Yes, another cake for me. Another celebration. Thanks alot MyGorgeous! You both know me soo well! Chessecake!! No wonder you both were dress soo nicely today! cheat my feelings sia you both! haha but i still heart you! hugg!

Is it my birthday yet? NO!
Has prince charming asked me to be his? NO!
Was i given diamonds? NO!

Then why in the blue hell am i soooooo excited!!

I just successfully pry open a keyboard.not exactly.I remove all visible screws and i force it apart krrraank! so not it's open. I'm bloody behind time for my mfgss project.oh not forgetting my pics company search and resume.oh oh! semestral project. Im waaaay behind time for everything.

Nad, it's only lately that i agree to what you said about having to paste YEAR3 on our forehead. God those kids in school are soooo ugh! Where's the respect people? You might be 21,22,23 for all i damn care but please be a wee bit human and RESPECT! Don't go screaming/shouting along the corridors.It's not like your friends are in the other side of the world.Even so, they cannt hear you la bodoh! Oh! not forgetting those small fries who OMG! thinks we owe them a living. Eh you taikkuching,please realise you're in no position to be starring at us.Tahu kite lawa, tapi maintain ah beb!disgusting. Relax.4 more months and i'm done with nyp. 4 more months and i'm graduating (insyallah). you yr1-2 mofos still got loooong way to go. pelan pelan kayuh eh! :)

Ok, i have some hidden anger in me. To be typing the story out is waay too obvious. Lets just ease my heart and mind thinking that the person is an immature moron,who needs to go for english classes,who thinks too highly of him/her self,who needs some tlc.ala,senang kata tu bdk act besar tapi.........HAHAHAHAH. yes. mofo!

you wont see me running for this whole week. It's gonna be my month soon. It's my week. Soon it's my day.

alamak, tengah feeling jiwang ah beb.

I got home and straight i went to the kitchen. Poured 3/4 cup for Pepsi Twist. ahhhh..what a way to rejoice my failure for napfa. Eh, no, to rejoice my hard effort.heh. I was darn silly and went to the toilet in burst into tears.Kecewa babe. Whatever la. I knw i tried my darn best, i trained hard and it's not like i need a silver/gold for NS.

Eh i want to re-write my birthday wishlist ah..
-carebeare inspired cake
-dinner at Earl Swensen (T3 or Vivo)
-cheesecake + chocolate cream chip frappe
-sunflower.daisy.stargazes.
-smiles. i want wide-teeth-showing smiles from all those around me.
-ride bike. scrambler ah. haha
-naik sg flyers.
-go zoo!
-picnic at botanical garden..
ok, if i can think of somemore, i update.

tomrrow NAPFA test and what have i to train myself? hmm i....makan.and makan.and makan. build up jaw muscle. No need eh? =/

oh i almost forgot, happy 2nd month of break-up,The Ex.

carebear.and my heart jumped.

I'm killing time till it's 2.15pm so that i can make my way to school for the 2nd time for my ERP lesson.

The Ex pointed out that this year i didn't have any wishlist up. Firstly, i forgot my birthday was soo soon! Yea, i didnt countdown like before and telling the world its my day soon. Well, out of boredom my bday wishlist.. (in no particular sequence)

-Get wiser
- CareBear cake @ primadeli. I'm love-a-lot.
-Hugo Boss XX perfume / Anna Sui Flight of Fancy
-Crocs Malindi (size 10)
-CottonOn black Rubi (size 42)
-I want diamonds. cause diamonds are forever.
- what about jewelleries.
i can only think of these.

Not to materialistic am i? hahahahahahahaha

Well, i feeling hot stuff cause people are booking me for my birthday.

eve of bday
_____ till midnight with my Faizal Hubby. (yet to be confirm)

on my bday
noon - 5pm with Faizal The Ex.
Evening till night with Family-Ku.

To the rest, please place your orders quick.

