Stork or Not? YES!

Well, one report says the stork is in the air. But the source is not very reliable. The same source believes the news is bad for us...I'll post as soon as I know something more definitive. I'm praying we don't have to wait another month (that would be the bad news).

***UPDATED****Referrals are arriving...right now some of the people logged in the day BEFORE us have received the call with their referral...but still no news on our date. But I will admit, it's not looking good for us being in this batch...darn it.

What's that you say???

Irish saying, "WHAT? I was sleeping so peacefully on the couch, too."

How many days??? Well, my fellow travel mate, Mary, believes we'll get referral on Dec 31. Yes, as in 4 days away. I still am thinking Jan 4th (as in a week from tomorrow). Somehow Jan 4th sounds so much further off than 8 days does! At any rate...it's SOON!!!!

Some people are getting really negative about whether we'll be in this batch or not. I believe they are simply trying to protect themselves--extremely conservatively at that, if you ask me! I think we're in. Without. A. Doubt.

Next post...the stork will be flying! Oh my gosh, I never thought the day would EVER arrive where I'd be saying the next post the stork will be in the air! (For those not familiar, we stay the stork is flying when the referrals have been mailed...and agencies are expecting packages.)

Merry Christmas...Megan

Ashley's first performance

No, we couldn't be there...but my wonderful SIL posted this for me...so I could see it just HOURS after the performance!

24 and counting...

Okay...so, if we get referral on Friday, Jan 4th...that's 24 days from today. That's the day I most expect to receive it. I'm told that it could arrive anytime between Dec 28th (OH MY GOSH!) and January 9th (YUCKY, YUCKY, YUCKY).

I'm thinking 24 days sounds good! Sooner would be good, as long as I have all my "stuff" done before then so I can focus on Megan! (and our pending travel journey, of course.)

We're NEXT!!!!

Yes, I feel this crazy right now...everything is a blur. Referrals are beginning to arrive for December, appears the cutoff is the 14th or 15th...we are DEFINITELY in for January! No doubt.

I need another countdown...T minus 30. In about 30 days we will finally see Megan's face. Oh my gosh...my heart is racing. If I can't wipe the smile off my face now, how much more so will I be smiling coming January!!!????? Wow. While Christmas 2007 is not what we expected (we thought we've had our last without Megan), knowing we will be literally days away makes it all good.

It's all good.

And Now it's December

Our Christmas Tree 2007

I honestly have no idea where November went, let alone 2007! GEESH!

Now that we are in December, we can OFFICIALLY say we will get our referral NEXT MONTH! I cannot verbalize how exciting it is that we are within a month (give or take a day or two) of seeing Megan's face. Let's see...emotions would include: anticipation, excitement, overwhelming joy, excitement, excitement and oh, did I mention excitement? It's hard to even focus on ANYTHING! There have been no referrals for December yet...and really no rumors of what the cutoff is...or when they will likely arrive. How horrible for those who are expecting referrals this month!

Oh...and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my brother, Keith...I won't say how old he is...but he is "catching up" to me! haha

A New Level of Trust

There seems to be a pattern in the passages of scripture that impact me lately. They seem to always focus on trust. The most recent I have been pondering for over a week. I was discussing some things with a person from my home group, she mentioned this passage and it's impact on her, and lately I've read and re-read it. So, here's my stab at it:

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego...do you ever wonder why we refer to Daniel as his given Israelite name and not the name Nebuchadnezzar gave him, but we refer to these men as the names given by the king? Okay, that's a side note...anyways. So these men refused to bow to the king's idol. I don't know why Daniel wasn't accused as well, as we read later he refused to follow a similar order later on, but he isn't. Only these three men, Daniel's friends, are accused here. And what was their response?

Daniel 3:17-18--"If our God whom we are serving exists, he IS ABLE to rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and he WILL rescue us, O king, from your power as well. BUT IF NOT, let it be known to you, O king, that we don’t serve your gods, and we will not pay homage to the golden statue that you have erected." (NIV)

Once it was discovered they refused to bow, the king's men arrested them and began stoking the fire SEVEN times hotter than usual. So hot that the guards putting them in the fire were killed from the heat. Yet, look at their expression of faith! Our God can...and He will...but even if He doesn't save us. What a level of trust. faith. testimony. Even if He doesn't...

Can I say that? Even if my dreams don't come true...even if the end result isn't what I planned or believe I've been promised. I believe He can do it...and I believe He will...but even if He doesn't, I will trust Him, believe in Him and serve Him.

Family New Addition

Proud New Mommy & Daddy

Brooklyn Dawn

Our new niece has arrived! She was born last night at about 8pm. I guess she decided she wanted to participate in Thanksgiving...or at least allow her parents too (she was due on Thanksgiving)! She is 7lbs 10oz. Photos finally arrived!

Look at all that hair??!!! So cute!

Amazing!

WOW are these powerful. The first is an interview with Mark Schultz on a song he wrote about adoption, the second is the video and song. Be sure to have your tissues ready...they are AWESOME!

Thanks, Debbie for calling attention to them in honor of National Adoption Month.

On the Other Side

Whew! Qualifying exams are over...well, the major portion is over. I still have oral exams once I have passed written exams, but I'm not concerned about them like I was the written exams. I wrote about 25 pages of answers over the past 2 days, answering about 10 questions, plus about 9 additional questions on a research scenario. I'm so glad they are over. I'm spending the next couple of days taking a break, but then I'm beginning dissertation research and writing beginning on Wednesday. One final step and I will be done.

Referrals began arriving on Friday, but the majority will likely arrive on Monday. It is believed the cutoff is December 8. That means only 11 days before they get to us! It's possible that we could be in the December batch, but we are expecting to be in the January batch. Just TWO months before we see Megan's face!! WOOHOO!!!

Takin' A Quick Study Break

You Belong in 1957

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Oh my...I am past my prime...

T Minus 12

Yes, this is a countdown...a countdown to when I finally am done studying for these horrible doctoral qualifying exams. On morning 13 (11/2), I will be getting up LONG before daylight (probably 4am, YES, in the morning) and driving 2 hrs to take my exams that start at 8am (must allow for travel snarls). They last 2 days. UGH.

