Hanging around the younger boys finishing the last few months of their service made me realized how much more matured I have grown since I left the force five years ago. The things they were concerned with; their actions, thoughts and speech were reminiscent of a time long buried in my memory. While lying (in typical sweltering March weather) on the bed in the bunk, memories of old assailed me, things we used to do, things that I looked forward to each weekend. Alas, those "care-free" days are long gone.
Nostalgia can be such a powerful emotion.
So many things have changed: the kids get new uniforms, cooler looking gear, ride awesome machines and have a shorter conscription period to serve, yet the core remains the same. The complex remains as how it was years ago, the regulars who were my former superiors have progressed further up the career.
When I talk to the boys, I know that I have finally entered another phase in my life. How strange that I could never have foreseen this before I left so many months ago. Life is really unpredictable in that manner sometimes.
Oh and it's a good break for me. Wearing green absolves one from bad grammar, rudeness and having no brains.
Friday, February 26
Sunday, February 21
Before I Go
Oh just remembered my dream from the previous night.
It involved time travel, red portals opening outside the frame, secrets whispered, plot twists, treachery and some gadgets.
Perhaps I'll dream of the sequel tonight. Gonna be sleepless in a strange bed same time tomorrow.
It involved time travel, red portals opening outside the frame, secrets whispered, plot twists, treachery and some gadgets.
Perhaps I'll dream of the sequel tonight. Gonna be sleepless in a strange bed same time tomorrow.
Back in Green
Seems like I keep having to go back to the forsaken region in the west. Was kinda feeling chirpy about it on Friday, you know, like I finally get a break from work and all. But as old habits die hard, I get into this state of disarray the night before the impending return. So funny how the human brain functions and seeks to return to the most familiar baseline.
I think I'm just going to miss the markets and my internet connection this time round, although the time off is good for me to do some thinking and reading at night (seriously hope that people will ignore me). I have quite an important personal goal to achieve this time round, that is to get the first step of my ehrm...side venture going. This will be the final drafting of the plan after research and will determine the next step of development and implementation. Most importantly, it's a step that around 70-80% of plebeians ignore, so that already puts me way ahead on the curve.
That aside, the thing is that camp really holds some intensive memories for me. I remember the early days when we just got there for training...it was filled with so much heartache, the need to get out was just overwhelming. Then the days in the unit got a little better, bonding with the men, preparing for our eventual release. Looking back, I still that it was a horrible time; not totally sure of the benefits I derived from the time spent there though.
Years later, I'm going back for reservist training annually and I'm going for a three-week course now. I don't have my 'family' to fall back on now, no familiar faces, just places that hold some distant memories and foul-mouthed old men with bad mustaches. Maybe I will call on some old friends who are still in the force for coffee...but really, thinking about it, the regimentation part of it irks me as much now as it was years ago. (Just had an awful haircut this morning, sewed on all the badges and name tags on my uniforms earlier in the week)
Eventually, we come to a conclusion that the person underneath all remains the same, despite all the changes going around...and I realized that I haven't felt so apprehensive in a really long time. But I'm obviously more optimistic this time round, after all, it's only three weeks and I get a free all-expense paid trip. On top of that, I get my salary plus army allowance and a chance to ride a really cool machine in the last week. I hope that the weather cools down slightly though, it's so freaking hot lately.
I think I'm just going to miss the markets and my internet connection this time round, although the time off is good for me to do some thinking and reading at night (seriously hope that people will ignore me). I have quite an important personal goal to achieve this time round, that is to get the first step of my ehrm...side venture going. This will be the final drafting of the plan after research and will determine the next step of development and implementation. Most importantly, it's a step that around 70-80% of plebeians ignore, so that already puts me way ahead on the curve.
That aside, the thing is that camp really holds some intensive memories for me. I remember the early days when we just got there for training...it was filled with so much heartache, the need to get out was just overwhelming. Then the days in the unit got a little better, bonding with the men, preparing for our eventual release. Looking back, I still that it was a horrible time; not totally sure of the benefits I derived from the time spent there though.
