When I started 2012, I had a blind optimism that things would work out without knowing if I had the capabilities to do so. It was fraught with waves after waves of struggles, frustrations and disappointments. Through it all, I found love, hope, peace and joy.
The presence of God in my life changed how I perceived things, the "suffering" was merely an act of refinement, a process of weeding out impurities.
I closed my eyes on the idolatry of material things, realizing how foolish it was. I was merely chasing after the wind. Yet, the period was short (relatively speaking), lasting from end of last year to May this year. I was looking at the wrong places and wanted to achieve "success" so quickly that I was beginning to lose myself.
He yanked me back in place, slapped me with a large trout and set me moving towards His plans.
There were so many moments this year that I just cannot recount them all. There were also so many occurrences beyond my comprehension that really opened my eyes and heart.
I never did realize the amount of love I had surrounding me. Now I do and shall love everyone back.
I never did think that I could reach a stage in life where I could not surmount any difficulties. But I did. And I learnt to rely on Him.
I never thought I would fall on my knees, feeling so defeated, reeling in the darkness, before He lifted my tear-filled eyes and told me everything will be alright, as long as I believed.
I never thought I would one day go for bible study classes, discuss theological questions, read The Word daily, ponder about what good I should do, throw my insecurities out of the window, help out the less fortunate; but I did and more.
I never believed in anything other than my own hands and I truly saw that they are not enough.
I never thought I would receive love of such multitude (divine and human) but I did.
More than once, the perfect timing and synchronisation of events left me awe-struck and breathless. How could it be so?
Going forward, I can see His hand in so many aspects in my life. Instead of having a goal-driven new year resolution that I will definitely not keep, I just want to be a better person next year. To achieve more in my short time on Earth, to get closer to Him, to love more, to cherish more people. I am grateful and thankful to all my family and friends (even though I know I don't see you but I know you still care for me. Sorry I've been hiding in the shadows) I ask for forgiveness for all my past sins and transgressions, I hope some of you will forgive me for my ineptness and general crappy attitude.
I am happy that many of you are getting married, finding success in your careers, in the process of loving someone more each day, chasing after your dreams. (Yes, I still watch you live your life on Facebook.)
I never thought I would find peace but as I write this, I feel an overwhelming gush of happiness and thankfulness.
And I offer a peace offering to Him. Thank you, Lord.
After fire, the refined product emerges.
[On a side note: I have to eat healthier, live healthier, and lose the excessive weight I gained this year by sitting on my lazy butt while nursing a still injured slipped disc.]
(Sorry friends whom I haven't seen in awhile, I'm still working on that. Still somewhere on my hermit mountain but I will catch up soon.)
Sunday, December 30
Tuesday, December 18
Photography and Memory
My mom was clearing up old photo albums and I took the chance to do a dirty digitisation of the images using my phone. Saw the pictures of my parents' marriage, how they looked so young and uncertain about the future. Then I came along, followed by my brother. More infant pictures, family trips, wedding dinners, birthday parties, funerals, Christmas, more trips to Genting. Somewhere along the way things started fading as the amount of documentation decreased. Perhaps it coincided with the family's disintegration. It made me teary-eyed and nostalgic of a simpler time (that occurred before my brain was capable of forming memories). But the tactile act of flipping through physical albums, sifting through history like a historian, makes the entire experience so different compared to flicking through a digital album.
Man On Elevator
He alighted from the train, absorbed in his thoughts. He walked past the other passengers, towards the stairs that led to the gantries on the floor below. Then he paused, looking up at the station's name, realising he got off at the wrong stop. Unsure of why he did it, he turned around and walked back to the platform. He waited patiently for the next train to arrive.
Wednesday, December 12
12.12.12
Not again in a hundred years.
A sequence as such: 12/12/12 12:12:12
What am I doing? Probably nothing much, staring out the window dreaming about better times to come.
What are you doing? What are you dreaming of?
A year has passed. Amazing changes, small progress but incredibly lightened. How has your year been?
Looking forward to the new year as always, a human construct - this segregation of time but it brings new hope.
A sequence as such: 12/12/12 12:12:12
What am I doing? Probably nothing much, staring out the window dreaming about better times to come.
What are you doing? What are you dreaming of?
A year has passed. Amazing changes, small progress but incredibly lightened. How has your year been?
Looking forward to the new year as always, a human construct - this segregation of time but it brings new hope.
Monday, November 12
Drawer, Full of Film
I have about 3 rolls of undeveloped film sitting in my drawer.
I think light is slowly leaking in the longer I put off developing them. Then again, I need every last cent in my account to survive.
Things are slowly turning around somewhat, I hope to plow through this new set of notes I printed on multithreading programming to help with work soon.
But how do I explain to an unbeliever that despite the small slivers of fear, I am mostly optimistic?
I think light is slowly leaking in the longer I put off developing them. Then again, I need every last cent in my account to survive.
Things are slowly turning around somewhat, I hope to plow through this new set of notes I printed on multithreading programming to help with work soon.
But how do I explain to an unbeliever that despite the small slivers of fear, I am mostly optimistic?
Competition
These past few weeks I have been heavily involved in the recruitment process to hire someone with the aptitude to program algorithms at work. The candidate would be doing exactly what I do. The amount of ideas to work on has increased substantially and it was only after I managed to convince the management that this is the right way to develop this business. While I have not really come up with a lot of systems (mostly due to lack of appropriate skills, which I subsequently built up during my development process), I have a number of projects that I want to work on. Unfortunately, being the only one with the necessary skill set, I find it difficult to discuss or further enhance my ideas. With the new hire, hopefully this will be resolved.
When our recruitment advertisement went out, so many people replied. Competition was stiff - there were people holding onto masters and even PhDs. We included some with only bachelors degrees for the interview, just to widen our nets. However, during the interviews, I was completely awestruck by how good this people looked on paper but couldn't hold a candle to our "ideal candidate". The ones with bachelors were not well qualified enough, the masters had only some idea of what is expected of them (their education did not equip them with enough skills) and the PhDs were just plain weird.
I realized how thankful that I was given the opportunity to do what I do, despite being unqualified on paper but at least I had the necessary market knowledge and experience. I also felt that there was a general lack of passion among the candidates: when they mentioned that they were passionate about the finance market, I asked them what was the last book they have read and none could give me a satisfactory answer.
Sadly, if I ever had to send my CV out again, I know with certainty that I will not receive a reply because on paper, I just cannot beat these guys. Yes, many do not have the years behind them but if they were lucky to land a job somewhere, their CV will probably move ahead of mine.
That said, I also question the need for a masters in financial engineering, seeing how I have picked up most of the syllabus on my own (yes, stochastic calculus, statistical programming, time series analysis etc). Unless I do it in a school that provides a rigorous syllabus and an opportunity to move into a top-notch fund after, it's pretty much pointless.