I MUST STOP SHOPPING CAUSE I RAN OUT OF MONEY! MAMPOS!

Alhamdullilah, yesterday's jalan raya with the FYP people went on smoothly. I'm posting up pictures over here, so yea pictures says a thousand words. Let me just summarise yea..

1) Liyana @ Jurong West
Thanks to me and The Ex, everyone arrive late.hee! SURPRISE bday celebration for Me and Nadhir. I was totally caught off guard.Suddenly Jas and Liyana came out of the kitchen with a cake in hand. Honestly, i forgot Nadhir shared the same bday as me. So while everyone else sang, i joined in too. Having in mind that it's for Nadhir. Then i was told it was for me also! So yes, I got to celebrate my bday with Nadhir. And it's my first 19th celebration. Siti is the mastermind la! She even made Notes for me and Nadhir. EG1989 & EG1986. ok, i syg you all alot!

2) Haza @ Bukit Panjang
That's where we met up with Aza,Alip & Siti. Nothing much, only that my heels fell apart on the way to the bus. Indeed BATA = Buy And Throw Away. But i like that heels :(

3) Nunuu @ Woodlands
Half of the group was glued to the tv cause Papa-Ku was playing Susuk. While the other half, well we mind our own business and enjoy the pizza. Picture time, Barak posing maut punye! Parents-Ku still can play along!

4) Mubarak @ Sembawang
The moment we all have been waiting for, Barak dancing! Since our FYP day, we all already agreed for Barak to dance when we raya at his place.

5) Danial @ Sembawang
Nice chocolates! Always on alert for his cat! Dan, kakak kau lawa. Abg kau pun handsome. hee

6) Hafiz toyol @ Yishun
Jas was sweating like i dont know what. He got sick.Sudden attack of flu. Oh, Alip also!

7) Faizal @ Yishun
HighSchoolMusical was on. Everyone was watching. I don't get it. Tak minat ah...

8) Dina @ Yishun
Want to karaoke abeh rosak.

9) Nadhir @ Serangoon
It obvious that everyone dah penat. Barak had to clean up his pocket cause all the chocs he took from Dan's place melted and dirtied it. Even his camera was chocolate all over la. tsk tsk.

So thats my only jln raya with my friends. I had alot of fun. Singing in the bus. Laughing. I wanna say thanks again to all of you guys for the surprise cake/celebration. Hope to jln raya again all 13 of us.
Alip + Haza, Siti + Jas, Nurul / Faizal, Yunus + Dina, Nadhir + Liyana, Danial & Nadia, Mubarak.

I could hardly get out of bed this morning despite the countless calls/shouts from Mama-Ku. I kept snuggling under the covers and getting closer to my pillows.I think i drool too. Indeed i had a good night sleep. Well, obviously. All the silly tears shedding and staying up till almost 1am for the return of Mama-Ku who went enjoy-sing with the fellow aunties and tak ingat nak balik was sure tiring. You know they say sufficient sleep helps in weight lost. ya ya! dont go sleeping all day you mofos! If you happen to sleep all day and not turn into a whale but instead turn skinny-weeny, pls contact me! I soo wanna have your secret. Anywoos, I'm taking secret glances to the KFC paper bag to the left of me. The good being of Brother-Ku left me 1 whatever-honey-biscuit thing. Ok, i've eaten the biscuit-thingy clean. But in my mind i have like fried chicken dancing around.Looking all yummilicious.siak! this is what a fat girl always thinks about = FOOD. I'm certain that in some foreign funny ulu native language, my name either spells FOOD or FAT. Wait, there is already FAT in my name. Baik ah Parents-ku! *bare in mind, becareful when picking names for my kids in the future. no fats no thin no jo(for the fear of jongang) no bo(for the fear of botak) * ok i should pen those no-no names for my kids and paste it on my wallet for constant reminder.

ok.one step at a time.

