Sorry, gonna go out for a night under the stars. Wonderful. Yet I feel rather down. Must be those dreams last night. Dark images. Oh well.

Here's something rather dumb but funny...heh

What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex byUMAJohnnie
Name
Sexuality
Age
Most Likely to Say	"Make it snappy, I have a 2 o'clock and a 3:15."
Created with quill18's MemeGen

Written last week during a long torturous day stoning. As if it wasn't bad enough...

oozing slowly into non-existence
years of dirt clumped together,
sticky rivulets of blood,

they never dry

i cry; cry in pain; in anger
to the gods

those deaf bastards!

have thou forsaken me?
what about our promise?

my eternal life, wasting away
in this rotten carcass
for ever.

my cries reach no ears;
anguish, my own.

Hmm..lots of spyware detected on my computer, leading to all the stupid windows crashes. Getting rather irritated. Can't wait to get a new computer when I begin school in 18 months more! Haha.

My analytical and processing skills really have gone down the drain. I hardly engage in intellectual conversations lately and most of the time, I'm worried about my financial situation. Plus, all the business ideas that will never take off in any direction. Need some help...anybody got any book to recommend?

See? Recent posts have been nothing interesting..no stories, no nothing. Oh well. Can't let this carry on any further. But I'm still reading, which is a good thing. Heh. Will never give up reading for anything in the world! Christmas draws near...feel like doing a little project with all the unscanned lomos sitting somewhere in my room, plus the unfinished roll I took on Saturday during the busking along Orchard.

haiku of the popiah

raw is the carrot
colour of the sun
gleaming

smiling at the radishes
spastic whiteness stained with
dirt

Had my first driving lesson today. Kinda fun, only managed to stall the vehicle once. But must learn to be more gentle when stepping on the accelerator. Maybe cars are like girls, must do the correct thing, no short cuts and you'll have a smooth ride. And must treat them gently too. Heh.

something's wrong with my explorer. inexplicably causes my computer to crash. at least i still have netscape, my first browser and always my favourite.

Another thought in my head yesterday: ideas and inspirations.

No one can stake claim on a particular idea as his and his alone. Why do I say so? The great masters of art (Picasso, Monet) borrowed heavily from their predecessors, refining what was others (and others before them) and adding elements from elsewhere to produce the works that we see today. Such is true of writers, where many have been alluded to be like somebody else. Kundera in "Immortality" spoke of gestures owning people instead of people having particular gestures (a slight wave of the arm), much in the fashion of my argument here. Thus, I think that all human brains are perhaps linked to some primordial soup of ideas; swirling, constantly moving around; acting as the source of whatever thought that comes into my brain, or yours. "Divine inspiration" could be a brief opening or access to this large bowl of soup and many different influences glimpsed at one shot, thus producing something unlike what others have seen before. A new combination, you might say. This argument is not new either, perhaps I too found a little hole and stole some thoughts within.

But what is the aim of my argument?

Actually, I also don't know. Haha. Just felt like making a statement. My intellectual powers have decreased drastically. Need some working out.

sweating like a goddamn pig the whole day

Everyone's out for the long weekend and I've about 8 men under my charge now.

Would it be a bold statement to claim that ultimately everyone is selfish? Even those who say that they are selfless, either in deed or in love? That's because from it, they derive perhaps, a sense of satisfication or happiness; that they, above everyone else is, in fact, better in a way. And wouldn't that defeat the selfless act in the first case?

Just hiding out again. Wish to speak to no one.

Oh yeah, happy birthday to my beloved dad today! We almost clean forgotten it...until he hinted to me..lol. I'm so forgetful. Going out for a quick dinner and will be booking in. A long week of work ahead. argh.

Current dream camera: Canon 300D
Estimated cost: $1800

Finally defected over to Canon and the digital side, cos I feel that Nikon's technology has not caught up with Canon yet. But Nikon's analog SLRs still rule. Am thinking of plying my trade in university...perhaps a studio or something. Then I'll get myself a Hasselbald. Heh.

Penned this whilst in a rather insane mood a couple of days ago. Sorry about the language.

inconsistencies of a lunatic

hate myself.
hate the world.
low self-estemm,
voices of irrationality.
stop - stop them
but they come
relentlessly,
seeking blood,
laughing, stomping, choking.
slit my throat and drink my life.

bare ceiling, creaky fan,
pale fluorescent light
hear my pleas, friends of the day,
allies of the night
set me free or reel me in
take my life and squeeze my brain

cigarettes. smoke. tobacco.
rushing. crazy rush to write
incoherent. incoherence.
thoughts, jumbled.
trap of cycles. trap of no where.
live in this world,
fuck and die.

want you dead
want you silent
fuck. shut up and die.
cry no more.
shed no tears.

fuck freedom.
freedom of the fiery
lust-filled spirit.

strangled in paradise,
chicken shit smeared in my food
laugh at this pathetic lil' shit.
fuck.

* * *

i'm not as depressed as i sound..but only when i'm sad that my muse flows so freely, without borders.

Oh yeah. Started a friendster account on Sunday. Feel free to add me ya? Still have privacy concerns, so I try not to reveal too much. But I think I've got a spanking neat photo of me on. Haha.

Currently using the computer in my company's rest room. Everyone's out for live firing except a few of us. Today I learnt the ropes of being in charged of the arm skote and thus, I now officially hold 3 appointments. Shit load of work man. Yet, I try to view it as a building stage where I learn to multi-task and remember details for everything. Good when I'm staking out in the world next time.

My men are all rather fun to play with. Planning for a tekan session next week to show my powers. Right now, I'm damn bloody hot and stinky. Gonna take a shower soon. Hope they return like early tonight! Gotta stay awake till they send arms all.

Ahhh....

just realised that my social circle has all been wiped out. not much people left. letting no one in.

bah.

travis - peace the fuck out.

gonna hide somemore. soon i'll re-emerge and say hi to my friends again.

one day.

Hey people. Surprise of all surprises, I ended up as an adminstration specialist; which in other words means I work mainly in the office. That's because my primary role outfield would not come into effect until company exercises start. Which also means I've to deal with a different kind of stress and I work with all the big shots in the company...and it's kinda intimidating now...While most people would lament and get jealous about the senang (slack) job that I may have, I can tell you that I'm not meant to sit in the office the whole day! Haha. Nevertheless, things are almost finalized and this shall be what I'll do for the next 19 months...*shrugs*

Am into this artistic and creative mood lately. Body tinges to paint, create digital art, read art magazines and look at anything visually stimulating (haha..porn?). Maybe, maybe my future lies in media or creative directing. I mean, it's the only thing consistent so far...just that I've kinda lousy drawing skills, which I will work on in the near future. Till then, look out for new features coming up...once I stop procrasinating enough.