonight,i'll sssoo be pampering myself..hoho!

happy wednesday,starlights..