你。

我的理念就是对事不对人。我没有原则，我只有想法。我相信一个人的性格源自于成长环境。还有两个星期就会离开这个家。真正的离开。没有人体会到那万般的不舍。住了十几年，说走就走，心里真的很难受。你肯定比我更加的难受。我，没有资格去评论，可是我懂，这一搬，我不会再是我。因为你们让我看得更清楚我以后的路是应该怎么走。几好的人，说变就变。我已经没有本事去化解种种的心结。越描越黑罢了。这一走，我懂，我会更加的迷茫。我失去了最重要的精神支柱。最近的冷淡是我不想你不舍，只有默默地。。我不期盼什么，只希望我不在的时候你还能照顾自己。我最放不下的是你。

近况。

这几晚难以入眠。脑子里都是解决不了的问号。已经不再状况里面。怎么反省得到，因为我真的不懂发生了什么事，可是会努力的去探讨。希望可以给自己一个满意的答案。

暑假除了让你休息，聚餐，玩。其实我理解到了不一样的事情。它是一个小考验，考验友情。无意间留意到。有几个人会主动的找你，只是纯粹的聊天？有几个人会肉麻的说“喂，想你了，最近怎样？”听起来很客套，可是是温馨的。因为还会有多少人是主动的找你聊天？哪怕只是无聊的对话。

可是啊~最近真的遇到很多旧朋友。真的需要少出去，可是转机吧可能，好好的谈其实事情会变的。事情都在变，最近朋友约都少拒绝了。开心的是意外的收获！下个星期做工去！可以赚钱啦~~~哈哈。。

张嘉恩~要更懂自己，要更了解自己。慢慢来~欲速则不达。

-踏破铁鞋无觅处，得来全不费功夫？-

A satisfied day

Yes! Submitted document.
Early bird really makes a huge different :)
And I really have more understanding on it!
I was the second applicant to submit document and everything just goes smoothly.
Feel thankful for someone call from long distant to clear my doubt.
Always so helpful :)
No doubt, tired lo. 6a.m depart. But satisfied return.
Continue with a spontaneous plan, SING K!!!
Sing sing sing!!!

By the way, before sing k I met someone.
Is his girlfriend.
When she greet with SC, seriously I feel a little bit awkward and don't know where to place my hand, where to stare at and should I start a topic with her?
All this natural action just appeared unconsciously.
I talked to her and the conversation is not awkward.
But...
When the moment she mentioned his name, I was just feeling...
"She is really is his girlfriend who recognized by his family"
Unexpected, we can talk to each other.
Really glad he has an understanding girlfriend.
They really look match.
Deep inside my heart still always keep a memory for it no matter sweet or bitter as it's a turning point in my life.
To be frank, so jealous of having a partner that really understanding and thoughtful.
It's really not easy to find, appreciate when you met it!!

拿得起，放得下。

一句话，一个动作，一个回应，我觉得不再像从前。
我没有权力去埋怨，责怪甚则沮丧。
因为你有你的计划，有你执着的事情。
我问心无愧。
我一路以来都是在用心交朋友。
收到的打开心房欣然接受。
收不到的可能选择漠视，可能选择不信任。
在这个阶段，我真的束手无策。
所有的变化根本就不在我掌控范围之内。
我已经做好我的本分，甚至超出于朋友的本分。
不需要再去寻找没有答复的答案。
打从心底，大家都害怕。
害怕面对最不想面对的事情。
莫过于，离别。
我明白，我了解。
回头已不再是从前。
所以，最重要的。
不断的向前迈进。
你会找到更适合你的舞台。

Mentally supporters

Yesterday insomnia and today early in the morning 6.30a.m went out for document submission.

I slept less than one hour :(

Is tiring.

Throughout this, what I want to say is.

No matter what I did, both of you always so support me.

This time I have some improvement about Visa understanding but my documents are not systematic as both of you said. 

One of you fetch me all the way from Klang to LHDN then to Immigration.

Another you instruct the way to our destination.

During submission, no doubt, both of you help me ask, call, angry for the pattern of the officer for being not manner, assist me whenever I need.

I fail to submit to Immigration, I am disappointed 

I know I am not capable for both of you but both of you never give up to correct my mistake to let me becoming better.

I saw how both of you strive for own goal, me too.

3 of us can be very successful in future.

All of us are tired but both of you never ever complain for fetching and accompanying.

In front both of you, I am weak, I am barbarous, I am who I am.

Talk nonsense, talk without thinking, because I know only both of you can accept it.

Both of you keep laugh on my pattern, I am okay indeed!

If my action can bring joy to people I don't care of not having image anymore.

Hehe. I eat a lot today.

Very satisfy!

The most important is my memory has both of you.

-XP, SC, the best reward in my life-

Miserable-Positive

I cannot deny, I am very disappointed to myself.
I am not a good daughter, not a good granddaughter, not a good sister...
I cannot pass through myself for being fake in front of people. May be I am not mature enough to tolerate.
I hope for TRUST within us. Your words made me realize you have lost the trust toward me and you were truly disappointed.
I know the truth, I know what you did is for our benefit but I cannot forgive for being not filial to elderly.
The day for me to stay is becoming shorter and shorter. What can I do somemore to secure all this.