Which obviously begs the question - does one go for an education to hopefully secure a job after or try and get a job and pick up the skills along the way? I never was much of a stickler for institutionalized education, and with websites like coursera out there, I believe one has no excuse not to improve on one's knowledge.
Anyway, we shortlisted a couple of promising candidates, I tasked them with some data crunching and will have to see their results. Although at times I get frustrated with people (who do not understand, and not putting in effort to understand) rebuking my ideas or simply just don't get it, I must be thankful for the opportunity to develop my ideas because so many people out there really want this. It's like knowing that the environment may not be ideal but I constantly need to remind myself, things could be worse.
When our recruitment advertisement went out, so many people replied. Competition was stiff - there were people holding onto masters and even PhDs. We included some with only bachelors degrees for the interview, just to widen our nets. However, during the interviews, I was completely awestruck by how good this people looked on paper but couldn't hold a candle to our "ideal candidate". The ones with bachelors were not well qualified enough, the masters had only some idea of what is expected of them (their education did not equip them with enough skills) and the PhDs were just plain weird.
I realized how thankful that I was given the opportunity to do what I do, despite being unqualified on paper but at least I had the necessary market knowledge and experience. I also felt that there was a general lack of passion among the candidates: when they mentioned that they were passionate about the finance market, I asked them what was the last book they have read and none could give me a satisfactory answer.
Sadly, if I ever had to send my CV out again, I know with certainty that I will not receive a reply because on paper, I just cannot beat these guys. Yes, many do not have the years behind them but if they were lucky to land a job somewhere, their CV will probably move ahead of mine.
That said, I also question the need for a masters in financial engineering, seeing how I have picked up most of the syllabus on my own (yes, stochastic calculus, statistical programming, time series analysis etc). Unless I do it in a school that provides a rigorous syllabus and an opportunity to move into a top-notch fund after, it's pretty much pointless.
Which obviously begs the question - does one go for an education to hopefully secure a job after or try and get a job and pick up the skills along the way? I never was much of a stickler for institutionalized education, and with websites like coursera out there, I believe one has no excuse not to improve on one's knowledge.
Anyway, we shortlisted a couple of promising candidates, I tasked them with some data crunching and will have to see their results. Although at times I get frustrated with people (who do not understand, and not putting in effort to understand) rebuking my ideas or simply just don't get it, I must be thankful for the opportunity to develop my ideas because so many people out there really want this. It's like knowing that the environment may not be ideal but I constantly need to remind myself, things could be worse.
Tuesday, October 23
Caverns
Not progressing monetarily or outwardly, developing huge gains in knowledge, absorbing lectures from professors on the other side of the globe, manipulating data into graphs and charts and useful information. No, they treat me like a slave, I do this and that and this again, never mind. Will come in useful in the future. I have hope, eternal hope. They only worship greed and money and will forever be condemned. I know I will eventually be lifted up. Thanksgiving in many places beyond the obvious. How else would I learn and develop? In a short span of two months, I wrote a couple of interesting algorithms: strategy backtests, data aggregators/cleaners, deepened my understanding of R/Python, learned concepts of time series analysis (auto-covariance, autocorrelation, stationarity are no longer jargon I pretend that I understand). Sometimes, it's really not about the money but of course, my dear friend, S, will say that I should stop being idealistic. M says have hope. And C provides all the love and support. I am blessed, don't you see? Things will eventually fall into place.
Patiently, Waiting
Not a piece of lamentation. Just full of hope, of sunshine, of rain and the morning breeze.
Imagery of the sea, criss-crossed with the feeling of fine sand underneath your feet. Wonderful bouquet of fire under the stars.
We wait.
Things may not seem easy-going from the outside now, empty pockets. Yet, full of love and amazement.
While we dream of better times, perhaps the happiness you share now will be forever - a testament and a beginning.
Just waiting.
Imagery of the sea, criss-crossed with the feeling of fine sand underneath your feet. Wonderful bouquet of fire under the stars.
We wait.
Things may not seem easy-going from the outside now, empty pockets. Yet, full of love and amazement.
While we dream of better times, perhaps the happiness you share now will be forever - a testament and a beginning.
Just waiting.
Monday, September 17
Aspirations
The past few weeks have been intense, with regards to my struggle to understand how all of these struggles relate back to lessons in life. The biggest revelation I received was one on our lofty, earthly aspirations that drive us to do what we do.
I realized with a gasp that I had pursued this path on an entirely godless manner - chasing after dreams of riches and wealth, only to be reminded that in the end, all of it does not matter. When I observed the people around me at work, I view with repulsion what they held close to them - money. Yes, money is good, one cannot survive without money but when all that pushes you forward is money, then what happens in the end when you received all that you needed? I saw the empty vacuous eyes on people who achieved that "dream", propelled only by the wish to acquire wealth.
Isaiah 44: 9-11
All who make idols are nothing, and the things they treasure are worthless.
Those who would speak up for them are blind; they are ignorant, to their own shame.
Who shapes a god and casts an idol, which can profit nothing?
People who do that will be put to shame; such craftsmen are only human beings.
Let them all come together and take their stand; they will be brought down to terror and shame.
When I left my stable job (slightly more than one year ago), I was filled with the desire to excel at trading, thinking that I had acquired the skills required to reap untold riches from the markets. In the ensuing months, all I received were brutal hard knocks, kicks and punches, leaving me tired and disappointed. I still enjoy the intellectual capacity of it but I finally realized that my aim of gaining wealth was entirely wrong.
Reading biographies of successful traders, it was obvious that money to a lot of them was secondary. Yes, perhaps many started off like me, thinking that they could temper the wild gyrations, but most ended up crushed within their first 3 to 5 years. That brought many of them to seek guidance and develop an outlook unparalleled by others over the years that followed. It was not the money that drove them, it was the puzzle-solving, the passion for the markets that did it for them.
And I humbly accept this revelation. I was wrong in my pursuit, placing money before God, placing dreams borne of materialism before acts of faith.
Bruised, battered and wiser. I carry on searching. Now, my focus is not on gaining temporal wealth, but eternal. In the mean time, I am starting to develop a long term outlook, to find a working environment here that will allow me to grow more (spiritually and intellectually), not steeped in the need to chase dollars, but to develop a greater understanding of things in life (and the markets).
I realized with a gasp that I had pursued this path on an entirely godless manner - chasing after dreams of riches and wealth, only to be reminded that in the end, all of it does not matter. When I observed the people around me at work, I view with repulsion what they held close to them - money. Yes, money is good, one cannot survive without money but when all that pushes you forward is money, then what happens in the end when you received all that you needed? I saw the empty vacuous eyes on people who achieved that "dream", propelled only by the wish to acquire wealth.
Isaiah 44: 9-11
All who make idols are nothing, and the things they treasure are worthless.
Those who would speak up for them are blind; they are ignorant, to their own shame.
