Consumed by work...

My life sucks.
and yeah, what a thing to say on the 1st day of CNY right?

Here I am, thinking about my work again...
the never-ending work...

While I know that there are some people out there trying to ends meet or trying to look for a job even, I can't help but feel only resentment towards what I do.

My best friend tells me that when you start to drag your feet to work,
it is at this point that you should leave.
I am way passed dragging.
I am only a walking corpse at work.

And it's not helping that the job is never-ending such that the same things keep coming back.

There's just no sense of achievement.
No sense of satisfaction.
I don't even feel a tinge of satisfaction.

But I do have to agree that the job provides me with more than my basic needs, and job security.

It just takes away my emotional well-being and time away from my family and personal devt.

However, in times like this, it is definitely un-wise to leave.
I need to keep the basic needs fulfilled before I can fulfil the rest of the higher order ones according to Maslow's theory ya?

I hate it.
and I can only say it in my blog.

I dun have time for any other things.
After working from 8am-12am,
I am practically left with 8 hours for zzing, eating and keeping family accompany.

I dun have time for myself.
At all.
How I wish I could just pick up a book and read (though I dun even really read anything, but I would love to have that option mah... :P),
sit in front of the PC to just surf the net,
do things according to my free will and time.

Just give me back my time and will to do the things I always wish I could.

Plus, I feel like I am so consumed by my work that I cant seem to care for anyone else liao.
I am forgetting to spend time with my family and my friends.
To show them love and concern.
And understanding.
And listening to them.

Just last month, I realise I can't even keep up with pig's life anymore.
I have to hear from KZ and her blog.
It's upsetting that she doesn't even tell me anymore.
I't's devastating when she thinks I am neglecting her.
How I wish I could tell her that I have neglected my whole life actually.
Without anyone knowing.

I am totally sucked in the whirlpool of the crappy work that I can't identify with.
And more often than none, I think I suck at it.

I lost my communication skills in the process too I think.
I don't know how to tell this to my one and only, or anyone.
It's tiring to repeat it and then get the same answers.
It's not just a one-dimensional problem.
It's more than that.

But I can no longer find words to express it differently.
It's just takes too much for me to find ways of telling it to you differently and repeatedly.
I can't seem to find the energy to do it like how I used to help you to see it in a different manner.

How I wish that you could see how much life this has taken away from me and I am defenseless against it.

If only you understood and not make it worse with your insensitive ways.
If only I were less sensitive about what you say and not read too much into it.
Yeah I know.
But I feel so tired emotionally to have to deal with my negativity and lack of sense of satisfaction that I am dismissing everything else.

In pursuing the material things in life, I feel I have lost more than I thought.
But yet, the irony of it all is that I am still doing it to pursue the un-knowns of the future.

How I wish I could be pull out from this whirlpool of insanity...