Social Media

Mr. Google, my best resource! =p

Tweet is nice for privacy!

Podio is nice for AIESEC work!

AIESEC mail always makes me exciting to check for it :p

Linked-In still very new for me ><

Hotmail is to connect with my aunt and some external events. Haha

New blogspot assigned by lecturer is another space! 

Facebook still the best la by the way! =)

Social media is needed all the time. Important.

这几天

最近发生的事真正是以后我需要考量的问题。
你们的成长我真的摆在心上。
你的一句：我在挣扎还要不要继续其实当下的我真的很心疼。我是真心想见证你的成长。开心的是之前的隔膜变少了，看见你把心里的话一点一点的拿出来，我懂你是个很有故事的人，我更加想看见你从过去走出来。真的。我会努力的去化解你心中那个黑影。你要相信我。PA 后更看清自己，我希望有人对我坦诚，批评我，观察我，让我看清自己的不足。我不需要你的赞美，我需要的是我的不足好让我越变越好。我懂如果现在我不接受，以后的我肯定很辛苦。抱着学习的心态去到哪里都没有问题。

病得像狗的我，身体状况变化无常。可以精神，可以半夜突然发烧。现在精神更是欠佳，考试了啦~拜脱 bear with me my body ><
这次的考试只可胜不可败！

聊了几个小时的，分享心得，交心。我真的很庆幸在大学生涯遇见了你。一个不只是吃喝玩乐的朋友，而是大家清楚大家的近况，互相鼓励，交换心得，一起成长。这是件多么难得的事。你真的很棒~是我人群里不一样的那个。从你口中听到我是你四个其中一个认识很庆幸认识的朋友我真的很感动，因为我们真的把彼此放进眼里。你的出现让我更明白很多时候女生也可以很棒。我们都很棒！交心让我们走得更远。
深思了，交心是很双方的。不要等待只有一方把心掏出来，不是靠嘴巴讲，不是靠信息说，是靠行动来维持。我相信不会有问题。
讨论到了某人，心痛的成份极多。人随着环境而变，人们常说。可是能在不同的环境以不同的角色待人其实才是应该的。你常以那个形式对我们真的，我们真的有心痛到。无论你扮演着什么角色，本质不变才是最重要的。
无论如何，看见大家在各自熟悉的地带奔驰，让我更明白过去的感动真的过去了。现在需要往前看！！！


今天曾经是个撕心裂肺的日子。奇怪的是心态不一样了。两天前罢了，你的女朋友加了我为朋友，还找我聊起了心事，谈了两个小时。你当初的选择是没有错的。她会是你生命中的另一半。真的很奇妙，三年里大家可以有那么大的变化，甚至成长了。要幸福要幸福。嘻嘻~

不出我所料，你留下了希望然后现在当作没一回事。一个小考验就看得出你是个怎样的人。庆幸的是看清了你一些。典型的现代男生。不是没遇到，更好的在前方=)

压力压得我胸口痛。
这两个星期活得和傻人没两样。
很充实可是真的很疲惫。
我兼顾不来了。。。
第一次觉得自己那么的迷茫。
看到来电显示，还没接我已经哭了出来。
我真的想个短暂的休息。。。。
可以吗。。。
没人支持自己爱做的事，我真的走不下去。
允许我大哭一场，压得我快喘不过气。。。

If it's yours it will be

I won't be blaming you entered my space and leave some words.

I won't be blaming you created some hope to me.

I won't be blaming you might leave one day soon.

It will be mine if it is.

You are very aggressive. I doubt am I following the right path? 

Everything just back to I scare being hurt again.

Time will show how dedicate your are to me.

私人地带

部落格是很私人的地方。纯粹的释放很个人的感觉。没有对与错。
最近身旁有太多的变化。本以为藏在心里什么都不说因为害怕失去可是心中很不好受，不舒服甚至更担心就这样结束。顿时全部讲了出来。。。鼓起了很大的勇气把我最心底的话说了出来。我懂我在冒险可能会有什么变化可是我不说我真的会无法专心任何一件事，因为很重要。原来坦然面对的结果并不可怕，反而更了解彼此。对我而言，摊开来说大家的感情会更好。与其活在过去不如珍惜当下。

挑战当前！接受变化！越挫越勇！哈哈哈哈

很久很久没有听到花言巧语。虽然理智的想怎么那么的嘴花花可是却让我合不拢嘴。甚少接触及联络的两个人，因为这次的相遇不知不觉越来越靠近。所有的小动作都让我觉得很贴心。虽然你会说我不实际，可是这个社会太过的实际偶尔需要这些所谓的不实际来平衡。我对生活还是会有那么的期待及幻想。你的主动其实让我觉得我原来一个不起眼的小角色也会被注意。没有人能确定彼此的下一步会是怎样可是我的确以一个顺其自然的心态去看待。我感受到你想联络的意愿，希望这不是一个错觉。

忙碌的一周！！！！冲啊！~~~~~~

人生如秤

这两天还算有进度可是提不起劲。都在拼命激励自己必须要坚持到底。绞尽脑汁都要把那样东西死出来虽然真的没有心情。真的觉得有点不平衡了。我没有像别人有那么高的激励心，我需要不断的自我创造，我相信不是一个问题。

我的生活就像这一个秤。当左边重了我需要跑去右边给它平衡，当右边重了我需要跑回去左边。这一去一回的确很累很喘。达到一个中心点是需要多少的来回，多少的喘气。偶尔跳下来其实是一种歇息。有些人会助你平衡那个称，可是有多少人愿意那样做，而且值得吗？

两边的秤装满了琳琳种种的理想，抱负，梦想，兴趣，也可以是负担及压力。歇息的方式就是完完全全做自己最爱最爱最没有压力，最开心，最没有负担的事。我想念跳舞，无可否认那是我最开心的时刻，满身汗，随着节奏进入了状况。我很期待接下来的表演。我知道真的没有什么机会了。曾经被某人讽刺“还在跳舞？”。其实你的脸色和这句话真的伤了我。。我的选择既然得不到你的支持那么我也无话可说。还有多少年给我跳，把握当下吧。。

可遇不可求

感觉有时候是错觉。你觉得似乎是你的可是偏偏遇不上。就是那么的奥妙。谁也无法解释。今天看见很多人写单身节快乐。其实单身真的有好有坏啦。不好是吵架了，多一份烦恼，多一份顾虑，有时想见又见不到。好的当然也有啊~多一个人分享及分担，那种感觉是需要很舒服的，在一起不会勉强，感觉就是很舒服，做回自己。

最近似乎是分手的季节，status 有 emo 到不行，也有找别人爱来淡忘过去。其实，时间才是唯一的良药，我深深体会。那天和朋友去唱歌，遇到了他和他的她。很自然的打了招呼，不错啦。。有进步了。他的妹妹和我在同一间大学而且还会常见面。世界真小。还记得拿了些书和课外活动衣服给她，他竟然和sc说不好意思拿我的东西。因为毕竟。。。。哈哈。她有一次还问我要不要坐她的车一起去巴士站。。我愣了。。怎么她不会想到遇回她的家人我还是会尴尬。拒绝了。谁知道到了巴士站，见到他的家人，真的有点尴尬，反应不过来，可是他的爸爸上前和我说话。礼貌上，也谈了一下。过去的事情真的是个经验啦。

我的老妈子，天啊。发了封信息给我 “今天是世界告白日，有心仪对象吗？快行动，别等苏州过后无艇搭，哈哈！”我简直就是炸到 ==。。这些是事情是可遇不可求的啦，遇到了就阿弥陀佛。无论如何，单身节快乐啦~还有很多未完成。这个星期要真的很努力很认真，不可以堕落，不可以懒惰。

Need to be...

Study hard. Never been so serious when confronting my exam. I swear I never been so concentrating. I can stand for distraction and stay my mind calm and steady. I should be like this. I set a goal for my result, a very specific goal. I mean it. Thanks Alfred.

Be a good leader. I'm no longer a person that without responsibility. I have a goal in AIESEC. It's not an unrealistic goal. I just have to work a little bit harder, because right now is not only my concern, is a team with JEs. Time is too less for me to grab, don't waste any single moment in AIESEC. I proud to say that I AM AN AIESECer!!!!

Take care of my health. I know I have a weak body. I rest early lately. I eat on time. Without health my goal will just be a bullshit.

Be a good daughter. The one week sem break. Both of us talk like nobody is beside us. I promise no matter what happen I will always by your side. Everything has changed but I still will go back to stand for different faces and critics for you. I've tried my best to pull everything back, I tried. Tears don't pull back the sweetness. I learn to say I miss you before everything is too late.
I hate 'you' for being so irresponsible and so unsupportive. I really hate 'you'. But I still love you.
Every time I go back I need to withstand stress from externally and internally. I never feel so helpless in my life. Confronting alone is what I should stand for. It did make me become stronger and unintentionally making me no confident towards 'building up a family'.
Anyhow I know everything will go better.

Lastly, I met a person who 'scolded' me with a lot of insulting word. I met him for a discussing about GIP. Initially I was so sad for being insulted by him, but I didn't cancel the appointment and meet up with him. Even though what he said might be partially self-centered and over confident but he makes me realize what called as CORPORATE and LIFE.

-Compliment doesn't mean good, insulting doesn't mean bad. Learning goes on-

You.Me.

Have a very packed weeks and mixing feeling lately. I wish to write again as a part of story in my life.

People
I met a lot of people lately. First of all I would like to say about marketing trip. We went to Jobsteet and 2 hotels. The person that we met is incredibly awesome and different and I really have a strong feeling after marketing trip. It's another motivational level to me. I am not preparing good for the marketing trip, As a promise to myself my next appointment at KL I won't make myself disappointed anymore when presenting to corporate.