Look while u can and look while you want.Cause this is gonna be a last close picture of Nuu & Fai. Except for a group picture or while on group outing like jln raya this Sunday.I knw dozens of people say we look alike.I honestly think you people are BLIND! ok, just because muka melayu doesn't mean we look alike.tsk.So yea a finalise,come-clean break up. So people, I'm officially-officially single =) no more clinging on. no more hoping. no more tears. Basically no more Faizal. ok, maybe as friends. Eh i just realise, my teeth like something wrong la in that picture. tell me i'm still aku la jambu!






my Nad & my Een. i heart you both like manymany. Always there for me.Though different class, i still feel the close-ness. oh, i feel like a cowgirl in that baju.To many more bloopers.
selamat selamat, asalkan selamat.
gogo ke gajah?
ketak-ketak-ketawe.
de-de-dark.
hugs!










I need a girls day out! i need to meet my npslovelies! i need to meet my chickadees!

sOh yea, VB class. I'm all warm,snuggling in my hoodie. HuiJun just made me zip all the way up and laughed her ass off.Mr Wayne is walking around the lab and i couldn't care less. hahaha. my hoodie is up and covering my eyes. i can go to bed now.gah!

Was up last night(wee morning of tdy) texting a long lost friend.Aunty Zana, i want you to adopt me and let me lead a ghetto life :) I soo can't wait to meet up after 12yrs! Didi, you better pray hard that she wants to adopt me, if not then..sorry ah.

my head is thumping cause the lack of sleep.My full stomach is adding on weights to my eyelids. i think i'll go catch some winks during lecture.

My body has been yearning for some fatty-ass food. I want LongJohnSilver.pls.

imagine..
makan LJS, someone giving me a goood back massage and then sleep!
shiiiook!

Ok zal, im soo going up to that mat cold storage guy! hahahahaha

I don my new DP top. the purple one. And silly, i didn't bring my jacket. I'm cold right down to my toes. Speaking of toes, my crocie bit me. nw im with blisters.The ex's company somehow got the privillege of booking out early.Maybe he's fetching Nunuu.But he's sick, prolly gonna spread his virus to me.eee.gah!

eh sejuk la seh! make me wanna berak.tsk. I keep eating one full meal and im feeling blooody guilty.i'm becoming a freak.watching what i eat.starving myself.oh napfa next wed.baik ah, sungguh tak prepared.

not running is making me not sleep.
not sleeping is making me hungry.
being hungry is making me tired.
being hungry is keeping me awake at night.

hidup seorang pompan jambu! hahahahahaha
jambu with an L la. pompan jambuL.hah!

For view's discretion, i remove my oh-so jambu pic from yesterday's entry. tsk! Ain la ni, nak close close eyes tsk! hahahahahahha

my stomach tgh 'groin groin' (according to ain's term). ok, in english it means, i'm hungry.grrr.
I'm excited about sunday, cause i'm raya-ing with my FYP Gillek.yesss all of us.14 people. Mesti kecoh! lets see if i can reach boon lay at 1030am k.pagi gang!

I think i shall go makan now. Yes Didi, im gonna eat and shop while you starve in cold over at Sydney! wee~

ciao!

I think i should be fed-up with life right now. Yes when i wrote my entry yesterday, everything was good. Damn how things change in time. I've never been sooo darn fickle in life.so so darn.And i'm starving myself again.And i'm shopping again.Starvation is doing me wrong.I feel tired so quickly.When all i did was to go to school and home.I'm not talking much now at home.The parents are asking why.What should i tell them, that i hate my life! that i don't wish to continue the next day!My body's aching like a 70-yr old woman.My back hurts.My left shoulder hurts.My right arm hurts.Does pain from love counts? I beg for anyone who can give me happiness to forget this shit.Yes, even a day would do me good.I don't need another rejection.I don't need another let down.I just need a little ray of happiness and positiveness in life.Anyone can make me smile for a day, just so i can forget my pain and misery in life?

hopes which led to disappointment which led to lousiness.

