Saturday, September 30
Thursday, September 28
Warily Waiting For Respite
Firefox crashed and ate up my previous post.
I was talking about a friend's take on life and philosophy and how it differed so much from mine. Unlike him, I want to constantly push myself further, to reach greater heights. And with it, comes a price that I have to pay. I compromise on many other things in life and there is no way a person can have his cake and eat it too.
Today's horoscope tells me to take a break from this self-imposed hectic schedule that I have been keeping. It's funny how something like that really ties itself to a person's life. And I'm left wondering why I behave the way I do.
While I may not be doing what other people my age should be (actually, what should a typical person be doing?), I certainly do give up all these privileges of youth. Then again, in exchange, I receive many lessons in life that just forces me to grow much older.
Whenever I am plagued with work, I complain about how I have so little time to do this and that, yet I am fully aware that it's my inability to say no that got me into this sorry state. When there is no work, I succumb to some depressive phase and end up grovelling and feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps I am secretly enjoying myself by piling more work on.
Like a self-declared masochist, I hurt myself by performing too many roles in life. The key is to strike a balance and unfortunately, I have yet to find it. How does one even achieve something as delicate as that?
I was reminded of a mentor's words, "This is a lifestyle, not a hobby." And truly, I have been obsessed by what I am doing in terms of my photography, commercially or personally. Yet, it fills me with greater joy than my lessons in school, despite all the crap I receive from clients.
Would things be better one day? I do not know but that is how I push myself on each time, telling myself that everything will be better after this. It sounds suspiciously like a drug addict's words, don't they?
I was talking about a friend's take on life and philosophy and how it differed so much from mine. Unlike him, I want to constantly push myself further, to reach greater heights. And with it, comes a price that I have to pay. I compromise on many other things in life and there is no way a person can have his cake and eat it too.
Today's horoscope tells me to take a break from this self-imposed hectic schedule that I have been keeping. It's funny how something like that really ties itself to a person's life. And I'm left wondering why I behave the way I do.
While I may not be doing what other people my age should be (actually, what should a typical person be doing?), I certainly do give up all these privileges of youth. Then again, in exchange, I receive many lessons in life that just forces me to grow much older.
Whenever I am plagued with work, I complain about how I have so little time to do this and that, yet I am fully aware that it's my inability to say no that got me into this sorry state. When there is no work, I succumb to some depressive phase and end up grovelling and feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps I am secretly enjoying myself by piling more work on.
Like a self-declared masochist, I hurt myself by performing too many roles in life. The key is to strike a balance and unfortunately, I have yet to find it. How does one even achieve something as delicate as that?
I was reminded of a mentor's words, "This is a lifestyle, not a hobby." And truly, I have been obsessed by what I am doing in terms of my photography, commercially or personally. Yet, it fills me with greater joy than my lessons in school, despite all the crap I receive from clients.
Would things be better one day? I do not know but that is how I push myself on each time, telling myself that everything will be better after this. It sounds suspiciously like a drug addict's words, don't they?
Friday, September 22
Gripe on the Ineffectiveness of People in General
Running a few projects at one time now and I can make a safe conclusion that most people are really quite hopeless.
You have people who refuse to do work, people who complain that they are too busy (hey, look at me, bitch!), people who don't know what is going on, people who don't get back to you, people who have no idea what's going, people who need step-by-step instruction on what to do (I might as well do it myself), people who thinks that they can do everything.
Argh. And this is mostly true of people I work with in school. And also with the projects outside.
So what do they want? Someone to breathe down their necks all the time? I can't afford any time to do that...
Back in the military, at least we can still throw our ranks and threats around. In the business world, at least people are afraid of losing their job. But in school? Their grades matter more than yours, so they should be given priority to study first then see if there is time left over to do the thing. Hey, in that case, why bother saying that you can help out when you end up being a liability?
No more school shit next year. No more.
You have people who refuse to do work, people who complain that they are too busy (hey, look at me, bitch!), people who don't know what is going on, people who don't get back to you, people who have no idea what's going, people who need step-by-step instruction on what to do (I might as well do it myself), people who thinks that they can do everything.
Argh. And this is mostly true of people I work with in school. And also with the projects outside.
So what do they want? Someone to breathe down their necks all the time? I can't afford any time to do that...
Back in the military, at least we can still throw our ranks and threats around. In the business world, at least people are afraid of losing their job. But in school? Their grades matter more than yours, so they should be given priority to study first then see if there is time left over to do the thing. Hey, in that case, why bother saying that you can help out when you end up being a liability?
No more school shit next year. No more.
Monday, September 18
Rainy, Rainy Day
What is it about rainy days that I write so much about them?
Perhaps it's a reminder to me that there is a part of me that wants to sink into a perpetual sadness, just for the fun of it.
Nevertheless, I enjoy the solititude of a rainy day at home. A hot cup of tea and jazz playing in the background. Sounds a bit like a Murakami story, except that at the end of the song, everything is still normal and sane.