I went for GCDP interns' farewell party. Yes, a touching moment for me when they shared their feeling. I hope for another journey in my life. A life changing experience. Can I? May be. hehe
Another intern, Thany for our GIP Program she came to UUM and pay a visit. She recorded a video for wildlife project. She was so spontaneous and ask us to be involving in the video and throw us some questions. She will bring back to Combodia as a video to promote her next project. Yes, the video is done! And this first time definitely boost up my another motivation. I saw the potential on her and frankly she is a best EP and AIESECer that shared a lot of her experiences with us. We just finished farewell with her and even though I just knew her 2 days but oh my god, why feeling so unwilling? She is an ALIEN! Do whatever that challenges her, a brave girl with ALIEN's thinking :)

Friends
Yes. You know what. Lately many friends come to me for their problem.Call me, find me, talk to me. I can really be their shoulder when they needed. I can be your side whenever you all need. The sad scene was when I need you are you be with me? I'm seeking for a true friend you know without utilizing each other. Perhaps it has but rare. I am glad you look for me, really. It shows that you trusted me and YES I trust you as well. Is it taking initiative always is what a friend should do? May be. Sometimes.

Listening friend's difficulties in relationship is not easy. We couldn't provide a solution for them because we are not the person who gone through it. Any advises need to be very careful but true words surely from me, I hope to see you seek for the Mr. Right. Whether he suits you or not? You decide at last. A question for you: Does he your Mr. Right.
Received an message from your bf. It's a little bit ridiculous when first saw the message as approaching me to ask about what is happening. You are unlucky because you met me. I'm not commenting anything for the relationship but I can't withstand a guy who approach with a wrong mindset. Please, you are not kids anymore. Anything please think of your future. Any actions taken reflect your intellectual level. May be love is blind. I really like the way of your loyalty, it's a good sign for a girl. If use it wisely you will be another great guy.

Myself
I have been stunned for few seconds when writing for myself.....Still stunning....
Is passing through a stressful moment for dealing with many stuff. I am ready to deal with it for sure, because I chose it and challenge accepted. Just sometimes I need to relieve, continue going, relieve and continue fighting. This is what life calls as. For how many times I take my mobile and text a long message but finally backspace those words. I talk to you because I really trust you, but you are not concerning about it. I'm not seeking for a perfect opinion, what I need just a support.

Family
How refuse am I to back home previously but for so many weeks at here, I realized I cannot lose anyone of you. This time back home I promise myself I want stick with all of you as much as I can. I just have 3 days with you all. i don't want to let go and make myself regret anymore.  I able to console everyone beside me that facing problem, but I couldn't console my broken heart. I've reached a level when mentioning their name, when heard their voice, when saw their photo, my tears will be out of control. Cry doesn't mean I am weak but is how long I have endured for it. I miss you all so much....

Witnessing a relationship to grow is far behind that be part of it

我可能不会爱你

曾经何时哪一部戏和我那么的贴切。仿佛为我而编。不是自恋，而是与我太贴近。繁忙的脚步，频密的行程表，却不忘那颗想与你保持联络的心。大事，小事，芝麻绿豆事都想与你分享。伤心时希望你的抚慰而不是讥讽。平时根本没有想那么多，这部戏启发了我多年的怦然心动。男女之间真的只有纯友谊？我问过自己这个问题。我的回答：是！可是当事情真正的发生时。。。我开始质疑我的回答。看见你和别的女生好时我会很自然的避开你们的范围里。会避开那人群里。
某人问过我要是有一天他有了自己的幸福，你们还会那么好吗？
渴望爱情其实并不天真，因为我也是个普通的女生。你会把自己形容成什么？一个书签？一个四方形的狮子头？还是其实你没有一个贴切形容自己的用词。

与其成为别人的书签，不如成为一本值得让人一读再读的书。

Sincerely

Where to start? I have a lot to write. You know. Anything happen the first I want to go is you but I know we are no longer as what we were previously. From many actions I know I am not important for you. Lately, the feeling even becoming stronger to look for you. I have no idea why this gap exists and is it pointless to seek for an answer? Partly, what I do is sincerely to help, no motive.
看回信息，我自己都想不到付出竟然累累积积那么多。竟然是我会做的事情。不是想得到任何的赞赏，有没有赞美我不介意，可是你可曾珍惜过我。可曾留一个空间给我。。。人，因为太了解而分开，或许真的是这样。有个人告诉我。有些朋友莫名得变得很好，莫名得变得冷淡。可能就是这样。。。
一个巴掌是拍不响的。其中一方没有心维持，再坚持有什么用。。

有时候就是需要一个打闹时毫不顾虑，但在需要倾诉依靠时可以出现的人

无时无刻

开学后，忙忙碌碌的生活心中还是放不下。自己心中有数以后的路肯定很难走。每件事都不顺心，无时无刻，起身，上课，吃饭，冲凉，睡觉前都想着同样一件事情。已经不再是压力，而是心灵上的折磨。你们为什么那么的忠言逆耳。为什么就是不能齐心。接到你的电话，我快崩溃了。。。。。
我真的很羡慕那些状态都很开心，很自在的人们。做他们喜欢做的，想去哪里就去哪里，家人也非常的支持。何时我走到了这么无助的地步。不是我不要说，而是如何开口。拿起了手机发了一封信息，已经预知回复肯定令我心痛，可是我准备好了。手足，手足。。。你们在哪。是不是要等到失去了才懂得珍惜。大的，小的都一样。你以为姐姐一个人可以面对那么多吗？
告诉我要坚强，当然可以。可是可以持续多久。坚强的背后需要多少的毅力及谅解。需要多少的能耐。会更加努力。我懂不简单。失去了依靠，就要更努力的爬起来。我希望我不会让自己失望。

You read me.

Lately I have no strong intention to blog.
Should I say that someone pointed out my mind and it's pretty true.
I am a failure no matter in what.
Comparison makes me feel I am nothing actually.
Hardly keep at a very high motivation level but I will keep no matter how hard is it.
You read me unlike others.
I thought I'll be keeping silently and unconsciously people realized it.
I'm always seeking for opinions for the best solution but it doesn't help out.
"Try as much as you can until success".
Yes, I should be more dedicating and stay stronger please CKY.
Stay stronger is what I can do right now.
Thank you for pointing out and concerning.
Appreciated...

Jealousy occurs when you care about someone.
Not suppose to have such a feeling as I am not eligible to.
When feeling is back you will hardly control it.
Warn yourself not to be too care but it happens oppositely.
Human's mindset sometimes just use to be like this.
When the playful conversation starts, it turns on the mode, it turns out an additional unwillingness to leave.

-Enchanted-

开学后

不想做个那么不坚强的人。一路走来没东西难倒。从开学到现在心情都很沉重，放不下，牵挂。不像我。这次不一样，我选择不表态换来了你那么大的失望。。。大家都不肯坦然相对才会弄到这样的地步。这个假期里，我。。。到底算什么。。。这样下去，我还能撑多久。一个人需要面对多少的挫折才会停止。我也不想一直埋怨。可是这次我真的无法一个人在异乡面对。。。心理有多少的挣扎，多少的焦虑。最近又头晕，不想再发生同样的事。已经没有力气和时间去生病。找不到答案是不是只能往肚里吞。。。

是不是只可以继续走下去。

正面思想已经抵挡不住那么多的变化。自己的问题我面对下就过去，走着走着就过去。已经不是一个人的问题。这次，我。。。失去了很多。我。。该怎么办。。。

家和万事兴？

这一趟的牵挂更重。表面上毫不在乎，因为我已经无从下手。到了这个地步，我只能说手掌是肉，手背也是肉。你们的心结牵涉了那么多的问题。一个家最重要是乐也融融，同心协力。我什么都 feel 不到。只有忧愁，担忧，烦恼，不合，纷争。我要怎么帮。。。到现在我都还不能接受，为什么，为什么。。。大家会搞成这种地步，已经没有挽回的余地。我这一回，带回去的牵挂我是否负荷的了。这不是简单的数学题。自问，这三个月是我最难熬的日子。我发梦都是发梦一家人多么的开心。现在却成了我的阴影。面对这些问题已经超越我的能力，心中的家尽毁。。。
这个家变得越来越陌生。越来越模糊。越来越远。
怎么办。真的很无助。。

你。

我的理念就是对事不对人。我没有原则，我只有想法。我相信一个人的性格源自于成长环境。还有两个星期就会离开这个家。真正的离开。没有人体会到那万般的不舍。住了十几年，说走就走，心里真的很难受。你肯定比我更加的难受。我，没有资格去评论，可是我懂，这一搬，我不会再是我。因为你们让我看得更清楚我以后的路是应该怎么走。几好的人，说变就变。我已经没有本事去化解种种的心结。越描越黑罢了。这一走，我懂，我会更加的迷茫。我失去了最重要的精神支柱。最近的冷淡是我不想你不舍，只有默默地。。我不期盼什么，只希望我不在的时候你还能照顾自己。我最放不下的是你。

近况。

这几晚难以入眠。脑子里都是解决不了的问号。已经不再状况里面。怎么反省得到，因为我真的不懂发生了什么事，可是会努力的去探讨。希望可以给自己一个满意的答案。

暑假除了让你休息，聚餐，玩。其实我理解到了不一样的事情。它是一个小考验，考验友情。无意间留意到。有几个人会主动的找你，只是纯粹的聊天？有几个人会肉麻的说“喂，想你了，最近怎样？”听起来很客套，可是是温馨的。因为还会有多少人是主动的找你聊天？哪怕只是无聊的对话。

可是啊~最近真的遇到很多旧朋友。真的需要少出去，可是转机吧可能，好好的谈其实事情会变的。事情都在变，最近朋友约都少拒绝了。开心的是意外的收获！下个星期做工去！可以赚钱啦~~~哈哈。。

张嘉恩~要更懂自己，要更了解自己。慢慢来~欲速则不达。

-踏破铁鞋无觅处，得来全不费功夫？-

A satisfied day

Yes! Submitted document.
Early bird really makes a huge different :)
And I really have more understanding on it!
I was the second applicant to submit document and everything just goes smoothly.
Feel thankful for someone call from long distant to clear my doubt.
Always so helpful :)
No doubt, tired lo. 6a.m depart. But satisfied return.
Continue with a spontaneous plan, SING K!!!
Sing sing sing!!!