Who shapes a god and casts an idol, which can profit nothing?
People who do that will be put to shame; such craftsmen are only human beings.
Let them all come together and take their stand; they will be brought down to terror and shame.
When I left my stable job (slightly more than one year ago), I was filled with the desire to excel at trading, thinking that I had acquired the skills required to reap untold riches from the markets. In the ensuing months, all I received were brutal hard knocks, kicks and punches, leaving me tired and disappointed. I still enjoy the intellectual capacity of it but I finally realized that my aim of gaining wealth was entirely wrong.
Reading biographies of successful traders, it was obvious that money to a lot of them was secondary. Yes, perhaps many started off like me, thinking that they could temper the wild gyrations, but most ended up crushed within their first 3 to 5 years. That brought many of them to seek guidance and develop an outlook unparalleled by others over the years that followed. It was not the money that drove them, it was the puzzle-solving, the passion for the markets that did it for them.
And I humbly accept this revelation. I was wrong in my pursuit, placing money before God, placing dreams borne of materialism before acts of faith.
Bruised, battered and wiser. I carry on searching. Now, my focus is not on gaining temporal wealth, but eternal. In the mean time, I am starting to develop a long term outlook, to find a working environment here that will allow me to grow more (spiritually and intellectually), not steeped in the need to chase dollars, but to develop a greater understanding of things in life (and the markets).
Monday, September 3
Shoulders of Giants
Sometimes it's ironic how I am awe-struck with a certain idea that comes up from nowhere only to discover that somebody else did impressive work on it 20-30 years ago. No doubt, the Internet has helped to reduce the time taken to elucidate ideas but it has also largely flattened the playing field, allowing only those with truly time-tested models to succeed.
The more I struggle with the idiosyncrasies of the intraday timeframe, the more I believe that moving up to a higher timeframe will soothe some of the issues that I have encountered along the way. Jump diffusions occur on a higher frequency, leading to often unpredictable results. Been cracking my head around a time series analysis textbook since last week and it has been helpful to illustrate concepts that I had previously read and mostly gleaned over. By illustration, it also means that I am spending time trying to figure out all the squiggly lines with the low level of mathematics that I sadly possess.
That said, I am starting to develop a greater feel of what I intellectually can accept and hopefully be able to test it out in the future. In the mean time, I am also questioning the efficacy of me being confined in a space that neither recognizes my capabilities nor provide any form of guidance.
My desk is littered with countless academic papers, my calculator and reams of scrap paper. Where could I go next that would allow me to develop this further?
The more I struggle with the idiosyncrasies of the intraday timeframe, the more I believe that moving up to a higher timeframe will soothe some of the issues that I have encountered along the way. Jump diffusions occur on a higher frequency, leading to often unpredictable results. Been cracking my head around a time series analysis textbook since last week and it has been helpful to illustrate concepts that I had previously read and mostly gleaned over. By illustration, it also means that I am spending time trying to figure out all the squiggly lines with the low level of mathematics that I sadly possess.
That said, I am starting to develop a greater feel of what I intellectually can accept and hopefully be able to test it out in the future. In the mean time, I am also questioning the efficacy of me being confined in a space that neither recognizes my capabilities nor provide any form of guidance.
My desk is littered with countless academic papers, my calculator and reams of scrap paper. Where could I go next that would allow me to develop this further?
Sunday, September 2
Le Good Life..
There are moments when I see amazing creative work out there on the web that elicit a soft scream. I long to return to that fold, making things that cause people to go "wow", creating things that I can boldly say, yes, it was an embodiment of me.
Had a long conversation with N today, updating him on what has happened at the firm for the past month and he looked me right in my eyes and said, "Seriously bro, you are getting blatantly exploited right now." And I struggle to refute that, yet deep down, I am happy to be creating and crafting at work now...yes, things seem to be shaky, not going well, my funds are almost dry, I am eating myself inside out and yet...I don't know why I am persevering. I question the amount of pain I am taking in, the lack of hard dollars that I am not receiving and countless other questions that rattle me down to the core - faith in myself, and/or in the people I work with.
I don't have a clear answer, my beliefs are shaken. Dragging that corpse along, like a zombie.
When I had tea with K yesterday, he reminded me of the doldrums of the corporate world that I dislike. But N reminded me today that one has to be realistic, quoting from Jerry Maguire. I am seriously torn. With the job market at its current stasis, I am left without a route out...unless I really sell my soul and don some suit that will cause me to bang my head against the wall endlessly.
Deadline. Stop. Go.
Negotiations. Two weeks ago, had a major meeting with the management, presented my business proposal, chock full of plans and operational issues. Not sure if they will accept it. Even then, what can they do to ensure that my loyalty stays? What probability of success do I even foresee?
K told me about this firm that I was actually in talks with for employment right at the time I chose this path. I was flabbergasted at what I heard, the lack of skills and immediately thought about how I could have provided so much more (and my bank account would actually be happier).
Seriously, was this one of those major fucked-up decisions I made in life?
Remind self: no regrets, I said.
Yay, go fuck yourself. Really.
Had a long conversation with N today, updating him on what has happened at the firm for the past month and he looked me right in my eyes and said, "Seriously bro, you are getting blatantly exploited right now." And I struggle to refute that, yet deep down, I am happy to be creating and crafting at work now...yes, things seem to be shaky, not going well, my funds are almost dry, I am eating myself inside out and yet...I don't know why I am persevering. I question the amount of pain I am taking in, the lack of hard dollars that I am not receiving and countless other questions that rattle me down to the core - faith in myself, and/or in the people I work with.
I don't have a clear answer, my beliefs are shaken. Dragging that corpse along, like a zombie.
When I had tea with K yesterday, he reminded me of the doldrums of the corporate world that I dislike. But N reminded me today that one has to be realistic, quoting from Jerry Maguire. I am seriously torn. With the job market at its current stasis, I am left without a route out...unless I really sell my soul and don some suit that will cause me to bang my head against the wall endlessly.
Deadline. Stop. Go.
Negotiations. Two weeks ago, had a major meeting with the management, presented my business proposal, chock full of plans and operational issues. Not sure if they will accept it. Even then, what can they do to ensure that my loyalty stays? What probability of success do I even foresee?
K told me about this firm that I was actually in talks with for employment right at the time I chose this path. I was flabbergasted at what I heard, the lack of skills and immediately thought about how I could have provided so much more (and my bank account would actually be happier).
Seriously, was this one of those major fucked-up decisions I made in life?
Remind self: no regrets, I said.
Yay, go fuck yourself. Really.
Queue Theory
Read an article on why a multi-queue system causes more unhappiness as compared to a single-queue system. Answer was interesting - people were generally unhappy when they saw the line next to theirs moving faster and even though the waiting time is faster as compared to a single queue, the discontent remains. Hence, it would be better for businesses to use a single queue and install mirrors, because when the customer is occupied, the wait time will seem to be shorter.
