Running Ahead

Picked up a friend's copy of Milan Kundera's Slowness over lunch today. Read the first few pages and the first few paragraphs jumped at me. I don't have the exact quotation here but it went something along like this:

The narrator was driving a car and wondered why people always seemed to be in a rush behind their steering wheels. The explanation was that perhaps when we are driving, we can only look forward. People with the future in front of them are more anxious to get to where they want to be, especially when separated from their immediate surroundings. Whereas, a runner on the road is different. He is acutely aware of his own body, his breathing, cramps and blisters. He is living in the now and can only take one step at a time.

Hence in a few paragraphs, he deftly described the anxiousness human beings feel about the unseen future, hurtling towards it at too fast a pace. Maybe I will pick up the book once I'm done with the two new books.

Think I'm gonna crash soon. Wanted to chill out after my run and dinner. Ended up reading work-related news, blogged and interacted with others via social media. As I was telling the friend over lunch, I rather have the normalcy and smooth-sailing/boring days now than another tumultuous roller coaster ride of emotions.

I've finally got off my make-believe car and took my eyes off the road signs leading to the unknown future. Good or bad? Only time will tell and I'll worry about it when it comes.

The Family

Had to attend one of those dreaded wedding dinners where you didn't know anyone except for your parents and immediate extended family. The groom was a cousin whom nobody liked and his bride was...just plain ugly. The aunts were already gossiping about her so I'm not being mean. Some of the relatives, e.g. my granduncle's daughter's daughter, still remembered me as a boy of knee-height but seriously, what do you say to them?

Questions of what am I doing now, oh why didn't you consider working in a bank, I thought you were still in school and the list continues ad naseum wore me down so much. Some of the second cousins already had a brood of kids and really, I just wish that I never have to attend events like this alone next time.

An interesting observation was that most of them were entrepreneurs, owning a large variety of businesses, from import-export, distribution, construction etc... Little wonder why I embody some streaks of entrepreneurship. Of course my job now may not provide the prestige or stability of working in a bank/MNC but I know deep down inside that I'm here gaining whatever experience I can get. I'm still thankful for it.

However, there are gonna be major changes at work and the synergy we're having now will be gone in maybe another 3 to 4 months. Knowing about it made me worried about my precarious situation in the team. (Drinks with colleagues who can't hold their liquor confirmed many of my intuitive guesses.) Oh well. Office politics really do suck. I guess I have to work doubly hard to support the new head and cement my position. Time to dust off the cloak of political apathy and don on a shrewder appearance.