By the way, before sing k I met someone.
Is his girlfriend.
When she greet with SC, seriously I feel a little bit awkward and don't know where to place my hand, where to stare at and should I start a topic with her?
All this natural action just appeared unconsciously.
I talked to her and the conversation is not awkward.
But...
When the moment she mentioned his name, I was just feeling...
"She is really is his girlfriend who recognized by his family"
Unexpected, we can talk to each other.
Really glad he has an understanding girlfriend.
They really look match.
Deep inside my heart still always keep a memory for it no matter sweet or bitter as it's a turning point in my life.
To be frank, so jealous of having a partner that really understanding and thoughtful.
It's really not easy to find, appreciate when you met it!!

拿得起，放得下。

一句话，一个动作，一个回应，我觉得不再像从前。
我没有权力去埋怨，责怪甚则沮丧。
因为你有你的计划，有你执着的事情。
我问心无愧。
我一路以来都是在用心交朋友。
收到的打开心房欣然接受。
收不到的可能选择漠视，可能选择不信任。
在这个阶段，我真的束手无策。
所有的变化根本就不在我掌控范围之内。
我已经做好我的本分，甚至超出于朋友的本分。
不需要再去寻找没有答复的答案。
打从心底，大家都害怕。
害怕面对最不想面对的事情。
莫过于，离别。
我明白，我了解。
回头已不再是从前。
所以，最重要的。
不断的向前迈进。
你会找到更适合你的舞台。

Mentally supporters

Yesterday insomnia and today early in the morning 6.30a.m went out for document submission.

I slept less than one hour :(

Is tiring.

Throughout this, what I want to say is.

No matter what I did, both of you always so support me.

This time I have some improvement about Visa understanding but my documents are not systematic as both of you said. 

One of you fetch me all the way from Klang to LHDN then to Immigration.

Another you instruct the way to our destination.

During submission, no doubt, both of you help me ask, call, angry for the pattern of the officer for being not manner, assist me whenever I need.

I fail to submit to Immigration, I am disappointed 

I know I am not capable for both of you but both of you never give up to correct my mistake to let me becoming better.

I saw how both of you strive for own goal, me too.

3 of us can be very successful in future.

All of us are tired but both of you never ever complain for fetching and accompanying.

In front both of you, I am weak, I am barbarous, I am who I am.

Talk nonsense, talk without thinking, because I know only both of you can accept it.

Both of you keep laugh on my pattern, I am okay indeed!

If my action can bring joy to people I don't care of not having image anymore.

Hehe. I eat a lot today.

Very satisfy!

The most important is my memory has both of you.

-XP, SC, the best reward in my life-

Miserable-Positive

I cannot deny, I am very disappointed to myself.
I am not a good daughter, not a good granddaughter, not a good sister...
I cannot pass through myself for being fake in front of people. May be I am not mature enough to tolerate.
I hope for TRUST within us. Your words made me realize you have lost the trust toward me and you were truly disappointed.
I know the truth, I know what you did is for our benefit but I cannot forgive for being not filial to elderly.
The day for me to stay is becoming shorter and shorter. What can I do somemore to secure all this.

Whenever I need people to accompany, actually it is more realistic to depend on myself.

HUH~

That's why I like to write.

A channel for me to vent my miserable.

Create a positive mindset-I need to.

 -Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy-

可不可以有一个人，可以看穿我的逞强，可以保护我的脆弱。
他会在我掉眼泪前，用大大的手捂住我的眼睛，
轻声地说 我的眼睛只有微笑时才是最好看的..

他会在我受到委屈的时候，把我的脑袋按在他的肩膀上，
告诉我 在他的面前，永远都不需要伪装坚强，
告诉我：「就算所有的人都不相信你，你都还有我..」ツ

-虽然不出自我的手笔，但歇斯底里的说出了我的心声-

结局。

Trip之前有一股非常矛盾的心情。我很期待因为即将相聚；我也不期待因为我害怕离别。
3/8/2012 我最后一天上班。回家路途满脑子都是想要恨不得和大家见面。冲冲忙忙的去了巴士站会我的一起哭一起笑，阿福和冠贤。感觉慢慢来了。慢慢的。等了明仁放工，冲回banting!!! 一到镇阳家看到ariel和政荣，那股不懂什么感觉，我们终于团聚了！又来自我感觉良好。哈哈
半个小时在房间乱哈拉，冠贤逗得大家开心到~~哈哈。就那半个小时我懂我坚持一定要去这个trip的理由是值得的。懂那个风险可是不理了。很不理智，我知道。可是我还能不理智的机会还会有多少次，还能有多少次，还可以有多少次。就让我这么一次的不理智留下一个回忆。练舞。对。渐渐生疏的字眼。又齐聚一堂为jenjarom的表演练舞。虽然仅仅几个小时的练舞可是感触真的很多。回忆起如何为比赛练舞，那些过程历历在目。Jenjarom的演出让大家聚在同一个舞台上。YEAH~~准备出发去kuantan 啦~~~~

林明山，彩虹瀑布都很令大家期待。这两天一夜的kuantan之旅给了我太多的回忆。照片讲述了大家有多么的开心。可能对我而言，是我的最后一次了，我分外的不舍和珍惜。我不想睡觉，我想大家对点时间讲话。以后还会这样一起出来吗？那种感觉还会在吗？还会那么的强烈吗？在沙滩准备回之前，我真的忍得很辛苦了。做么每次的分离心都会那么的不舍。。。我相信大家更珍惜中国报的演出。这可能是大家最后一次的同台，最后一次齐人。好多的最后一次。怡保演出后那个临别依依的心情现在都还感受到。泪水已经挽回不了重新在一起的时光。看见一个一个回去，心中更是难分难舍。从巴士站，再见的拥抱。。。还能说些什么来表达。。。天下无不散之筵席。。。

有一个人，告诉我：“你的笑声背后有故事”。谢谢你看透我。你是第一个在我还没有开口分享往事你却看透我的人。感谢你给了我一个难忘的旅程。我真的很珍惜。有人说：“不要期望那么大就不会那么的失望”。或许会觉得这句话很烂！很官方。可是对于现在的我它是多么的实在。

跟你们在一起是我最没有负担，没有压力，没有形象的时候。真实。Wakakaka 这个名，怎样能磨灭得掉。几个月的相聚仿佛认识了几年。这次又不懂需要多久的时间来沉淀。对你们的依赖，对你们的唠叨，对你们的思念是时候抽离了。
可以想念但不可以留恋。很多事情我都懂，但是怎样去做？
我想就那么的继续缠着你们。现实生活里被允许了吗？
时间会帮我证明一切对吧。

大家。
往后的日子肯定要活得更精彩。
你们会在我的心里留下那么的回忆。
爱你们。。。。

我。没有后悔。这次的旅程。
我。更。没有后悔。成为wakakaka的一分子。

1/8/2012

I have been having insomnia for 2 weeks.
The next day after wakening always is so exhausting.
Work, come back on laptop, continue task.
It has been a routine for me.
It can make me more discipline definitely.
But I always prefer random and spontaneous :(
I wish to put aside temporarily and just do whatever I like.
Back to the core, is my responsibility.
I have no choice.
Seeing others' passionate is higher than me a lot.
For my current condition, I cannot fully focus on the task.
Looking for new job, I need money.
Hope to attend MYC, restriction a lot.
Hope to go for DA session, restriction again.

I have a meaningless sem break.
Don't even have a proper break for myself.
I have less outing because of your request.
I understand, so I don't want to blame much on it.
I just feel I am not myself anymore for keep rejecting my friend.
Used to be so close but I push it away.
Not much time for me to stay at home.
I just can't show any excitement and happiness when staying at home.
I know I am bad..............
Everything changed.
Staying tough is not easy for me anymore.

-New month, good luck approaches?-

This is what I have been facing this few months.

Life?

Meaningless life.

No interaction, no communication.

You do yours, I do mine.

Great enough to survive under this kind of environment.

People can be laughing together and really bond to each other.

I don't even dare to share with you my deepest feeling just because of someone told me " don't affect her emotion anymore, and don't show your face even though you dislike"

Why I just can't live happily as other family...

Once I think of it, how painful was my heart...

Who can read me......

Immune me with a heartless mindset.

What's is the next in my life?

Where to move?
Where will I go?
A sentence from my best friend :"Don't move so far can?"
I feel a thousand of unwillingness to move away from where I belong for nearly 12years.
Why don't just stay together...
How long I need to confront all this by myself.
I can't comment, can't object, can't do anything.
I just can wait for the moment to arrive and to be placed at somewhere where I don't wish to.
I don't want to hide my feeling anymore...............
Hug me and let me cry,cry and cry.........................