Monday, August 13
Back Problems
The bane of my life - the back that I wrecked ten years ago. Never did heal, ended up creating more problems over the years, army, inappropriate exercises, abuse upon abuse. Next week, I am trotting down to the medical centre with my downgrade letter in hand. Yes, I give up, give up being the man that holds up everyone during each reservist, give up being the leader that all eyes look up to (and for the higher up, watch in disdain as I march to my own beat, not theirs).
My health is more important, and my dear friend, L, should attest to that, having spent close to $40k spent to make a hole in his mouth, to remove a cyst that began eating away at him (I pray for him). I can hardly walk straight nowadays, sleeping on the side brings slight relief but I am having regular alternate physiotherapy every week. A drain on the wallet, not claimable through insurance but I go in hopes that all will be healed eventually. Weight gains parabolically, sadly.
My health is more important, and my dear friend, L, should attest to that, having spent close to $40k spent to make a hole in his mouth, to remove a cyst that began eating away at him (I pray for him). I can hardly walk straight nowadays, sleeping on the side brings slight relief but I am having regular alternate physiotherapy every week. A drain on the wallet, not claimable through insurance but I go in hopes that all will be healed eventually. Weight gains parabolically, sadly.
Busy Neurons
Been keeping the grey matter busy these days, crafting lines upon lines, telling the machine what to do and what not to do. Big things happening around in the office, while I quietly whisper into the computer; instructions; int n = 0; n < list.count; n++; do...while(true).
In that little box I built, a complex event processing agent complete with its own intelligence and risk tolerance. Not genetic yet, unfortunately. It cannot learn on its own but perhaps that will be a future project.
And I satisfy my desire, as I plod along this almost rotting dream that clings on still...
I am alive, and not alive at the same time. Eat, drink, breathe, code.
Ironic how I ended up on this path, the one true path I was meant to walk - alongside the geeks and mathematicians whose shoulders I lean on.
I read countless academic papers across different genres, finance (market microstructure mostly), biostatistics, statistics, some math (I balk after the introduction). Reread my textbook on artificial intelligence, skimmed through an advanced programming book, attempting to read a textbook that has this on the cover - Inside Volatility Arbitrage, and rows of greek in between the pages.
I am not smart enough, it takes me longer to program than a computer science major but I am getting there...I think.
And on my travels on public transportation, I have been noticing a rising trend in people, young and old, mostly female, who constantly engage a lesser part of their brains by watching Korean/Japanese/Taiwanese serial dramas on their phones/tablets/phones-that-look-like-tablets. If only they would pump more knowledge into their brains.
In that little box I built, a complex event processing agent complete with its own intelligence and risk tolerance. Not genetic yet, unfortunately. It cannot learn on its own but perhaps that will be a future project.
And I satisfy my desire, as I plod along this almost rotting dream that clings on still...
I am alive, and not alive at the same time. Eat, drink, breathe, code.
Ironic how I ended up on this path, the one true path I was meant to walk - alongside the geeks and mathematicians whose shoulders I lean on.
I read countless academic papers across different genres, finance (market microstructure mostly), biostatistics, statistics, some math (I balk after the introduction). Reread my textbook on artificial intelligence, skimmed through an advanced programming book, attempting to read a textbook that has this on the cover - Inside Volatility Arbitrage, and rows of greek in between the pages.
I am not smart enough, it takes me longer to program than a computer science major but I am getting there...I think.
And on my travels on public transportation, I have been noticing a rising trend in people, young and old, mostly female, who constantly engage a lesser part of their brains by watching Korean/Japanese/Taiwanese serial dramas on their phones/tablets/phones-that-look-like-tablets. If only they would pump more knowledge into their brains.
Tuesday, July 17
Sense of an Ending
I just finished Julian Barnes' Sense of an Ending in 3 MRT trips; making it a breeze compared to Kerouac. The book talks a lot about the fallacy of our memories, how we live in a reality that we want to believe in.
The author puts it succinctly - “History isn't the lies of the victors, as I once glibly assured Old Joe Hunt; I know that now. It's more the memories of the survivors, most of whom are neither victorious or defeated. The book contains enough twists in its 180 pages to worth a read.
What it made me think about are the choices we make in life. The protagonist is a man in his sixties, recalling (albeit in a manner that was incongruent to the truth) his youth and how an event in his life now dug out painful revelation that he had hidden over the years.
Leading a pedestrian life in which he neither regretted nor thought much about, the reader wonders how his/her own life has been glazed over by lies we tell ourselves. What-ifs hang heavy, events that our minds interpreted may not have had happened the way we remembered. Perhaps it is a form of self-preservation, a cocoon that we wrap ourselves in. Plenty thoughts, more time needed to digest this.
The author puts it succinctly - “History isn't the lies of the victors, as I once glibly assured Old Joe Hunt; I know that now. It's more the memories of the survivors, most of whom are neither victorious or defeated. The book contains enough twists in its 180 pages to worth a read.
What it made me think about are the choices we make in life. The protagonist is a man in his sixties, recalling (albeit in a manner that was incongruent to the truth) his youth and how an event in his life now dug out painful revelation that he had hidden over the years.
Leading a pedestrian life in which he neither regretted nor thought much about, the reader wonders how his/her own life has been glazed over by lies we tell ourselves. What-ifs hang heavy, events that our minds interpreted may not have had happened the way we remembered. Perhaps it is a form of self-preservation, a cocoon that we wrap ourselves in. Plenty thoughts, more time needed to digest this.
Wednesday, July 11
On The Way
Took me more than two months to plough through Kerouac's On The Road. It's not a heavy book but the style didn't gel with me, despite it being hailed as a literary great, the embodiment of the beat generation and the inspiration to a host of authors/musicians.
That said, a story of how a young man criss-crossed across a post-war America, taking in sights of an important period in history, capturing the zeitgeist of a time past, did fill me with a slight sense of adventure but mostly, I felt a certain dread...how characters in the book lived with careless abandon and no aims; just drifting through the rafters and floating down the river on a rubber tube.
Ironically, one could say that living with a plan ain't living at all, if you get my drift. How has that plan worked out for you?
This morning a certain fear shook me awake, that the big three-oh is but a paltry eighteen months away. When this blog was started, when I started publicly documenting my thoughts and snippets of my life, this junction seemed so far away - about a decade already? How time flies and where are we going but towards the inevitability of death? Obviously an intellectual/pseudo-philosophical question like this bears no fruit, save or more wasted time and pointless conversations over coffee.
The greatest insight that I gleaned recently is that each one of us has got a purpose here. It is up to you if you want to listen, if you want to hear what God is speaking to you. We may end up detouring, going in circles before finding our answers but when you arrive there, you will know.. You will know that your life just started.
