Lost...and not yet Found!

These days, my principles have gone into hiding.
I think they're weary of how things are looking.

So, whatever the bosses say, it will be seen on my work.
Looking on the bright side, it would mean that I am finally working smart.
And needless to say, I am no longer working extended hours to clear that piling heap of work because I need to stand by my principles.

And I now get to choose what I want to work on and "forget" conveniently what need not be worked on.

And I forgot what my principles are somehow, since I've not been using them for some time.
But every now and then, bits and pieces of them seemed to creep out of nowhere...
Giving unclear signals as to what I need to do.
It confuses me for a while...but then...time will bring me back to earth...
and work on what the bosses want.

But I realise, I hate it.
As much as I would like my principles heard and exercised,
I think the price of it all is just not worth the effort.
It's draining.
Plus, I'm really not good at articulating my thoughts.
I tend to stammer and eat words when I am anxious to express my thoughts to the "higher beings".

But heck.
What's there to mention about principles when your stomach is growling,
and you have a family waiting to be fed?

To hell with principles.
For now.
>(

Graham Cracker Crumb Tarts filled with Cream & Berries Recipe With Picture - Joyofbaking.com

Graham Cracker Crumb Tarts filled with Cream & Berries Recipe With Picture - Joyofbaking.com

barely there~~

It was a"ouch-ouch-ouch" experience for me today...

but....i've finally tried it!

piglet was sweet enough to take me there and spent the lovely day with me...
to catch up our lost time together.

It's been a while since we got together after i got hitched...
and it felt so good to be with her again :)

am happy for the exciting things happening in her life too!
and wish i could have more to share with her too!

more sharing ya, babe piglet? :)

but i think, i may not go for the "bare" experience again....

kekekeke...
hush hush

Consumed by work...

My life sucks.
and yeah, what a thing to say on the 1st day of CNY right?

Here I am, thinking about my work again...
the never-ending work...

While I know that there are some people out there trying to ends meet or trying to look for a job even, I can't help but feel only resentment towards what I do.

My best friend tells me that when you start to drag your feet to work,
it is at this point that you should leave.
I am way passed dragging.
I am only a walking corpse at work.

And it's not helping that the job is never-ending such that the same things keep coming back.

There's just no sense of achievement.
No sense of satisfaction.
I don't even feel a tinge of satisfaction.

But I do have to agree that the job provides me with more than my basic needs, and job security.

It just takes away my emotional well-being and time away from my family and personal devt.

However, in times like this, it is definitely un-wise to leave.
I need to keep the basic needs fulfilled before I can fulfil the rest of the higher order ones according to Maslow's theory ya?

I hate it.
and I can only say it in my blog.

I dun have time for any other things.
After working from 8am-12am,
I am practically left with 8 hours for zzing, eating and keeping family accompany.

I dun have time for myself.
At all.
How I wish I could just pick up a book and read (though I dun even really read anything, but I would love to have that option mah... :P),
sit in front of the PC to just surf the net,
do things according to my free will and time.

Just give me back my time and will to do the things I always wish I could.

Plus, I feel like I am so consumed by my work that I cant seem to care for anyone else liao.
I am forgetting to spend time with my family and my friends.
To show them love and concern.
And understanding.
And listening to them.

Just last month, I realise I can't even keep up with pig's life anymore.
I have to hear from KZ and her blog.
It's upsetting that she doesn't even tell me anymore.
I't's devastating when she thinks I am neglecting her.
How I wish I could tell her that I have neglected my whole life actually.
Without anyone knowing.

I am totally sucked in the whirlpool of the crappy work that I can't identify with.
And more often than none, I think I suck at it.

I lost my communication skills in the process too I think.
I don't know how to tell this to my one and only, or anyone.
It's tiring to repeat it and then get the same answers.
It's not just a one-dimensional problem.
It's more than that.

But I can no longer find words to express it differently.
It's just takes too much for me to find ways of telling it to you differently and repeatedly.
I can't seem to find the energy to do it like how I used to help you to see it in a different manner.

How I wish that you could see how much life this has taken away from me and I am defenseless against it.

If only you understood and not make it worse with your insensitive ways.
If only I were less sensitive about what you say and not read too much into it.
Yeah I know.
But I feel so tired emotionally to have to deal with my negativity and lack of sense of satisfaction that I am dismissing everything else.

In pursuing the material things in life, I feel I have lost more than I thought.
But yet, the irony of it all is that I am still doing it to pursue the un-knowns of the future.

How I wish I could be pull out from this whirlpool of insanity...

Searching for New Meanings in Life

Ever had a time in your life when u start to wonder what u r doing with it?

The last it happened to me was when I graduated.
Didn't know what to do, where to head.
What career I was looking forward to.

So I tried whatever came in my way
Of course, I tried even harder when it paid more :P
Well, that's human nature right?

Somehow, it also became my passion.
A drive that made me want to achieve more for THE cause.

But then, at this point in my life,
I find it increasingly difficult to work.
No longer find the meaning and purpose in it all.

In the mist of searching for the purpose in the job,
I find myself consumed in the bustle.
Start to forget other important people and things in my life.

If this goes on, I will lose myself too.

Someone told me though,
that I tend to be too emotional and get hooked on with my feelings,
even in the way I work.

I agreed.
And I think it has also been my driving force for the work I do too.

But since I started to look back and find no meaning in what I do,
I am beginning to see what I should be treasuring.

And what i'm doing now just isn't working for me.

I really need some time for myself to think through it all.

To find all that meaning.

I want to give myself courage to move on.

It shall start by putting myself in a new environment with unknowns.
That is when you start to understand who you really are and what you really can do :)

Wish me luck :)

Somedays, i think i just have lousy presentation skills.

It's really not easy to be eloquent.

Need to think of what to say, how to put it across in a clear and concise manner.
No mean feat :-(

Then need to empathetic to buy in your audiences.

So tough loh. Haiz.
I need to brush up my speechcraft man.
If not, how to hun4 fan4 chi1?

Ant Attack!

My poor poor cereal has been attacked by hungry ants...

so sad!

I havebeen trying to finish the pack of cereals for 2 weeks, and when I am almost done and had absolutely nothing else to eat, they had to eat with me!

I maintained that I have no intentions of inviting them into my last bowl of cereal.
No invites, no entry please, ANTS!