Oh, did i tell i that IVE GOT NO SCHOOL TODAY! william ho called in sick and yes! erp lab was cancel. Just laze around,skype-ed with Gina & Mzh. Which resulted the plans of going jogging. But me and mzh went to bed. 5.30pm we said to meet up. Tak dapat ah! both cannot wake up! and our reason " dah nak hujan ah. go back to slp ah.." ok till now it havent rain! hahaha

The whole netizen now know that aku la jambu :)
Ok, so this is what it's like to be caught between 2 guys. a good catch and an old flame.
Oh, gini eh pompan lawa rase...best! gah!

My self-esteem/confidence/worth has shoot sky high lately.And it's as though everything is being place back. Yes, im starting to enjoy school again. Yes, i don't mind initiating every single crap.

Maybe October is like my cupid month <3

You know, i'm actually smilling while typing this entry out.Ain't got no idea why. =)

i wanna ride in your chevy and sing to every song i know along the road.tmr it will be.wee~

I'm the girl with Navy Blue braces.
I'm the girl with Hazel coloured eyes.
I'm the girl with a shattered heart yet i'm smilling.

I just realised i got the same top on as last Friday. And its macam, got bau tengek. Like those not fully dry that sort. Ok, i can smell myself. Shall go ShoppingArcade and spray free perfume. Sungguh cheapo aku...

My teeth are hurting already. Nothing new. haaa

I don't feel like studying today. I just want today to end quickly. Cause i know, it's gonna be nothing but pain. Fetching The Ex later, i think. Just gonna cab him home then i'm on my way home..

Yesterday's short shopping trip with Farah was nice. Though i didn't eat anything at all! haha. if this persist, i can be aneroxic! Spend like a whole load of money, but i bought like so little.
-1 top (DP)
-2 necklace (Diva)
-2 tees (Topman) for a friend and cousin laa
-3 knickers (Topshop)

And i paid for Farah (she'll have to pay me back!)
-1 top (Topshop)
-1 tee (Topman) for her prince
-1 hand accesory (Topman) for her prince
-2 necklace (Diva)
And she called earlier to seek a small favour on getting for her the DP bag. Which will end up to $110 that she owes me! hahaha.

It's not even 1pm yet. Malas nye.

For yesternight's gonna be the last night i cry,for you.

Thanks to all those who tagged/sms their salam takziah to me. Alhamdullilah, the family is doing better now.

Rather alot is happening in my life now. But i don't seem to be bothered. It's like i've lost the meaning of life. I might have cried out too hard. I'll remember what Yat told me, have faith in what you believe.

Tomorrow's another. Only difference, i'll be heading down to cck to fetch the ex. It's not like hes wanting to see me.. tell me why do i even bother so much on someone who barely even loves me?the cruelty of love and life. pfft.

Allah is really testing me. But He will not put me in a test too hard for me to handle. Insyallah, I can pull through this.

Such event bring people together. And i made a new friend,Man. Thank you so much for coming and staying till everything is over. Eventhough you're only just my bro/cousin's friend. Thank you. Appreciate it..

The Ex told me he injure himself. I'm dead worried. Wait, should i be worried? Yes.No.I dont know.
Boy,please take care. im very worried and i know that u know it.

I was out with the parents yester-evening. Went over to Papa-ku's friend's place. Nearby.

Me: Maa, that ah beng cute..
Ma: Yang mane?
Me: Yang in black tee..
Ma: oh. ah beng jugak yang anak aku minat..
Me: *smiles*
Ma: Eh beng, anak aku berkenan dengan kau!

haha. I told Mama-Ku that i wanna marry an Ah Beng with uber platinum Blonde hair. With piercing filling his ear lobes. With tattoo nicely filling his body. :D
Ok, i was just telling her the extreme. But i do want a chinese bf to start with. Any potential suitor please contact me at..9654.....yes thank you =)

I'm starving now. grr! people are coming over later and an open hse to attend to at 3pm. aahh, a fun-filled family day ahead. I hope.

just you wait friend. a loong letter coming your way.