So, that's where I am--nose in books, notebooks and note cards. It's where I'll continue to be for the next 12 days. I've seen an exciting referral rumor this morning, but it's early, very early. And early rumors of late have not been accurate, so I won't repeat it (although it's an attainable rumor). But we are still safely within the December to February window, with only 19 days of LIDs before us. Man, I wish I knew more. Well, maybe I don't, it would be too distracting! (Although I'd prefer to be distracted then studying!)

See you on "the other side"...(of quals that is!).

Happy Anniversary (a few days late!)

Here is my attempt at a self-portrait. (And if my subject would cooperate, it would be better! But he deserves to have a crazy photo posted--after all, this is the BEST of the goofy faces!) We went to Candice's wedding last night (yes, it was beautiful!)...and I couldn't help but think about our wedding 10 years ago: October 4, 1997. We've both asked each other: where has the time gone???? Crazy how time flies when you're having fun.

So, we are 20 percent of our way to my goal of celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary! We are certainly in a completely different place than I envisioned, but it's been fun and I wouldn't trade one moment for anything.

I am done...

I am so done with all of it. Referrals came out today. I am so done with trying to predict when we MIGHT be see Megan's face. It would appear that they only matched families who have been logged in between November 26 and 30th. They did not even get one day into December (or so it seems, it's truly not official yet). You see, there are VERY few people logged in Dec 1-4. In fact, 2 of the days they "matched" this month were weekend days. Dec 3 & 4 are weekend days. Why are they so insanely slow? Only God knows. Literally. If they continue at this pace, it will be February before we see her face. UGH! There truly are no words.

The good news...there are only 19 days between where they are matching and where we are on the list. The flip side is how many months will they take to get through those small, short 19 days? I hate to even ask.

Unexpected Lesson

This past week in home group we had an awesome lesson. (Yes, I'm the teacher, but I completely attribute the lesson to God's guidance and teaching.) I don't know if anyone else walked away as changed as I have...but even if I'm the only one affected by the lesson, then it was successful.

So, what was the lesson, you ask? It was from a most unlikely source. Pastor Brian is in our home group and I don't think he was too excited about the source, but he even noticed things I didn't. It was from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (HP #1). Some background...last week Thursday after meeting with a friend, on my way home I asked the Lord to give me a word picture for when we get entangled in busyness, worry, frustration, anger, etc. I no more than had the words out of my mouth, than the scene popped into my head. I hadn't seen the movie in quite a while. We own it, but it's not one of my favorites, so I rarely watch it. Do I have your interest peaked? It's the scene where Harry, Hermoine and Ron are searching for the stone (which incidentally is the stone containing everlasting life, which could be another teaching). They jump into the trapdoor and land on a viney plant. One even makes the comment, good thing this plant was here...then the fun begins. The plant begins to wind around them, ultimately desiring to kill them. As they struggle, more vines wrap around them. Finally, Hermoine realizes it's the plant, "Devil's Snare". (Could it be more perfect?) And they need to relax or rest in order to be released from it's grasp. She relaxes and falls right through. Harry eventually relaxes and falls through as well. Ron just cannot see how he can relax when he is being choked and killed by this plant. Hermoine then remembers that Devil's Snare hates sunlight (or is that Son-light?), displays sunlight from her wand and Ron is released from the snare.

First off, let me just say that I had NO IDEA that the plant was "Devil's Snare" and sunlight was it's "enemy" until I watched it with this lesson in mind! Second, as was pointed out in our discussion, Hermoine had to be plugged in and connected in order to know the information she did. Finally, we were supposed to start a series entitled "When God's People Pray" by Jim Cymbala of Brooklynn Tabernacle Church. However, the books have not arrived yet because, I believe, the Lord wanted to teach us about ensnarement before we could learn the lessons from this series.

There were 5 points to the lesson based on various verses:

I Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing." or "Pray continually." We looked at this command to us. We discussed: how can you pray without ceasing? What does this mean?

I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares upon God, for he cares for you." What cares should we cast upon God? What are some examples of the cares we have? Again, another command.

Prov 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." We noted there are 3 commands here: trust, lean on God (not on ourselves) and acknowledge Him.

Follow up questions included: what are some of the things that snare us like the plant "Devil's Snare"? What are the benefits the devil receives when he has us entangled? Then we looked at a couple other passages that look at our liberty in Christ and Christ's burden for us is light.

Is there something ensnaring you? The key to being released from the Devil's Snare is awareness...if you are aware of the snare entangling you, you can begin to focus on plugging back into our Power Source. Another key is action...when you become of aware of the entanglement, then you need to do something about it, go to your knees, God's word, etc.

Take an assessment...are you ensnared? Do you need freedom from something? God wants you free!

I'm So Honored!

A sweet blogger friend,Wendy at Adoption & Fire, gave me the "You Make me Smile Award". I'm so honored! Wendy always has such great postings on her website. I love to check it multiple times a day! If you need some inspiration, she's got it! Wendy is also adopting from China. She and DH were also logged in December 05 right around the same time as us! Thanks my fellow blogger friend!

In true blogger fashion, I HAVE to pass it on...and the website that makes me smile every time I read it has to be...David & Amy at Our Journey to China. We met them through our agency and look forward to seeing them at the monthly support groups (which we haven't been to for a few months--life's been too busy!).

Exciting Realization

I think I've gotten somewhat caught up from being gone for six days traveling to SD for Grandpa's funeral. It was an interesting experience...family dynamics, hhhmm. It was so good to see Ashley & Brady and, of course, my siblings. The cousins on that side of family were together for the first time ever. The last time we got together, the youngest two were not born yet, and they are in now high school. It was good to get some extended family photos and catch up with everyone.

Now...on to the exciting realization! I was in a planning meeting on Friday night...where we were looking at the next 90 days. So, in counting out in my head the months/days that includes....I realized something awesome...WE WILL likely HAVE MEGAN'S PHOTO in the next 90 days!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! Ninety days from now is mid-Dec...even if we miss the December batch, which I don't believe we will...we will see her face within the next 110 days! WOW! AMAZING! AWESOME! Needless to say, how can you focus on a meeting when during this quarter our lives will change! I will experience international travel...China...holding Megan. Cool. The sparkling cider is going in the fridge soon!

