Wednesday night. Bright object falls from the heavens above. I thought it was artillery fire till someone shouted from the rank behind that it was a shooting star. Hurriedly made a wish but somehow it seemed that such superstitions are for the dreamers. I'm just a realist with half a mind stuck in idealism...and it's causing all kind of rifts to appear. I'm drowning, I'm suffocating. Can't breathe, can't talk, can't think, can't move, can't cry.
How does one ever let go?
[AISL newsbrief]
Brunei trip changed to Taiwan. Spirits are high but complains are still raging. Hell Week starts tomorrow. Pain is weakness leaving the body.
Sunday, July 27
Sunday, July 20
Donnie Darko. Saw a brief on it while channel surfing, currently downloading the movie on Kazaa. A tangent universe, giant bunny (Alice in Wonderland), death, time travel. Sounds interesting enough. Makes you wonder what your place on this plane is meant for. Don't think the movie will finish by today, gotta wait a week. In a deep philosophical mood but my mind cannot comprehend the vastness of this world. Our intelligence is limited.
Unable to proceed, commence shut down.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
Gary Jules - Mad World [Donnie Darko/Daredevil Soundtrack]
Unable to proceed, commence shut down.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
Gary Jules - Mad World [Donnie Darko/Daredevil Soundtrack]
Refreshed. Woke up at 11. Had only an hour of sleep on Friday cos we had to clean our bloody machine guns till 4am. Was raining after breakfast and everyone promptly fell into a thick slumber for about an hour. Watched National Geog on cable, if it weren't for wanting to lead a life where money mattered, I would want to be a photographer, living in nature, observing the gifts the world has to offer. Our lives revolve around too much on material wants that we ignore the simple but beautiful aspects of life. *shrugs*
Summary of thoughts running through my mind this week:
Fear of the future, not knowing what to expect. Reading The Autograph Man made me sad on how my life could end up being just another statistic, just another stranger in the train. I could be a nobody, like everyone else, trying to eke out a meaningless existence. What is more important in life? Love, money, sex, drugs, cigarettes, knowledge, family, cars? We could make a choice today, to pursue a degree overseas (at least 2 friends of mine are going to pursue medicine abroad) or to stay here and get a mediocre degree; but does it really matter? In life, if you choose something that you have no passion for, you'd always remain normal, never achieving your best. Thus, I often find myself admiring those who choose a different path. Do you have the courage to do so, to go against the norm, to be different? That will be the factor that sets one above the rest. But I'm afraid, afraid that today's choice will be tomorrow's regret. Trying to learn to let go, to be less restrictive, to live life for what it is. Fear is what we should be afraid of, rags in the future but rich in love may be more fulfilling than emptiness and a full wallet.
Life, life, life. Choices, choices, choices. Live for the moment. So hard. So, so hard.
Summary of thoughts running through my mind this week:
Fear of the future, not knowing what to expect. Reading The Autograph Man made me sad on how my life could end up being just another statistic, just another stranger in the train. I could be a nobody, like everyone else, trying to eke out a meaningless existence. What is more important in life? Love, money, sex, drugs, cigarettes, knowledge, family, cars? We could make a choice today, to pursue a degree overseas (at least 2 friends of mine are going to pursue medicine abroad) or to stay here and get a mediocre degree; but does it really matter? In life, if you choose something that you have no passion for, you'd always remain normal, never achieving your best. Thus, I often find myself admiring those who choose a different path. Do you have the courage to do so, to go against the norm, to be different? That will be the factor that sets one above the rest. But I'm afraid, afraid that today's choice will be tomorrow's regret. Trying to learn to let go, to be less restrictive, to live life for what it is. Fear is what we should be afraid of, rags in the future but rich in love may be more fulfilling than emptiness and a full wallet.
Life, life, life. Choices, choices, choices. Live for the moment. So hard. So, so hard.
Sunday, July 13
A hornet (unknown species) has set up a little nest of its own under my bed. While I was away from home, someone else came and took up my space. The floor has got some stray dry mud left behind by the hornet as its little nest sits safely in one corner. First noticed it when the hornet flew through my window with an eight-cm long caterpillar in its grip. I saw it crawl to its nest and stuff the whole worm into the nest. It flew off for a while and then came back to check on its spawn. Such maternal devotion! I wonder how hornets navigate..my room of all places!
the dog is the king of the parade square, howler to the (horrible) military music played every night at ten.
the dog is god here, he doesn't do much but scratch, run around, piss, sniff, play, piss and sleep. human beings find him a curiousity. he finds them funny and a source of food. the humans think they're smart but they are just succumbing to their own pitiful self-pity; they watch him lie on his back, with his genitalia exposed to the world, how pathetic can one get?
meal times. the dog (with his fleas) join the humans at the cook house. no one bothers to chase him out and he gets scraps while he scratches. he loves Thursdays because food quality is lower (to the humans) and he is fed more.
the dog doesn't do much everyday. he follows the humans on runs and lessons, always walking ahead, peeing at spots along the way to mark his territory. sometimes, he tries to hump the lesser male, for fun. both of them have so much fun together. best of pals since birth.
the dog is the greatest philosopher in the world. he has understood life, he does not seek for deeper knowledge for he knows his intellect is limited and the universe is unlimited. so instead of being troubled by what life throws at him (the crazy old man who chases and throws stones at him), he is contented to just lie down the whole day, wake up after a nap, do some stretching and walk around inspecting his land. the fleas don't bother him much. life is just a matter of surviving death, ain't it?
he is god, he is king, he is itchy, he is dog.
the dog is god here, he doesn't do much but scratch, run around, piss, sniff, play, piss and sleep. human beings find him a curiousity. he finds them funny and a source of food. the humans think they're smart but they are just succumbing to their own pitiful self-pity; they watch him lie on his back, with his genitalia exposed to the world, how pathetic can one get?