* Dear Allah, i hope for a better day today. amin *

Yesterday was plain awful. I dont know. I've never hated life/school soo much! I thought meeting up with Farah would be the cure. Well, it did for a moment. Once i'm alone, it's back to square one. I was all teary in the train. I cried while walking home. I cried in the lift up. I cried in the bathroom. I cried in bed. cry baby ey. Pretty lost and confuse right now. really really. sigh. Talked to Barak (my anonymous stalker who reads my blog thus he knows the latest update! haha) yes, i cried over the phone. But he helped me out. Made me smile and laugh. Barak seh =)

MyGorgeous Nad & Ain were in lect. Had our break alongside Johan & Hedher. Naik van Johan, NO AIR! hahaha. very HOK! i love MyGorgeous! =) *pics with nad* walkingwalking ard AMK Hub, saw lovely tops. syg ah, lady with assests cannot wear. haha

Having VB Lab now. hmm, teaching the basics. which i thankfully still remember from my fyp.Basics je remember.

Ok, the Laksa i ate is making me sleeepy.ZzZzZz

oh! dah bought my colour contact lense. 1-tone, Hazel. mampos,confirm very light! haha and parents are sure to nag! heee

friend,tell me what you want.no no,seriously what do you want?

Is it me or is blk S just plain-o cold! lucky lucky lucky, i got my puma hoodie =)

Was just looking around at facebook, then i saw like alot of gambar raya. Eh, maybe i should start uploading them too! over at the multiply account i created specially for family-event pictures. sanggup eh. hahaha. keluargafamily.multiply. its empty right now. But i so malas wanna upload and wait and bla bla..... ok ok stop whinning and just do it once i got the time.

Yesterday's run was hmm..good. though i was alone, though i was stuck at wland stadium for over an hour cause it was raining. It was all good. At least i got the wlandwellington team training to keep my eyes all bright. eh got handsome handsome one la. but rabak ah, in my last lap i tend to sprint then my muke hancur ah. habes! they all saw it. hahaha. berangan aku...

should i get violet lenses? Nad suggested grey. Farah said brown. Entah. I didnt even bring my contact lenses nye box for the degree.How to buy! hahahaha

sape cari sape sekarang ah..hurr hurrr

In class right this instance. Sem proj 5. Researching should be on my agenda but i kinda just drifted away. My focus seems to be floating around somewhere. shrug.

Oh, i wanna get coloured lenses. But what colour i dont know. getting it for the sake of getting it ah.

I have to start runing i swear. By hook or by crook i must run today! Initial intentions to run this morning but i was down with slight fever. And i haven't been sleeping properly. Could be the lack of sleep that is causing this hike in body temperature. i dont know.

I dont know if i should seize this situation i'm in or hate my life all.

I wanna blog, but i can only think of this much. i'm numb. and i miss you. call me tonight just like yesternight.

The ex just called. To check up on me.

The Ex is having some briefing now over at HTA (Home Team Academy).

He text me from the time he woke up. He was feeling nervous he said. But instead i was the one who didn't slept the whole night. Crying over the huge disappointment. My heart seems a little at ease now. He's been texting me throughout his whole journey.

The ex : alamak! i think one of the guy's gf is holding back her tears.
Me: if i, just cry. haha
The ex : Nasib baik you tak ikut. kalau you nangis, i pun nangis seh. haha
Me : haha, cannot. must be macho. got your parents. haha
The ex : haha. abis you nangis. kalau you start marah, i marah. kalau you happy, i happy. kalau you nangis, i nangis ah.
Me: haha. like that ah.
The ex : a bo then!

You tell me. how can i not be confuse. and he asked me to fetch him. You want someone there but dont want commitment? sorry man, its the whole package.