下次会更好。。。

我没达标，自找的。
所有的科目都很好。
最后一科拉了我所有的分数。
我可以那样的责怪吗？
还是其实发生事情的当儿我应该继续强迫自己专心读书？
我真的对自己非常的失望。
我不是那种要拿非常好成绩的人，可是我没有办法。
我必须坚持我不想的坚持。
心情真的很不好。

得到的同时肯定会失去。
我必须要越挫越勇。
不难的，再坚持对一点就好。
不要闹着玩了，玩不起的。
不要被任何事情影响可以吗？
我真的希望我可以。
张嘉恩~要秉持着信念！！！

我想吃甜品，让我有个短占的开心。
我想一整天笑不停。
我想疯狂的走路，走到累了，自然睡，自然醒。
心情真的不好。。。

歌。你。

有没有一首歌会让你莫名的想起一个人。
好久没有这样的感觉。
听歌听到心好酸好酸。。。
以前什么挫折都有你陪我一起经历，分担。
你的肩膀是我最好的依靠。
你的耳朵永远为我而开。
什么事都有你为我撑着。。。
现在一个人撑真的只是这样。
最近你的影子常浮现。
那种情况太相似了。。。
昨天经过的地方勾起我很多的回忆。
家里发生事情，你会安抚我，让我知道我不是一个人。
依赖～依靠～还会有？

－陈威全，烂好人。梁静茹，偶阵雨－

一个电话，说补偿我的生日。我也很爽快的去了。好久好久没有吃过那么丰盛的一餐。考试回来后没有吃过一餐好吃的。自己煮的能好吃到哪里。你的付出超越了所有的人。有多少人可以把自己的前途抵押给你？？？
对话里，我掩饰不了我的泪水，只能不停的流，的确压抑了很久。。。
不久后，我会离开。
去哪里我不知道。
走多远我也不清楚。
我只能说我很想安顿下来。
我想做我喜欢的事。
我想无拘无束。
很多事情限制了我，没有人可以讲。
已经不再是要不要的问题了。
我很失败。。。

七月

开始了工作。
差不多工作一个月了。
很忙，包山包海。
学生有时把我气得没有命。
但是却是我失落时的开心果。
工作时需压抑情绪。
他们却把我逗得很开心。
终于体会到：小孩子是最诚实的。
虽然很累，可是这种疲累和精神上的累远远比不到。
很多事想做，时机不对，时间不允许。
我也身不由己。
很多事情都变了。
已经不再像从前。
所有的变化，老实的说我还不能面对。
无法释怀。

明天，是明天。随缘吧。

I am sleepy.
Looking at the clock.
It's midnight 1:06a.m right now.
I seriously hope I can just sleep right now.
But...
I need to strive for the last.
I won't give up until the last moment.
A lot decision need to be made.
Making decision is harder than whatever.
Everything just back to fate.
No forcing.
Is up to people to do or not.
Alright,
Continue.

-Wish for chocolate again :(-

我。尽力了。

20号就决定所有的事。
决定性的一刻。
或许我属于一部分，或许我不适合。
我怕，担心，不安，甚至焦虑。
可是我想继续。
这个平台可以让我成长。
我无法掌控事情的发生甚至你的决定。
最近太多事情发生。
走到这地步我已经尽力了。
在逆境中我都尽力呈现最佳状态，因为我怕后悔。
逆境背后的付出没人能懂。
要多少的坚持与定力。
你们所看见的未必是你能感受得到的。
我真的尽力了。

我们的距离越来越远，

是我没有勇气，

还是大家都习惯了。

或许我是个负累。

11/7/2012

I think I have physically immuned on what is happening around me.
Is choose to be physically immune.
11/7/2012.
My birthday.
I have no excitement on it.
How am I going to celebrate in such a condition.

You all surprised me.
I feel touched and really appreciated.
My wish is really simple.
Hope for a happy family.
It might be a silly wish but it means so much for me.
Any upcoming changes I am not affordable to face for it anymore.
My heart is broken for so many times.
helpless, tears, withstand.
It's just goes non stopping.






-21st is just a label, meaningless-

Current updates

It's 4th day of NatCon.
I have a lot of thoughts that wanted to type it out but I have really no extra time to do so.
I'm just taking 15minutes may be to just drop it here.
It was an eye opening conference for me.
The first day of the NatCon we were divided into groups.
We started discussion with different LC.
I am the only AIESECer from UUM.
We need to think of 3 issues that currently facing by AIESEC in Malaysia.
Everyone is throwing ideas and strategies.
Seriously a lot ideas just pop out from my mind but finally I dare not speak out.
Why?
Because they think even wider than me,
at that moment I just felt that I am a narrow-minded person.
I look thing too surface, never think even further and deeply.
I reflect to myself, actually what self-development that I have achieved actually?
It's just the first day but I can feel the stressfulness.
I am not taking it as a fun stuff.
When you're looking someone who actually can think broader than you,
I just can tell myself I am so far behind from everything.
I must find a solution for myself.
I will not let it continues to be happened.
Think out of the box, always question myself.
Questioning is the best way to develop, because of I will keep thinking.
I need to think more, is totally what I'm lacking of.

Today's AGM.
Supposingly I wouldn't have any feeling about it.
But when Howard says :"Officially signing of from MCVPICX"
What I can feel deeply is the hardship he has gone through with the MC team was so strong.
I am so touched of it.
Why? Why people just can do it, why not me?
Can I be the one that stand in front and inspired people?
What is success means to me?
It's typically a very subjective thinking.
I'm not emphasizing on number.
Success can be meant that the engagement with team?
Inspired even just ONE person?
It's all up to me to define it.
I define it as...???
I don't know.
After NatCon, actually is another pathway for staying or leaving.
I couldn't deny I really like AIESEC.
What it provides I am just like the way as I like it.
Why am I still being so demotivating it definitely not because of AIESEC but it's the linkage in own LC.
To be frank, I am insecure in this.
It's the fact, adaptation is what I can deal with it.
I really hope I can see the changes of mindset of a person.
Mindset determines where you go.

Just now that simple functional area discussion session actually did affected my mood.
I really admire of LC TU VPCR.
He has a mindset that keep questioning from his doubt and the question even more impactful from what I have learnt all the while.
He reminds me not to restricted myself.
He indirectly reminds me I am really have to reflect more than what I've expected.
I worried, anxious, uncertain and stress.

-It'll not be too late to change unless you're afraid to change-

Hope for better tomorrow

I went to LEAD conference.
Those speakers had the thought that drives me to think deeper.
They never teach us directly but it depends on us whether get the indirect meaning or not.
Yes.
I got it.
One of the quote that I really like:
If you're unhappy don't write in a letter.
If you're happy don' make any promises.

Yes, it is so true.
Write in an email as a draft and discard it, a way.
Promises bring disappointment,
I chose to be honest if I really can't make it as giving hope and spoiling others' hope isn't feeling that comfortable.
Behind the meaning, guiltiness is there.

I never expect people to understand my situation and I understand observer won't be able to help out or truly understand how hurt and how depress was it.
Is really okay for not being understanding.
Because only myself know how it feels.
It's a very subjective thing.
If I leave the place where I belong to,
What will be happening to me...
This year's birthday, the ever 21st birthday is becoming more meaningless to me.
I just hope for a better tomorrow.
What I can do is just stay even stronger and stronger.

-A 'new life' from you affected me more than everything-

这几天我也只是勉强的过。
眼看着问题自己根本解决不了，很不好受。
好久没看到你们了。
我没有那个勇气去找你们。
我在逃避吗？
我已经承受不住一次又一次的对话。
连哭的力也没有了。
遇过无数的问题，我都熬过去。
很像没有事情可以打倒我。
这次我撑不过。。
谁可以明白我？
真的很累很累。。。

Finally I am home.
Yesterday I screwed up my last paper.
I'm not acting humble but I know my condition very well.
I packed and leave.
The excitement is totally not there.
Everyone posted 'home sweet home'.
But.... Is okay....
I am alone in the bus.
All the way I can't sleep even though I was really tired.
I was thinking how to confront all this.
Dad picked me up.
You all have made the decision without any consideration,
without any discussion.
I won't make any objection but I won't follow.
I will just do it by my way.
I have my decision as well.
Good luck and take care.

Within 24 hours

Within 24 hours I'll be sitting for a paper that I totally cannot focus,
and I'll be going back soon.
Last sem break, you all were waiting for me for dinner and with a table of food that totally suit my appetite.
Later,
I am still doubting am I have the chance to meet you.
I am not happy.
Smile on my face is just a fake...............
I couldn't focus.
I tried... I tried!.....  But I really can't....
I know I need to be strong but I am really mentally tired......
I control myself by not bursting out.
But right now I'm typing and dropping tears................
I have to face this cruel fact by myself.
I am being forced to be extra stronger.
I hope you can by my side right now even just listening to my difficulties.
At least someone to rely on.
I just don't want to interfere and create unnecessity worries for you.
Perhaps,
I can pass through by myself without relying on anyone.
Pray hard for everything.........

我懂这两天会很难熬。
担心多过专心。
你的威胁让我放不下心就这样跑回去。
眼看着各走各的我一点都帮不上忙。
我的意志力霎时间完全不见了。
其实你在哪里。。。
看着电话希望你的来电。
等你的回复。
怕陌生号码。
怕听到坏消息。
我的心真的定不下来。
我舍不得对你责骂。
骂你我更痛。
担心你快担心得我快疯了。
熬着熬着就会过去了对吗？

lujia susan hule...
luyi hujing yumei ruyou wuyi husi jule...
luwo.....................
zuzou huba.....
juyou duduo quyuan lujiu zuzou duduo suyuan..................
luwo lizhen qude humei ruyou aixin huqing wuqu juli kubie fude aishi....
huhui dudao juqu huwo women huyi gujing kubu nushi quwo yimen kele.......
huyi kujing ruhui subu dadao suchong wuqian....
luwo huzhi lixiang suyao puyi kuge luwan huzheng lide kujia.....
juni suzai hana kuli........
kuwo lizhen sude lizhen sude juhen fudan buxin suni....
luwo hukuai subeng fukui aile............

