Thursday
Thursday, September 18, 2014, 2:13 PM
Feeling a little empty today.
Wishing I can be back to witness this breathtaking skyline in Paris right now..
That little step
Sunday, September 14, 2014, 12:00 AM
290 days since the end of A levels
165 days since the end of my work at SBF
52 days to my first finals in uni
I realize I have been including countdowns in my every other posts recently. Not countdown to future events but counting of days after some very significant events in the past. And yes, the first 2 countdowns brought me through the times I DESPERATELY wanted to get over :') And sadly, I have now added another countdown to my first Finals in uni and I really can't believe it's happening SO SOON I can't even...
It's already been around 5 weeks since school started but I'm still feeling so unready for uni ): Whoever said uni is all about fun and chillax life is liar man. All I thought about uni was really just fun fun and MORE FUN but apparently now that I have started to join some stuffs like JDC, Hall dance and Bizmag Subcomm (merely 3 commitments) and I already feel like I have no time for work. For the past few weeks in hall I've been sleeping at around 3am almost everyday omg. But I got to admit I weren't even studying past midnight. Most of the time was spent chilling and talking to my hall friends. DONT KNOW WHY but somehow we always just manage to talk crap till the morning :O I honestly never thought I'm that kind of person that can talk through the entire night SACRIFICING MY SLEEP. Oh well, maybe this is what hall life is really all about and I kind of like it despite the super jialat sleep deprivation that comes with it HAHAHA!
Oh, and partly because I spent half of my time in the past month training for pageant which I honestly regretted joining at first. Was so afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone for the first and second camp and ultimately took that small step out and agreed to attend the pageant interview during hall camp. I really almost wanted to say no again until the persuasions around and within me took me over. I didn't hope for anything else but for the journey to be a fun and fulfilling one. I swear I was complaining like no end to anyone and everyone I met during the past one month. And I'm really sorry to everyone around me because of the negative vibe I radiated at that period of time.. But as the end got closer, I started to wonder how I'd feel after pageant is over. Would I feel empty (like many other pageantees experienced) without daily trainings? Without something to complain and without something to dread? (LOL) HAHAHA I guess I ended up not feeling much emptiness because it daunted upon me that I have tons of work to catch up on and have scholarship to maintain. And the thought killed me again. WHY OH WHY. Looking at how I can't understand any shit during lessons leave me really helpless, hopeless and worried about my grades and scholarship.
Oh well, away from the stressful part for a while, here's a little throwback to the big night we pigeons had been working hard for...
One week since DnD have ended but everything felt like it was just yesterday.
Was nervous like hell on stage my smile was shivering but nevertheless, all the cheers and encouragements from my friends totally made everything better.
Best thing I got out of this journey is definitely the friends made, the experience and knowing all my family and friends who supported and encouraged me in one way or another. I didn't feel that I was on the journey alone but with so many others who went through it with me. I am honestly thankful to everyone who have helped me in one way or another, be it a simple pat on my shoulders or a word of encouragement. And especially everyone who helped to spread my facebook pic despite me looking so ugly in it. I was honestly touched :') And of course the seniors and pigeons who made the jouney much more meaningful and fun :)
Looking back, I shouldn't regret taking that step out of my comfort zone afterall. All the fun times, the friends made and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Couldn't ask for a better way to kickstart my yolo-uni-life with HAHAHA ;)
Till next time! :)
To be or not to be
Wednesday, July 02, 2014, 3:04 AM
Annyeong!!
Hahaha got some Korean Feelz today idk why ;P Sooo... Today is probably my... last second day of work at the hotel? I'm not sure what am I supposed to feel towards this manzzzzzz
Well I kind of have some 舍不得 to leave because I truly like this job more than my previous jobs. Nt only because I like walking around and having the chance to talk to different people but it's also because of the nice colleagues there which makes me feel motivated. Ok truth to be said I don't think I'm even close to any colleagues there (except my lao peng you-LXH) whom I will contact privately but they really just make me feel comfortable at work and that's all that matters. The no-stress kind of environment (of course when the boss isn't around) but everyone is just being automatic when any of us see a guest. Awwww I'll miss my colleagues la definitelyyyy.
