Happy Halloween, dear readers.

Currently stuck in camp slacking away. Watched Sex is Zero in the morning and Infernal Affairs III after lunch. So far so good, hope this week is better than the one that just passed. Nowadays, everybody's got low morale due to the top management. Sigh.

Have been thinking of foraying into the realm of polaroid emulsion prints the last few weeks. Maybe I'll save up some cash to get a cheap medium format camera and a polaroid processor. I like the paintery effects that come up, they make great gift ideas. Haha. Not really satisfied with my digital camera because I feel that it lacks soul and even though I get to see my pictures instantly, I don't find myself questioning how I can take a particular subject in a different angle.

Shrugs. Hope my off on both Thursday and Friday is approved. Have some places I wanna visit for some shots and probably ask a few old friends out for coffee, you guys know who you are. =)

Friday, I watched Sky Captain and promptly fell asleep during the dinosaur chase. When I woke up, I watched the last five minutes and left the theatre wondering what happened. I liked the graphics though.

And I got conned into visiting yet another MLM chain. No doubt the people there all drive BMWs and the lesser ones drive some popular car but I have no interest whatsoever regarding schemes like this. Donald Trump said, "If you believe in your product, you can sell it anywhere!" And that's the mantra I've been adopting. MLM? No way man. It's only the attractive scheme that drives the greed within us, not the excellent products the company's salespeople tout.

Saturday, I watched Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood For Love. This time round, I did not fall asleep and enjoyed it. Love all the jazzy music playing in the background.

And my driving's finally gotten somewhere. My instructor told me, if I had driven like I had these past two days, I should have passed the other time. Haha. No more giving up man.

Come to think of it, I really did grow much this year, in terms of maturity et cetra and it all came not from successes but failures I have endured. So maybe it's not so bad to fail after all. The success after is so much sweeter.

Back to camp. Tomorrow I'm fetching a guy who has been in civil custody as long as it would take someone to finish NS. Another problematic kid to add to my platoon. And I'm the only NSF so far who has shown potential as a capable platoon sergeant! Argh, right when everyone else is starting to slack...One of the regulars told me the other day that I have the aptitude to be a regular but not the attitude. He even added that I do stuff better than many so-called regulars and he, sometimes, doesn't even want to compare to me cos he's afraid he might not measure up.

At least I'm flattered. Haha.

So far this week, it has been conflicts and more conflicts.

At work, I'm faced with the dilemma of letting go; of joining the majority and counting down our days or riding the moral high horse; being a strict disciplinarian and continue on performing my duties and responsiblities.

At home, I'm faced with a family disease that's ripping everyone apart.

It hurts.

Here are some photos I took yesterday. I sort of gave up after the first theme cos I ran out of creative juice. Found many places where photographs can be taken. Nevertheless, I had fun. Realised that I have got limited vision and not enough eye for details; thus, I shall be reading more of the masters' works and learning from them.









Not entirely satisfied at all. Oh well. More learning ahead!

I didn't win any prizes yesterday but not really disappointed. Found the themes hard to interpret; it wasn't easy coming up with an unique perspective or picture no a topic with 360 contestants brainstorming on the similar topic. Will be posting my pictures soon. Gonna rest first, mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Ord draws closer. Five months and 5 days left. Sweet...

Tomorrow I'm going for Canon's Photomarathon! Been waiting for it the whole week. So sleepy now though..gonna turn in soon to replenish my rest. Too tired after guard duty yesterday. Yawn.

The prizes for the competition are extremely alluring; especially for the overall champion. Man. Imagine: a Canon 20D (& lens), G5 IMac, 20GB IPod, Airport Express...Phew!!!

Not aiming to win anything but to experience something new tomorrow but if I do, I must be really lucky. =)

Noticed that many came here to look for pictures of dead flowers due to the previous title. Here's something for you lost visitors.



Enjoy.

On Wednesday, one of my men's grandmother passed away. Last night, under the cloak of darkness I slipped out of camp early to travel all the way east to attend the wake. I do hope her death does not make him neglect his work ethics because he is a good worker when under control and a nice friend to have during off-hours. Having taken the added responsibility of platoon sergeant has made my position more precarious than ever before. I tread a fine balance between being a superior and a friend/confidante to them. I am supposed to be aware of their problems and all but if I still need to maintain their basic discipline which if overdone, will lead them to isolate themselves from me and not communicate anymore.

It's hard man. When you have men that: are single parents, have families who owe loan shark money, are totally uncooperative, planning to downgrade and escaping all the training. Argh. It frustrates me more than anything else.

And my condolences to Chris and his family. Will try my best to help him settle his family problems.

I am home enjoying a little Saturday morning solitude. The air is crisp after the rain and Radiohead doesn't sound any better on days like this.

Choices for today:
1) Stay home (relax, game a little, tweak with my comp)
2) Go out with my camera and meet up with some old friends
3) Whatever comes along!

I think I'll stick with option 3. Am weedling myself out of the set-direction mindset. A dose of spontaneity makes life more interesting! (hmm..still have cw's 25 hours tempting me)

Days change to nights and when we awake, the world seems slightly different, the air fresher and people nicer. Maybe then, maybe then, we will embrace living. The darkness of the nights before end, tidal waves of being at peace course through your body. We will become better people someday; today, just today, let me be who I am and I'll be happy.

a toast to life

a moment of clarity in a time of bleakness

cheers to my misery

cheers to my family

cheers to me

I am looking at the aspects of perhaps a self-funded university education at the moment due to some fucked up parenting.

I am stewing and getting depressed.

I'm stuck:
1. i can immediately enter the workforce (a-levels is shit)
2. work and study at the same time to fund my studies (what can i do? how much do i need?)
3. should have signed on if i had foreseen this (too late, army too sucky)

I dunno. I need to dwell into the shadows again.

And stop screaming at the parental units if I see them again later.

Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be happy. Perhaps. I'll escape somehow.