It's been weeks since I have seen stars in the night sky. The rains seem to have abated for now. Yet, we cannot guess what lies ahead, the next few days: would there be more rain or would the sun continue to shine?
Life is fraught with uncertainty. As I grow older, I feel more lost. Perhaps it is the overwhelming sense of responsibility or "grown-up-hood" that accompanies me as I age. What has happened to the dreams and hopes of the past? I remember the seemingly painful days of adolescence, when I was assailed by my own sense of insecurity and felt lost amongst my peers. How many share the same experience? People you meet day-to-day, how much do you know of them? Maybe they share the same fears as you do.
Looking at old photos from a year and a half back, before I began this university education, how certain was I that things would become the way there are today? How certain were you before you of reaching where you are now. Pictures capture smiling faces but was I happier then? Perhaps not, for a dark shadow lingers within.
How much of this pain within is real? How much of the happiness is real? There is no reason to remain down, for I won't be able to fight the battle lying on the ground. Life's a struggle but never give up. Death is nothing but an oblivion, even then I have doubts that the pain will end.
Tuesday, January 16
Monday, January 15
Hiccups!
*rant ahead*
The New Year hasn't been very kind to me so far. Grew one year older on Friday but I had a shoot in the morning. A lady stole my cab after she asked if I was waiting for one then the rain grew heavier, drenching my equipment and me. Felt totally hapless at that point and I really wanted to call off the shoot.
At least the job was an easy one. Discussed new possible jobs in the near future (and even a big one that may or may not come into fruition).
My poor powerbook has been acting up on me so I had to reinstall everything. Misplaced my OS X installer disc 2, so I thought I could use another friend's installer. Apparently a newer version gave my mac a kernel panic. Managed to borrow one and I have spent the past 3 hours just downloading stuff and running software updates. Sigh.
The coming week looks like it's gonna be really packed. I have quite a fair bit of backlog to clear and a mountain load of email to read. I've become so dependent on my computer that I felt totally lost at what to do without it.
At least I have a new client now. =) Let's hope the customer relationship lasts longer and mutually beneficial for both of us. Somehow, I find myself unable to retain a viably good cr.
The New Year hasn't been very kind to me so far. Grew one year older on Friday but I had a shoot in the morning. A lady stole my cab after she asked if I was waiting for one then the rain grew heavier, drenching my equipment and me. Felt totally hapless at that point and I really wanted to call off the shoot.
At least the job was an easy one. Discussed new possible jobs in the near future (and even a big one that may or may not come into fruition).
My poor powerbook has been acting up on me so I had to reinstall everything. Misplaced my OS X installer disc 2, so I thought I could use another friend's installer. Apparently a newer version gave my mac a kernel panic. Managed to borrow one and I have spent the past 3 hours just downloading stuff and running software updates. Sigh.
The coming week looks like it's gonna be really packed. I have quite a fair bit of backlog to clear and a mountain load of email to read. I've become so dependent on my computer that I felt totally lost at what to do without it.
At least I have a new client now. =) Let's hope the customer relationship lasts longer and mutually beneficial for both of us. Somehow, I find myself unable to retain a viably good cr.
Saturday, January 6
Nostalgia
Woke up from a dream of my old place, which brought back many memories. In the dream, I was walking down the corridor at night, something I had feared when I was a little boy. There was always something waiting to scare me at each turn.
Lying in bed, memories came rushing back. I remembered the girl who used to live downstairs and how socially inadequate I was back then. There was an embarrassing situation once when she asked me at point-blank why I was avoiding her. Haha, it was just that I was terribly shy and did not want to be stuck in the lift together. I have forgotten how she looks like and her name. But it must have been the first crush I had in my life. =P I still kick myself now, thinking how I should have picked up the courage and spoke to her. Haha, teenage!
It's been 6 years since my family moved away. Just a few nights ago, while out with my secondary school gang, we passed by my old place. My friends still live in the same area but I have, sadly, moved so far away that I have drifted apart. Still, it was nice to see the places where I grew up, especially my primary school. Maybe next time I will move back there. The roots have grown too deep, the emotional ties undeliable.
Lying in bed, memories came rushing back. I remembered the girl who used to live downstairs and how socially inadequate I was back then. There was an embarrassing situation once when she asked me at point-blank why I was avoiding her. Haha, it was just that I was terribly shy and did not want to be stuck in the lift together. I have forgotten how she looks like and her name. But it must have been the first crush I had in my life. =P I still kick myself now, thinking how I should have picked up the courage and spoke to her. Haha, teenage!
It's been 6 years since my family moved away. Just a few nights ago, while out with my secondary school gang, we passed by my old place. My friends still live in the same area but I have, sadly, moved so far away that I have drifted apart. Still, it was nice to see the places where I grew up, especially my primary school. Maybe next time I will move back there. The roots have grown too deep, the emotional ties undeliable.
Friday, January 5
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