Alarm clock rings somewhere - It isn't mine! - I realised, three-quarters awake and jolted out of bed. I jump back into bed and continue sleeping. Dad comes in and pulls me out of bed, reminding that I've to go down to the sinseh today for my back. Argh, I just want to sleep.

In the car, I read S.K's Everything's Eventual (it was a tale of a reporter captured and interrogated in a torture room), as my father drives on congested roads. I don't speak much, it's too early. After dropping my mom at her workplace, we get breakfast at a coffeeshop near the sinseh. Three mute old ladies congregate at a table not far from me, they gesture wildly with their hands - Reminds me of the Three Sisters in Sandman - and expressions while the drinks auntie shrieks in her shrill voice. I tuck into my meal, not really hungry but merely eating because I have to.

The sinseh is due to open in another half an hour but I am already the fourth customer, which means I have to wait another hour before I can see him. I continue reading the dark tale, images of eyes popping out of sockets (revenge on the captor) was funny in a dark way. An old couple sits in front of me, awaiting their turn. I eavesdrop on their conversation with a middle-aged mother. The old lady gives sound advice to the stressed-up mother, as she envies the love shared between them. I feel conspicuous, like a rat scutttling across the road in daylight. Such places are seldom visited by youngsters like me. Unfortunately, my physical problems can easily fill up ten pages. Nonetheless, I continue reading till my turn arrived.

A corpulent Cantonese lady sits by the ledge at the side of the train station. She mutters aloud (oxymoronic..), something about be kindhearted...heart attack..What can I do for her? My sympathies are worthless. I quickly walk away and enter Coffeebean. I arm myself with today's papers and a regular Cafe Mocha. It feels good to enjoy my civilian life once more, no matter how short it is. After awhile, three schoolgirls sit opposite me, textbooks and papers quickly cover their table. Phew, no school and they're still studying. Impressive. I return my attention to a commentary written by a local based in America about Singapore's stand in the war. She covered some points which I think are valid, we're definitely exposing ourselves to bigger threats by terrorists, giving them a reason to kick our butt. Nonetheless, the war has started and no battle of words would ever bring things back to normal again.

Walking home, I am stopped by what I thought was a normal survey girl. Before I know it, I am talking to a financial advisor, discussing about the scheme his company his offering. All my reading came to good use of course. After like thirty minutes, I part, shaking his hand, calculations going wild in my head. My first foray into building up my assets! Cool. I make a trip to the library and find new books. Within ten minutes, I am holding two books in my hand; books that deal with issues pertaining to my life at the moment.

Hours later, I am typing an anecdote (then again it is neither interesting nor humourous) of my day thus far, hoping no one would find it boring and struggling with the grammar. It's rather hard using present tense for past events. I'm slowly counting the minutes to midnight. Tomorrow, if my application goes through, I'll be enjoying unlimited broadband. For now, I'm resigned to writing all that has been contained within me these few days, while my poor readers have to deal with my constant rambling. Perhaps I'll scan some of my photos in later - they're dropping off my wall like dead leaves - and do a site revamp. Then again I might just continue pummelling demons as Dante, I'm almost through the game for the second time. I'm obsessive.

My father sits and watches the fishtanks every weekend when he is back. Normally, he smokes in silence; eyes on his pets, feeding them frogs and fry.

The world today is filled with turmoil. Beyond our shores, bombs blast in Baghdad, civilians and soldiers alike are killed in cross-fires. Once again, the Persian Gulf is engulfed in violence and screams in the night. We're inundated daily by the media's coverage, the most extensive yet of any war; protests go on unheeded and unheard. Hidden agendas loom, martyrs die for their cause and we sip coffee in cafes, laughing. Within our insular nation wrecks another havoc, a microscopic but deadly one. The coronavirus (beer?) has striked fear in every citizen. Schools are closed, people forced into quarantine, pubs and clubs emptied, face masks adorned. Suddenly, we even avoid taxis. While children stay home lazing, getting bored, the fight goes on at Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Doctors, nurses and the staff battle endlessly with the faceless foe; irregardless of their own health and family. Heroes in my eyes. The economy is volatile, oil prices rise as oil fields burn in Iraq. Gloom reaches into corners of every heart on this Earth. Where is the glimmer of happiness desperately needed in times like these?

Yesterday I finally understood my dad's routine. The most peaceful place can be found in the fishtanks as the fish move about in oblivion to the world's troubles. The running water soothes a person's nerves from where my dad sits. Somehow, I'm slowly turning into my old man.

Wanted to write this yesterday but I became too engrossed in Devil May Cry 2 on my PS2. I salute all the TTSH's staff as they battle on, they serve as inspiration to us all in such times. I wish for peace to reign and happiness to shine. Nowadays, I say with pride that I'm serving national service, despite the loss of my carefree civilian life. We can only depend on ourselves to protect us. May the Lord protect us all.

Today was our passing out parade, which marks the end of the beginning for us. Where we go forth from here depend much on our results and I seriously don't know why those people were celebrating about on the parade square just now. Two years and four more months! Sheesh. Anyhow, had a short weekend out and could not find time to update my blog. My sincere apologies. Gonna have the next ten days free though. Heh. I think that the house quarantine due to Sars is dumb. Those school kids could just congregate on the disco floor or a busy shopping mall. Gee.

"Walk on the path, Mr Masoudi. Follow the path of the great men before."