I really don't wish this Friday to be my last day of work but MANNNNN I have got camp next week, next next week, next next next week and next next next next week. Practically whole of July. And school starts in August. WHERE GOT TIME TO WORKKKK. Unless I work during weekends which I'm not really keen to because time really pass damnnnnnn slowly since there aren't many guests around. But still, as long as there are nice colleagues around, I guess it'd be fine. But AGAIN, I'm afraid I'll be so lazy to crawl out of bed the next day after camp to go to work. ARGH DILEMMA. DECISIONS. HELP ME PLS SOMEONE.
Hoping that even if Friday is my last day, it'd end off on a good note... :'(
Back and energized
Monday, June 30, 2014, 2:49 AM
YESSSSSSS
IM BACK FROM EUROPE!!!
Looking back at my last post and how sian I felt before my departure 2 weeks ago, i kind of feel relieved because NOT A MOMENT IN EUROPE DID I FEEL SIAN. Nor did I even think of what's gonna come at me aft the end of the trip. Instead, these 2 weeks kind of let me relax and enjoy without the thoughts of anything else. Other than the pretty and scenic places, I guess having met the right group of people in my tour group made everything better. It's like making a new bunch of friends. Meeting up every night after we check in our hotel, be it roaming the streets, braving the wind and rain to go to a rooftop bar to drink, having Maggie parties till late night and taking selfies anytime and anywhere with the all mighty selfie stick. Hahaha even reminiscing about those times make me smile :) well I believe many of us doubted if we would even continue to keep in touch after the trip but with a whatsapp group and a group of Onz people I'm kind of confident that we will still keep in touch in one way or another! Like twitter, insta and Facebook. ;)
Missing Europe like mad but 2 weeks is enough and just nice for me to feel refreshed but not exhausted. It's time for me to slowly transit into the next phase of my life and I hope this energy stays on with me thoughout! Trying to keep this flame of positivity burning.
It has been long since I felt some enthusiasm towards life.. Feeling blessed :)
Dreadddd
Saturday, June 14, 2014, 2:39 AM
Time check: 2.26am
Thanks to my very generous manager who treated us coffee today, the caffeine effect is currently acting on me now and I guess I'd still be v awake for quite some time!
So I'm just here to do some random writing which you may or may not understand ;p
Calendar check: it has been 199 days since the end of A'level
Can you believe it? 199 days have passed by just like that. Today is my "last day" of work at the hotel before my Europe 2-weeks trip tomorrow and I'm feeling really sad. I'm not too sure why but I'm kind of worried that by the time I come back to work, everything would be so much more distant and after so long when I'm finally getting to know people better, I'm going Mia for 2 weeks. And yknow what adds on to this sian-ness? By the time I come back it'll be July. Then following it will be NTU scholars camp, NBS FOC, Big-4 camp, hall camp all one after another. Even the thought of it kills me already. I honestly don't think I'll have the stamina to be high for 4 weeks straight. And in actual fact I'd rather work than facing the stress of knowing the need to socialize and know people through these camps. Because everyone will be trying so hard to know as many people as possible and it just doesn't sound like an environment I'd like..
Sigh all in all my sian-ness level is hitting the peak as I'm nearer to the departure for this trip. As much as I'm excited for the trip, I'm dreading what's coming at me after the 2 weeks. Camps then start of school. Life would be so much different from now.
Will life be better? Will I be happier?
For a better tomorrow
Friday, June 06, 2014, 1:07 AM
A throwback to this precious moment when we all forgot about the world and immersed ourselves in nothing else but the music and fun.
Because this picture looks so unglam I know I'll get killed if I do this throwback on insta... So here it is! it may not be a glam photo but i guess it really captures the moment
On a side note!! I FINALLY DYED MY HAIR!! Happiness overload!! HAHAHHA BUT I KNOW IT LOOKS NO DIFF FROM THE PIC... :/ you gotta see it in real life man. The colour may be subtle but I like it! Rebond fringe + dye + treatment = $180. Not that cheap but it doesn't matter as long as I love my hair more now!! If you know me long enough you'd have known that I really hate it when my hair is curly. ESP my fringe.
Omgosh just look at that small little Maggie-mee look alike curls on my fringe. If it's not clear enough.......