There are no new rumors yet, but things might begin floating in the next week or so. However, things are still so busy for us, that I likely will read them (assuming I even have time for that!), get excited to myself...likely email or call Keith with the rumor...then wait for referrals to come out! So...here's to referrals coming soon!

What an interesting weekend...

I'm sitting here...taking a moment to get my things together before heading out of town this week. My Grandpa Leo passed away this afternoon at the age of 93. Here is a picture of me with him taken a few years ago. He looks really good here, in fact he's looked like this most of my life. However, mom said that neither she nor my siblings who were with her yesterday at the nursing home recognized him. I'm grateful that he did not linger long.


On another note...referrals are in. The number of days covered are not as many as we would have hoped, nor rumored...the cutoff day was November 25. I will sugar coat this and say that apparently the number of referrals is not less than usual, as there were so many families logged in during this time. But, not matter how you look at it, it still stinks. It does reduce the number days until they get to us to 25 days! That's cool! It's still possible for us to be in November, but December is looking more likely. We are still looking at this year...but we will likely be the first group to hit waiting almost 24 months before referral. Yuck.

Peace Deviated

Last week, Pastor Brian shared from John 20. In this chapter, Jesus raises from the dead and Mary Magdalene finds the tomb empty. Brian looked at Jesus' words to his disciples. It was so refreshing, and appropriate for those of us in the adoption world. See, this is the first time I've looked at what Jesus says to his disciples...I mean TRULY looked at the words. Have you? Well, let me tell you, it's truly amazing. A little background...

After Mary finds the disciples and tells them she has seen Jesus (she is the first one he appears to, by the way), the disciples are scared. They are nervous. They don't know what to do. So, they meet together, and lock the door behind them because they are scared. They are scared they are all going to be killed like he was killed. Jesus then came in their midst and says..."Peace be to you" (John 20:19). Not only once, but he again says it in vs. 21. So, he doesn't say it just once, he says it twice! He said they should have peace...when the whole world was turned upside down. Peace. When he later comes back after Thomas is with them, he again appears to them inside the locked door, and again the first thing he says is Peace (vs. 26).

So what does that mean for us? When we are in the midst of fear, loss, pain, death, confusion and doubt, we need to have peace. The disciples experienced all of these emotions, emotions that Brian believes God did not desire us to experience, but we have experienced since the fall in the garden. Jesus speaks peace beyond all of it. If you think of peace as the perfect balance point on the scale, where are you out of balance? What areas do you experience fear, loss, pain, death, confusion and doubt?

Brian's question for us that I pass to you: Where have you deviated in your life from the peace God wants you to have? It is this area (or these areas) that you need to give back to God.

It's That Time Again

Referral time! Well, almost. The rumor is they are about ready to be sent. I hope they are sent today or early tomorrow so they will arrive yet this week. Otherwise, with Monday being a holiday, families in the US will have to wait until Tuesday to receive the news! That would be bad...well, not really. After all, if they are sent this week they will actually be earlier than usual, which would be very, very, VERY good!

Currently, they are saying that November 29 is likely the cutoff, the rumors have been scarce this month, so it they might not go that far. I'm not sure which I like better: a month where tight lips abound and we hear pretty much no information or a month of looooooooooooose lips where the news is so good, it's crazy and laughable. I'm thinking maybe the quiet months. I think they bring about less stress me anyways. So, that's the latest...which really isn't much. But, now you know what I know: pretty much nothin', honey.

My prediction/hope is they go to Nov 28...so if they get to the 29th...I'll be MORE than overjoyed and, for me, it will firmly keep us in the Nov/Dec 2007 range of when we will hear some news! So, that's all, folks!

Whew!

I have made it through a HORRIBLY busy week! I taught a mini term this week with 24 students! Each student turns in 2 papers over the week...which I promptly return the next morning and they take 3 exams. I still have their final projects to grade, but I do feel like I'm back to the land of the living. To top it off, I contracted food poisoning Thursday night, which meant Friday was a VERY short day (final exam and that's about it)! In fact, they did not complete their presentations, they simply turned in their projects as I was completely unable to sit through that many presentations having been up all night sicker than I have been in years. I think the last time I was this sick was before we were married! Needless to say, I won't be eating coleslaw for some time!

The weekend still holds a fairly long to-do list, but I feel like I do have somewhat of a handle on it, I think. Not including getting caught up on all the news, rumors and events that happened over the past week. Fall semester starts on Monday, which also means I have to complete the last minute things to be sure I'm ready for that to begin as well!

I do ask those who know us and our story to pray for a virtual friend of mine. She does not want to disclose too much information, so I will not identify her, but I do ask that you pray for her and her family. Her infant niece died this past week from a genetic disorder. She was the first child, first niece, first grandchild. Unfortunately, I know the pain as a mom to lose your baby and my family knows the pain of losing their first grandson/nephew. Please pray for their family. And, blogger friend (and fellow China adoptive mom-to-be), if you read this, know there are many on here who are praying for you and your family! God will be faithful, I promise!

Preparing Myself

Okay, potential bad news here (although it could be read as good news). Yes, I'm talking about projections for us getting referral. I've just scanned through the numbers of those that I KNOW are logged in before us in December. I've added it all up, guessing approximately how many families will be matched each month based on previous months, etc. It's not looking good.

I still believe it is looking good for 2007. However, November is not looking so good. Certainly, there is the possibility that they could begin to speed up more than I've estimated. Certainly, they could not speed up at all (which makes 2008 the year of Megan in our household). If my calculations are correct, we could miss the November group by ONE lousy DAY! While that would be more than disappointing and border on frustrating, it would guarantee us in the December batch. See there is a silver lining here. It would mean another Christmas without Megan, although being in the December batch means we will at least have her photo and know what providence she is in at Christmas time.

So, I'm putting it out there...if it happens there will much wailing and gnashing of teeth at our house for a day or two after referrals come out. But, after the sulking is over, the excitement of knowing we'll be in the next batch will propel us through the month, I know it will! Besides, we can't stay negative at our for too long...it's in our jeans (yes, I spelled that right!)!

