Alive. Still alive. Started on a new project outside of work, which equates to more thinking and tinkering, less time for anything else. All for fun and to learn something new. More next time.
Also, happy for those around me who are/have gotten married recently (mostly outside of Singapore hence no wedding dinner, phew). Although I think most people vaguely know that I am alive but out of reach at the moment. I don't know, people drift apart after some time. A topic for another day maybe. Even at the office these days, I'm there but not really there. I come and go like the wind, someone was shocked I stayed till late, exclaiming, "Wow, you 24/7 ah?" But of course, he didn't realize that I only came in like 3 hours late.
Recently discovered how I managed to gain wisdom and grace, going through each day which a short while ago seemed excruciating, to a state of inner peace knowing that what will come to pass will come to pass.
An epiphany this morning that I need to record down. I realized that I have recently been gifted with the ability to realize the folly of my youth. Two, three years ago, I looked at things pretty much from a very short-term perspective. I wanted this quick; I needed that success immediately. What I finally came to know after this period of struggle is that it really is about the long-run.
What's good if you came in a blitz, rose to the top, only to crash and burn at the end? I always prided on my ability to think strategically and longer term back then, but boy, was I over reaching my own capabilities. Who is to know what tomorrow brings? Yes, many peers wanted to reach a pinnacle of career/material success before 30 but what's all the rush for? I had my own 5-year plan and frankly, I totally failed on that. Does that make me a failure?
No, it doesn't.
Not when I know that it was not meant to be; this short-term get-rich-quick scheme I plotted in my head many months ago. I never really looked beyond the month, much less the quarter. That was my mistake. But not one that He could not correct. Now, I see how one needs to think even longer range, five, ten, twenty, thirty decades down the road. That's right, decades. What do you leave behind for the later generations? A crusty HDB flat that has a ninety-nine year lease only? Digital images of you cruising it up at a beach resort that probably will disappear in the future version of the Internet?
Do not take it the wrong way, I'm not saying that these pursuits or activities are bad. I'm just saying that I gained some perspective along the way. Perhaps I need to work on something in the future that will last for a few lifetimes, all in His plan.
I think this is one of the final lessons for me in this period. So much growing up, so much errors but thankfully, the pain was only temporary.
A new beginning bodes for me. I can feel it.