That said, a story of how a young man criss-crossed across a post-war America, taking in sights of an important period in history, capturing the zeitgeist of a time past, did fill me with a slight sense of adventure but mostly, I felt a certain dread...how characters in the book lived with careless abandon and no aims; just drifting through the rafters and floating down the river on a rubber tube.
Ironically, one could say that living with a plan ain't living at all, if you get my drift. How has that plan worked out for you?
This morning a certain fear shook me awake, that the big three-oh is but a paltry eighteen months away. When this blog was started, when I started publicly documenting my thoughts and snippets of my life, this junction seemed so far away - about a decade already? How time flies and where are we going but towards the inevitability of death? Obviously an intellectual/pseudo-philosophical question like this bears no fruit, save or more wasted time and pointless conversations over coffee.
The greatest insight that I gleaned recently is that each one of us has got a purpose here. It is up to you if you want to listen, if you want to hear what God is speaking to you. We may end up detouring, going in circles before finding our answers but when you arrive there, you will know.. You will know that your life just started.
Friday, June 29
MRT Connections
Funny how I loathe and get amused by the joke of a transportation system that we have.
Last week it was the inappropriate dramatic video of the ah lian-ah ma showdown, which brought some heckles and an immense sense of fear every time I get a seat on the train.
Earlier this week, due to an early morning breakdown, it took me 2 hours to get to work while sandwiched in between other commuters and feeling extremely uncomfortable.
Yesterday, I bumped into a secondary school friend whom I have not met in a year. We spent about 20 minutes talking before an ex-colleague walked past, and started another 20-minute conversation. On the train back, a Russian from Vladivostok asked for directions to Orchard. I have heard of the city before but never was prompted to find out more about it till after the connection. It's the start of the Trans-Siberian railway and seems like an interesting place to visit.
Last week it was the inappropriate dramatic video of the ah lian-ah ma showdown, which brought some heckles and an immense sense of fear every time I get a seat on the train.
Earlier this week, due to an early morning breakdown, it took me 2 hours to get to work while sandwiched in between other commuters and feeling extremely uncomfortable.
Yesterday, I bumped into a secondary school friend whom I have not met in a year. We spent about 20 minutes talking before an ex-colleague walked past, and started another 20-minute conversation. On the train back, a Russian from Vladivostok asked for directions to Orchard. I have heard of the city before but never was prompted to find out more about it till after the connection. It's the start of the Trans-Siberian railway and seems like an interesting place to visit.
Monday, June 4
White Flakes
Recently, getting hitched seems to be the norm. A scroll down Facebook, a chat with an old friend or even overhearing bits of conversations and you would be thinking that the entire world (around you) is getting married. Wedding lunch last Saturday where I had a bit too much to drink, another one this Saturday and one more next month. From what I can remember, one more in September, another in December, February, April and June.
Congratulations to everyone though.
For the price of a HDB flat, we can own an island in the Caribbean.
For the price of a Toyota sedan, possibly a second-hand Ferrari in the US.
Singapore is ranked second lowest in the cost of living index conducted by a firm I cannot remember.
The other day, I was just listening to a bunch of uncles complaining how costs have gone up so much in the past twenty years. One of their friends, a fish monger, sells the same fish then for 25 cents per 100g. It is still the same price now. Funny how we have to work three to five times as hard to make the equivalent.
The taxi driver that dropped me at the wedding on Saturday said I was lucky, at least I finished school. He was forty-something, had three kids still in school and no way out. Driving a cab can be neurotic, he said, especially when there are no customers in sight and all you can do is to have a conversation with yourself. Funnily, I told him, I could never get a cab at any hour.
I'm reading Kerouac now. The care-free-devil-may-give-a-damn spirit he embodied may be lost on an entire generation of us. Although I suspect that brewing underneath all this normalcy, beneath the rat race, lies a bunch of fed-up dreamers, tired of being a cog in a machine that does not benefit them, sick of being told what they should do.
Ironically, if you ask me now if I had achieved any of my dreams and I would tell you how many were dashed. Hanging barely to the threads of the last great dream that I have, and failing which, I will just surrender and float along with everyone else. Oh wait, there is still that grand dream of my own wedding bells.
Congratulations to everyone though.
For the price of a HDB flat, we can own an island in the Caribbean.
For the price of a Toyota sedan, possibly a second-hand Ferrari in the US.
Singapore is ranked second lowest in the cost of living index conducted by a firm I cannot remember.
The other day, I was just listening to a bunch of uncles complaining how costs have gone up so much in the past twenty years. One of their friends, a fish monger, sells the same fish then for 25 cents per 100g. It is still the same price now. Funny how we have to work three to five times as hard to make the equivalent.
The taxi driver that dropped me at the wedding on Saturday said I was lucky, at least I finished school. He was forty-something, had three kids still in school and no way out. Driving a cab can be neurotic, he said, especially when there are no customers in sight and all you can do is to have a conversation with yourself. Funnily, I told him, I could never get a cab at any hour.
I'm reading Kerouac now. The care-free-devil-may-give-a-damn spirit he embodied may be lost on an entire generation of us. Although I suspect that brewing underneath all this normalcy, beneath the rat race, lies a bunch of fed-up dreamers, tired of being a cog in a machine that does not benefit them, sick of being told what they should do.
Ironically, if you ask me now if I had achieved any of my dreams and I would tell you how many were dashed. Hanging barely to the threads of the last great dream that I have, and failing which, I will just surrender and float along with everyone else. Oh wait, there is still that grand dream of my own wedding bells.
Thursday, May 31
Robot Revolution
I was wondering why there was not much divine intervention when it came to the job hunt. After a couple of calls from headhunters, the trail grew cold. While I spent the past two weeks staring at my six monitors and frantically programming like there was no tomorrow. The product seems to be working fine on the simulator now, heck, it's an even better trader than me because it has no fears and works orders faster.
Everyday at work, I hear everyone complain about the algorithms ruining the game. Yes, they are nasty because they have size and speed. It's like standing in front of a steamroller picking up coins. It's really not fun to be a point-and-click trader these days, the senior ones are trembling, everyone's struggling. The good old days won't be back (hence why my once good strategies cannot be translated into green figures at the end of my P&L) and we all have to evolve.
I joined the robot revolution and I hope that my edge stays.
Ironically, I started this entire trading endeavor because I was convinced that algorithmic trading would be the future. The long detour was necessary to pick up the market knowledge and now, perhaps, I don't really need to change my job after all. Well, that's assuming the system works fine in live markets.
I await with trepidation.
Everyday at work, I hear everyone complain about the algorithms ruining the game. Yes, they are nasty because they have size and speed. It's like standing in front of a steamroller picking up coins. It's really not fun to be a point-and-click trader these days, the senior ones are trembling, everyone's struggling. The good old days won't be back (hence why my once good strategies cannot be translated into green figures at the end of my P&L) and we all have to evolve.
I joined the robot revolution and I hope that my edge stays.
