The bane of my life - the back that I wrecked ten years ago. Never did heal, ended up creating more problems over the years, army, inappropriate exercises, abuse upon abuse. Next week, I am trotting down to the medical centre with my downgrade letter in hand. Yes, I give up, give up being the man that holds up everyone during each reservist, give up being the leader that all eyes look up to (and for the higher up, watch in disdain as I march to my own beat, not theirs).
My health is more important, and my dear friend, L, should attest to that, having spent close to $40k spent to make a hole in his mouth, to remove a cyst that began eating away at him (I pray for him). I can hardly walk straight nowadays, sleeping on the side brings slight relief but I am having regular alternate physiotherapy every week. A drain on the wallet, not claimable through insurance but I go in hopes that all will be healed eventually. Weight gains parabolically, sadly.
Monday, August 13
Busy Neurons
Been keeping the grey matter busy these days, crafting lines upon lines, telling the machine what to do and what not to do. Big things happening around in the office, while I quietly whisper into the computer; instructions; int n = 0; n < list.count; n++; do...while(true).
In that little box I built, a complex event processing agent complete with its own intelligence and risk tolerance. Not genetic yet, unfortunately. It cannot learn on its own but perhaps that will be a future project.
And I satisfy my desire, as I plod along this almost rotting dream that clings on still...
I am alive, and not alive at the same time. Eat, drink, breathe, code.
Ironic how I ended up on this path, the one true path I was meant to walk - alongside the geeks and mathematicians whose shoulders I lean on.
I read countless academic papers across different genres, finance (market microstructure mostly), biostatistics, statistics, some math (I balk after the introduction). Reread my textbook on artificial intelligence, skimmed through an advanced programming book, attempting to read a textbook that has this on the cover - Inside Volatility Arbitrage, and rows of greek in between the pages.
I am not smart enough, it takes me longer to program than a computer science major but I am getting there...I think.
And on my travels on public transportation, I have been noticing a rising trend in people, young and old, mostly female, who constantly engage a lesser part of their brains by watching Korean/Japanese/Taiwanese serial dramas on their phones/tablets/phones-that-look-like-tablets. If only they would pump more knowledge into their brains.
In that little box I built, a complex event processing agent complete with its own intelligence and risk tolerance. Not genetic yet, unfortunately. It cannot learn on its own but perhaps that will be a future project.
And I satisfy my desire, as I plod along this almost rotting dream that clings on still...
I am alive, and not alive at the same time. Eat, drink, breathe, code.
Ironic how I ended up on this path, the one true path I was meant to walk - alongside the geeks and mathematicians whose shoulders I lean on.
I read countless academic papers across different genres, finance (market microstructure mostly), biostatistics, statistics, some math (I balk after the introduction). Reread my textbook on artificial intelligence, skimmed through an advanced programming book, attempting to read a textbook that has this on the cover - Inside Volatility Arbitrage, and rows of greek in between the pages.
I am not smart enough, it takes me longer to program than a computer science major but I am getting there...I think.
And on my travels on public transportation, I have been noticing a rising trend in people, young and old, mostly female, who constantly engage a lesser part of their brains by watching Korean/Japanese/Taiwanese serial dramas on their phones/tablets/phones-that-look-like-tablets. If only they would pump more knowledge into their brains.
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