We're starting to miss each other so soon. I'm behaving like his girlfriend. I guess you just can't remove the love that's been so strong. Now tell me if he still love me? wait, i dont wanna know.

School starts at 3 today. Heading on early to get my books. And if i end early, will be meeting Alip. Right now, all i need to do is keep myself busy and not think about the ex. I promise i will start running again. Gotto get use to doing things solo now...

First day of my final semester in NYP. I dont know la. I'm alone. I know people in my new class, but...They all have their on clique. Nevermind la, I just stand on my own now. Though I'm feeling rather sad that i'm alone. Just so darn weird. I guess, life's fair. One moment i had everyone around me and the next, there is barely a soul left. Isn't it enough that one special someone left. And now, so did many others. May i get out of this denial and move on.

Life's rather empty now. I'm numb. I still cry. I still feel the old wound bleeding. But i'm helpless. No one to turn to. No one to be there for me. No one to share my ups and downs with. Wow. Life just turn the total opposite in a blink of an eye. So it's true, nothing good can last for too long. I thought i had him. But instead, i never did.

I guess this break-up is really changing me. In many different ways. I no longer talk to people (new). I stop taking initiave. You would ask,where's the cheery,bubbly Nurul? What happen to the talkative Nurul? I dont know. I guess it break away from me. I smile. I laugh. But no one ever knows what i'm feeling deep down. Even the ex doesn't know how much i love him. Even the ex couldn't make out what i feel. Even the ex doesnt know........

I remembered back then in secondary school. I had friends around. Good friends. Best friends. But i still hated my life. Still hated myself. I doubt my self worth. Apart from my friends, nothing good ever happens to me. Reprocicated love was far from the topic. I had a sister who was all about tough love. My studies sucks. My self esteem was a flat zero! I thought i was on my way of going up the ladder. But no. I was just starting, and i slided back down to nothing.

I don't know if my fate will ever change. I don't know if i'll ever gain enough self respect or self confidence to face the world. "I'm emotionally unstable by nature. But for the ex, i was willing to change. I toughen up myself. I worked towards being a wee bit more sturdy emotionally. I failed him. countless of time i failed him. I failed to lose enough weight for him. I failed to be less dependent on him. I've failed as a gf. And thats why the ex left me. " I live by each day with that in mind. Cause knowing he doesn't love me anymore is much more painful. Cause all these while, my love for him grew. If only he knows that small piece of truth. Cause i will never fail to love him...

He's off to NS tomorrow. I never had the chance to fulfill my dreams. Of 1) giving you something to bring to camp which will remind you of me. 2) cry cause 10 days w/o you is painful. 3) tell you how much i love you. 4) this one, i never told you. cause i thought i could surprise you. I never got the chance to buy you a cap for you to use when you book out. Frankly speaking, i still wished i'm yours. or at least you're mine to call. Cause i wanted to be there for you during your big day (NS). I wanted to be the one you rant about camp to. I wanted to be among the first few to know you've moved up a rank. I wanted to wait for you at cck and give you the tightest hug and the sweetest kiss after a week of hard training. Remember that promise i made before. I promised, after 2 years (when you finish your NS) we'll do that running kiss you wanted too. I wanted to fulfill that. What about those times i said that first relationship doesn't work. And you said we'll break the jinx. You were determined back then. You made me determined we could do it too. I gave you my whole heart. Only to get it back in a million pieces. I'm not begging for your return. Just letting some emotions and tears out. I know, i can say as much, i can tear buckets but nothing is gonna change you. change your decision. I'm not special enough. Maybe you don't want to learn life-long lessons with me.

I think i've said enough for the day.

Faizal, take care in camp. And i'll study hard.Just as you tell me too.

These few days have been busy? jalan raya-ing. And people coming over.

Oh, tomorrow is Week 0 for me. New class. New environment. New friends.
Wish me luck!