Struggle

Obviously, chasing the only path that I have set in my mind will lead to disappointment if things don't appear smooth and easy. Living (or trying to live) up to my expectations has been more detrimental than anything else. Yes, I want so hard to achieve my goals but at what price?

Time is running out. And yet, I try to eke out some form of optimism everyday.

I need to stop worrying and start living.

What else could I do if I gave up now? I have no answer.

Not to forget all the hopes that others have placed on my shoulders. (Good and bad, this.)

I have went three steps forward and ten steps back. I need to keep a cool head. Stay above what the screaming emotions want me to do and plod on.

Step by step.

Slowly. Slowly.

Really, I have no one that I need to impress. Just need to keep working.

Ironically, someone called me on Friday morning when I was in early for the day (15-hr work day). He had an opening for some place with something that was totally out of my comfort zone (one year apprenticeship)  but obviously, I had a promise to keep to; one that I have to try my hardest to fulfill.

Just saw on LinkedIn how many of my peers have transited into their senior associates roles while I'm still mucking around in the mud, hoping to forge something different. I do hope this path of reckoning is worth it.

Losing Streak

Haven't had such a long, protracted losing streak in a long time (or ever). It's tough, I'm really struggling, trying to get things right but I just cannot get myself into the winning mood. Need time to clear my head, need concrete steps to do. Starting to get trigger shy, risk adverse and that was never my style.

This seriously blows.

But I'm thankful still.

Thankful for my support network. Boss, colleagues.

And not to forget the most important person in my life now.

Life ain't that bad sometimes.

Just gotta grind it out.

It's not me but everyone else is suffering.