can't stop scratching! stupid bites all over my body...horribly scarred and next week will be another round of out field = more mosquitoes/sandfly bites. why is it extremely itchy???

i hate spring cleaning. still got my wardrobe to sort out. i've got quite a lot of clothes to donate to salvation army.

stop the mad scratching! i'm obsessively compulsive...

Common spider encountered when bashing in Singapore. Soldiers would often find their helmets and faces covered by its web. 

It's spring cleaning time and I've been working at a snail's pace. I hate to clean my room and there's so much rubbish to clear! Contemplating on throwing my old lecture notes away but I'm such a pack rat. There are always some sentimental value to all the stuff I keep and it is so hard to just dump them. I have too many memorabilia accumulated over the years... This time round, I'm determined to start afresh and be more systematic in my upkeeping.

I'm a dust mote affected by brownian motion. Wee!!!

The only hightlights for my birthday this week were the shooting stars I saw, the bowl of instant udon I had when I came back from outfield and last night's small gathering.

I'm still totally depressed over the fact that my parents didn't care; I still remember attending a cousin's 21st birthday party when I was young, everyone smiling over the key-shaped cake and my mom telling me that when I'm 21, we'll all celebrate like this. Right now she isn't home, she hasn't been home since yesterday. And my dad just came back. It doens't work this way, families don't work this way. Sigh. Why do they still question my absence from home all the time? There's no reason to call this a home. It's only an empty shell.

On another note, my younger brother's gonna start work as a bell boy tomorrow. I wish him luck and many many tips. At least he wont stay home and rot away.

65 days and counting!

Saw two shooting stars half hour prior to twelve midnight on Wednesday. I made my birthday wishes and I hope they come true. It hurts to feel that your parents don't care about you anymore, even if you're 21 now.

It still hurts.

Though they share the same bed, they hardly talk. The kid's screaming in the hall, the telephone ringing and the tv blaring. But they remain still. She stares at the television, her head full of thoughts. He stares at the ceiling, his head void of thoughts.

It is in this strange hour that a deep gulf of sadness envelopes them all. The kid is alone and frightened. He finds no comfort. The birthday cake sits forgotten in the refrigerator. He cries harder. No one hears his sobs of anguish.

The phone stops ringing. She closes her eyes and lets the sounds carry her to somewhere peaceful. He gets out of the room, towards the hall and picks the kid up. Staring into the young one's eyes, he finds pieces of him and her inside. He wonders, if she had no interest in him at all; why, why let someone else suffer for her own deeds. This child, his child, will remain forever scarred. And he kisses the kid on the forehead. My dear son, forgive me.

He puts the boy down and walks out of the door, puffing on a cigarette. This house ain't got no love anymore. And he shuts the door behind him, the sounds within muffled and no longer reaching his ears.

It's a little flattering to find some of your words quoted on someone else's blog.

Spent most of my time today killing guards in Metal Gear Solid 3. I like the weapons. Next week, I'd be facing one whole week of out field. Bleh. At least time will pass quickly and get stars you wouldn't be able to see in the city. And then it'd be another 7 days lesser to the beginning of the end.

Last night, I had a memorable time. I wished times like these when you are enjoying yourself with someone else would last longer than they really are. A moment lost always make me feel so sad. (At least I found out my tiramisu tasted like what you would get at an authentic Italian restaurant. Haha!)

This is gonna be a sad birthday for me. My parents seem to have forgotten the significance of it all, at least I have someone close to my heart to celebrate it with. Other then that, happy 21st birthday to me. I'd be celebrating with the mosquitoes out in the jungle.

you could take a person out of sadness but not the sadness within him.

hmm. current mood. i'm sulky sulky.

at least i've got a creative outlet for the destructive thoughts.

anyway, today marks the end of my off, though i went back yesterday for some recce shit that didn't mean anything. at least we walked through this knoll that was overgrown with lallang. the swaying weeds would make a nice location for a cheapo mtv. but you would have to get permission from saf to film in live firing area though. haha.

tomorrow is back to camp for some lousy commanders' training. i'm so gonna be bored but at least the weekend is upon us. next week - platoon and coy (re)training. i'm spending my birthday outfield. welcome to adulthood, the right to vote and escape from parental control.

back to camp. ciao.

Been playing around in photoshop and I have just learnt new skills! I am so excited on the possible things I could create in the new future, can't wait for enough time to start working on some t-shirts though. And I also just created a line of characters that I believe will be my signature style. Stay tune for some uploads when I get time to sit in front of the computer the whole day. The excitment is bowling me over! Gotta make more sketches!

Now, if my computer can quit dying on me! I've got some designing to do..

After some frenzied typing on msn and catching up with my friends, I have decided to enter this short little thought.

It has come to a state of relationships that we are updated about each other's lives not so much through face-to-face meetings but readings of blogs and chatting via msn/icq/irc. Well, it's a different dimension and allows us to keep in touch, no matter the distance. Nevertheless, I do love the gatherings of my friends. Army, junior college and die-hard/not-yet-grown-up clique. And of course, I have lost contacts with many other friends and a pleasant meeting with them would be nice. Much socialising to do once I'm out. =)

New Year, New Resolutions.

Today, I managed to overcome inertia and headed to the gym after much procrasination. Went to the gym at SAFRA Yishun, paid ten bucks and I was really surprised at the facilities! Haha. For the amount I paid, I truly enjoyed the experience. I don't think I want to go back to Sports Council gyms anymore, even though it costs 4 times less. Counting down to ord and life after, which needs a lot of adjustment. No longer will I have a fixed income, meals and lodging paid for. And how best to make training an enjoyable experience by going to a nice gym? The last few months in camp, I've turned into a fat slob, working my ass off (sometimes) and using it as an excuse not to exercise. I do hope that after March, I will revert back to a healthier life style and visit the gym more often. Start a training program even!

Things to do this year (in chronological order):
1. Finish ATEC/Survive the last few months in army
2. Get a part time job relatively fast, bills to pay, life style to support
3. Learn something new - scuba diving etc
4. Do some charity work (the tsunami has changed some viewpoints)
5. Get back to school (gotta finally put my foot down and do the course I think is right for me)
6. Maintain some cash flow during school
7. Have a good year ahead

On hind sight, last year was rather manageable. Discovered a lot of things on management, self-motivation, leadership and love. Can't wait for more experiences this year! And may my muse visit me more often! My book and my art project have yet to be completed. =)