it's been a while...

yep, I know.
It's been quite a while since I last updated my blog.

A lot went on in my life, and I guess,
I really lost focus on what i had been doing.
It's just work, work, work, andd then work.

I don't know why.
Did I get consumed by my own want to succeed in my career?
Perhaps I did.
The sense of achievement I wanted willed me to forget about the things that were once most important to me.

I forgot about family, friends and myself.
I even forgot about where I am and what I am heading towards.

It's really quite scary to be that lost I realised.
And at the end of it all,
it was all emptiness.
I forgot what I was pursuing even.
Why I initially was doing what I am doing.

I am lost.
Really lost.
Lost focus.
Lost my motivation.
Lost my energy.
Lost my principles even.
I don't remember why I am here.

I need a break from it all.

I am starting to doubt my abilities even.
Had I been placed in a position that is far from what I can do?

Drowning from self-doubt very soon.
It's exactly how it felt when I left my last job.
But the past 2 times, I was darn sure that they weren't my cup of tea and I do not see myself in them for the rest of my career.

Now? I am not even sure.
To be honest, the $ is too good to be leaving.
Not too ready to leave my comfort zone and start afresh.
Afraid to face the world outside I guessed.

I'm being consumed by this self doubt that I am forgetting too many other things.
I don't know how long more I can go on...
until I just have to leave.

Too many unpredictabilities.
Life!