August Cut Off

Much to my amazement referrals began arriving today! They do not typically arrive until at least the 4th so arriving on the 2nd is pretty amazing. It appears the cut off is November 21, 2005. While I'd have liked to see them get further into November, it is what I expected for this month's referrals.

What does that mean for us? Well, first off, there are LESS THAN 30 DAYS of families ahead of us! That's so incredibly exciting...we truly are getting close! I don't think anyone has posted photos and information yet, so I have no idea if these kids are really young (between 6-10 mo) like they were last month, or if they are bit older (between 9-12 mo). I should know in the next couple of days.

Congratulations to those families who are receiving the information on the children this week!

****UPDATE****November 21st is the cutoff, and the babies I've seen seem really young (6-8 mo with a couple around 11 mo.) There are apparently several boys, as well as several sets of twins! That's exciting (but won't happen to us...we did not apply for twins)!

Rumors and Such

First off...before I even enter the realm of discussing rumors...I do want to note that we have been on the list in China (LID) for 19 months today. Exciting? Not so much! I certainly expected to be home with Megan by now...26 months after beginning this process.

Okay, on to rumors...I hate to even put the rumors in writing, they really are too good. And most likely WAY to good to be true! They are, however, coming from multiple sources, so I'd be remiss if I didn't at least post them (then I can laugh later that they were so far off base!). The rumor is that they will complete the last half of November and get into December in the next batch, which will arrive sometime the first week of August.

NOW: before we all get excited...let me remind you that rumors that come out this early and look this good typically are NOT true, but they do provide a certain bit of humor! November was a record breaking month of families who submitted their documentation to China to adopt. Even the possibility that they could get through the last half of November in one month, while it took two months to get through the first half...is laughable. But it's out there.

The good thing this rumor does for me...(as someone else so eloquently stated) we are close enough to be in the rumors--well the month of December is, anyways. I'm still thinking that November is most likely when we will hear something. And it would be just like God to make me wait until after I pass my qualifying exams November 2-3 to get our referral! (It would be an AWESOME reward, though.) Although, it might be best or it would be INCREDIBLY difficult to focus on studying if I have Megan's picture and an upcoming trip of a lifetime in my sights before I take the exams! If we are in the November batch...we'd likely travel around Christmas time...Christmas in China...what would be a better present????

More Wedding Photos

Okay...got some more photos from my SIL...Thanks, Jodi!


Bride Katie & Flower Girl Ashley



Dad & Katie (Dad, what were you thinking at this moment?!)

I'm still waiting for the "must take the can-can off now" photos from the Park! Hopefully I've have them soon! (Long story, but hilarious and memorable! Oh, and if you see photos on the internet of a bridesmaid and bride standing behind a bus, both laughing while trying to hold the bride's dress up, email it to me!! Because that's us! --And a video of it would be even funnier--See I told you it was hilarious!)

Megan

No, we do not know anything more now than we did yesterday, but I thought I'd post some random thoughts. We know we are nearing the day we'll see her face. Every day we are one day closer. While I've been saying that for several months...but knowing that July is half over and that we could very well see her face in November makes it very real that we truly are VERY close.

Here are some random thoughts I'd had while following fellow Buckner/Gladney families and friends who are on the final leg of their trip to bring their little girls home. First, as I go to their blogs multiple times a day hoping for an update, I can't help but wonder...each of these girls looks SO DIFFERENT! Does Megan look like any of them? Is she in any of the providences that these families are at? Or is she in the same providence as our friends (and former neighbors) live in? Those families who were able to go to their daughter's orphanage...was Megan there? Have they seen Megan and we don't know it? Will Megan have long skinny legs like beautiful Abby or will she have a full face like adorable Faith? Will she grieve like Lili?

I've read recently that those who do the matching of children with families tend to not only look at bone structure, facial features and interests of the children and families, but they also look at dates. (Did you realize there were so many things they considered?) So, families are often referred children who are born near other family members' birth dates. Will Megan's birthday be in April like Ian? Or May like me? Or was she born in December like her daddy (which also happened to be his 40th birthday...and the 1 year anniversary of our file being sent to and logged-in in China)? Will we receive a referral around our 10th anniversary in October? If so, it would be a complete surprise and shock (at least from the view right now)!

So many questions...but the answers will be here soon...because November is only 3.5 months away!

Katie's Wedding

The Newly Weds: Katie & Greg

She says the wedding was exactly what she always dreamed she wanted, so that's good. From the worker bee perspective, oh my, let's not go there! Truly though, it was beautiful. There were a few funny snafus, but overall everything went grand.

Ashley was the flower girl and did beautifully! Everyone was very proud of her! Somehow, my camera was never where I was the entire day...so I have so few photos, but those with the photos have promised to send them to me. But, I did get a few...


Aunt Kris & Ashley before wedding


Aunt Kris & Brady at rehearsal dinner


Me & DH

***OH, and one final note*** Clark & NaTosha are having a girl! (They found out while we were back home.) So...two new girls will be joining the family in the next couple of months! (And we will be continuing the pattern: girl, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl! Who will join the family next? And will it be a boy?)

July's Referrals

The new batch of referrals came out yesterday! They were for families placed on the list between November 8 and 14, 2005. It is not a lot of days, however, the month of November has many, many families logged in. The kids I have heard about thus far are 6 - 10 months old, which are really pretty young.

This means there are 36 days left before they get to our day! YIPPEE!!! (Yes, today is "the wedding" day...more on that later!)

Nowhere

Again, I've been reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I'm sad that I only have one chapter left, I want more! Today's chapter (chapter 11) is exceptional while humbling. Listen to this: "awareness that preoccupation with the yesterdays and tomorrows of life to the neglect of now/here--Nowhere--is not living at all."

Guilty. I live looking forward way too much...looking forward to our trip...looking forward to receiving Megan's photo...looking forward to bringing Megan home.

How about you? Are you living in today? I know, it's tough sometimes, especially if today does not contain exciting, fun or interesting things (yesterday was much better or tomorrow holds such promise). But, we only have today...tomorrow is not guaranteed. Yes, we all know the phrase, but how many of us actually live it? As for me, I am going to focus on today. After all, "today's trouble is enough for today" (Matt. 6:34 NRSV).