Same issue

Last sem same issue happened.
It this so called as coincidentally?
The same issue occurred before the last subject that I'm going to sit.
I wish to end up exam now by not going back home.
Where should I go...
I had a terrible dream this afternoon.
It was just like a movie and it was so real.
The ending wasn't good so I never wrote it.
I can't focus.
I have 10 days to study by right.
Now left 4 days before the last subject ends.
The fact is I haven't started any chapter.
My mind is full of the issue I'm going to face when I get back.
If avoidance helps,
If ignorance helps,
I will feel much more better right now.
I am not emotional.
This is not regarding emotion anymore.
It's more than that which I couldn't face it.
Positive minded doesn't help.
Cheerful doesn't help.
Just let it be helps.
Human human human.
The most complicated creature that hardly to be understood.
Miscommunication causes misunderstanding.
I hope I can be the angel that beautify all the misunderstanding.
Let me complete my last subject prettily without any regret.
Time to push myself harder and harder.

-True fact: I wish to eat chocolate right now-

Bangkok-Next destination

If I have cash in hand I will go for bangkok once I finish my exam.
Tha-chang will be the place that I will defnitely go for it.
I don't care.
Pattaya also.
Floating market there with variety of food.
I watched running man and here they went.
No need much.
5000 baht is enough for me to eat :(
Money restricted everything.
Eating always is the way that let me feel happy.

-Bring me along if you wanted to go-

You want I bear how much for it?

I really don't wish to go back to face everyone of you.

It's a kind of mentally torture for me you know or not...........

Everything has changed.

You want I withstand for how long????

You expect what can I do for you???

I can't!!!

Why just can't live peacefully as before???

Tolerate so hard for you all??????

You all want everyone to spilt only know how to appreciate is it???

Please....

I really feel very helpless..

Don't everything just push to me......

I cannot withstand....

I cannot.....

Mentally torturing me.....

Forgive me for my selfishness.

It's too much for me.......

Just let me go....................

原点

三天的时间在尽情的享受。

明天就要开始拼了。

这三天太多的回忆了。

15号和wakakaka 去 alor star比赛。

虽然只得了优秀奖但主要的目的并不是奖项。

只是一起的日子。

也有不同的看法。

对我而言这事情没有对与错，看你的出发点在哪里。

简单的夜宵却很开心。

16号又去alor star。哈哈。

在车上拍照。

等红绿灯也拍照，鬼脸最会摆。哈哈。

午餐一起吃，笑个不停。

唱歌的时候表情一大堆。

走音的走音，傻的傻，喊的喊。

就是那种毫无束缚的唱出来。

一个字。爽！！！！

晚餐肉骨茶，坐了下来讲废的，有的没的。

闲话其实让大家更加的亲近。

也一次第一次看戏。

Madagascar 3。

不知觉的把各自的角色归类进了电影里面。

玩起了角色扮演。

在戏院里听见大家的笑声，是真的笑疯了。

感觉很真就对了。

疯狂的我们。

这是我大学生涯里最疯狂的一次。

去海边！

一起笑，一起演，一起乱喊，乱跳。

找对人疯狂也很重要。

一期吃早餐。

第一次那么多的一起。

这样越是令我不舍。

已经很努力让自己时常需要调试自己的心情。

一路走来说长不长，说短不短。

离别时不想对视。

总觉得回到原点的感觉很难受。。。

有人告诉我：“你们下个 sem 可能不会那么好了”

可能吧。。

专注力不同了。

焦点不一样了。

这种感觉我也不想说了。

有心维持没有什么是不可能的。

不要那么容易被影响。

有人问我：“为什么吧自己搞得那么累？”

我也质疑过自己，有这个必要？

当我想回去所有的过程，点点滴滴。

再累都值得。

这种感觉你没有体验过你不会感受到那份感动和激动。

玩够了，哭够了，笑够了，疯够了。

大家是时候回到原点了。

珍惜那些曾经用心交朋友的朋友吧。

-相识也是种缘分-

JE of CR term 2011/2012

The first and ever last gathering for CR department.

Initially I didn't plan to write anything about it but...

I saw an album with all the members' photo.

I saw a story inside.

It's a real story that draws the feeling out.

I can strongly feel the bonding and the touching moment they have gone through.

I feel like dropping tears by just looking at others' photo.

I always believe photo tells everything.

The separation isn't nice.

Who will like to have such a painful feeling?

Nobody likes.......

I can feel the bonding at our department but it's really really too late...

Everything is just came at the wrong timing.

I feel painful during the sharing session.

I have such a big regretful in my life.

We can be so good why it just came so late.

The most unaccepted thing for me is not failure but regretful.

I will remember the closest night that we had.

If let me start all over again I will choose you all as my teammates again.

I hope it can start all over again,

but I know I am just dreaming.

What I can do is for my term I wish for a very strong bonding.

I want every single one of us is just like a family or more than that.

I officially ended my role as...

Junior Executive of Corporate Relations term 2011/2012.

:'(

Spontaneous

Yesterday I did a crazy stuff.

I know it was irrational but just let me spend few hours to let myself settle down.

It's just come at a right timing that I seriously want to relieve.

I went for K.

It's a rush and not enough but be contented.

If K can help people to relieve I bet the world will be wonderful with all the smiling faces.

Fact is, it's just a temporary relaxation.

I know what to do and what to respond.

One whole night is more than enough for me to reflect myself.

Thanks for the person who by my side when I need.

Thanks for the person know what I'm thinking by just looking into my eyes.

Thanks for the person who makes me more understand myself.

No matter who you are and where it happened.

Your existence was a memory for me.

It will always be a happy memory for me that keeps deep down in my heart.

-Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away-

10/6/2012

Business Law.
I didn't expect to score well in this paper.
I just screwed up the whole paper.
The first time at UUM I stay for the whole paper until finish.
It wasn't that proud to say that.
As I don't know what am I answering.
The first time I feel nervous before entering the exam hall.
I am calm enough every time before I enter exam hall.
Because I have fully prepared.
This time I really couldn't figure out the way to understand you my BL T.T
Just pray hard I don't want to retake this paper.
PHOBIA!!!
And it did affected my mood and coming performance.
AHHHHHHH~~~
Must steady a bit!!!
I need to study hard for the next paper to secure back my pointer.
TARGET!!!

I just curious you can chat so much with others,
but you ignored me...
I feel upset.
For so many times I tell myself,
"Stop contributing"
But I still do so.
Girl.
Care someone worth to be cared.
Love someone worth to be loved.
But I always fail to do so.

-I am not a self-centered person, I just wish to care for the person I want to care-

泪浅

终于忍不住大哭了一场。

不是压力的哭泣。

而是抉择让我喘不过气。

没有方程式。

我会把题目做错。

我没有时间去订正。

教我该怎么做。。。

Merely expressing

Forgive me if I talk too much.
Once come to exam period I will be another person.
I don't know where to release my tense.
I am hardly to catch up what I'm revising right now.
Business Law? Not my scope obviously.
I have the strong intention to study! Yes. Definitely yes.
But just let me focus one thing can?
I have 3 combo exams.
How am I going to complete another task at this time.
I am not a robot.
I just don't get you but I let it be,
I have no time to give anymore feedback.

HUH.......
I'm craving for delicious food.
Any delicious food that able to cheer me up.
Chocolate, steamboat, sushi, ice-cream...............anything.......
Where to get...
I don't have a proper meal since I came back.
Whole day long staying inside room and forcing myself to revise 3 papers.
Everyone is facing exam also.
How could I find someone to share???
They are tense also.
I cannot be that selfish.
I just wish this season faster pass.
I'm expecting something much more funnier and happier.
I'm seriously very stress.
I don't wish to show also but the best way is to type instead of talk.
At least I won't make any noise or annoys.

Finally, I realize how was the feeling when missing someone.
It's no wrong for missing someone.
But it's wrong to miss someone that never care about you.
You know everything, but you don't know you're neglecting me.
Should I say I shouldn't expect anything from you?
Whatever you did, I am not under your consideration.
Only I will be the one who stand by your side and think for you.
I always choose do thing silently as I worried.
*laughing on myself*
How stupid was this girl.
Behind not expecting still expecting something.
That's me.
Always think too much.
You have your road, I have my way.

I am merely expressing my feeling.
Nothing can beat you down right Cheong Kar Yen.
I hope so :((((
Ok la....
The onle word I can say is Jia You.

-I'm still craving for food-

6月7日

6月7日                    星期四                                                         晴

这个日期虽然已逝多年但依然清晰。三年前的今天单纯的我做着单纯的事。趁着补习的空档给你惊喜，做了些甜品给你。看见你吃的时候嘴角上扬，不费我花时间去做虽然那时有考试。短暂但美好。

日记好久没写了。不生疏。之前为你写的也不少。看见现在的你过得很好，真的别人所说的他过得开心就好啦。我放下了的。真的。只是纯粹想祝福远方的你 “生日快乐”。

相识也是一种缘分。无论结局如何，毕竟曾经相爱过，经历过。至少彼此在过程里成长了许多。有失才有得。

生日快乐！

我说

我说。

如果有一天我不再联络你，你会察觉到吗？

我说。

其实对你而言我是谁？

我说。

是不是默默地就好。

我说。

我总会安慰别人，自己却安慰不了自己。

我说。

你听到了吗？

实践不了的承诺

休息了一晚，沉淀了一晚，没有理由再堕落下去。

我这个感性的女人，有时太感性反而累事。

放不下一段感情。

总是在乎一段感情的得与失。

我给自己的承诺，很抱歉，我没办法实践。

答应过自己，一切结束后就要停止。

我知道我根本做不到.