Whenever I need people to accompany, actually it is more realistic to depend on myself.

HUH~

That's why I like to write.

A channel for me to vent my miserable.

Create a positive mindset-I need to.

 -Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy-

可不可以有一个人，可以看穿我的逞强，可以保护我的脆弱。
他会在我掉眼泪前，用大大的手捂住我的眼睛，
轻声地说 我的眼睛只有微笑时才是最好看的..

他会在我受到委屈的时候，把我的脑袋按在他的肩膀上，
告诉我 在他的面前，永远都不需要伪装坚强，
告诉我：「就算所有的人都不相信你，你都还有我..」ツ

-虽然不出自我的手笔，但歇斯底里的说出了我的心声-

结局。

Trip之前有一股非常矛盾的心情。我很期待因为即将相聚；我也不期待因为我害怕离别。
3/8/2012 我最后一天上班。回家路途满脑子都是想要恨不得和大家见面。冲冲忙忙的去了巴士站会我的一起哭一起笑，阿福和冠贤。感觉慢慢来了。慢慢的。等了明仁放工，冲回banting!!! 一到镇阳家看到ariel和政荣，那股不懂什么感觉，我们终于团聚了！又来自我感觉良好。哈哈
半个小时在房间乱哈拉，冠贤逗得大家开心到~~哈哈。就那半个小时我懂我坚持一定要去这个trip的理由是值得的。懂那个风险可是不理了。很不理智，我知道。可是我还能不理智的机会还会有多少次，还能有多少次，还可以有多少次。就让我这么一次的不理智留下一个回忆。练舞。对。渐渐生疏的字眼。又齐聚一堂为jenjarom的表演练舞。虽然仅仅几个小时的练舞可是感触真的很多。回忆起如何为比赛练舞，那些过程历历在目。Jenjarom的演出让大家聚在同一个舞台上。YEAH~~准备出发去kuantan 啦~~~~

林明山，彩虹瀑布都很令大家期待。这两天一夜的kuantan之旅给了我太多的回忆。照片讲述了大家有多么的开心。可能对我而言，是我的最后一次了，我分外的不舍和珍惜。我不想睡觉，我想大家对点时间讲话。以后还会这样一起出来吗？那种感觉还会在吗？还会那么的强烈吗？在沙滩准备回之前，我真的忍得很辛苦了。做么每次的分离心都会那么的不舍。。。我相信大家更珍惜中国报的演出。这可能是大家最后一次的同台，最后一次齐人。好多的最后一次。怡保演出后那个临别依依的心情现在都还感受到。泪水已经挽回不了重新在一起的时光。看见一个一个回去，心中更是难分难舍。从巴士站，再见的拥抱。。。还能说些什么来表达。。。天下无不散之筵席。。。

有一个人，告诉我：“你的笑声背后有故事”。谢谢你看透我。你是第一个在我还没有开口分享往事你却看透我的人。感谢你给了我一个难忘的旅程。我真的很珍惜。有人说：“不要期望那么大就不会那么的失望”。或许会觉得这句话很烂！很官方。可是对于现在的我它是多么的实在。

跟你们在一起是我最没有负担，没有压力，没有形象的时候。真实。Wakakaka 这个名，怎样能磨灭得掉。几个月的相聚仿佛认识了几年。这次又不懂需要多久的时间来沉淀。对你们的依赖，对你们的唠叨，对你们的思念是时候抽离了。
可以想念但不可以留恋。很多事情我都懂，但是怎样去做？
我想就那么的继续缠着你们。现实生活里被允许了吗？
时间会帮我证明一切对吧。

大家。
往后的日子肯定要活得更精彩。
你们会在我的心里留下那么的回忆。
爱你们。。。。

我。没有后悔。这次的旅程。
我。更。没有后悔。成为wakakaka的一分子。

1/8/2012

I have been having insomnia for 2 weeks.
The next day after wakening always is so exhausting.
Work, come back on laptop, continue task.
It has been a routine for me.
It can make me more discipline definitely.
But I always prefer random and spontaneous :(
I wish to put aside temporarily and just do whatever I like.
Back to the core, is my responsibility.
I have no choice.
Seeing others' passionate is higher than me a lot.
For my current condition, I cannot fully focus on the task.
Looking for new job, I need money.
Hope to attend MYC, restriction a lot.
Hope to go for DA session, restriction again.

I have a meaningless sem break.
Don't even have a proper break for myself.
I have less outing because of your request.
I understand, so I don't want to blame much on it.
I just feel I am not myself anymore for keep rejecting my friend.
Used to be so close but I push it away.
Not much time for me to stay at home.
I just can't show any excitement and happiness when staying at home.
I know I am bad..............
Everything changed.
Staying tough is not easy for me anymore.

-New month, good luck approaches?-