The Latest Rumors

Well, today's rumors sound similar to what I've been hearing quite a bit lately. That is...we could receive Megan's information sometime between October 2007 and January 2008. Big window. Certainly does not help us in deciding to schedule a vacation this fall or not. Every time I think "heck with it, let's schedule one!" I second guess myself! So, any ideas or suggestions???? I'm not much of a gambler which makes using up DH's vacation this year tough for me. I don't know.

So, what would it look like in bringing Megan home? Well, if we receive her information for our 10th anniversary in October (could it be true? It happened for the Zimmer's 15th!), then we'd likely travel sometime around Thanksgiving. If it's November that we hear, we'd probably spend Christmas in China (wouldn't THAT be cool???). If it's December, well, if I must think like that, then it'll probably be mid January. If it's January...well...they have holiday in February...so it'll likely be into March. Personally, I prefer the October or November choices!

A Formula to Trust

In reading Ruthless Trust, Manning introduces a formula. Simple math with complex application. (All taken from p. 86)

Faith + Hope = Trust

What is Faith? According to Manning, Faith arises from a personal experience of Jesus as Lord. I would argue it comes from more than a single experience. What kind of experience might it include? Let me see...the overwhelming joy and fulfillment you experience when he comes into your life. I can't really explain it unless you've experienced it.

What is Hope? According to Manning, Hope is the reliance on the promise of Jesus, accompanied by the expectation of fulfillment. I don't know if there is any explanation needed.

What is Trust? Also so well stated by Manning...it is the winsome wedding of faith and hope. It makes sense, doesn't it? You have to have faith and hope in order to trust in Jesus? Yep, I thought so to.

So, do you have faith and hope in Jesus? Even through the tough times, I wouldn't be without faith, hope and trust in Jesus. For me, there is no other way.

It's official

The current batch of referrals arrived yesterday. Some REALLY cute and pretty young kids! Quite a few boys (yes, boys do get adopted out). Typically people who receive boys are families who did not specify gender (we did, however). Unfortunately, it was not near the number of days as was expected which is a bummer. It goes through the families logged in November 7, 2005. We are currently 44 days after that date. So, who knows when we'll receive our referral. Hopefully in 2007!

**updated**Current predictions put us somewhere between October 2007 and January 2008. A mighty big window...one which I hope narrows and comes sooner!

**again updated**Our friends the Zimmers returned their final document! They are simply waiting on travel approval! The agency is working to get it quickly so they can travel with the agency's families who received referrals in May! So...they could be leaving as early as the beginning of July!!! SO EXCITING! They will finally be bringing Faith home!

Limiting God

I was able to read another chapter from Manning's book Ruthless Trust this morning. I truly do not think I can put into words my thoughts on this particular chapter (Thinking Big). I am going to try...and I may later decide it is not sufficient and leave it simply with a quote. He's talking about how we view/define/describe God in our own minds/hearts. So here's the quote, taken from pg. 56:

"The more we let go of our concepts and images, which always limit God, the bigger God grows and the more we approach the mystery of his indefinability. We overlook the dissimiliarity, we begin to speak with obnoxious familiarity about the Holy, make ludicrous comments such as 'I could never imagine God doing such a thing,' calmly predict Armageddon, glibly proclaim infallible discernment of the will of God, and trivialize God, trimming the claws of the Lion of Judah."

Do you see why I cannot come up with the words to describe what I'm thinking about what he writes here? I'm guilty, so guilty. It's true. We spend so much time trying to imagine who God is, we limit Him. We overlook His mystery. We make Him small. We put Him in a box: one that defines Him through our eyes. Oh boy, am I guilty. I've found myself asking, God why isn't Megan here yet? Trying to figure out His plan...His purpose...His perfect will. I can only discern where He wants me to be right now, then obediently be there. What other events must take place surrounding that, I cannot even begin to pretend I know. I can only do what I know the Lord wants me to do right now...the rest is up to Him. He holds the whole world in His hands. I think He can probably handle Megan and facilitate the exact moment our paths intersect. I know it is perfectly planned, not by me, but by someone so much bigger than me: God.

Gratitude

So I've started reading a new book. The author came highly recommended by various friends, and although none of them had heard of this particular one by the author, I knew by the title I needed to read it. It's Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I've not gotten very far into the book, but there are so many challenges and enlightenments I cannot even process them all. If you are looking for a good book, I highly suggest this one.

Here's an example of one of the things that moved me this morning as I was reading. In this specific section he is talking about gratitude. He says "To walk in gratitude is a way of living that is inclusive, attentive, contagious, and theocentric" (p. 30). Each of these have excellent points. But in the 'gratitude is inclusive' he quoted something I just had to share. Henri Nouwen has written on the spiritual work of gratitude...

"To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives--the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections--that requires hard spiritual work." Yep. It sure does. And it never gets easier either, at least that's my experience.

He then closes the quote with this: "Let's not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see it in the guiding hand of a loving God." WOW! So this says to me that all the events of life (big and small) make up who I am and what I can do for God. Let's see...that would include traffic, work, school, studying, Ian, waiting for Megan, I could go on and on...man, what a perspective.

I almost need to take the sentence and place it everywhere I am so I can see it in all my circumstances and be grateful for the good, the bad and the ugly.

Holiday Weekend

On the eve of a long holiday weekend (for most of us, anyways!) I thought I'd post. The last few weeks have been so busy for me. I've started the enormous task of preparing for my qualifying exams. Oh my goodness...there is much more to do than I anticipated! I sure am glad that I started early! WHEW! If it ever stops raining here (yes, its been a very wet spring), we plan on staining the deck and maybe even painting inside this weekend. Whether it is dry enough to do either of these things remains to be seen, but we would like to get something off the long list of summer projects!

We are also on the eve of the next batch of referrals to come out. While we do not expect to be in this batch, rumor has it that it will be larger than we have seen for many a month. If they do get as many days as rumored, we could be in the August or September batch. Much better than the outlook a few weeks ago...which was most likely not bringing Megan home in 2007. Whenever it is, it will be the perfect timing. And we will wait until the appointed time.

