Back..back from my vacation and to the drudgery of work all over again. It never feels any easier, this cycle. One would probably be numb to it by now but it is just so hard.

Finished Oryx and Crake. Thoroughly enjoyed it, wish it had been longer. Had a dream last night that was in tandem with the plot of the story. Maybe I would create my own tale out of my dream. I overuse 'maybe'. It most probably means 'maybe not'.

seems that i've been in sort of a suspended motion mode ever since i got into the army. the motors are languishing at an abnormally slow pace, i'm biding my time, waiting. the inevitable release will be so filled with suppressed emotions and energy, i foresee myself burning out like a dying star. then again, this stint has definitely taught me a lot of things. i look at my ex-classmates and most of them are enjoying themselves, doing nothing much. (thought: armour is shit.) but i learn and i grow. maybe i've become stronger and more matured (multi-vit & b complex has definitely lifted me from hopeless oblivion of depression). and i still laugh like a mad person~ at least i feel and know that i'm capable of running several positions at one time, though more often than not, i'm griping and griping. haha.

Sometimes, it feels like watching a slow replay of a goal. The players running in slo-mo, eyes asunder, defenders lost, predatory feet of the aggressor gaining momentum. The leap; the header; and the jubilance of the crowd as the ball sails into the goal. A split-second moment recorded and played back ten times slower. Of course, one team is exalted and the other crashes into discordance. Maybe army life is like that...slow, deliberate and when the final moment arrives, everyone screams with joy. Some will fall by the side, those who are still in the game, sad and hoping the moment was theirs to enjoy. You win some, you lose some. Heads up, dude.

Maybe it's time to do some clearing up of my personal workspace, my online presence, my room and my getting-to-be overstuffed book cabinet. Nine more months left to the emergence of another phase of life, gotta get things reorganised. Patience is no virtue here, the future awaits! (And laziness is an aptitude that doesn't go away!)

Had a short meeting with my chums from class last night. We did a lot of talking and it doesn't help that many have passed their driving. Anyhow, got mine pushed back to August cos I wont be out during the test date in July. Argh! 8:25am isn't really the ideal time to pass the test.

Must remember to take my Vitamin B if not I'm gonna spiral back to mean ol' me with a penchance for biting people's heads off. And scaring almost everybody with my shouting and stressed out bits.

My dad seems alright now. Has sworn off cigarettes and promised to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Promising and I hope it lasts.

Off to Melaka today. Will be back on Tues and off to camp I'll go. Less than 200 work days away! lol.

As you grow up, you realise, among many things, that parents are no longer the invincible super heroes you thought they were.

Dad does not shed off his work clothes at the end of the day to swoop you away from the threatening cane of the evil English teacher (with bad permed hair). Mom does not work around the clock, ensuring you are tucked in and safe from the creatures lurking under your bed. Dad smokes a hell lot, lost a lot of hair, has grown a pot belly and is hardly home. Mom works 8 to 6 everyday, rushes home, does some cooking and collapses in front of the tv, silent and sleeping in an hour. Years went by, you grow older, you realise more bad habits of theirs, you hope not to turn out like them, you even revile them for going against your wishes.

And then, a day will come when you will finally come to your senses, they are your parents. They are weak and frail human beings like yourself. Now, you are protected by the invincible cloak of youth but as the years pass, you will be just like them - a writhing mass of carbon and water; plodding through life; still searching for the truth.

You must not neglect your parents. You must not neglect your roots. They are, after all, the sower and the seed of your (pitiful) life. You don't know how lucky you are.

Promise you'll hug your parents today?

One week off from work! No encik, no bastardly-high-ranking ass (e.g. Bde Cmdr) ruining my day, no men to disturb me, no reveille that I cannot wake up from, no cookhouse food!
Haven't exactly planned anything concrete save for the class outing on Sat. Definitely not gonna waste it bumming at home. Maybe when I'm really, really bored will I go do a new layout and think of ways to make this site more palatable.

(My encik thinks that I'm always getting into trouble with authorities. Haha. Seems that my anti-establishment streak has been rearing its ugly head too often in the hierarchical scheme of things.)

I think my muse eloped a few months back. Can't seem to say anything creative.

Spent the whole morning cutting and pasting things in excel. Took the whole afternoon off doing nothing. Tomorrow, Tekong beckons. It would be fun to ride there in our vehicles.

The heart palpitates. Palms, sweaty. Things seem too surreal and you look around, trying to fixate your attention on something that's not moving. Your head spins faster and faster, the ceiling and the floor merge into one, the walls become gaping holes of infinite blackness. Somehow, deep inside you, glows a glimmer of hope, a stabilising force. Things thrown out of balance slowly creep back to their original places. Then everything shifts. There is light somewhere.

Static.

Lying on the sofa you fell asleep on while watching an old rerun of Friends, you relish the smell of PVC. At least it seems normal. You watch as the credits of Days of Our Lives fade into darkness. You know where you are now, you're safe. For now.

I finally finished Cryptonomicon!!!

Today, a chorus of happiness and joy erupted over the whole nation because NS has been reduced to two years for the Dec '04 batch (and 2 months for mine!). So effectively, my ord date has been brought forward to March instead of May. Hahaha...Next comes the planning for the prelude to school et cetra.

I could draw a higher salary working outside than the little pittance I get here plus enjoy the 4 months before school. Wahaha.

Makes the upcoming prof test seem a little irrelevant in the whole scheme. Makes everything now irrelevant.

Read the official mindef story.

We don't have much to do now except get turned out at least twice a day and then we're off to our own devices. Managed to read quite a bit of Cyrptonomicon finally. Maybe one day I shall read a real boring book on cryptography and learn something. It's good for a paranoid soul like me. Long holiday after these two weeks. Wonder what I shall do...

Dad finally agreed to let me do a part time diploma online. Hmmm. Gonna do some research on that.

The Vanilla Coca Cola Thief!

My brother basically upsurped the entire carton of vanilla coke I bought! And I was intending to bring it back to camp today cos I have a ride back. Grr. And I left it in my room, so there was no reason that he thought it was for him. Thief! Thief! Argg!

Gonna be stuck in camp for the next 17 days or so. Half of it spent on Tekong for prof test once again. At least I'm gonna have a long break after that...Planning on what to do then. Maybe a short overseas trip.

My brain ain't working very well, thought blogger was down because I couldn't access blogster.com. Gee. After effects of shopping too much? Haha. Bought new scrabble set(to pass time in camp), 2 shoes, 1 t-shirt, 1 shirt, lotsa junk food (longan!), socks and underwear. =) All I need is a nice pair of jeans that don't cost $439 at G-Star! Yikes..

[God I sound like a girl!]

"The Blowers Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Actually fell asleep halfway while playing PS2. But why do I still refuse to sleep? Does the impending knowledge that tomorrow brings with it, the stigma of returning to camp once more? Next few weeks gonna be rough, am expecting little of my weekends and of course, lots of work to do... This little solace I find in my own darkened room at midnight; this little time I have; I hope they never go away.

Sleep beckons still. Relentless in its pursuit.

My brain shuts down.