Years later, I'm going back for reservist training annually and I'm going for a three-week course now. I don't have my 'family' to fall back on now, no familiar faces, just places that hold some distant memories and foul-mouthed old men with bad mustaches. Maybe I will call on some old friends who are still in the force for coffee...but really, thinking about it, the regimentation part of it irks me as much now as it was years ago. (Just had an awful haircut this morning, sewed on all the badges and name tags on my uniforms earlier in the week)
Eventually, we come to a conclusion that the person underneath all remains the same, despite all the changes going around...and I realized that I haven't felt so apprehensive in a really long time. But I'm obviously more optimistic this time round, after all, it's only three weeks and I get a free all-expense paid trip. On top of that, I get my salary plus army allowance and a chance to ride a really cool machine in the last week. I hope that the weather cools down slightly though, it's so freaking hot lately.
Sunday, February 14
e.e. cummings - somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
Saturday, February 13
Spring Cleaning
I'm a horrendous pack-rat. I keep too much stuff around and every year, it's a struggle to decide what to throw or to keep. I usually end up doing the latter. How funny we attach sentiments to seemingly useless things that just end up collecting dust. I picked up an old t-shirt and the brain is filled with memories of the times I wore it, so I keep it back in the wardrobe. I also have folders of my education going back to primary school, the achievements back then and also a folder for my army stuff. It's not like I'm disorganized, I just have too much to keep.
Also, the habit of writing down my thoughts everywhere brings about some surprises as one gets older. Found an old notebook that acted like a diary for those teenage years...it's kinda bittersweet to read them and comment on the childishness of thoughts, yet spotting the places where I turned down the wrong path one too many times. Can't believe it's a decade since I wrote those words, the dreams of a boy were so different. Of course, the things I write in my little notebooks through the years are of very private matters that I don't share here. Although I think that if I ever become famous one day, all these would provide very good fodder material.
Looking at old photographs made me realized that I must have put on at least 10 kg in the past decade, most of it in the past five years. I think it's about time to start thinking how I can get my fitness back in shape. Losing half of it wouldn't be that bad.
People really do come and go in your life. Smiling faces in faded photographs, words written on the back of postcards, thoughts shared and bared. Sometimes, I wonder about the meaning of it all. Perhaps each person inevitably shapes and moulds you into a future version of you.
* * * * *
Feeling a little nostalgic today, perhaps stemming from drinks w the junior college gang (ok, just the best friend and k) and the reading of my life during the big A's. Time didn't really just fly by but ten years is a really long time, if you think about it. Perhaps it's relative to the amount of time that you've actually been on this plane, ten years when you're fifty would not feel the same as when you're twenty. I'm glad for the few constant people in my life, despite not seeing them as often as we can.
But reading older thoughts made me realized the stifling and controlling personality that I possess. It's definitely hard to live with someone like me, you'd either need to possess a lot of patience or be slightly demented (crazy in love doesn't cut it, hormones wear out too quickly).
Writing is such a cathartic release...it's the only form of creative expression I do these days because it's so much easier and doesn't require too much energy.
I wonder if people noticed that lately I've been less morose and more optimistic about the future?
Also, the habit of writing down my thoughts everywhere brings about some surprises as one gets older. Found an old notebook that acted like a diary for those teenage years...it's kinda bittersweet to read them and comment on the childishness of thoughts, yet spotting the places where I turned down the wrong path one too many times. Can't believe it's a decade since I wrote those words, the dreams of a boy were so different. Of course, the things I write in my little notebooks through the years are of very private matters that I don't share here. Although I think that if I ever become famous one day, all these would provide very good fodder material.
Looking at old photographs made me realized that I must have put on at least 10 kg in the past decade, most of it in the past five years. I think it's about time to start thinking how I can get my fitness back in shape. Losing half of it wouldn't be that bad.
People really do come and go in your life. Smiling faces in faded photographs, words written on the back of postcards, thoughts shared and bared. Sometimes, I wonder about the meaning of it all. Perhaps each person inevitably shapes and moulds you into a future version of you.
* * * * *
Feeling a little nostalgic today, perhaps stemming from drinks w the junior college gang (ok, just the best friend and k) and the reading of my life during the big A's. Time didn't really just fly by but ten years is a really long time, if you think about it. Perhaps it's relative to the amount of time that you've actually been on this plane, ten years when you're fifty would not feel the same as when you're twenty. I'm glad for the few constant people in my life, despite not seeing them as often as we can.