Wait Here

In addition to our wonderful pastor, Brian, I frequently listen to a local pastor on the radio. The church is Reunion Church and the pastor is Richard Ellis. Here is the direct link to the most recent sermon that is absolutely moving: Wait Here. Some of the things that touched me...

When Jesus ascended into heaven, he told his disciples to wait here until the Comforter comes. The disciples had to wait more than 50 days. I wonder how many of them wanted to move forward...I wonder how many of them gave up...I wonder how many of them were frustrated and wavering in their faith that Jesus would even send the Comforter. I want to say, I can't imagine. But, unfortunately, I've had to wait for too many things (well, I think it's too many!). The waiting game is something I'm getting good at, not necessarily by my preference to be good at, just kind of happened that way. For example, we've been in process to bring Megan home for over 2 years now. It's been 3 years since Ian joined our family--I thought for sure after God took him home that He would bring us another child by now, but no, we've had to wait here.

Richard in his sermon mentions Habakkuk 2. I'm sure I've read this passage before, but I always find it amazing how God brings different things to life at the appointed time. Look at verse 3: "For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." Oh man...the vision God gave us years ago to adopt from China--I knew it was not yet time, we had to wait. Yet, at the time the wait was easy. Now, we are still waiting as the appointed time is not yet here. But this wait is FAR more difficult! Being near the end of the journey...seeing the finish line...it sure is hard to wait. But, as Richard Ellis finishes up his sermon..."It is worth the wait." I've heard too many families talk about how when they meet their child for the first time, the wait simply melts away. Too many have said the wait was so worth it (of course they can say this after the fact!).

I certainly want to be where God wants us no matter how long it takes.

Weeds

Brian raised an interesting question this week. After challenging us to consider our expectations of God, he mentioned Matthew 13 and the Parable of the Sower and the Parable of the Weeds. He asked "Do you want to be weeds all your life?" It hit me like a ton of bricks. We have choices...oh, so many choices.

First question: do we want to be weeds? We certainly have the choice here. Do we want to choke out those who have received the word, are growing in the Lord, and are in our circle of friends/acquaintances? Do we, as weeds, want to lead these individuals astray? Do we realize the end result of weeds? They are bundled and burned at the end (Matt 13:40)? I hope we do not want to be weeds.

Second question: Are we "in the weeds"? This one gets a little tougher. This requires us to consider our friends and acquaintances. Are there more weeds around us than wheat? How does being around weeds affect us? We, of course, know the answer, but are we willing to face the answer? The wheat can get plucked up with the weeds...certainly tangled up and possibly choked out. If we are "in the weeds", what do we do? How are we going to change our course? How we do "move" our wheat? Certainly going to need some self-reflection and deep prayer.

Third question: Are we wheat? How do we ensure our wheat is as hearty as possible? How do we ensure we are healthy kernels? How do we surround ourselves with other wheat? If you know anything about farming or gardening, you know that plants that are surrounded by weeds tend to be wimpier than those not being choked out by weeds. If they are fruit or veggie bearing plants, the produce tends to be fewer and/or smaller while the well weeded garden produces much more and much better.

So, I walked away asking myself these questions...and so I pass them on to you. Are you: 1) a weed; 2) in the weeds; or 3) healthy thriving wheat with few weeds around?

A Milestone Achieved

Thank goodness the semester is over! I've submitted my final paper in my final doctoral class! WHEW! What an amazing feeling....of course the greatness of it fades fairly quickly when I think of the dissertation research I get to work on this summer. But for the moment, it feels good! If only it was the final submission of my dissertation. That would definitely call for a celebration of magnificant proportions!

In the mean time, I have a summer to-do list as long as my arm...all those things I've put off for so long will be tackled this summer. Once we see Megan's face, all "things to do" will be lost. Well, at least the ones not Megan related!

God is so Good

During the month of April at our church, we have been collecting funds for Chinese orphans. Originally, the project started with the gift to go to Megan's orphanage--either a cash donation or purchasing items that they need when we arrive in China. However, after the first week, I became aware of an orphanage who did not have a well. They literally carried water from somewhere else to meet the needs of about 60 children. So, we broadened it with the intent to help fund this well project and us take a small amount to Megan's orphanage since most orphanages who participate in international adoption seem to have fewer needs than those who do not participate. And this orphanage cares for special needs children who may never have a home outside of the orphanage.

I received the final numbers today...God is so good...not only will we be giving to fund a little more than half the well project ($3,500), but we are also taking $1,500 to Megan's orphanage. I am completely overwhelmed at how God allows me to be part of the amazing things He is doing in and through RCC. God is so good!

What About You?

If Brian continues with such amazing sermons over the next weeks, I'm going to have make it a tradition to give highlights of the sermons. This week's was so amazing...I've requested a copy. But there was one point that I specifically want to share--besides there were so many excellent points, I wouldn't know where to stop once I started. (Rumor has it...it will appear on the website at some point in the future--see the website below.)

So, taken from John 6, I'll highlight the one point from the chapter I want to mention...although Brian mentioned many. In this chapter, Jesus feeds the 5,000 the first time. Shortly afterwards, Jesus retreats to the mountain to pray. His disciples decide to cross the lake. The trip should have been short--probably an hour--however, NINE HOURS later they are still rowing. As Brian puts it, it's getting kind of "salty". Imagine the physical pain these guys are feeling from rowing against the wind. The water spraying in their face. The frustration (and possibly bad language?) they express to each other--Come on, guys, who's not doing their part? Why aren't we at the other side yet? What in the world? Maybe we should go back? Mark 6:48 says "He (Jesus) saw them straining at the oars, because the wind was against them." Jesus saw them from the mountain as they struggled to get to the other side. Did you see that? JESUS SAW THEM STRUGGLING! After he saw them, he came to them--by walking on the water. Jesus knew they were about ready to quit. He knew they were frustrated. He told them "It is I. Do not be afraid." (John 6:20). After he came into the boat, it was immediately at the shore.

It makes me think...God sees me struggling. He sees me frustrated with how long it is taking to bring Megan home. He knows my sadness that Megan will not be here for Katie's wedding. He knows, if I let it, this wait can make me "salty" too. Why is it taking this long? I don't know. I have the "quip" phrases I say..."Megan's not ready yet" or "God's timing is perfect". All of which I believe are true. But I know, when the rubber hits the road, He sees me, where I am. He will come to me when He knows I'm ready to give up--to turn around--to call it quits. What about you?

