This is a travelogue or travel guide for those wishing to drag 4 small children from the Phoenix area to the Salt Lake area via Denver. This guide is not for those snotty English majors out there as I will be speaking in both third person and in first person throughout. Neither the narrator nor I care.
It’s best to start every trip with a fight. Any fight will do, but it makes the first few hours of the trip so much more unbearable when you banter back and forth on stupid subjects and then spend a few hours in hate-filled silence. Here are some subjects that can really get you going. I'm right. You are wrong. I don't agree with your stance on this subject. Aliens will look like little green men. The left turn lanes that don't have a street are for turning around.
So once that part of the trip is behind you will find yourself on I-40 heading east from Holbrook. You will have passed through scenic Payson in which you have waited 45 minutes to turn right. Turning right in Payson, AZ is such a popular activity that everyone must engage in it. Even the people who are choosing to go straight. So back to I-40 and head east for awhile until you are about 35 miles outside Albuquerque. At that point you will come to a complete stop and inch forward for the next mile and a half for 2 hours. (The details of the accident can only be inferred by the two halves of the SUV strewn across the entire freeway).
You head north on I-25 from Albuquerque (say that 5 times fast, put your finger on your head and spin around 3 times). It is vitally important you engage in a conversation with your spouse about something unrelated. You will miss whatever sign says highway 285 north and keep driving. Then when you question whether you should get off at the next exit because the town is passing by and east is not north your wife will tell you that highway 66 is not the right exit. Well you are both right, the town is passing by too fast and highway 66 is not the right exit, but that doesn't keep you from driving 8 miles to the next exit to turn around. It is important to be traveling during hurricane season, especially when one is pushing through New Mexico. The exit you get off at will be flooded and gushing water looking like it is ripping up the pavement. Not a place to hang out very long.
Once you have regained the proper route you will have to weave through the museum district of Santa Fe. Did I mention the whole town was a museum district, like a western Washington Mall? So as you start going up the hill the adobe really starts going up in value. Somehow flat roofs, ceramic drainage spouts and the color of mud can get better than it sounds. So you have found the road, NM Rte 475, and are heading up the canyon. You can forget the first campsite, Black Canyon, it is full. The RV spots are all reserved and the 6 tent camping spots you have to hike up to are taken (as obvious by the six cars). You can hear the thunder and smell the rain as you pull out so hurry up the mountain. Once you've gone some distance you will see the glorious Big Tesuque, pronounced, tea sucky, or possible tess-oo-¿que? or possibly tess-oo-koo, or tes-soo-kee or make up your own pronunciation.
Big Tesuque is a small parking lot with 10 campsites up two short trails. We chose the nearest to the road because we are lazy and did we mention the thunder? Set up the tent, light the fire using the ancient method of lighter fluid and matches. Cook a healthy nutritious and thoughtful meal of hotdogs and hot chocolate. After finishing that pack everything back in the van and retreat to the safety of the tent. Soon the thunderstorms which will keep you awake all night while your children sleep will be upon you. Take some time to teach your kids how to play Uno with Thomas the train Uno cards. The +2 will always be confusing with the 2s, just a warning. At this point you will remember how uncomfortable your choice of sleeping pads are, but how nice it is to be in the open air. Breaks in the storm don't reveal a dark sky as the lights of Santa Fe produce an orange glow.
Here are the kids laying siege to the small stream that ran next to the campground.
Here is Liam celebrating his frontal baptism in a puddle.
Elijah and Chloe enjoying the scenery up the road from Big Tesuque.
So we went to the top where there is a ski resort, yes an actual ski resort in New Mexico. I believe it may actually snow in this state. We then came down the mountain and proceeded to leave the state capitol. So go north on 285 which is also 84 because no road can have just one number. Plan on totally missing the intersection where 285 departs from 84 and continue on towards Taos. Also you will totally miss the intersection with 570 which turns into 567 and then connects back to 285 while in a strikingly gorgeous canyon. That is okay because soon you come across this view of the Rio Grande.
By the way, not John, I do not really take time to read roadside signs, I take pictures of them to read them later.
Sometimes the kids block the view, but you get the gist of the story.
Buy some beef jerky, which is overpriced but it is the “best in New Mexico”.
Taos is another town where people like to collect in the center to make a turn, though this time it is left. 20 minutes tops though. You will soon be on Highway 64. Be sure to enjoy the bridge over the Rio Grande Gorge. It is well, interesting, I’m sure at one point in time it was fascinating.
