Out of Focus

It's been crazy, the last few months. I was rushing around like a headless chicken, with no clear aim in sight. Last term, though busy, I was tightly organized and things went smoothly like clockwork (save for some hiccups). This term, I missed lessons, suffered from insomnia and lost myself in the process.

Last week was the final break when I misplaced my beloved laptop. Less than 1.5 years in service, it worked out to a $200/month amortization rate. With it, I lost all my data (backed some up) and lots of important stuff. I still haven't gotten over it...the financial loss cannot amount to the emotional and practical reliance that I had built around it.

Realizing my folly, I am trying to get my life back into shape now. I have sort of decided to stop the series that I am working on, temporarily. My hubris and desire for instant success had robbed me blind of my goals in photography. From passion to a dark yearning for riches, I lost myself in the pursuit. Maybe now that I know this, I shall attempt to undo my wrongs. Exhibition work is due in May and perhaps I will continue the series I left hanging months ago.

When I have reconciled myself with the artistic side, I will then attempt to carry on the project I was working on. Trying to combine new technical skills (studio strobes) with a half-baked story resulted in pictures that looked good but lacked soul. Much a reflection of the person I have become...soulless.

Exams are round the corner and hopefully once I clear them, I find myself a simple part time job (need the cash for Eastern Europe) and continue on the true journey of photography.

It had to take an expensive loss to realize how much more I had lost in life - all because I was impatient and decided to run before learning to walk.

The Insomnia Anti-Hero

That's gonna be the title of a blog redesign due since last year.

And I still need to get my online portfolio going but I just feel that I haven't gotten any set of worthy pictures yet.

4 more weeks of endurance to go! Oh glorious summer holiday! I wonder what I will be doing then? Maybe get a rather well-paying part time job to provide for my trip or if lady luck shines on me, have a few full day shoots (make more than working at a desk).

Right now, I'm resorting to running at midnight to get my exercise plan going and hopefully let me sleep. =|

It's Been...

...a while since I roamed the streets at night with my tripod, cable release and my camera bag.

...sitting in my hard drive waiting for other companions to arrive. [Night series]

...a few days since I had a proper night's sleep.

...10 painful weeks in school and 5 more to go.

...one year since SH06 and I'm gonna be a TA this time round (regardless of school).

... 5 months in the making and only one photo to show (which I think could have been better). [Exhibition Series]

...boring and insipid; I need to rediscover my work.

Insomnia. Again and again.

I don't know what's wrong but I can't get to sleep.

It's not like I had stimulants late in the day or something.

Something's not right.

Quiver.

Insomnia Again

Sleep disruption.

Insomnia again.

I feel like a cup of chrysanthemum tea. Odd.

Long day ahead - school to attend, client to visit, talk to organize, dinner with friends.

It gets extremely frustrating to be lying in bed for 2.5 hours and suffering from an immense headache.

Time to "wake up" and head to school soon.