So, where are you? Have you just entered the boat and it hasn't gotten "salty" yet? Have you been rowing for hours...trying with all your might to get to the other side? You know, I think there is something else here too...no matter what the disciples did IN THEIR STRENGTH they were not able to overcome the wind and water. It was Jesus who solved their problem. It was Jesus who brought them to shore--when their energy was completely expended and their body ached. When they were at their wits end, it was Jesus who brought them to shore. It was Jesus. It's so simple, but yet so difficult.

Referral Cutoff

Oh my gosh...the cut off for April is....drum roll, please...NOVEMBER 1ST! That means they are FINALLY matching those in the month before us! WOOHOO!!!

So exciting....only 7 more weeks of families logged in before us! Shouldn't be too much longer now! Puts us in the "probably July or August" category (still!)! Now THAT's good news!

Does This Hit Home For You?

Pastor Brian's sermon last night (we have church on Saturday nights)...oh my goodness...it was so incredibly good! I had share some of the "most moving" highlights! He began a series 5 weeks ago looking at Jesus through the eyes of John, the disciple Jesus loved. So, this week, we were on John 5. Please take the time to read the entire chapter; as for the sake of space, I am only going to summarize not only the passage, Brian's comments on and my impressions.

Some background, John 5 is the healing of the man who was sitting by the pool Bethesda. He had an ailment for 38 years and had been attempting to get into the pool when the angel came down to move the waters. (Remember, an angel would come down, move the waters and the first person in the water would be healed.)

Brian has such a phenomenal way of making the Bible come to life! He is truly a gifted teacher! He suggested we consider this man's response to Jesus when he asked the man if he wanted to be healed. Instead of saying "YES! I want to be healed", he said, "I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me" (John 5:7). Brian's point is: we get stuck looking only at one solution to our problem. For this man, the problem was not being able to get into the waters...while the solution to the ailment was talking to him! Sometimes God wants us to consider that he wants to solve our problem, but if we are only praying and looking for one specific solution, we are going to miss the healing/answer/ultimate solution. So, what is your problem you are seeking a solution to? Are you asking God to show you His solution or are you praying for a specific solution and not seeing it being answered that way?

I immediately thought of so many people I know who are struggling with infertility. They see the ONLY solution to building a family as a biological one. However, there is adoption which is the way God is growing our family. And I, personally, would not have it any other way! I also thought of a family member who is dead set on obtaining a job with a specific organization. He continues to set his entire life (and his family's lives) on hold by not seeking other employment as he waits for THIS job. I have always wondered all this time he is so focused on one specific thing, what is he missing somewhere else? I know for us, DH did not want to move to Texas. He prefered Chicago. But God wanted us in Texas, and if we had not been open to what God wanted...we would have missed SO MANY blessings!

Do you want to be free of want? Well, the solution is to focus on Jesus. This man was praying for someone to put him into the pool, when if he had even been paying a little bit attention, he would have seen that Jesus--the great healer--was standing in front of him! He almost missed it when Jesus said "get up; pick up your bed and walk" (vs. 8). He was so focused on the only solution--getting into the pool--he was not listening to the talk about temple of who Jesus was. I wonder, how many others around the pool did Jesus heal? How many others then began pursuing their healing from him rather than just the pool? I don't know. John does not talk about any of the others around the pool.

The last point...did you see the people who were focusing only on the fact that he was carrying his mat? They completely disregarded what could be a "bigger sin" of performing a healing on the Sabbath. Instead, they only focused on the man not carrying his mat. Again, we see individuals who are honed into one thing without realizing they should consider the fact that HE WAS HEALED! (Until, of course, the man told them it was Jesus who healed him.) And did you also notice the man did not even realize WHO had healed him until Jesus later found him in the temple? What's up with that? He did not even realize who Jesus was when he was talking to him. He was, again, so focused on the pool, he was not even paying attention to the man he was talking to. Maybe he was not even looking at Jesus, completely focused on not missing the moving of the water. Maybe it "about time" for the water to move...and he was not about to miss it because he was talking to "some man".

Boy does it make me think...is this me? What areas of my life am I narrow mindedly praying for a specific answer for a specific problem rather than allowing God to bring the answer another way? How about you?

My Latest Purchase

I saw this on clearance at JCP a couple of weeks ago and purchased it in size 6/9 mo. I thought it looked a bit big, but when I got home and showed it to DH, the first thing he said was "looks a bit big, doesn't it?". (Since he thought so too, I knew it probably was going to be.) So, I decided yesterday to go back and see if they had one in 3/6 mo. I had pretty much resigned to knowing they would not have it, but I got there, and they did! It was the last one in that size too! I was pretty excited! So, whether she's little ity-bity or a just small...I believe this is what Megan will wear on the plan ride home. It is adorable, but comfy. Who can resist a cutie in this?

Our Farewell--3 Years Ago

It seems unbelieveable that we said good bye to our Ian just a week after welcoming him into the world. I am forever grateful for the almost 24 hrs where he never left our sight...for Brian taking all the family photos of us with our beautiful boy...for NanaLin, Grandpa Gale and Grandma Patty being able to see him alive...for the many friends and family who helped in more ways than I can list.

But life goes on. And ours has...different than we expected, certainly more DIFFICULT than we expected, but it has. We miss Ian desperately. I frequently think about how different our life would be if he was still with us. But he's not...and Megan will be soon. So, I attempt to look forward--to what Megan will bring to our life. After all, what other choice do I have? (Well, okay, what other VIABLE choice do I have?)

This week I reviewed notes I had made just 15 weeks after Ian joined our life as I stood up in front of 100+ people and shared my testimony (twice, actually). I was reminded of something that "came to me" then...I cannot permanently sit on the curb of the road of life because Ian is gone. Yes, it is okay to sit down and have a good cry. But, I cannot spend the rest of my natural life sitting on the curb. I'll miss too much of what lies ahead. And now--3 years later--the "curb time" is becoming less, but it does not change the loss. It does not eliminate the pain, but it does lessen. The intensity comes and goes, but with the large circle of unbelieveable friends I am blessed with, I will survive.