Now you know what I mean. So glad those ugly curls are gone (temporarily). HAHAHAH
Happygirl95 in the salon 😉😉
Okay I'm kind of lazy to type already so goodbyeeeee. There's a long day of work tmr and I hope it'll be a good one to end off my Friday!
Here's to a better tomorrow after a sucky end to today thanks to that screwed up instructor!!
Good day everyone!! <3 ^^
Only time tells the truth
Wednesday, May 28, 2014, 12:43 AM
Forever posting at such late hours omg.. Hahaha okay so I'm just back from my work at BH, washed up and lazing on my bed waiting for my hair to dry.
Had a rather good start to the day with my driving lesson at 11 in the morning! Hahaha didn't really expect to have a good time for lesson today because I kind of skipped lesson last week and I'm still getting stressed up when I drive on the road. Yeah so I brought the super sian attitude to drive. Kicked start the lesson by driving on the road as usual. Then we turned into a small road to practice 3 point turn which I am kind of still unfamiliar with. But am super happy because my instructor says that I'm getting better! (But he says that every lesson though LOLLLL) ok so after practicing a few times, he told me "OK NOW I TEACH YOU PARALLEL PARKING." My worst nightmare finally came!! And btw it's only my 5th lesson and I'm leaning parallel parking. Excited yet afraid at the same time. Spent like the next 15 mins practicing parallel parking and it's kind of fun I'd say! As long as I can park the car within 5 mins I wouldn't fail this section during TP! And instructor says I took less than a minute today so it should be fine ;))) *ego boost* HAHAHA but all that he taught for parallel parking I king of forgot alr though. Like I only retained 20% of what he said... driving requires memorizing too man. Hahaha! And while I was doing my parallel parking another instructor in front of my vehicle was telling me I'm damn lucky to have P as my instructor because he is really good and his passing rates are high! Said that he really damn power. HAHAHA OKAY I AGREE HE TEACH WELL but because he is so popular it's really hard to book schedules with him -.- But I like how he teach me everything so quickly. Like I went into the road and learned Uturn on my first lesson. Then learned to chge gear etc on second lesson. Then all the overtaking, changing lane, junction etc on the third lesson. Followed by 3 point then and parallel parking all by the 5th lesson. And one lesson is only 1hr mind you!! really power. And he asked me to book my TP date alr. I appreciate his confidence in me but I know I'll fail it if I book so soon. So yeah 慢慢来 :)
Fast forward all the way to 3pm when I started work at BH! Today's crowd is really good. Like not too slack nor busy in the afternoon. But whoops I got "lectured" by ladyboss for working so little :p like only 2 times a week. but it's not easy for me to juggle 2 jobs and social life all together too :/ but anw I still fulfilled the 12hrs requirement so oh well! She got my point. and she told me to try to work at least 1 weekend night for each week. Not too bad I guess, if that means I can work just 2 days a week :) Anw I'm not gonna go into details for work because nth interesting happened~
To sum up the day, I would like to just express that I really detest it when the first thing people do when things happen or when problem arises is to push th blame. It really disgusts me I swear. I mean like firstly, shirking responsibility and pushing the blame DOES NOT solve or improve the situation at all. Instead, it makes thing worse because you just ruin others' mood. And secondly, it's telling of your character. Fine, it may not be your fault but being in a hurry to prove your innocence and defending yourself at the first instance a problem crops up is just.. LOL, unbearable. but anw I guess I'm kind of used to such shit since young so doesn't amaze me such people exists (actually many people are like that). Many times I tell myself that there's really no point being too kind because sometimes you get put down for something you didn't do wrong and the real culprit might not even stand up for you. Although I've always been through such bullshit situations, although many times I've told myself to learn to defend for myself, I can't help but still remain the same because I don't want to become the kind of person I detest. I don't want to become the kind of person who is so self -centred unconsciously. I don't want to be the kind of person to blame others when things happen. Fine, I can learn to defend myself by claiming that you didn't do it. But why the need to point the fingers at others? Whether or not it's their fault. I just hate people who only think of themselves and are so narrow minded such that they ignore the whole big picture and purely want to claim their innocence instead of trying to calm everybody and solve the problem.
Oh well enough of ranting. Another long day for me tomorrow! Hopefully a good day at work awaiting me! ^^
Monday blues? NOT!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014, 1:16 AM
Okay hi!