But reading older thoughts made me realized the stifling and controlling personality that I possess. It's definitely hard to live with someone like me, you'd either need to possess a lot of patience or be slightly demented (crazy in love doesn't cut it, hormones wear out too quickly).
Writing is such a cathartic release...it's the only form of creative expression I do these days because it's so much easier and doesn't require too much energy.
I wonder if people noticed that lately I've been less morose and more optimistic about the future?
Sunday, February 7
Sixth
As most of you know, I hardly question the validity of the countless memories and half-truths kept within my cranium. While perusing a random website, I read a post of real-life polydactyls - people with supernumerary fingers or toes.
A flashback occurred where I remember a little girl at the kindergarten who had six fingers. My memories are hazy but I remember being curious about the extra digit and wondered what she did with it. It seemed it couldn't really move and it was just extraneous.
The last memory I had was the day when she had her little pinkie stuck in the corner of the door or some similar place. There was such a huge impact when someone slammed the door that her digit got completely torn off. I remember screams, crying and lots of adults rushing around her. I think I just stood there and watched the entire episode.
But then again, did this incident really happen?
I do remember strongly the time that I stuck my finger into a fan at grandma's place; thinking that I could stop the moving blades. The result was a torn finger nail and lots of tears. That incident I know for fact.
A flashback occurred where I remember a little girl at the kindergarten who had six fingers. My memories are hazy but I remember being curious about the extra digit and wondered what she did with it. It seemed it couldn't really move and it was just extraneous.
The last memory I had was the day when she had her little pinkie stuck in the corner of the door or some similar place. There was such a huge impact when someone slammed the door that her digit got completely torn off. I remember screams, crying and lots of adults rushing around her. I think I just stood there and watched the entire episode.
But then again, did this incident really happen?
I do remember strongly the time that I stuck my finger into a fan at grandma's place; thinking that I could stop the moving blades. The result was a torn finger nail and lots of tears. That incident I know for fact.
Tuesday, February 2
The Goal in Life
Think I'm watching too many episodes of House for my own good. But it's like 6 seasons and I'm only up to 4 since I started maybe 5 months ago?
The most memorable quote must be in season 4 episode 5, where he goes, "The goal in life is not to eliminate misery, it's to keep misery to the minimum."
Classic gold there.
And a friend reminded me about my way with words while I chatted/emailed/twiddled my thumbs at work today. I created a dichotic version of self by updating my status on gchat and msn as 'the ikea catalog life' and 'the terrible cynic' respectively.
Man, I miss the days when people actually spot things like that about me. Have we all degenerated into a bunch of office zombies?
(And yes, I've been quite free at work lately. Not that I'm complaining. But when things get busy, time flies like nothing.)
The most memorable quote must be in season 4 episode 5, where he goes, "The goal in life is not to eliminate misery, it's to keep misery to the minimum."
Classic gold there.
And a friend reminded me about my way with words while I chatted/emailed/twiddled my thumbs at work today. I created a dichotic version of self by updating my status on gchat and msn as 'the ikea catalog life' and 'the terrible cynic' respectively.
Man, I miss the days when people actually spot things like that about me. Have we all degenerated into a bunch of office zombies?
(And yes, I've been quite free at work lately. Not that I'm complaining. But when things get busy, time flies like nothing.)
Monday, February 1
A Superlative Year
It seems like one never really keeps track of horoscopes and its' predictions, so I'm gonna try something this year. Flipped through one of those ubiquitous books at the bookstore the other day and things appear to be extremely rosy for the Water Pig in the year of the Metal Tiger. I'm wondering how certain this prediction will be but since specifics are hard to pinpoint, I'm just going to lay out the basic points: a good year for finance, endeavors, love and work.
It won't be smooth-sailing (it's an extremely difficult year, which year isn't btw?) but some months will be so good for deal making that this would be one year that could change my entire life. While I take the predictions with a grain of salt, having a little optimism injected back in life may actually make things better. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
It won't be smooth-sailing (it's an extremely difficult year, which year isn't btw?) but some months will be so good for deal making that this would be one year that could change my entire life. While I take the predictions with a grain of salt, having a little optimism injected back in life may actually make things better. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
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