everybody has some.

everybody has some pains.

everybody has some hurts.

deep down inside, we are just children, hoping that tomorrow will be better.

hope. that's what drives us. that's what makes us go on.

everybody has some hopes.

the bubble will keep you safe till it bursts.

sweetness of our beings.

bitterness of our suffererings.

help.

that's what we all need.

fuck it. just fuck it.

fuck all these conflicts.

fuck all these pain.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Got a gift early this year from my boss. I'm on off till 3rd Jan. =) Worked really hard the whole week so I can enjoy my well-deserved break.

On Monday, we had our evaluation and I woke up early. In the afternoon, I went out field with boss to set up the admin area for Tuesday's Battle Course. And when I thought I could rest when I got back in the evening, we had to finish servicing the vehicles.

On Tuesday, set off at 6am after loading the stores. Spent the whole day out field supervising the adminstration matters. Went back, thought I could rest but had to supervise the washing of the vehicles that just went out. So I was totally drenched by the time we ended at 10:30pm.

On Wednesday, washed vehicles the whole day. Stopped at 6pm then we had the infamous weapons cleaning to slightly after midnight. Slept at 1am after a fantastic supper of instant noodles and canned lychees.

Today, couldnt wake up till about 8am. Went down worrying about the whole day's work and what time I'll go back tomorrow. Was surprised to be informed that I will be on off today and tomorrow. Been working so hard for this. Ah!!

So hard work does pay off. The rewards gained just seem so much sweeter. This is for all the weekends burnt, national day holiday burnt, being wet for whole day cos of vehicles...Sweet.

Happy holidays folks!!!

The human memory is pliable, manipulatable and hazy at its best resolution. Events glimpsed in an instant and dedicated a certain area in the brain would have been artificially coloured with details that might not have happened, that have happened but deviated a little or happened in its true exactness. And thus, history is subjective and eye witnesses may not provide the true picture to a certain event.

The lifespan of our memory is limited and many of our so-called childhood memories are best evoked when dealing with artifacts of the era - photographs, anecdotes, certain memorabilia like toys et cetra. Such objects induce in our brains a false memory of what happened, taking pieces from here and there, resulting in a frankencomposition of the memory of what had happened.

I myself, have pieced together certain memories of my "childhood": falling off the front seat of a moving car, watching my nanny baking love letters in the kitchen, crying at the front door as my father left for work, these and many more are all collected in my brain and define my life as a child. Although much of it have been fabricated, there are the indelible events that are left behind as scar tissues, events that are etched forever in the tomes of our mind, fuelling our anger, feeding our self-pity.

Memories are such precious things. I would fear the day that I lose mine.

recommended movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Last night, we had a little class gathering and we had a blast of a time at Brewerkz. And I bumped into my coach who treated all of us to a free jug. It was nice to see him after 2 years. He still looked the same but there was perhaps, a little melancholy seen deep within his eyes. And a hint of regret in his voice. I would never know what lies beneath the surface of the people around us. He told me not to waste my time and never pick up training; and joked that he would rather listen to me sing karaoke than train again. Haha. Still miss the old times I had with my team mates training.

My third uncle's gonna be a my place for the weekend and I'm trying to avoid him like a plague. He is a super nag who just refuses to get off my back for my decision to forego medicine. And he has recently gained a new arsenal - Christianity. Been preaching to my elder cousin since he came to my house. Argh. Gonna go out and hide...

i'm tired!

booked out so late. not much energy left to savour my weekend and i've got errands to run. bah.

wanna clear leave!!!

I know it does drive people crazy with my incessant countdowns but seriously, with the amount of shit my stupid battalion still has to face, it's the sweet end of it all that brings me up and urges me on to complete my duty. Can't let anyone down, most of all, my men. Weird to hear this but I've learnt a lot more about leadership then anything else (besides siaming from arrows matrix style). In the future, I would consolidate a little article, going into details all the things I have learnt. And maybe, just maybe I'll write a little book on it. Hahaha.