So it's like 12.31am now and I'm just lying on my bed reflecting about my day. And today was so.... Hmmm much of good and much of bad so my mood was literally on a roller coaster? But I'm glad everything ended on a good note :)
A happy selfie to start my post ;p
So I started work today at 8.30 for my hotel job and within the first 2 hours or so my mood was already half ruined because I was scolded by a taxi driver whose attitude really sucked. Okay.. So this group of guests came out of the lobby with their luggages and as usual I approached them to ask if they needed a taxi. They replied that they needed one to the airport. So I signaled M to get a taxi while I stood beside the first at the taxi queue to wait for the taxi. AND THEN, SUDDENLY, this taxi driver from somewhere behind the bushes (on the other part of the road) horned at me and signaled that he wants to take the guests. So I kind of signaled him to come over. BUT!!!! just when he was turning in, the taxi that M flagged for just turned in before that guy and so we gave the guests the first taxi and that dude who horned me did not get the guest in the end. OKAY FIRSTLY I need to admit it was my fault for not communicating clearly with M and that bushes dude and ended up having 2 taxis coming at the same time. Okay but anw so that bushes dude wind down his window and started scolding me. Say stuffs like "early in the morning don't make me angry I tell you" and when I told him to wait at the front so that I'll give the next guest to him, he exclaimed "don't order me around ! You think I what!" AFT JUST DOING THIS JOB FOR 3 WEEKS I gotta say that the attitude of most taxi drivers nowadays REALLY SUCKS. From picking customers to asking customers to get out of the car. It's so ridiculous to the extent that our overseas guests often questioned such attitudes and practices. Can't help but feel shameful as a Singaporean sometimes. Getting scolded and yelled at is bad enough. But M was also pissed off because yeah he also kind of blame me I guess. Like he flagged for a taxi and I ended up flagging for another one. That's a bad enough morning and it was only 1hr plus from the start of my work.
THEN. The day became worse. So I was idling around the lobby feeling sad and bad. And being bored, I just randomly decided to go to the concierge to nua since it was empty. AND JUST AT THIS TIMING, A GUEST CAME UP TO ME (thinking I was concierge) and asked for a Singapore map. Fair enough. So I just handed him the standard SG map that we have. Then he asked me where is Chevron house. Okay I weren't really sure but there was google right in front of me so why not just search right! I think he alr felt that I was dumb when I couldn't even point out the destination on his map ._. After which he started lamenting how big piece the map is and requested for a smaller size SG map which we don't have. okay that one really bobian unless I tear the map into smaller piece for him -.- he proceeded to tell me that the hotel gym isn't good enough for him to do weightlifting and asked for recommendations. OH MAN. Asking someone who don't even go gym. HAHAHHA so he kind of sensed that I was stuck and told me that it would be good to leave at message at his room when I find out where is the nearest gym he can weightlift. I then asked for his room number. After which he left.
HERE COMES THE HORROR!! I checked up on all the gym details and just when I was abt to leave the msg for him, I went to search for his room number on the system. AND IT SHOWS THAT THE GUEST FOR THAT ROOM NO. HAVE NOT EVEN ARRIVED AT THE HOTEL!! Screw my life!! It's either I heard the number wrongly or he have the number wrongly. So now I have neither his name nor room number, but am supposed to leave a measage for him. screwup#2 of the day. 👏👏👏
Screwup#3 of the day comes shortly aft that. So we have this guest arriving in our limo and I happened to be the one to escort her to the check in reception (kind of like VIP). So I led her to the elevator while she was on her phone. Then halfway in the elevator her line got cut off. -Volcano erupting-
Apparently she was on an important conference call and she was the host. So her mood was kind of screwed and was rushing the reception to quicken up the check in so that she can go to her room asap. I followed her all the way to her room and wanted to offer her my phone go call but I was hesitant because I was afraid that I'm doing things beyond what I should. But amidst all her frustrations, she smiled when I bade her goodbye and kept thanking me for being so sweet and helpful. I WAS MELTING MAN HAHAHA!! I mean, I tried to help and reassure her but ultimately still didn't help her solve the problem. This really shows how just some comforting words and empathy goes a long way even though you might not be able to solve the problem. And this made my day much better :D
Random selfie at lunch because IM A LONER 😭😭😭
OKAY anyway, today A made my day as well because he was telling me that M and he were talking abt me last week and they felt that I'm hardworking and am doing well in what I'm supposed to do. AWWWWW!! When your efforts get recognized by your manager and colleague... HAPPY IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!! And A was telling me M wants me to get my own name tag ASAP so that if guests happen to want to compliment me it sth I will be rightly credited. I know from the bottom of my heart it will not happen but ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! REALLY. :') I honestly don't think I'm even doing such a great job but nevertheless, these words totally motivated me to serve each and every guest better. And with that motivation, my day srsly just got better and better as I took the effort to engage all the guests that I took. MONDAY BLUES NO MORE! ;D
There's still this group of guests which I attended to today and I'm gonna see them again on Wed! Will update again when I catch up with the guests because it's kind of TOO LONG to type another para for this part.