事实证明我真的做不到。

想念的心停不了。

很想说真的想你。

女人有时就是那么的傻。

就让我傻下去吧。。。。。。。

一步一脚印

这将会是我最长的一个 blog。
趁着当下的回忆还那么的新鲜，我就要快点记载下来。

有一天一镇阳在 FB 找我，问我要不要参加团康跳舞比赛。
想了想答应了他，毕竟我也很喜欢跳舞可是对团康的了解不多。
我们两个很久了还找不到组员。
那时我有想过想退出因为是考试的时候。
忘了为什么继续走下去，可能因为一些事情吧~
那时只有我，镇阳和政荣(UPM)。
政荣是去年团康舞蹈总决赛和镇阳一起的冠军队其中一个成员。
过后慢慢的找了Travic。
可能看过他 shuffle，所以印象不错，哈哈。
然后我，镇阳和 Travic 趁着 Global Fiesta 试场我们的 Lovey Dovey。
感觉不错，可是有待加强。
过后继续的找队友。
找了 Ariel，我们都 okay。
最后一个镇阳才想到淑仪，竟然忘记了一个住那么近的人。哈哈。
我记忆中的她就是一起补习的同学。
过后大家想了很多奇奇怪怪的组名，
终于选了淑仪想的 Wakakaka，感觉不错，蛮搞笑的。哈哈

开始了第一次的练习。
大家就跟着镇阳开始记舞步。
大家都很僵硬。尤其是我。
没有表情的跳，根本带动不到，那时我不知道在团康里表情很重要。
大家有时间就会聚在一起练习。
而政荣就靠我们上载我们跳的给他自己练习。
听镇阳说他很会troubleshoot 问题。不错。哈哈
大家的感情就普普通通咯，没什么特别进展。
本来决定参加北马去入选赛，却因为听说很多组参加所以去了中马区。
反正那时的大家大学放假。

终于一个星期的假期来了！！！
终于大家可以聚在一起练习。
早上带了Travic 吃肉骨茶，他讲不好吃。=.=
然后镇阳载了淑仪，政荣一起来。
第一次见到政荣，不错，可以欺负的。啊哈哈哈哈哈
然后我们就去了 Aeon Jusco 买我们的比赛服装。
选颜色都很有讲究，时间有限，大家选选下就回去了。
在镇阳家开始练习了，教政荣，他很像很压力因为只有一晚的时间练。
那时 Ariel 还在芙蓉所以不能团圆。
晚上 Ariel 终于到 banting 了，开始了我们最密集的练习。
大家都很担心。
可是到了半夜真的进步很多，我的信心来了。
可能不是最好的，可是一晚的时间有这样的成果已经很好了。
我不知觉的成为了闹钟，一直乱他们起身。哈哈。
隔天早上最后的练习我们往 Time Square 去。

中马区入选赛我们来啦！！！哈哈
由于技术问题大家无法完整的把 Lovey Dovey 呈现。
那时的失落感谁会没有，可是我们没有放弃，决定去北马比过！
意外的，惊喜地。我们摘下了中马区的冠军。
因为我们一上台的感觉已经受得评审的认同。
我真的激动到哭了出来，组员也哭了。
当下的感动现在还历历在目。

当然过后的路更难走了。决赛不是随随便便就可以敷衍掉。
决赛直接撞准准考试时间。
因为考试会不想来练习？因为手上有活动不来练习？
这都是因素之一，镇阳曾经有退赛的念头因为这些因素。
我和淑仪都想继续走下去，这一路走来不想就这样放弃。
练习时间的确越来越少，
镇阳的压力也越来越大。你不说可是我懂，大家都懂。
遇到了瓶颈，想不到更好的舞步，没有一个确定的舞步。

过后我们都决定参加团康带动舞学习坊。
也是同样的聚在了镇阳的家。
真的很感恩他的家人那么的照顾。全家人都好好。
去了唱 K，玩了一整天。
晚上才开始练习，懊恼的事还是舞步问题，想不到适合的。
练习到半夜，大家都很累很累。
隔天早上我又是闹钟去乱他们！
他们男生真的很难才会醒！！！！
可是我喜欢去乱他们醒来。哈哈
搭巴士去了KL参加学习坊。
这次的学习坊真的让我们获益良多。让我也更了解团康。
更重要的是我们的感情变得很好很好。
我真的会很不舍得他们。会非常的不舍。
我和淑仪真的很傻吧？会聊到哭。会不舍。会想念。会一起笑一起哭。
我真的很享受在学习坊与他们相处的感觉。

这个阶段是最难熬的阶段。
因为考试，功课，活动，表演，练习。
其实大家都很压力，喘不过气。
可是那份不放弃的心真的吓死人。付出及牺牲都看得到。
用skype 练习，靠上载video 给政荣看。
而我夸张的晕倒。我不懂原因，可是我不会放弃这条路，因为我很在乎。
过程里有conflict。对我讲话的语气的确伤到了我。
可是我真的了解大家真的很累很累，压力，不够睡，脾气就会不好。
所以就互相体谅吧。留了不少汗水及泪水，更留了回忆。
很大的问题我们根本没有办法full team一起来练习。
不是我们不要，真的是很有心无力，真的。。。

总决赛前一晚大家才正式的聚在一起。你不紧张？我很担心。
我们练习时间只从 12a.m 到5a.m，练我们的 Lovey dovey 和坏女孩。
就算有一个小时睡我还是睡不着，我心情很复杂。
我们要的是五强就够了。至少把坏女孩带到台上。
这就是我们的目标，不渴望什么。

终于，全国团康带动舞观摩大赛正式开始！！！！
开始了准备，化妆。。。
比赛前 chorus 还是会有问题，看得出他脸上的不安。
很想上前安慰可是。。。算了吧。。。大家尽力就好。
我们就尽量的享受了过程，拍照，疯狂，做傻事。哈哈
谢谢我的家人和亲戚来捧场，我真的很感动，他们给了我动力。
我们把 Lovey Dovey  表演完了，心松了。
换上衣，准备听五强的宣布。我告诉过自己，无论成绩如何都要接受。
一队以队的公布就是没有我们的名字。
最后一组的时候我心里已经在颤抖。
“北大，博大 Wakakaka!!!!!!!” 是我们是我们！！！！！
要我怎样！我现在着写着都会掉泪！！
当时的我哭了出来，是五强！五强！我们可以把坏女孩带上台了！！！
我们豁出去了！就只是享受整支舞。
唯一的遗憾是我跳错，不应该的事可是我竟然去做，真的对不起。。。
我们获得了最佳网络人气奖及最佳团队奖。
当时我已经很满足了，成绩真的不怎么重要了。。。
公布成绩的时候我没有比公布五强时候的激动，反而非常的淡定。
意外的进了三甲。第三名是Bubble，我心目中的冠军人选。
当下的我真的有想到冠军就会是我们。我有那个念头。
可是我们得了亚军。。哈哈。。无所谓啦。。
看了冠军队伍的再次演出其实他们实至名归。
这次的赛果我想都没想过，一晚的练习就冲去了总决赛。
其实要讲我们勇敢叻？还是不怕死？哈哈
那份感动到现在我还停不下来，大家肯定非常的兴奋。

我真的感恩这次的比赛让我们认识了彼此。
让我真正体会到“团”的感觉。
我很不舍，很不舍。
那个感觉真的很真实。
我们奋斗了那么久只为了共同的目标。
结束了，告一段落了，大家真正的回归各自的岗位。
心里面向说的我肯定说不完，我不想再做哭包了 ><
怎么可以一直让我那么的感动。。。
我们可以不要划下句号吗？逗号，感叹号，省略号可以吗？
我们何时还会那么的相聚。。。
我真的爱你们我的 Wakakaka。。。

-一起笑，一起哭-

调适心情失败

我错过了很多，弥补不回，也没有时间去弥补。
我似乎不再属于这个圈子的人。
是我做错了选择吗？
我确定这是以后我要走的路？
我不懂怎样调适我的心情。
心情很糟糕。
我总觉得我忽略了学业。
我无法完完全全的去专心。
想杀掉自己的感觉！
好多的顾虑。
真的很烦。
我的坚持去了哪里？
为什么要那么的消极张嘉恩！！！！！
我是不是过个平凡人的生活就好。
我需要动力，很强的动力。
心情真的很复杂。

地中海贫血症是什么？
很严重的？
google 了一下。
很像不是开玩笑的。

比赛还有两天罢了。
我们只有几个小时齐人练习。
这种挑战真的很刺激，
但却很冒险。
大家都抱着享受过程的心态。
五强就好。
付出，牺牲，不少。
可是心甘情愿。
比赛一完什么都没了。
一想到就很不舍。
是事实，可是我肯定接受不到。
有什么办法。
天下无不散之筵席。
这句谚语来得恰恰好。
真的没有心情做任何事。

就这样这次的我调适心情失败。
自我启动现在开始。
没时间去调适了。
惟有硬着头皮去.
加油吧张小姐。。。。

Another down turn...and striving...

Another down turn period before final examination.
Every time before exam I will face such a problem.
This time even worst.
I set myself a high goal.
I know I cannot achieve but just want to pressure myself.
I keep forcing myself to do revision even though my body still haven't recovered.
Just keep pushing.
I know, I know it won't helps but I still insist because I know this not my limit yet.
I just want to focus what I should focus right now.
Compared with last semester I really pressure myself very much.
I know I will regret if I didn't do so.
This pressure is a kind of encouragement for myself.
What I need to do is just enjoy the process.

Dynamic dance competition is coming.
3 more days only.
I promise will do the best for the rest few days.
My first paper and competition is just totally clash.
Just tell myself I can handle it if I want it desperately!
Nothing can resists me to success.
I care for both.
I just need more tenacity.
Yes. I have it right now.
Just 3 more days.
I know all of us can make it.
Believe in yourself and myself.
Strive for the last and the best!!!!