Watched The Emperor's Club last night and it got me thinking. (btw, the quotes aren't verbatim. reciting them from hazy memory) It was a pretty good movie, something the typical Singaporean would not have enjoyed. It was apparent as the theatre was only half-filled on a Saturday night. And most of the people inside probably missed the point of the story; alluding it to a teacher's role in the hearts of his students. There were some parts where a joke was hidden amidst a serious moment but no one laughed out loud. Had to stifle my laughter and lament the stupidity of Singaporeans. Haha. Reminded me of a scene where Kevin Kline reprimanded his student, "Stupidity, however, has no hope." There were no bomb blasts, no one died (unlike Dead Poets' Society), no blood was spilled, no sex. I guess much of the audience were thinking, shit this show is dumb. Shrugs. I enjoyed it thoroughly and most people cannot appreciate good shows. =P

"Look into the mirror and decide whether you have become a man of virtue and principle, or a liar; a cheat."

The film was about life; about choosing between the road to virtue and principle or the road to deception and material wealth. It showcased Kline's character as Mr Hundert, a history teacher, epitomising values and righteousness versus his student, Sedgewick Bell. Son of a senator, he was the persona of whatever is wrong with the United States today: selfishness, narcissism, rebellious, unscrupulous. And the story revolves around how Hundert tries to mould Bell into a model of good. The lines were good, almost every scene had something quotable. Still, it was a fight between good and evil, sans the light sabers and Obi Wan Kenobi. Shall nott reveal the ending but it was neither contrived nor was it expected. Kudos, I say.

"Life is not defined by a single defeat or a solitary victory. While I may have failed Sedgewick, my other students taught me otherwise."

Well, it somehow coincided with my choice between medicine and business. I submitted applications for both but I would have to say it was a fight between the head and the heart. While my heart flutters and dreams about the prospects and excitment in business, my head ponders deeply upon saving lives and having a regular income. My dad faxed my mom a letter to me, citing reasons why I should pursue medicine and it sounded fair enough. Perhaps in this tough times, having stability is good. My interests in investments and entrepreneurship just have to wait. Well, that is if I even get into med school and survive it.

My lomos are out. There were some really ghostly looking pics. But most were nonsensical light trails. I guess I have to do some composition next time I take the pics. Scanner appears to be having problems. Will try and get the pics in somehow.

The little boy was sad and he had a terrible cough. A cough that kept him up all night, semi-solid yellow phlegm accompanied each wheeze.

Dreams steeped in darkness plagued him every night. The poor little boy had yet to have a good night's sleep in weeks. There was a dream once where he could neither breathe nor move. Something big and nasty lurked in the corner, inching closer to devour his little beating heart. Its dank, hot breath became more rancid, terror filling the boy's eyes with every step the Thing took. Closer and closer it came.

Then he woke up, coughing like mad, choking on his own spit and spittle.

I'm sick and I feel miserable. I hate the army and I'm frustrated on what to study next. Frankly, I'm tired of all the science crap I've been studying for the past six years. I want something new, something fresh. I have yet to come out with any compelling reasons to pursue medicine and a double degree over at SMU is so, so tempting. And I have up till April Fool's Day to decide. Body feels weak, brain feels dead. And I've got an early book-in later. Sometimes, life cannot get any worse...

Oh yeah, loved my testimonial man.

"..was a highly intelligent student with strong academic interests. Although this led to forays into subjects not in his A-level course, such as philosophy and sociology, he remained motivated and committed to his studies (right.).

..writes beautifully. He has achieved an excellent standard in English and a level of sophisication and style in the way he expresses himself. He can argue with cogency and his essays often reflected a maturity in part derived from his wide reading.

..is indeed an an all-round person. He is also a level=headed and quietly determined person. He defines for himself what is right and acts on his convictions (a rebel, some would say). A self-motivated person, he is confident without being brash (whaha). In fact, he has good interpersonal skills and is well respected by his peers."

Almost the whole of everything, save for the part about all the acitvities i partook in. This is so much better than the two-lined one I had from my sec 4 teacher.

Got my results on Thursday. And couldn't find time to come online till now. I'm satisfied with them but as I've been telling people: grades are not a good judge of a person's intelligence, especially when you're talking about Cambridge examinations. So much is focused on memory-work, thus the hardworking ones usually succeed. Look at my buddy, I don't think he is intelligent or smart but he got 4 As. He doesn't see half the things I perceive in the world. And it's all just a passport to the next stage in life. What matters most is the life you lead - the people you care about, the money you earn, your family, your personal well-being. Somehow I'm glad I didn't do well for my O's, for without that failure, I wouldn't have seen this light.

I'm a soldier
These shoulders hold up so much
They wont budge, I'll never fall or fold up
I'm a soldier
Even if my collar bones crush or crumble
I will never slip or stumble
I'm a soldier
These shoulders hold up so much
They wont budge, I'll never fall or fold up
I'm a soldier
Even if my collar bones crush or crumble
I will never stumble

Eminem - Soldier

"Someday, when I'm awfully low
And the world is cold
I will feel a glow
Just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight

Oh, 'cause you're lovely
With your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft
There is nothing for me
But to love you
Just the way you look tonight"

Tony Bennett - The Way You Look Tonight

Bennett rocks. Sounds like Sinatra. I'm such a sucker for slow oldies...haha.