倩；Life's drawing without an eraser

push on.

Friday, July 06, 2012, 4:41 PM

This girl inspires to be a cardiologist in future.
I asked her why
and she said "My brother has a hole in his heart. He was born with that. There's only 1 cardiologist in the whole of Maldives who can cure such illnesses. I want to be a cardiologist in Maldives too. I want to cure my brother and many other people" She smiled :)
She continued"I scored 97/100 for a recent bio test :)"

i felt so touched and inspired by her man.
I see the qualities and motivation in her which i know will definitely bring her to her goal someday.

I've gotta learn from her seriously.
Has been lazing around since CTs are over.
Holiday mode ONNNN.
& guess what, teachers are all saying "time to prepare for your promos!"
"not much time left! minus public holidays, minus this minus that etc..."
"Promo 60%!"

For goodness sake, Cts aren't even over for a week and sch's back with all the stress and bullshit. maybe all schools are like that idk.
but i hate it! ):
i'm was enjoying my life until recently, reality came crashing down on me like before.
Ymca project, PW, tests, tutorials, CCAs, CIPs, friends....
the thought of juggling all these just stresses me out.
projects after projects. weekends like siao, so many things to do.

i feel like i'm crashing down soon.
like that few days before i left for maldives.
like an emo bitch going crying at every single thing.

i forbid myself to do so.
i've to be stronger than last term.
i need to hold on a little longer.
no doubt i'll return to that haggard and shag state in no time but at least, i gotta hang in there longer. i need to learn to be stronger. i need to know how to handle stress. i need to learn how to make myself immune to others' cold treatment. i need to learn how to put down the past and move on.

Challenges are what makes life interesting,
Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

加油吧!

:)

Lets see when's the next time i come back as that emo bitch and bitch about my life again.
i hope its never... :/

Distance

Monday, July 02, 2012, 1:11 AM

Have you ever felt you're distancing from your friends?
Like you're aware of the distancing that takes place over time, witnessing you and your friends drifting apart.
It's inevitable, it's like, meant to be?
It's.. kind of... painful... and..... sad...

we used to have so much in common, we used to have so much to talk about.
everything under the sun, we can practically talk about anything.
even we've run out of topics, we still talk.
we found it enjoyable to talk to each other, we took it for granted, never did we know that there may come a day, we're gonna part and... not talk again.

i really dont know, i truly feel that i cant qualify to be a friend.
superficial friend, i can, but good friend, i fail at it.
i was probably taking things for granted like people talking to me..
and, i dont seem to make the effort to make them feel reciprocated..
well, i have to say, i treasure my friends, a lot.
i admit that im really bad at expressing, i dont know how to make a person feel cherished, treasured, or even cared.
i always do things that make people feel left out, forgotten, unimportant.
but those were never my intentions, i never wanted my loved ones to feel that way.
I feel blissful when i know i'm remembered, and cared,
but i cant make them feel the same..
i suck...
i dont know how my friends manage to stay by me for so long...
sigh.

It was never like that.
This process is agonizing..
Witnessing your loved ones leaving you one by one, gradually...
yes, text once in a long while, hi-bye conversations..
or even not contacting each other..
im so afraid imagining the day we become..... strangers.
i'm sorry but i cant get myself mentally prepared for such a day.
i can't face it.
because losing my friends now, is like crushing all my pillars and support.
life will be...

sigh.

i dont know what i can say.. or do.. to make things better because obviously i think i managed to drive my friends away from me because i dont seem to care, when i do.
i'm always 'the busy one'.
always too busy for them.

one day,
just you wait,
i'm gonna be left all alone.

a single soul.

an epitome of