Ironically, I started this entire trading endeavor because I was convinced that algorithmic trading would be the future. The long detour was necessary to pick up the market knowledge and now, perhaps, I don't really need to change my job after all. Well, that's assuming the system works fine in live markets.
I await with trepidation.
Tuesday, May 22
Sometimes, We Forget
What used to make us happy, what used to occupy our very fibre.
Now and then, we get reacquainted with the old-us, who says, "Hello, how have you been?"
And we reply, "Bad. I miss you."
"I miss you a lot too."
And the brief moment is disrupted by a barrage of news feeds, messages, tweets, emails, work.
Now and then, we get reacquainted with the old-us, who says, "Hello, how have you been?"
And we reply, "Bad. I miss you."
"I miss you a lot too."
And the brief moment is disrupted by a barrage of news feeds, messages, tweets, emails, work.
Sunday, May 13
Mother's Day
Today, I bought a carnation for my mother. Haven't bought flowers for a woman for years.
I don't know. She looked really happy when she saw it. Hidden beneath those years of anger, scorn and worry.
I love my mother but I will never forget those hard times.
Materialism
Almost one year into this chase and I am ready to throw my towel in. Savings dwindled to almost nothing. The only practical and responsible thing to do now is to say, "Ok look, I thought I could do this but obviously my talents and capabilities are not fully utilized here. I have to stop this before my passion gets killed and look for something else to do."
And hence, the job hunt begins.
I am thankful for the great lessons I have learnt: having my ego crushed, having the opportunity to do something I had really wanted to do (and discovering I really am not that good at it), having the courage to step onto the road less traveled (and courage to say I was mistaken), having the knowledge that I have someone who truly cares and will support me in whatever I do (a very important lesson).
I dreamt of making obscene amounts of money but I realized my folly for it was not in God's plan to make me rich overnight. My ego would have turned me into a monster, I would have squandered my gifts and possibly my fortune. I realized that this materialistic thinking stemmed from my upbringing, for I was often in lack, always needed something concrete to say I have made it.
But now, I know better. There are more important things in life to chase - a happy family, love, friendship and learning more about myself.
I have no regrets, just an empty bank account and a blank slate to begin on.
Nobody said it was easy, I thought it was. And I was proven wrong.
No, I won't give up trading but I would probably think twice, no, thrice before embarking on it again to make my living. I would rather spend my next few years gaining more knowledge, accumulating more wealth, spending my time more meaningfully, doing His work. I should not be hankering for more money, more material comforts for even if one has achieved that, what else is worth living for.
Several interesting prospects lie ahead, we will have to navigate carefully next.
And hence, the job hunt begins.
I am thankful for the great lessons I have learnt: having my ego crushed, having the opportunity to do something I had really wanted to do (and discovering I really am not that good at it), having the courage to step onto the road less traveled (and courage to say I was mistaken), having the knowledge that I have someone who truly cares and will support me in whatever I do (a very important lesson).
I dreamt of making obscene amounts of money but I realized my folly for it was not in God's plan to make me rich overnight. My ego would have turned me into a monster, I would have squandered my gifts and possibly my fortune. I realized that this materialistic thinking stemmed from my upbringing, for I was often in lack, always needed something concrete to say I have made it.
But now, I know better. There are more important things in life to chase - a happy family, love, friendship and learning more about myself.
I have no regrets, just an empty bank account and a blank slate to begin on.
Nobody said it was easy, I thought it was. And I was proven wrong.
No, I won't give up trading but I would probably think twice, no, thrice before embarking on it again to make my living. I would rather spend my next few years gaining more knowledge, accumulating more wealth, spending my time more meaningfully, doing His work. I should not be hankering for more money, more material comforts for even if one has achieved that, what else is worth living for.
Several interesting prospects lie ahead, we will have to navigate carefully next.
Sunday, April 29
The Child-Devourer
She stood at the corner of the restaurant. Her bright red skirt attracted my attention but it was more of her furtive glances at diners that piqued my curiosity. I thought she was part of the restaurant staff, since they were all in black but her red skirt was too out of place. Also, she seemed to be watching the little kids running around with an eagerness that belied any good intentions. I wondered why she was standing there, occasionally sitting down but mostly standing in her corner watching everyone with a slight smile.
Her belly was huge, in fact, she was grossly overweight. Could she be the floor manager but she moved too little to be considered one. What was she doing there? Perhaps she was a child-devourer, one that savored delicate flesh, the sweet smell of talcum powder and bones that crunched under one's bite. Like how one would enjoy the sweet flavors of an ortolan.
She moved along the fringes of the dining room, rarely approaching the adults but seemed to have a desire to reach out to the children. I ate my brunch, a simple plate of eggs benedict, and wondered how she would cook the little ones; stewed, fried or raw. It was an impossible task to stop staring at her bloated face and figure. Keen to return to the rest of my meal, I decided to stop staring and concentrate on the food in front of me.
A woman and her two children were seated next to my table. I had thought that the girls were her nieces because they communicated on such friendly terms. When the woman ordered a glass of wine, her charges exclaimed loudly that she could not get drunk, if not how would anyone get home? Ah, signs of alcoholism pervaded one's upbringing. I suspected that the girls would grow up to find such early morning imbibing to be normal behavior.
Nearing the end of their meal, the young ones had grown weary of the cupcakes sitting in front of them. The mother managed to catch some respite, slowly sipping her cabernet sauvignon and reading a romance novel. Her peace did not last long when the youngest ran back exclaiming loudly about something. I looked up to see the child-devourer holding onto the wiry arms of a caucasian boy, no doubt examining her lunch, smiling. She sat the boy down while the rest of the children in the vicinity surrounded them excitedly.
From her bag, she took out her tools. A metal box slightly larger than a novel and a wooden case. What were their parents thinking, letting a stranger touch their children? And then she whipped out a piece of foam and dabbed the caucasian boy's face with paint.
A face painter hired by the restaurant to entertain children while their parents used the opportunity to unwind on a Sunday afternoon. I should have known.
Her belly was huge, in fact, she was grossly overweight. Could she be the floor manager but she moved too little to be considered one. What was she doing there? Perhaps she was a child-devourer, one that savored delicate flesh, the sweet smell of talcum powder and bones that crunched under one's bite. Like how one would enjoy the sweet flavors of an ortolan.
She moved along the fringes of the dining room, rarely approaching the adults but seemed to have a desire to reach out to the children. I ate my brunch, a simple plate of eggs benedict, and wondered how she would cook the little ones; stewed, fried or raw. It was an impossible task to stop staring at her bloated face and figure. Keen to return to the rest of my meal, I decided to stop staring and concentrate on the food in front of me.