感恩

枇杷膏，

鸡精，

红枣茶，

红枣，

蜜糖水，
牛奶，
苹果，

关心，

唠叨，

无微不至的照顾。

我真的很感恩。

大学生涯里还会遇到你们是我的福气。

我真的很感恩。

血浓于水

与弟弟谈话谈了很久。
家里发生了很多事。
我很怕家会散，
我很怕有一天我会不想再回去。
因为我怕面对，可是我很矛盾。
我只能探听，我帮不到。
看着他那么的幼稚，以前还一直开导他。
不知觉的在他面前表露我脆弱的一面。
在他面前哭成泪人。
他却告诉我：“姐,我每天对着自己说,笑着面对生活，想着正面的东西”
反过来他安慰我。


我这个姐姐真的很没有用。


还好家里有个坚强的你，

辛苦你了，等我回来你就不用一个人面对。

我会分心，家事我无法搁置。

我需要重新定格。

给我多一些时间。

终于倒下

我感受到死的感觉。
Present AIESEC slide 过后直接晕倒倒在地上，
醒来时已经躺在椅子上。
很可怕，晕的那霎那我想的是家人。
我怕，我怕我一倒下就再也醒不来。
我真的没有想到这种事会发生在我的身上。
可能我真的很累了。
也可能药力太强了。
Travic 载我回誉茹房间。
她真的很无微不至的照顾我。
我睡不着，她催眠我，而且还两次。
我睡到一半帮我盖被，摸我的额头看有没有发烧。
syu yi 知道过后也马上搬她的功课来誉茹房间找我。
她看到我的时候是快哭了的眼神。
她说看见战友倒下，她怎么撑下去。
我让你担心了。
真的很对不起。
Yen Ting也是。
紧张我到不得了。
Mei chien的心意。。。
你们真的弄到我很感动，我没有理由不珍惜你们。
还有信息我及打电话给我的朋友，感受到你们的关心。

庆祝了syu yi 的生日。
当下的我真的四肢无力，晕，累，难受。
可是哪来的力量让我想陪她度过她的21岁生日。
我喜欢wakakaka一起的感觉，
别人给不到我这股动力，很强，很强。
生日快乐！

比赛，考试迫在眉睫。
我没有理由再让自己倒下。
我会遗憾终生。
我很期待比赛，也不期待比赛。
是矛盾的。
我害怕结束，我怕我会接受不到。
大家好到一种地步。
所以我才会有那么大的反应。
前天，我真的很心痛。
那些话真的刺进我的心，我眼泪掉个不停。
没有对与错，是我自己太在乎，
我真的。。。
算了啦。过去了。
最重要是过程里大家都在成长着。
队友们，比赛见！！！

眼泪泛滥

最近眼泪泛滥。
真的不是爱哭，只是不知觉的就这样流了下来。
我忍不到。
昨天表现评估听别人给评语我已经掉泪。
到我给评语是已经泣不成声。
什么问题。我不知道。可能在乎。可能压抑久了。

刚刚和弟弟聊了下。
家里发生了事。
我什么都不知道。
每人通知。
我自己也没常打电话回家。
是不是不要我担心所以没告诉我？
和弟弟好久没聊天了。
聊到我想他了，心很痛。
他讲想去ｃａｍｐ可是没钱去。
我懂那种想去可是去不了的感觉。
我答应他如果摘下冠军我会赞助他去。
他开心得不得了。
希望如他也如我所愿吧。
辛苦他了。
想到我的心真的很痛。

－我会尽力的－

At this phase everyone needs to face own problems and difficulties.

Nobody will cares about your existence.

This is what life called as.

For a person that care too much will always gets hurt.

You don't even know your words are always hurting me.

Even your actions are keep hurting me.

You won't know about it because you never take the initiative to care about it.

Stand at your feeling more than myself.

Perhaps I am not the right person.

-Timing decides?-

感动。摊开。默默。

我挣扎了几天。
失眠了几晚。
问心那句，我的决定对的吗？
还是我已经失去当下的理智了。
当我选择了这一条路我已经能预料我会很累很忙。
我其实70%已经决定放弃。
我承受不了孤军作战的感觉。
我需要一个我能信任的人。
这个星期我根本腾不出时间做别的事情了。
开会开会开会，表演，练舞，功课。
时间刚刚好。
突然间要我去某某公司，我没有为自己辩护，我答应了，因为开不了口。
就这样时间逼到满满。
人生地不熟。搞笑。
怪我自己开不了口。
可是，世界上是有一个真心，不舍得看见我累的朋友在我最无助的时候扶了我一把。
毛遂自荐帮我去那家公司。
没有问我需不需要，当场就这样接下了。
我真的差点哭了出来，因为你的举动让我知道有人支持着我。
谢谢你。
你告诉我，你会留下。
也告诉了我你和她刚刚私底下的对话。
我落泪了，感动得落泪。


我。。。其实做错了决定。
只因为最近太多事情需要顾虑我根本失去了理智。
刚刚和一位纯粹上司下属的你聊了，心摊开来讲。
太迟了，我们的关系来得太迟了。
我有机会弥补吗？
你竟然把你所有的感觉都跟我讲，把最私人的事告诉了我。
毫不犹豫的表露无遗。
一年了，我竟然没把信任这两个字放在你的身上，让我们的隔膜越来越大。
其实我们可以很好，只因为大家不曾摊开心讲。
我懂了。懂得更多。
想好一点，不会吃亏的。
和你谈得我又哭了。


有些事情我帮不上忙。
我选择默默地支持。
我不想烦你，因为你所承受的压力更不少。
我不舍得看见你那样。
如果你愿意跟我说，我随时都会在你身旁。

只能用哭表示心中压抑的情绪，并不是爱哭，是释放。

无助。

任何人都好跟我讨论到那个话题我都想逃避。

难道我不想面对？

可是我已经没有了那个动力了。

我真的觉得很有心无力。

以前启发我的，激励我的，推动我的。。。

已经反效果了。

你懂吗。。。

失去了并肩作战的队友，我慌了，心也动摇了。

很多次我担心到手会抖。

为什么会搞到这种地步。

为什么我就是不能洒脱一点？？

事情的价值不同了，不再那么的单纯。

只有我这个傻的才会那么的单纯的相信事情是美好的。

决定性的一刻我会怎样做。

无助，真的很无助。

无助时总会翻我们的照片。

然后自己会落泪。

什么时候你们有了那么大的影响力。

我不知道。

一个人，搭巴士，戴耳机。

听坏女孩，眼泪流了下来。

画面一片一片过。

这种感觉是真实的，是我要的。

我懂总有一天会结束，很快。

好的事情总结束得特别快。

我不舍得。

散了之后，大家会变得怎样。

我还会有机会从哪里得到这种那么真实的感觉。

不会了。。

我会珍惜接下来半个月和你们相处的时间。

这场比赛对我而言已经不再是比赛那么的简单。

是一个我特别想珍惜的过程。

也是我人生重要的插图。

无助的时候想想我们一起的日子，

我嘴角会上扬。
这样就够了。

-以后的路会更艰难，要更坚强而不是逞强-

当一件事情已经失去它原本的意义再坚持下去有什么用。
责任感害死我。
我真的累到一个境界了。
女生真的很麻烦。
这次大姨妈来我也是很辛苦。
又熬夜，生理已经不协调了。
撑着撑着就撑过去了。
一波未平一波又起。
看见手上的事情一直来，没完没了。
今天的我有一股冲动想把自己封闭在房间，与世隔离。
什么都不做，真的只是休息。
想就可以。
做了过后肯定又内疚又后悔。

我有必要把自己重新定格。
我不懂现在我做这些事情到底为了什么？
并肩作战？孤军作战？
看到事情的变化我真的很心淡了。
怪都怪我自己太单纯了。
没有一个聪明的脑袋。

允许我大喊！
允许我放肆！
允许我什么都不理。
真的真的累了。

No more next time

First time ever conflict with friend in my entire life.
I never face such a problem and for me making friend always an easy stuff.
Now I believe that when comes to benefit conflict there will be selfishness occurs.
This time is not about selfishness.
It's totally my own problem.
Even though you have agreed to help but the true meaning behind it wasn't that mean.
I suppose to settle everything before I leave next time.
I promise and I sincerely apologize no more repeat such an action.
It really hurts me.
Back to core, is my fault.
I never blame you.
I should be more alert in my own responsibility,
I focus too much on other stuff until ignoring your feeling.
I thought your existence won't cause any changes or effect in my life,
but just now your message actually let me really hurts.
I never see you so angry and scold me without considering anything.
I am not eligible to defend myself at this time and I didn't plan to do as well.
I will introspect, I promise.
I can bear any stress but once come to friendship and relationship I will surrender and lost.
I lost this time.
I don't know how to settle.
I choose to face to you and frank to you because I don't want to lose a friend like you.
You are a good friend, is my problem that causes such issue.
This guiltiness won't disappear until you forgive me because I can't cover back my mistake anymore.
The only thing I can do is be alert next time.
When I am so not concentrating about this?
NO MORE NEXT TIME PLEASE!!!

-Take it serious-

This 2 days 5a.m only sleep.
It was extremely tired but it's worthy.
I bet my teammates were having the same feeling also.

We couldn't figure out a better gesture.
So helpless I couldn't help on you anything.

Sometimes it's really better not to know too much.
When you knew something accidentally,
it's just like a dagger stab through your heart.
I truly feel it.
It really hurts.
Just at that moment I cannot control my sadness.
Tears rolled inside my eyes but endure it.
I could't deny I care so much about it.
Don't worry.
I will be alright.

I have no idea for my next step.
You are becoming more ambiguous for me.
I need to guess what you're thinking.
I need to filter what I said is it will make you angry.
I always consider your feeling more than myself.
I was trapped into a hole.
No.
I should say I jump into a hole without any forcing from any party.
To be nice saying is "I try"
In other way "I'm just finding trouble for yourself!"
I know I'm wasting my precious time to think something that shouldn't be thought.
If I could control myself I won't behave like this.
I feel hurt for my own reaction.
I'm hurting myself when I do more.
Lately, I am emotional unstable.
I easy to get into a wrong way but still forcing myself to pull myself get away from the evil-minded.
Double characters appeared.
It's totally a wrong timing for me to say about this.
I know it will ends very soon..very soon..
After that no more interaction and I won't be thinking so much also? Can I?
Perhaps this could make me feel more relieve.
I'm waiting for the day to come.
Just end it...