Because I got you under my skin
I'm just writing so that perhaps I will be reminded of this moment in the future. In spite of all the things that I am facing now, I hope for a better next time.
Hopefully.
Perhaps it's a reminder to me that there is a part of me that wants to sink into a perpetual sadness, just for the fun of it.
Nevertheless, I enjoy the solititude of a rainy day at home. A hot cup of tea and jazz playing in the background. Sounds a bit like a Murakami story, except that at the end of the song, everything is still normal and sane.
Because I got you under my skin
I'm just writing so that perhaps I will be reminded of this moment in the future. In spite of all the things that I am facing now, I hope for a better next time.
Hopefully.
Friday, September 15
Singapore Dreaming
Watched Singapore Dreaming in the theatres two nights ago (support local films!) and I felt that it was a good character driven show. Though Hokkien is used extensively, which means it can qualify as a foreign film, the scenes were nothing like Jack Neo's brusque scenes.
Though I can hardly say that there was poetry, there were definitely several few poignant moments that make you wonder. Why are Singaporeans acting the way they are? Why is the chase for all these material wealth the pursuits of many? And if they had no ability to make big bucks, the lure of 4D/Toto is always there.
Caught in between all these, I have been developing a somewhat different notion of who I want to be in the near future. I see the drones in school studying so hard so that they can get a cushy job with their 4.0 GPAS and the blank, empty people at my old workplace.
And then I ask myself, which way do I want to go now?
Maybe it is time that many of my peers ask themselves this question too.
Would you sacrifice your dreams for money or would you sacrifice money for your dreams?
(Then again, this is an oversimplified equation, with relationships, family and love taken out.)
Go to: http://www.singaporedreaming.com
Though I can hardly say that there was poetry, there were definitely several few poignant moments that make you wonder. Why are Singaporeans acting the way they are? Why is the chase for all these material wealth the pursuits of many? And if they had no ability to make big bucks, the lure of 4D/Toto is always there.
Caught in between all these, I have been developing a somewhat different notion of who I want to be in the near future. I see the drones in school studying so hard so that they can get a cushy job with their 4.0 GPAS and the blank, empty people at my old workplace.
And then I ask myself, which way do I want to go now?
Maybe it is time that many of my peers ask themselves this question too.
Would you sacrifice your dreams for money or would you sacrifice money for your dreams?
(Then again, this is an oversimplified equation, with relationships, family and love taken out.)
Go to: http://www.singaporedreaming.com
Wonderment
Just read the preview of Lecia's new digital M8 model. It seems to be unparalled in design and simplicity of use. I've always wanted to own a Leica (out in the market for a second-hand M6 with lens) but apparently, the new M8 costs about £2990 (body only).
Ha. I can only dream on.
I'm only rather concerned about the sensor quality and the images that come out. I hope they have managed to solve the problems of digital images looking plastic. Then I can probably own one in say ten years time (when the next M9 is released). Lol.
In other news, been busy working on my school work, total bane to my so-called "chill-out" week. Have got two shoots next weekend, more money = less time. Oh well. Better head back to my work.
Ha. I can only dream on.
I'm only rather concerned about the sensor quality and the images that come out. I hope they have managed to solve the problems of digital images looking plastic. Then I can probably own one in say ten years time (when the next M9 is released). Lol.
In other news, been busy working on my school work, total bane to my so-called "chill-out" week. Have got two shoots next weekend, more money = less time. Oh well. Better head back to my work.
Sunday, September 10
The Week When I Forgot to Breathe
The most horrible week just passed by.
Had a 3-day shoot from last Saturday to Monday. Did the DI whenever I could during the week, which meant that I didn't have much sleep.
Tuesday and Wednesday were the days I had lessons in school, followed by nights doing DI and trying to organized things for Arts Festival. Had to rush down to a friend's studio on Wednesday morning to send some files over to Paris.
I assisted a friend for a commercial shoot on Thursday, came back and wrapped up the DI.
Delivered the goods on Friday morning, rushed down to Bras Besah to check on the prints for Arts Fest, purchased all the materials needed, went back to bring my new club members out for a shoot, worked on Arts Fest installation till 1 am.
I hardly had time to breathe and people are still huffing about other stuff that I'm supposed to do. Crap. Give me a break, will ya? I need my sleep!
Had a 3-day shoot from last Saturday to Monday. Did the DI whenever I could during the week, which meant that I didn't have much sleep.
Tuesday and Wednesday were the days I had lessons in school, followed by nights doing DI and trying to organized things for Arts Festival. Had to rush down to a friend's studio on Wednesday morning to send some files over to Paris.
I assisted a friend for a commercial shoot on Thursday, came back and wrapped up the DI.
Delivered the goods on Friday morning, rushed down to Bras Besah to check on the prints for Arts Fest, purchased all the materials needed, went back to bring my new club members out for a shoot, worked on Arts Fest installation till 1 am.
I hardly had time to breathe and people are still huffing about other stuff that I'm supposed to do. Crap. Give me a break, will ya? I need my sleep!
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