A woman and her two children were seated next to my table. I had thought that the girls were her nieces because they communicated on such friendly terms. When the woman ordered a glass of wine, her charges exclaimed loudly that she could not get drunk, if not how would anyone get home? Ah, signs of alcoholism pervaded one's upbringing. I suspected that the girls would grow up to find such early morning imbibing to be normal behavior.
Nearing the end of their meal, the young ones had grown weary of the cupcakes sitting in front of them. The mother managed to catch some respite, slowly sipping her cabernet sauvignon and reading a romance novel. Her peace did not last long when the youngest ran back exclaiming loudly about something. I looked up to see the child-devourer holding onto the wiry arms of a caucasian boy, no doubt examining her lunch, smiling. She sat the boy down while the rest of the children in the vicinity surrounded them excitedly.
From her bag, she took out her tools. A metal box slightly larger than a novel and a wooden case. What were their parents thinking, letting a stranger touch their children? And then she whipped out a piece of foam and dabbed the caucasian boy's face with paint.
A face painter hired by the restaurant to entertain children while their parents used the opportunity to unwind on a Sunday afternoon. I should have known.
End of the Road
Sad to say but I believe I have reached the end of the road when my projected timeline and savings seem to disagree with each other. Have yet to find a viable way to make ends meet and perhaps it is time for me to bid adieu to this dream. One where I went in with wishful thinking and leaving with lots of lessons learnt. Most importantly, I have learnt a whole lot more about myself, losing that arrogant swagger and gaining humbleness (more like getting beaten into submission).
Nevertheless, the past nine months have been a journey, perhaps I was too optimistic about my capabilities and now, I have to look ahead and see which doors are open.
Nevertheless, the past nine months have been a journey, perhaps I was too optimistic about my capabilities and now, I have to look ahead and see which doors are open.
Friday, April 20
Another Round
End of another in camp training. After 6 years I'm definitely more comfortable with my roles and responsibilities. Each time it's a test of my leadership capabilities and I think I did my best time round. There were many issues that led to a depletion of my specs and men's morale but they saw with their own eyes how higher command treats me when I tried to voice out something to protect them. To higher command they may think that I'm naive but to me, if I do not fight for them, who would? I gained more respect and everyone knows I'm on their side. I know I did the right thing and will stand by my actions, disregarding the negative actions by other people. Last night, on our last beer session, I could sense how everyone would stand by me, all the way down to the men and I'm heartened. Nevertheless, I have more room for improvement and will do what I believe is right.
Sunday, April 1
Streaming
Bowls of consciousness.
Talking birds. Ladders, moving. Bright colors.
Holding onto you tightly. Never wanting to let you go.
Pain. Spasms. Blackness.
Roundabouts. Trying to find solace in the Holy word.
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe. Maybe not.
Don't know when it would all end. Why?
Self-doubt. Self-doubt. And then bad decisions.
Handling greed and fear.
Mostly fear.
Wishing for a clearer path.
I'm still thankful, no less.
Talking birds. Ladders, moving. Bright colors.
Holding onto you tightly. Never wanting to let you go.
Pain. Spasms. Blackness.
Roundabouts. Trying to find solace in the Holy word.
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe. Maybe not.
Don't know when it would all end. Why?
Self-doubt. Self-doubt. And then bad decisions.
Handling greed and fear.
Mostly fear.
Wishing for a clearer path.
I'm still thankful, no less.
Thursday, March 22
Sheen
Slowly improving each day but still making mistakes. Overcame a big hurdle in life, things aren't easier but at least they ain't so bleak. Finding some sort of a divine guidance to trade less directionally as my mental make up just seems susceptible to picking the wrong side of where ever the market moves next. Some plans to increase profitability but not yet, focusing on consistency now.
Also I finally purchased an iPhone. Catching up with the masses!
Sunday, March 4
Trepidation
Perhaps fear rears it ugly head too often around this neighborhood these days. Self-doubt, a constant companion. Takes a lot of effort just to will them away, to focus on the task at hand.
Truth be told, this path hasn't been easy. I'm a stubborn man, takes a lot to stop me and I plod on, head down, weathering the pain.
It shouldn't be so hard, but if I wasn't broken down into pieces, I would never ask for help.
Things are beyond me sometimes, I cannot hope and wish for too much, living in unfulfilled dreams that only result in disappointments. I am trying to change, learning how to cope.
Each step a step in trepidation, lest I fall again. I need to regain my confidence, be the bright-eyed boy I once was - not a broken reject that lives in fear.
Of course, one takes inspiration from a myriad of sources, no less that of Jeremy Lin's meteoric rise in the NBA. NYT (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/25/sports/basketball/the-evolution-of-jeremy-lin-as-a-point-guard.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all) has an article on how he made it through with "perseverance, hard work and self-belief". What I do is very much like a sport - putting in the hours, practicing, working on the same ol' drills, discipline and preparing for the perfect moment.
I move forward again tomorrow, not the final test but a good gauge. Goggles down, gears engaged.
Truth be told, this path hasn't been easy. I'm a stubborn man, takes a lot to stop me and I plod on, head down, weathering the pain.
It shouldn't be so hard, but if I wasn't broken down into pieces, I would never ask for help.
Things are beyond me sometimes, I cannot hope and wish for too much, living in unfulfilled dreams that only result in disappointments. I am trying to change, learning how to cope.
Each step a step in trepidation, lest I fall again. I need to regain my confidence, be the bright-eyed boy I once was - not a broken reject that lives in fear.
Of course, one takes inspiration from a myriad of sources, no less that of Jeremy Lin's meteoric rise in the NBA. NYT (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/25/sports/basketball/the-evolution-of-jeremy-lin-as-a-point-guard.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all) has an article on how he made it through with "perseverance, hard work and self-belief". What I do is very much like a sport - putting in the hours, practicing, working on the same ol' drills, discipline and preparing for the perfect moment.
I move forward again tomorrow, not the final test but a good gauge. Goggles down, gears engaged.
Wednesday, February 22
On The Brink
Seven long months out in the woods. Scars.
Self-doubt, questions. Ponders. Sparks gone.
Worst-case scenario approaching deadline, what's next?
Alternative career options dry. Racking up loss after loss here.
The road less travelled. Learnt a lot about myself. Small steady changes along the way, supportive people around me. Reading about the greats who have moved along similar paths, timeline way too short to call it quits.
Could I still carry on?
Self-doubt, questions. Ponders. Sparks gone.
Worst-case scenario approaching deadline, what's next?
Alternative career options dry. Racking up loss after loss here.
The road less travelled. Learnt a lot about myself. Small steady changes along the way, supportive people around me. Reading about the greats who have moved along similar paths, timeline way too short to call it quits.
Could I still carry on?