Ian's Birth Day - 3 Years Ago

It's hard to believe it's been 3 years already! Man, time goes fast. While this year has been difficult since we anticipated Megan home by now, it has been the least difficult of all of them, I think. I can't say best, because celebrating a child's birthday without them is never "best", but I can finally say they do become a little less painful. Tonight we are having some close friends over for pizza and a balloon release. Family across the US are also marking the birthday with a balloon release.

I pray next year Megan is here to release the balloons with us! I look forward to having a little one with us to see the world through their eyes!

Happy Easter 2007!

Well, we certainly thought our Megan would be with us for Easter 2007--or at least have her photo by Easter, three years after our beautiful Ian joined our family. But, apparently her day is supposed to be special without past memories attached to it. Her day will come soon...

At this point, the referrals are not looking good. As of right now, it appears to only be for 2 days of people logged in, which means it contains only October people--and not the rest of October. But, there are still rumblings that information is still in route to arrive early this week. We are hoping that our friends, the Zimmers, will receive their approval in this batch of information yet to arrive. Further, a fellow Buckner/Gladney family, is hoping for referral this week as well. If not, they will have missed the cutoff by 2 days! We figured they would certainly be in this batch! I sure hope more information is on the way. I pray it is so!

Wishing you and your family a Blessed Easter!

Is it Boy or Girl?

Don't freak..it's not us...well, not really. Clark & Tosha are pregnant! We are so excited!!! Will it be a new niece or nephew! Personally, I think I'm voting for a boy...just to even the score as the current "score" is: Boys 2, Girls 3. We have (in order of birth) Ashley, Kaitlynn, Ian, Brady, MEGAN and new baby! But if we continue the pattern...it could be a girl!

Congrats Clark & Tosha!

March Referrals

Rumor has it they are currently in route to agencies! I'm hoping at least SOME of those logged in November 2005 are included in this month. I will post as soon as I see what's included! (Rumor has it they might go at least a few days into November.) That sounds exciting, but we shall see!!!

Another Month

Here we are...nearing the close of yet another month, the third month of 2007. Certainly, when we started this process almost 2 years ago (yes, dear friends it has been almost that long!), we thought our beloved Megan would be home by 2007. But like most things in our life, this adoption has not gone as planned either. I can be rest assured, however, that it will be beyond what I could have imagined!

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately...and have come to the conclusion that it would be best (at the current pace of referrals) if we simply have Megan's photo before the July wedding. There is simply no way she (or us) could handle the busy (or rather, CRAZY) week of the wedding having just travelled to China. Therefore, I am resigned--and have fully accepted--that we will not have travelled before Katie's wedding. I am, however, still planning, hoping, dreaming and praying that we will have her photo to share with family and friends in June with plans to travel late July or August (the hottest times of the year in China!). If that be the case, I will confess, from the beginning we believed we'd get referral in June and travel in August--of course that was before these incredible delays and we were talking about 2006, not 2007--but details, sheme-tails. No matter when we get our wonderful Megan, we get her. The timing will be perfect as she has been designed to be in our family. The whole concept is unbelieveable--and hard to describe--but true.

So, has Megan been born? ABSOLUTELY! When? That I don't know...but we will find out soon! As we are about to enter April (a tough month for us), we are ever nearer to seeing our Megan's face. After all, every day is another day closer...

Changes are in the air...

Do you like the new changes to the website? I kind of do...now, if only there was the time to put more information on it! Well, maybe in a few months.

On the one hand, I hope time goes so fast--until we bring Megan home. On the other hand, I have so much do for school (teacher & student) I really need for time to not go so fast.

Spring is in the air, we've had weather in the 70s and 80s and I am liking it (but my allergies aren't!). To be able to go outside and enjoy the sunshine, warm breeze, flowering trees and fresh air...aaahhh...I love Spring! Just think, next Spring I'll be taking Megan on walks in the stroller...Could I go for that? hhhhmmm

March Update

Here we are again, entering another month: MARCH! I can't believe we have already entered into the third month of 2007. Where does the time go? Apparently the next set of matches was sent out on Friday (or so the guessers guess). These will be for those families placed on the list toward the end of October, possibly into the beginning of November. Boy, once they start matching families logged in during November...that will oh, so exciting! December won't be far behind!

I am still standing on my faith the size of a mustard seed (Luke 17) that God will bring Megan home before Katie's wedding July. I would go out a buy her a dress, but unfortunately I don't know what size to buy! But, I sure know what shops to patronize as soon as I find out the size--I've scoped out several! There sure are some darling spring dresses out right now for little girls. And I cannot wait until I get to shop for her!

Overall, very little news to report we are still simply waiting. I'm trying to keep my head above water for the next couple months as I finish up my classes for the semester--many more papers to write and books to read before May! Keith is working lots of overtime due to tax season, so he is also counting down the days until April 17th!

January is here!

Well, it's been almost a month since my last post...seems to be a pattern here! Not much else to report other than we are, yet again, a month closer to meeting Megan. We are, also yet again, waiting for the next batch of family matches to come out. I predict (with no data to back it up) that they will come out late next week. December's batch didn't actually come out until the first week of January. It matched families through September 27, 2005. So, there's less than 3 months between where they are matching and where we sit on the list. Lord willing, we will be matched in 3 months. But that would be require a miracle for that to happen. It is just exciting to see all the miracles God is doing throughout this entire process, and matching in April or May would be one I'd truly appreciate!

While the wait has seemed to take forever, at the same time, it feels like it will be only a matter of days before we see Megan's face! After all, it will be within the next 5-6 months. Oh my...time flies...even when we are waiting! The realization of how soon it could be made me me go through all of Megan's clothes--oh my does this girl have clothes already! I didn't realize just how much she had until I washed it! (It was 6 loads and I didn't even wash all of it!) As I was folding the clothes, it made me even more anxious to find out which ones will fit her...which ones we will take with us...it's all so exciting!!!!

Well, continue to pray for Megan's safety, security and love until we get there. Pray she'll be here before "the" wedding in July so extended family will be able to meet her too. Pray for our continued patience as we draw nearer to "our turn"! Thanks!