meal times. the dog (with his fleas) join the humans at the cook house. no one bothers to chase him out and he gets scraps while he scratches. he loves Thursdays because food quality is lower (to the humans) and he is fed more.
the dog doesn't do much everyday. he follows the humans on runs and lessons, always walking ahead, peeing at spots along the way to mark his territory. sometimes, he tries to hump the lesser male, for fun. both of them have so much fun together. best of pals since birth.
the dog is the greatest philosopher in the world. he has understood life, he does not seek for deeper knowledge for he knows his intellect is limited and the universe is unlimited. so instead of being troubled by what life throws at him (the crazy old man who chases and throws stones at him), he is contented to just lie down the whole day, wake up after a nap, do some stretching and walk around inspecting his land. the fleas don't bother him much. life is just a matter of surviving death, ain't it?
he is god, he is king, he is itchy, he is dog.
Sunday, July 6
2nd Warrant Officer See. Course Warrant, AISL.
(To inject some dead humour and lift my mood a little)
2WO See: July got Co parade, so you all better go iron your uniform if not my jiu ying zhen jing already bai swee swee for you all to sign!
2WO See: Area cleaning you don't do, who do? My sergeants? Me? Lan jiao give you ah! (points middle finger) I make sure you all Saturday and Sunday stay back and clean toilet.
2WO See: Muthu! See what see? Come and sign extra! Don't come and kao pei kao bu with me. I make sure you sign three!
Us: *laughs*
This old bugger is getting cuter these days.
Yesterday Muthu (mooo-thu, cuz he wore this printed shirt that reminded me of a cow) had to serve his second weekend guard duty.
Tonight we're booking in early 'cos Warrant See kao pei kao bu our bunks all never clean!
So stoned. Don't even think this is funny.
(To inject some dead humour and lift my mood a little)
2WO See: July got Co parade, so you all better go iron your uniform if not my jiu ying zhen jing already bai swee swee for you all to sign!
2WO See: Area cleaning you don't do, who do? My sergeants? Me? Lan jiao give you ah! (points middle finger) I make sure you all Saturday and Sunday stay back and clean toilet.
2WO See: Muthu! See what see? Come and sign extra! Don't come and kao pei kao bu with me. I make sure you sign three!
Us: *laughs*
This old bugger is getting cuter these days.
Yesterday Muthu (mooo-thu, cuz he wore this printed shirt that reminded me of a cow) had to serve his second weekend guard duty.
Tonight we're booking in early 'cos Warrant See kao pei kao bu our bunks all never clean!
So stoned. Don't even think this is funny.
Pay day soon. Gonna buy Ayn Rand next week, even though I'm currently quarter way through The Autograph Man and I have Milan Kundera's Immortality waiting. Oh well. Retail therapy.
Everybody in my platoon wants to get an OOC (Out-of-course) and below are the top ten methods to acheive it:
10. Get frequent Attend C's and miss important lessons
9. Arrange for a full medical check-up with your own specialist (there's bound to be some bone/cartilage degeneration somewhere)
8. Recurrence of asthma (they'll post you to a less dusty camp - Bin Yong)
7. Knee injuries (most common, at least 4 people are trying this out)
6. Call the 1800 counselling line and say you're depressed (someone's friend accomplished it somewhere)
5. Floaters in eyes (have to send you for operation, two weeks att c will be given. woohoo! chyan's doing it)
4. Back pain (my reason?)
3. Lockjaw (excuse helmet, then report sick often. Gary.)
2. Fall and get some fractures (painful.)
1. Throw our Kevlar helmet at each other's knees (Joseph and Lawrence!)
We ain't got no pride here. We're 80% going to Brunei for 3 weeks in September. I don't want to be seen as a quitter, I am no quitter but seriously, people get through this far simpler and have more purpose. We're the experimental batch, we're going to go through things nobody else have.
"It's not about quitting, it's about exercising my choices. No point staying here if I can do something about it." - Zhi Cheng
Plus, I have really bad backaches these days, my knees hurt, my left shoulder blade hurts. All those school sportsmen are enjoying themselves at SAFSA (Singapore Armed Forces Sports Association) even though they have all downgraded due to sports injuries. Should I stick my gut in and go through the entire course?
Everybody in my platoon wants to get an OOC (Out-of-course) and below are the top ten methods to acheive it:
10. Get frequent Attend C's and miss important lessons
9. Arrange for a full medical check-up with your own specialist (there's bound to be some bone/cartilage degeneration somewhere)
8. Recurrence of asthma (they'll post you to a less dusty camp - Bin Yong)
7. Knee injuries (most common, at least 4 people are trying this out)
6. Call the 1800 counselling line and say you're depressed (someone's friend accomplished it somewhere)
5. Floaters in eyes (have to send you for operation, two weeks att c will be given. woohoo! chyan's doing it)
4. Back pain (my reason?)
3. Lockjaw (excuse helmet, then report sick often. Gary.)
2. Fall and get some fractures (painful.)
1. Throw our Kevlar helmet at each other's knees (Joseph and Lawrence!)
We ain't got no pride here. We're 80% going to Brunei for 3 weeks in September. I don't want to be seen as a quitter, I am no quitter but seriously, people get through this far simpler and have more purpose. We're the experimental batch, we're going to go through things nobody else have.
"It's not about quitting, it's about exercising my choices. No point staying here if I can do something about it." - Zhi Cheng
Plus, I have really bad backaches these days, my knees hurt, my left shoulder blade hurts. All those school sportsmen are enjoying themselves at SAFSA (Singapore Armed Forces Sports Association) even though they have all downgraded due to sports injuries. Should I stick my gut in and go through the entire course?
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