Thursday, February 9
In The Darkest Hour
In the darkest hour of the longest night
If it was in my power I'd step into the light
Candles on the altar, penny in your shoe
Walk upon the water - transcendental blues
Happy ever after 'til the day you die
Careful what you wish for, you don't know 'til you try
Hands are in your pockets, starin' at your shoes
Wishin' you could stop it - transcendental blues
If I had it my way, everything would change
Out here on this highway the rules are still the same
Back roads never carry you where you want 'em to
They leave you standin' there with them ol' transcendental blues
- Steve Earle, Transcendental Blues
Sunday, January 29
Just A Little More of Nothing
Guess I have been placing too much pressure on myself, choosing to define me as a person through my work.
Obviously, I have not been making much progress in terms of the bottom line but I have done a lot more independent research, walked down a couple more paths, which end up being windier, longer and full of obstacles. Well, more than I had expected anyway.
Haven't had time to update, working 12-15 hours every single day is a quick road to ruin. The environment itself is supportive but somehow, I still feel that something is lacking. I don't know what, maybe a shining beacon of guidance, a helping hand.
Almost on the verge of giving up, then I snap back, trudge more, gain additional load on my shoulders, lose more, crush my psychological capital, thinking of giving up, snap back and continue moving a step at a time.
It is the insane who repeat performing the same task relentlessly hoping for a change in results.
Obviously, I have not been making much progress in terms of the bottom line but I have done a lot more independent research, walked down a couple more paths, which end up being windier, longer and full of obstacles. Well, more than I had expected anyway.
Haven't had time to update, working 12-15 hours every single day is a quick road to ruin. The environment itself is supportive but somehow, I still feel that something is lacking. I don't know what, maybe a shining beacon of guidance, a helping hand.
Almost on the verge of giving up, then I snap back, trudge more, gain additional load on my shoulders, lose more, crush my psychological capital, thinking of giving up, snap back and continue moving a step at a time.
It is the insane who repeat performing the same task relentlessly hoping for a change in results.
Thursday, January 12
Happy 01:12:12 01/12/12
Happy birthday to me. 28th.
Just crossed the halfway mark of my grand 5-year scheme.
Along the right track but nothing much to show for yet.
The other day the best friend and I had a conversation, he noticed the expensive watches donning the wrists of our friends. Simply, both of us while motivated have yet to reap rewards yet.
I am not ashamed of being poor, at least I have nothing to lose!
Just crossed the halfway mark of my grand 5-year scheme.
Along the right track but nothing much to show for yet.
The other day the best friend and I had a conversation, he noticed the expensive watches donning the wrists of our friends. Simply, both of us while motivated have yet to reap rewards yet.
I am not ashamed of being poor, at least I have nothing to lose!
Wednesday, January 4
Tomorrow, Another One Enters The Harrowed Corridors
Another one of our beloved brothers, YK, will be going through another ritual in adulthood by getting married to his sweetheart, Ros, of seven years. Here's wishing the new couple a blessed marriage and may their new life together be one full of joy and laughter. It would be a full day of raucous, sweat and adrenaline rushes.
In the run up to the final toast, I am looking at a 24-hour period of non-sleep (due to work and wedding rush beginning at 0430h). Quite a painful process, if you ask me. Not sure how many cups of coffee and Red Bull will be needed.
When I get married, it's gonna be held off a beautiful tropical island, with my guests flown in and non of that typical door-banging, convoy-ferrying rites that everyone else has. Having participated in more than thirty weddings (shoots, brothers'), I am seriously developing a phobia of all the extra bells and whistles that come along.
In the run up to the final toast, I am looking at a 24-hour period of non-sleep (due to work and wedding rush beginning at 0430h). Quite a painful process, if you ask me. Not sure how many cups of coffee and Red Bull will be needed.
When I get married, it's gonna be held off a beautiful tropical island, with my guests flown in and non of that typical door-banging, convoy-ferrying rites that everyone else has. Having participated in more than thirty weddings (shoots, brothers'), I am seriously developing a phobia of all the extra bells and whistles that come along.
Sunday, January 1
So Long 2011, Hello 2012
Year passed within the blink of an eye. Lots of ups and downs this year. Earthquakes around the world, floods, typhoons and revolutions across the Arab states. Sounds like a year filled with turmoil but light is always at the end of the tunnel.
Managed to get out of the job rut that haunted me for most of 2010, only to meet a roadblock and then a new lease of life. Crossed a major research milestone and will be deploying some strategies that I have spent two years developing in the new year. Fingers crossed for that one.
Just came back from a one-week trip in Laos, where I mainly lounged around drinking Beer Lao and looking at the amazing scenery there. Happy happy times. Would like more of this - great company, of course.
Health-wise, didn't really fall sick but the episode with my slipped discs did bring lots of worries, need to take more care of myself.
Looking forward to 2012, exciting year ahead. 2011 was a watershed year where pivotal events may turn my life around. 2012 will see a continuation in momentum, hopefully in the right direction. I was correct in sensing the breakout from a rangebound year previously and in this new year, I sense that things will be working out (finally), I just need to keep myself focused on the right track in various aspects of my life and not neglect the most important things - health and relationships.
Here are some 2012 resolutions (hardly kept mine for 2011 but doesn't mean I can't try again):
1. Work hard on tweaking my strategies and become consistently profitable
2. Spend more time with important people in my life, now that I am working the European/US shift
3. Exercise more! (Been putting on some weight)
4. Stay healthy and keep an eye on my energy levels, sleep more too
5. Stay positive, regardless of what life throws at me
6. Spend time each week on reading something beyond my work scope and spend quiet time away from technology to think
7. Spend more time working on creative projects
Here's wishing all of you a mind-bending awesome year ahead!
Managed to get out of the job rut that haunted me for most of 2010, only to meet a roadblock and then a new lease of life. Crossed a major research milestone and will be deploying some strategies that I have spent two years developing in the new year. Fingers crossed for that one.
Just came back from a one-week trip in Laos, where I mainly lounged around drinking Beer Lao and looking at the amazing scenery there. Happy happy times. Would like more of this - great company, of course.
Health-wise, didn't really fall sick but the episode with my slipped discs did bring lots of worries, need to take more care of myself.
Looking forward to 2012, exciting year ahead. 2011 was a watershed year where pivotal events may turn my life around. 2012 will see a continuation in momentum, hopefully in the right direction. I was correct in sensing the breakout from a rangebound year previously and in this new year, I sense that things will be working out (finally), I just need to keep myself focused on the right track in various aspects of my life and not neglect the most important things - health and relationships.
Here are some 2012 resolutions (hardly kept mine for 2011 but doesn't mean I can't try again):
1. Work hard on tweaking my strategies and become consistently profitable
2. Spend more time with important people in my life, now that I am working the European/US shift
3. Exercise more! (Been putting on some weight)
4. Stay healthy and keep an eye on my energy levels, sleep more too
5. Stay positive, regardless of what life throws at me
6. Spend time each week on reading something beyond my work scope and spend quiet time away from technology to think
7. Spend more time working on creative projects
Here's wishing all of you a mind-bending awesome year ahead!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)