I know it's evil. When I stumble upon other people's blog documenting their woeful days in the army, I can't help but snigger. While I still have a few more months of shit left, I'm totally optimistic in the sense that the end is so near already. Haha. I believe that at the end of it all, I benefitted from the entire experience and emerged stronger, wiser and more appreciative of things. And I have a whole slew of managerial experience, met a whole gang of friends, know people from really screwed up backgrounds a.k.a my men and learn about life from different sources (present & ex oc, csm, the other ps's and my best pc/2ic). Perhaps, looking backwards, it's been kinda wild, depressive, elated, confused and long journey. So army's not that bad after all~ (dun flame me!)

3 more weeks to Christmas/block leave followed by 6 weeks to CNY/5-day weekend then 3 weeks to ATEC/one week outfield then 2 weeks + 2 days to ORD. Food is more digestible if cut into smaller chunks. Haha.

Alexander the movie by auteur Oliver Stone fails to dazzle. It hardly had any dramatic war scenes, save for a part where Alexander on Bucephelus had a showdown with the Indian raja on his elephant. Even that scene was marred by a tree that wasn't supposed to be there. The careless flashbacks as well as unclear story telling did not allow the viewer to immerse himself in the movie experience. There were countless unnecessary scenes that did not tell the story fully and if it was the director's intention to question Alexander's sexuality, the male kissing scenes were just not sensual enough. And the girls! Man, they were ugly. Haha. Save for Angelina Jolie, as Alexander's mystical Queen Mother, Olympias. Even so, the weird way of showing her emotions and concern with Alexander's conquest was not really dwelled into. Colin Farrell as Alexander was absolutely a bad choice. He did not represent the man who was believed to be a god by his followers. And the hair was a big mistake. Many key battles and events in Alexander's life were not shown and we were presented haphazardly representations of events that I believe bear secondary precedence.

Overall, I was disappointed with the messy battle scenes, the jerky timeline, an unbelievable Colin Farrell and three hours is just not long enough to encompass a great man's life, be it filled egomania or simply a grandeur to see the world.

Score: 2 1/2 dead flowers.

My taste in music has changed drastically and radio fare just can't make the cut now. Thanks to cw's late night sharing of his cds, I have developed quite a nascent and ecletic preference of which I do not know where to start. There's the bossa nova beat, the melacholic tunes and even sweeping symphonies. Shrugs. That's the problem with non mainstream music.

Last night, cw said it would be cool to take a photo of yourself every week. I calculated that by the time we were 50, we would have 1 min 30 sec worth of changing faces. It would be a cool filler to use for scene changes in a film. haha.

I still want to make my film, publish my book and have my own photo exhibition. And this army stint has not really helped because my muse has been suffocated by one too many smelly number fours.

Countdown: 108 days. Every week is a beautiful week. Haha. I love out field exercises because time passes faster and I'm spared arrows. Been recently appointed some crappy shit job, on par with the regulars, and I'm thinking, I really don't deserve this at all. Keith attended one of our o-group co-ord and he complained of all the arrows he was taking for his ps and I looked at him, raised my eyebrows and said, "You shouldn't be complaining about this to me." Which is true. I draw as much pay as he does. Shrugs. But I'm starting to not hate my job so much. Haha. The end draws near!!!

FDA votes against female sex drug

Testosterone patches for females to increase their libido at the expense of increased heart attacks and cancer for one more "satisfying sexual event" per four weeks?

I'm glad they disapproved of it. Just because males need Viagra to improve their sexual functions doesn't mean females need the same because it's a different market all together. One's a hormonal problem, the other a physiological problem. Marketers banking on the unethical or misaligned use of a so-called "aphrodisiac" should be kicked out of the door. I wouldn't want to see excess hair growing at the wrong places for our women folk after menopause! haha.

Had lunch with the O group today. 2 of the PCs treated us to an extremely filling meal over at Brewerkz. Ordered a sinfully huge burger that quickly expanded in my stomach after I downed my beers. Haha. Another place to hang out next time with my buddies. The ambience was quite cosy and beer was cheap, especially in the afternoon.

I am absolutely hooked on Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Haha. Wreaking havoc has never been so fun and safe!