Hmm..wondering if the anti-piracy thing I read in a magazine recently has come into effect. Was considering buying Travis's new album 12 Memories but I decided not to since I felt quite broke..Just downloaded a few songs but all of them work for the first 30 seconds only. Argh!

Just realised that my Pbase account cannot be used to upload anymore pictures! Darn. Just gotta get off my lazy butt and create a new gallery...and I just scanned in 20 over new pictures from my last batch. Grr.

Last night's end-of-course dinner was a flop, if you asked me. We paid $90 and what did we get in the end? Expensive knickknacks that are absolutely crap! And most of our money went into paying for the lucky prizes (which of course I didn't get any..haha, but it ain't no sour grapes thang); like why not get a bloody sponsor and reduce the ticket price. So, we paid so much for a pen engraved with our names (argh..), a cd (as remembrance of the tough times we had..last minute done if I had to say), a rose and pralines from Leonidas for our dates (if you brought one..but what the hell!), a cheapo buffet dinner and house pours (at 6pm..lol..minus lotsa drinks. didn't even felt like ruining my health by bingeing). All in all, though much effort was put in to organising the whole event, I felt that all this little details just bumped up the amount we had to pay and for what purpose did it serve? Most people just sat around, some trying to eat ninety dollars worth of food (impossible!), drink ninety dollars worth of drinks or gathered around the tv cheering on Leeds and Manchester United.

No spirit, no fun. Just a lousy get-together which could have been better planned...Oh well. Must have been course comm's idea to arrange all this nifty little dumb things. Bah.

let me sink
the songs flowin' in my blood
havent felt like this for so long

u're on the other bank, cryin'
i stand helpless
my demons engulfin' me

let me go
let me go

the past catches on
i don't understand
i don't understand
how things can just go on

on and on

Passing out parade today! Spirits were high and we get to stay out for the next few days but we gotta book in like 7:15am tomorrow, monday and tuesday. Going to unit next week, hoping that my life there will be different. At least for now, my trainnee days are over; I'm no longer part of the lowest lifeform in the organisation.

Example of how my brain is degenerating

Had to replace my bedsheet with a fresh one from the cupboard. Spent ten hot minutes tugging and pulling at the bedsheet as it couldn't fit. If I pulled it from the bottom left corner, the top left corner gets pulled out. So I proceeded to pull the other side, hoping it would fit. Wasn't until a while later when a plea of help for my mom solved everything - she shook her head, said i had it on the wrong side (breadth to breadth, height to height), and helped me with it. Gee.

Somedays I'm happy, somedays I'm not. Thing is, I've been trying to stop those tiny little voices that just make things worse..And I'm kinda winning now, less depressed but then something crops up and I end up being sad again. Then I pick myself up, be the zany self I am and the cycle repeats all over again.

Rinse, dry, wash, rinse again.

Having major problems with myself, major issues to sort out. *sigh*

Hey folks. Been a long time. Was confined for last weekend and gotta return early today! I miss staying at home. I hope we do get our stay-outs as promised in the next two weeks. Need to recharge my batteries and watch all the movies on my computer. My brain's degenerating at a very fast rate, I hardly think of deeper things these days; mainly concerned with trivial issues and planning how best to spend my weekend. It's kinda sad, it's kinda depressing. But the good ol' brain just refuses to churn anymore. Ran outta gas. End of the road. See you at the next stop.

end of the escape. back into the reality i live in.

troubles gone from the mind resurface. more appear.

this life is fucked.

I'm back and had a rather hectic weekend. Guess our experience level improved overseas and we saw things we never would locally. Even have some small scars to prove for it. Will be going back to camp in awhile. So sickening. It's raining outside and I just wanna curl up in bed.

Events have caused me to reevaluate things in life again. I've been living in limbo for quite a long time, I've spread myself too thin and it's time to be an expert in something instead of being the jack-of-all-trades that I am.

My muse has left me yet again. But I've stories in my head to tell. I hope everyone's alright when I was away, somehow I feel that my absence might actually make things better for everybody. I dunno.