The land turns into a rolling landscape of ranches and bushes. There are such gems out there, such as the Double D ranch, where they must have especially large cattle (no picture sorry). While travelling you should engage in conversations such as, Who lives out here and why does everyone have 20 run down vehicles on their property? , Why is there a cabin community on that hill? Is this where trees fall and don’t make a sound? , etc…
Turn right on hwy 285 which, again, you shouldn’t have left in the first place. Soon you will cross into Colorado, Frabjous Day. In Colorado you will first notice that the town/city signs state the elevation. This is important as Colorado has the highest elevation on average of all the states, so you must show the elevations so someone with a lot of time on their hands can go around and prove it. I think it is smart, though, the population will change before the elevation and who wants to buy a new sign? 1st city you will enter is Antonito. This little gem of a town was known as the “perlite capital of the world” (Wikipedia citing something else), now a nice place to look at steam engines parked along the side of the road. Very shortly after is Conejos which has the oldest church in Colorado, Our Lady of Guadalupe Parish. In La Jara there is a water park. All great places to stop if you haven’t already gone out of your way and are just desperate to get to a rest stop.
The best place to stop is Alamosa. It is a larger town and has a Sonic. Grab a half off slushee since it is barely after 2. Mine was BLUE. Also it is good to pick up a map so you are not reliant on a poorly detailed Google map printout.
Take 160 east for about a half mile then hwy 17 north. You can see the Great Sand Dunes National Park on the right. Turn on Co Rd T in Moffat and head into Crestone. If you are into new age-y religiousness then you have entered hippie paradise. Crestone has reinvented itself to become the spiritual center of, um, North America, I think. There is a Café of the Soul and Soul Bank and Souls ‘r Us, the last two are made up but I’m sure if they read this blog they will rename their store and bank. We had to go through town relying on a general sense of ‘that way’ to get us to the road that goes up the canyon. Unfortunately the campsite is full. Hippy, new-age, spiritual, free spirited travelers seem to like to camp outdoors. Later we found out there is a nudist colony of sorts… well maybe a single hot tub full of naked people that could be construed as a nudist colony.
So away from town you go. At this point you need to cut across to another north-south highway, Hwy 285, farther west on the other side of the valley. There is 1, one single, campsite on the north-eastern part of the Rio Grande national forest campsite list we printed out (fortunately, because I didn’t plan a backup to the Crestone campsite), Buffalo Pass. This place was gorgeous. It was about 9000 ft elevation and well forested and just empty. Our nearest neighbors had popped a camper trailer and came back around 10 and left before we awoke and didn’t make a sound. This place was perfection (besides the lack of water). As we were setting up camp a ranger volunteer came by and gave our kids neon colored rulers. Nothing screams nature like bright plastic measuring devices. She also gave them coloring books and then talked to us a bit about the area. It was quite fascinating and hopefully we can drag ourselves back there one day and spend time visiting and hiking the area.
This night was dry. Kori and I had steak while the kids ate a tortilla soup with added corn and black beans. We had smores and we all stared at the large television screen above us to enjoy the program called “Sunset”.
At this point you may realize that you are out of water, or sufficient water, to douse the fire twice. This is a wonderful opportunity to just lie on the ground and try and pick out constellations while waiting for the fire to die. You will also wonder why you let yourself put so much wood on the fire, as well as why you haven’t invested in glasses so the stars would be less of a scattered blur.
The second is Monarch pass. And our kids are not that dirty… its um… the camera is smudged.
Afterwards we coast into a gas station in Salida, Co with a cranky gas station attendant (Yes I realized that when the pump refused my card I had to pay with cash inside). Then continue on Hwy 50 alongside the Arkansas River, beware rafters. Your car will shake a lot. At this point you can blame the alignment and promise to take it into a shop while you are in Denver, but your fate is sealed.
It’s dead Jim.
Pull out the jack and realize you don’t have a tire iron. Flag down a passerby who only has a truck sized tire iron. Flag down another good Samaritan who has the appropriate size. You get ready to quickly change the tires and SCRUMP (SCRIMP, SCRINCH, CRUNCH?), well whatever the correct onomatopoeia fits the stripping of three lug nuts. Have your wife call her sister who happens to be not in church (it is Sunday after all) and get a tow service to come out. Fortunately the guy came out and hammered on an undersized socket to get the bolts off. We threw on the spare and found our destination, Walmart. We had less than 2 hours before it closed and we wanted to get to Colorado Springs (bypass Pueblo to save some time). We travelled through the town of correctional facilities, Canon City, with a museum of the correctional facility. North on hwy 115, until it meets up with I-25 and then its only one exit north to Walmart.
Made it, walked the aisles of it and repaired it. Back on the road just as it starts to rain. By the way Colorado Springs is an awesome town, well the parts you can see from the freeway are awesome. North on I-25 all the way north of Denver.
It is good to have friends who will have you crash at their place for 3 nights; otherwise this part of the travelogue will get tricky to follow.
So Day 4. This is a great day to visit a Railroad museum in Golden, CO.
Then journey on home and let the kids play on the slip and slide.
Day 5 – Starting to lose track of time and desire to get back to real life.
This is a great day to visit the place where you grew up… well where I grew up. Take the kids to Dinosaur Ridge and let them play in the discovery are and walk up to the footprints (which we did not do sad to say).
Then not far is Red Rocks Amphitheater which will get your kids used to the idea that Rock and Roll and venues to listen to them exist. 
It’s a hat.