So yeah! Kind of some up my day at work for Monday and here's to many more good days at work! HUAT AH!! 🍻🍻🍻
Late night thoughts
Sunday, May 25, 2014, 11:46 PM
Yay!!! Finally changed my blog URL back to kittymaoz! ☺️☺️ AFTER 3 FREAKING YEARS!! And if anyone still remembers the page that I had while I was on this long hiatus..
My constipated face and that epic "I'll be back" that never happened for the 3 years 😂
My initial thought was to resume the blog after Olvl in 2011 but who knows I'm only back here now in 2014, having done w my Alvl and awaiting my uni life which is gonna real soon.
So....
Here's a reality check.
179days of freedom. 90 days spent on a full time job. And the rest of it currently spent on 2 part time jobs and driving lessons. AND YAY TO 14 DAYS OF HOLIDAYS TO EUROPE IN JUNE!! :')) it's a much needed break from my 7 days work week (自找one) LOL.
One of my jobs is being part of a service crew in a cafe/restaurant while the second one is in a hotel. Ok I kinda like both jobs but more of the hotel one because the colleagues there are nicer? Somehow? Probably because it's in the hospitality line so everyone kind of have a pleasant and easy-to-talk-to character! But I still hope to work w Lee if I can but she work on weekends and fri nights only :/ So I tried to schedule my June work days on Friday night and pray that I get what I submitted!! Okay but besides working with Lee I would also love to chill by Clarke Quay w her!! Hahah! Like we just talk about anything everything such that I couldn't even remember what we said after that 😂😂 well because times like this are hard to come by for me and honestly, spending quality time sitting down with someone you're comfortable with and just talking about life is a kind of luxury to me. I mean, I really cherish these times. As much as I hope to have more of these, there aren't many people who have such time for me. Hahaha 💔💔 Okay fine sometimes I admit I'm too busy for others too. But I really try to make time.
As I reflect from time to time, I always come to realise that I've been missing out many people in my life. Like I've come to a realization that there are so many friends who have parted their ways from me, epecially from my sec sch. And I really can't help but feel waves of sadness and regret hitting me me again and again whenever I think about it.
Knowing many people is one thing. But having really close friends is totally another different thing. And one thing I have definitely learned over the years is that having a few close friends >>>>>> knowing many acquaintances.
And why didn't I realise this earlier?
feeling really friend-less now.
Identity
Wednesday, April 23, 2014, 2:27 PM
"Be yourself and love yourself for who you are."
Sounds cool. Sounds easy. But I never really understood how that can apply to myself. How do I love myself for who I am when I don't even understand myself? I believe the feeling of inferiority is not uncommon and it's just normal for us to be envy and jealous of others who have the kind of life that we aspire. Especially when it seems that we can never get anywhere close to that. Their looks, their figure, their family, their talents, their friends - practically their perfect life. And I sometimes just can't help but wonder why am I so far from that?
Honestly I can't say I'm happy with my life right now because I really cant find joy in anything I do nowadays. As far as I remember, the days I truly loved life ended somewhere in sec 3 or 4. Lifeless and dead would aptly describe my days beyond that even until today. 8 months of holidays, 5 months have passed. What exactly have I accomplished? Nothing shiok! Not like the kind of yolo insane life I had looked forward to before my Alvls. "The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment" so apt.
It really feels like I've lost myself somewhere amidst this journey and am clueless of where exactly should I pick myself up from again.
sigh. I really hope I can stop wasting my life away.