想找你

你永远都不知道。
我无时无刻都想找你。
一有什么开心的事我第一个就想找你分享，
想把我那快乐的心情带给你，
想让你知道我真的想找你。
一遇到挫折我总会拿起手机想信息你，
希望得到你的安慰，一句问候也好。
可是。。
开心或不开心到最后我也没找你，
因为你不曾留意过我。
对你而言，我真的什么都不是。
最近的我真的很压抑，
心里是多么的想你可以安抚我，
慰问我，
关心我，
似乎很贪心。
可能吧。
就这样我还是没找你，
在你的生活里我的存在值多少，
我现在清楚了。
就为这件事划上句号，
停止我这无谓的付出。

领悟

过了很充实的两天的假期。
真的很充实。
然而旅途中还是会放不下手中的事情。
收到公司的讯息，就想到好多文件没处理好。
然后政府部门的事情，不跑一趟都不行。
就是要在人家轻松的时候砸一个石头下来。
无奈~~~
可是还是很开心。
要笑就笑，要讲就讲，根本不需要顾虑那么多。
有时候跟某些人讲话都需要过滤。
这种生活很累人。
每个事情我都会领悟到事情。
就像这次的旅行，也看清楚了一件事。

去神庙的时候看见外面挂着这一幅牌。
是真的。
这句名言，我非常地赞成。
时间久了，看到的事情会越来越明确，越来越清晰。
不得不认，我应该需要更加会看人。
因为伤不起。

我想家了

压抑着的情绪快让我喘不过气了。
生活上的不协调让此时的我真的很想回家。
我觉得我变了。
可以隐藏的泪水霎时那么的不听话，
我大哭了一场。
有释放一点的感觉。
似乎看透了事情，
让我有一种卸下责任的冲动。
那个平台已经不是我渴望的那么简单。

这是其次。
钱的因素也是令我懊恼的事。
可是，
家人永远是影响我最多的。
我想你了daddy, mummy, popo。
刚刚和你通了电话，强忍泪水，不想让你担心。
我其实很想回家就看看你们也好。
无论发生什么事，至少你们都不会怪我。
你们总让我掉泪。
我是不是很没有用。
总是那么的脆弱，我不是很坚强的吗？？？
那个我去了哪里？？？

给自己一个期限。
做人随性点吧。
我没有时间去处理情绪了。
我懂我可以协调回来的。
心态张嘉恩！！！
虽然很老套的一句话：笑一笑没什么大不了。
撑着点吧。。。
路还很长。。。

-自己要学会坚强，没有人会永远陪在我的身边-

我最怕的事就是明明就很累可是失眠。

坐在巴士上短短的路途都可以睡下去，还发梦。

这个星期全部东西涌着来。

考试，duty, documents, meeting, asssignmentssssssss, 练舞。

有时会羡慕别人有那么多的时间休息。

有时会讨厌自己那么得空。

矛盾兼犯贱。

最近的我真的很不自律了。

理智的我似乎变得很慌神。

越来越糟糕。

惊讶的是mid term 的成绩竟然比我想象中的好。

有点内疚。

每科都临时抱佛脚。

没错！是每科。

我都提醒自己这只是好运罢了。

已经开始啃书，读读读读读。

没时间拖了。

手头上还有一大堆文件还没有完成。

休息的时间越来越少，

越来越容易累。

最幸福的事莫过于有个人会一直关心及呵护你。
可惜不是你。

-其实我真的很压力，脸上的笑容只不过想让自己活得更积极-

怎么了

没期望那么多就不会那么的失望。

也不会没那么的伤。

似乎说太多了。

似乎说错话了。

什么时候所有的焦点都会转移在你的身上。

就默默地这样。

我也不懂什么时候变成了这样。

是不是该停止这一切了。

我渴望太多根本没人在乎的事情。

真的只是这样吗？

Simply because I didn't say doesn't mean I don't care.

You hurt me.

Perhaps you never try to put yourself in my shoes.

Yes,

I am silly enough.

I am tired enough also,

Mentally...

Early in the morning, not feeling so well.
Look at the mirror, just look at my dark eyes circle can fill in water d.. =.=
My mum will kill me again.
She warns me for so many time don't stay up until so late,
Heavy headache right now.
I thought assignment finished, checked learning zone, upload new assignment again =.=
One subject needs how many assignments?zzz
And quiz non stop...
Don't blame d...
JUST DO IT JUST DO IT JUST DO IT!!!

When I discovered more truth, the reality becomes uglier.
I suppose should know all this by myself right?
Why I am just stupid and never sense anything.
Still saying myself is a good observer.
I'm doubting on myself now.
What comes to me I will accept if never clash with my principle.
Know more or lesser will be better?
This is also what I will face in future?
Can I just stay crazy all the while and pretend nothing happen ><

Actually some of you is one of the reasons for me to stay.
I wish to say this.
Obviously. simple thing doesn't exist.
Whatever happens, I just hope don't affect our friendship.
I will put friendship ahead.
I emphasis it even though you not care about it.
I don't know how long it can last because everything also needs both sides' reaction.
If one day I tell you I give up in this friendship I really mean it already.
I don't hope this will be happened again.
It hurts and it will bring me down eventually.
Just because I care.

Lately when listening to emo song, I really will emo.
Especially when I was walking alone and wearing earphone.
Because all the picture flash one by one when the song represents someone.
Emo a while only har!!!!
No time to emo already.
Continue for procrastinated stuff.

以前的我遇到这些事肯定会发脾气。
然后自己生闷气。
就像一个小孩子一样。
何时来的变化。
时间的磨练，思想真的改变了。
21岁了，有了一定的责任，负担和包袱。
很多事情也不是如你所愿。
每个人都有不同的要求。
他觉得在乎不是放多一点心咯，不在乎不是少放一点心咯。
人就是这样，求其所好。
做人真的是对人说人话，对鬼说鬼话。
不由得你不看开点。
奇怪的人类难以捉摸。
就连要好的朋友可能你也不懂他在想什么，
更何况是一群不曾合作的人。
自己也有很多地方需要改进。
还是不要批评那么多。
我渴望的组员是不会计较那么多的。
真的那么在乎就不要计较那么多。
自己辛苦，别人不爽，何苦叻。
慢慢来吧，前面的路还很长。

四个字：坚持到底

Manager of CR

Frankly, when I received the message regarding the announcement from Vivian I am not happy.
What is the point for me to stay when you are not fighting with me in the department?
We joined AIESEC together, apply for the same department, share problems, share happiness, share knowledge, treat each other with heart.
The most important is we go through the process together.
You are the person I trust the most and...
I can feel the tears are almost dropping out when I'm typing this.
I am emotional at this moment.
Is CR.
Result needed, goal needed.
If I tell you I am not stress I lie to you want.
I apply for it because I want to cross my boundaries.
Sound silly? Not enough stress for academics meh?
But I believe future's life even will be harder than this thousand times.
Thank you for the call that comfort me.
Actually I know what I am doing.
Just for a moment cannot accept the fact being separated with Vivian.
I have faith on her.
I believe she can stand up very fast and back to the way of herself.
I know the sadness that lie on you and the pain that came across won't be less but you still show to me the positive side just because don't want to make me worry.
Am I very selfish for always making you worry?
I should give you a hug and comfort you.
After tonight you will be the Vivian,
A little girl chasing with her dream.
No matter how was the result, we will still be the same.
I promise you!

Don't ask " Am I deserve for it?" anymore.

People choose me for a reason.
It's the time I need to take up this responsibility and challenge myself.
Stress management, time management and self-management.
It's a long journey for me.
I'll make my word for what I was promising during the interview.
And I need to make my word for better achievement.
It's not only for the department but a learning for myself.
Every process is a learning, I cannot give up easily.
How hard is the journey I also must continue it because I CHOSE IT.
I really hope that this optimistic minded can be kept till the end of my life.
Coming sem break I need to enhance more no matter in what skill.
Personal coach booked! Haha
Thank you! You always help me without blaming.
As a JE I always wish for a good manager.
The same for next term's JE.
Never ever set a failure for myself before I try my best.
Manager of Corporate Relations 12/13-------------
It's not a label, is a responsibility...

Goal, Result, Member development and Self-development

务必的承诺

你的一句“我们会去支持你的”

让我觉得我好幸福。

对不起让你担心了。

答应你我真的会好好照顾自己。

Promise to myself

I used to doubt on my capability lately.
Am I the right person to do something that actually not suppose belongs to me.
Previously I am a person who really really cares of my academic until my mum will nag at me because I totally lost control that time until ignore my health.
When enter University I also told myself:
"please study hard! your family is awaiting for you to make them proud"
I know my parents never request me to get 4 flat in my studies.
They care my health and sleeping time more than my academic.
They told me fail in academic is better than affect your health.
Yes. I agree.
But I never follow their instruction.
I pretty wish to show some result to them. really.
Always stay up so late for doing different things.
Academic and experience...
Both are important.
I haven't found the equilibrium point for it.
I'm still finding.
I think I must on my track and concentrate more already.
A promise to myself : STUDY EVERYDAY and REST MORE PLEASE T.T


Stubborn! Still always think I am very strong.
I really can feel the changes that occur on myself.
No need much. Backbone is the best prove ever.
Came back to me at the wrong timing.
I don't want enter wad again please.
I have many things to deal with especially I've dragged too much for my studies.
I must cover all back within 2 weeks.
Please stay silently for just two months can?
I am worried.....
If back to last time how....
I want a normal life....
It's not easy to have an outstanding life with limited sources from myself.
I truly understand this.
Take care myself take care myself...
Think positive. Apply this to myself.

-SELF MOTIVATION-