Whenever I can't sleep...

I blog.

I write to give the many swirling thoughts in my head a physical, logical, permanent location, its own place in the world. When it takes physical shape, meaning, it becomes powerful, autonomous, with a mind of its own.

It's amazing how millions of letters can be crammed in my tiny brain. Without the skill and years of training, I can only get a tiny fraction of it out, and the rest of the 99.99999% of my thoughts fizzle away into emptiness, nothingness...

Like one's existence, what truly happens once he/she stops existing? When you go from a living, breathing human person to becoming a cold,stiff, rotting carcass, where does your eternal soul gets placed? Is it truly that 21grams that constitutes your soul just disappears forever? Then your time on Earth, what is it really? A tiny asterisk pointing to a footnote hidden within an appendix buried in an obscure reference?

But I digress.

My thoughts, myriad in its actualization, probably can fill up the Encyclopaedia Britannica. Heck, it may be enough to deck out Wikipedia. Hah, did you know that there's a Wiki entry about Britannica? Maybe one day, someone will edit the wiki entry to talk about the demise of Britannica. After all, doesn't the victors rewrite history? Sure, the bards will sing the tales of how you valiantly fought with your very last breath, but surely, they won't be saying anything about how the winner double-crossed and stabbed them in the back. At least not while the victors (and their direct descendants) are still alive.

Ok, I think I have done a sufficiently lengthy memory dump. My head feels much lighter, clearer, and ready for bed. My thoughts feel particularly heavy in my head, perhaps they can actually be weighed one day. Has any physicist / biologist considered that before? Then again, if a thought is might up of electrical impulses jumping through the synapses in the brain, having a lot of thoughts = a lot of electrical impulses. Since an electrical impulse is a particle transmitting electromagnetic waves, it's a form of energy. Energy = mass x acceleration, therefore the more thoughts I have, the heavier I become.

Wow.

Is that worthy of a Nobel?

Grand Palace in BKK

Wow I'm old

Wow, it's really been a very long time since I last blogged, back in July 2010. Guess one could say that since then I became very busy at work, at life, everywhere. And suddenly I have hit upon another life milestone, a moment to reflect on the past year.

There has been many changes since my last entry.

1) Changed jobs
I'm now in a new subsidiary that looks into equity investments as well as industry promotion. The learning curve has been fairly steep, and I found myself learning new skills that tested my ability to adapt and grow. The best of this job is that I am now fully based locally and can actively seek out my other interests, see No. 2

2) In a relationship
I'm with BJ, a simply wonderful girl who has shown me the better part of what living can be. Without realizing it, my last 30 years was a scowling nightmare. I avoided pictures, afraid of immortalizing the mirror image I saw but didn't want to. She, with all her cheerfulness and joy, has taught me how to smile and believe.

3) I'm studying
In between juggling 1) and 2), I've embarked on something new. I've started studying for a certification course, designed to help me career-wise post-slavery. This has led to many sleepless nights, blurred mornings, and frenzied studying binges.

What hasn't changed
1) Weight
Since dropping significantly in 2010, my weight has reached a plateau. I still target to lose another 10kg to reach my desired weight, and I will do it by end of this year. This I will have to do with 1), 2), and 3) in perspective.

2) Procrastination / Laziness
That still hasn't changed. As I was clearing out some of the books cluttering my shelf today, I chanced upon "The Procrastinator's Guide to Success" and smiled. If only reading a book can solve a problem, but even so, procrastinators won't ever flip to the last page. This is something that needs to change as well, if I want to achieve further personal growth.

3) Lack of Planning
For too long, I have been counting upon good luck, serendipity to get through life. Somehow, amazingly enough, I have lived well enough. But it's stupid to believe that I can still do this in the next phase in my life. I *need* to be a planner, because if I have goals but not a way to achieve them, then I'm just a dreamer.

Let this blog entry serve as a reminder to myself to change. 31 years late, but it's never to late to start *now*.

Wish me luck!