So if you continue up the canyon from where the south entrance of red rocks is you will be on Hwy 74, which goes through Idledale and Evergreen and dumps you out on I-70 eventually. This little jaunt rivals anything in Utah as far as being very serene and detailed in perfection. Once on I-70 if you go back towards the Genesee exit and visit my old elementary school, Ralston. Then go to the top of Genesee mountain. Then back down and into the old neighborhood.
Ethan standing by my old house.
Travel through the community and then over to Lookout Mountain. Here we have another windy road taking you off the mountain, great to scare that wife again.
Certain death is that way.
We skipped the geology museum at the School of Mines because it was getting late. So back to our friends for water gun fights.
Day 6 we departed from Denver after visiting my sister. She fed us pesto pasta and meat balls and you can’t say no to that. The high in Denver was a nice 65. Head up I-70 going west, and get off at Loveland resort to take the windy pass (again sheer cliffs).
It was snowing or raining ice at the top. Either way it was cold.
Oh, Ethan had to take a leak at 11,990 ft.
So down the other side being sure to get stuck behind the same slow moving truck.
Once back on I-70 make your way west to a town called Eagle. Get off at the only exit there. Head out of town on a road called Brush Creek. I have no idea how many left and right turns you have to make but it is south-easterly. You will want to forget to get cash for the camp site so you have to turn around and head back into town, just for fun.
Up Brush creek for about 12 miles and then a dirt road for 6 is a campsite called Yoeman. We camped by a big rock.
Always a great substitute for playground equipment.
Awe, wait for it, inspiring.
And supposedly the wilderness makes one saucy and tempestuous, see.
So we took so many pictures the camera ran out of batteries. Next day I took the kids on a nature walk and even though some of the information boards had fallen into disrepair it was still fairly interesting.
So head back to I-70 and head towards Grand Junction, where you can get more batteries. Just a few miles beyond Grand Junction you go north on Hwy 139. I expected this road to be flat and was surprised to be going over a small pass. It is good to wake your spouse when you are teetering on the edge as well. They love that.
Head north until you get to Hwy 64 west, which takes you to Dinosaur, the town. At this point you head west until you realize you needed to go east. There is a ranger station just a mile from town and you go into Dinosaur National monument on this road. When you are about to enter the park there is a road that goes off to the right called Echo Park road. There is one sign that causes a bit of concern.
Passenger cars not advised. Well it’s an adventure right? The road takes you off the edge of a cliff, switchbacking in rough dirt, down two canyons, crossing both dry and actively flowing streams, and plops you right next to the Green River.
This place looks awesome (pictures later), the only problem is you are next to a very slow moving body of water in the late afternoon. What could possibly be wrong with that? Mosquitoes. Not just a few, but millions. They swarm you and swarm you while you setup the tent. They swarm you and swarm you while you light the fire. They swarm you and swarm you while you cook and eat dinner. They swarm you and swarm you while you get quickly pack everything up and flee to the safety of the tent. It didn’t matter how much bug spray we had dowsed ourselves in, if you missed a square inch of fleshy real estate two or three bugs would be sucking your blood. Smoke only knocked them from their delicate orbit of your body, but the minute you were a foot from the fire they were back on you. It’s as if they knew we were coming and gathered together for the bountiful feast.
So now we have all fled into the tent and killed the ones that managed to get in. Here we are, well before dark.
Games of Thomas the Train Uno and War and talking and itching fills the time before we all lay down and fall asleep.
The morning breaks, the shadow flee… and so do the bugs. Just a few pests in the morning, but this time we wake early because as soon as the sun hits the rock wall, echo park heats up and who wants to be in a small tent with 5 other people baking away? Who? Well not me.
Here is the relative size of the cliff walls around us.
That is the whole family there on a table in the next campsite over. Can’t you tell?
Here is the bend of the river, sans being able to see the river.
Here is whispering cave. Less than a mile up the canyon.
Here is some hieroglyphics 35 feet off the ground up another ¼ mile from the cave.
Here is a cabin and stuff.
And here are the scenics from the top.
Chloe and doll showing us where we stayed the night.
Then out of the park, back through Dinosaur, CO and west towards the other entrance to the monument. Here we went to the visitor center, and some of the kids got a junior paleontologists badge and then we headed into the park to take the auto tour.
There is an explanation for all these, but I’m not going to tell you. Dinosaur is free this year, so go yourself and find out.
So we finally finished with the park, and a soggy sandwich lunch later we hit Hwy 40 going west towards home. First you have to get through Vernal, and stop by the temple there.
And then it is about three hours to Heber. Once in Heber you get on Hwy 189 and down Provo Canyon and then, well… Home at last. The camping supplies are still strewn across my half the garage, my ambition to get it cleaned up has not arisen, so thus it will remain, until I don’t want my car parked outside. The bug bites have all been soothed and have disappeared and the smell of smoke washed from our bodies, clothes and gear. It is nice to have only the next place you are going to sleep as your only concern, but alas, life is not that easy.
