骗子

原来我们每一个人都是个骗子，我们最擅长的就是骗自己…

应该让心去决定?还是理智的决定？

最近往往都是在理智和情绪之间徘徊…
有人告诉我，做人不可以太理智，会让自己很累…
曾经也因为太理智，而错失了很多…
但是也因为依靠情绪，而让自己上的很重…
很矛盾，很无奈…
看来，还是要继续挣扎，继续徘徊，继续的矛盾…

Lost...

Its been 1 and a half months since I am back to Malaysia...
Suddenly felt that after the 3 months I was away, many have changed...
But yet what exactly have changed, I don't know...
Maybe the one that has changed is me, but what exactly I still don't know...
Too many things I don't know how to tell and I don't want to tell...
Walked into things that I have no idea off, the voice in my head has been giving me a big headache...
Sometimes I really do hope someone can just come up to me and tell me what to do or what not to do...
Clear directions are needed, in the meantime, I am still lost...

2 books that I have read...

It was a long time since I really picked up a book and read till the end.

This time round, I have the opportunity to read 2 books, both the same author Neivelle Tan.

Apparently Ps. Neivelle Tan is a friend of my family and has a great testimony to tell.

In both his books Iron Man and The New Iron man "Not an Easy Road" has greatly challenge me once again in my walk with the Lord Jesus Christ.

After reading his autobiography, once again I was reminded of the commission that was given me by the Lord Himself, to serve and love Him...

As I reflect back as I was reading the book, I would say 80 or 90 percent of the time I was out there serving myself instead of serving Him, living my own agendas instead of being obedient and walk in the ways He have intended for me.

Also have I realised that how gracious God is to me, although I lived my wicked ways and have gone astray, but yet He was always closed to me to protect and keep me.

Finding the answers that I always asked God where He is when I needed Him, God has spoken greatly to me through this book. Not condemning me of my sins but reassures His love for me even I felt totally unworthy of His great love.

To me, it was a life changing book... I would really recommend this to anyone and everyone...

My naughty boy...

For those who don't know, I have a dog. It was a coincidence that the dog has come into my care for few hours in transit to its new master. But the new master think I am one of his masters too. Yes, this is it, my little coco...

It is a miniature poodle, although I really hate small dogs like this, but I am really fond of him. Although he is not really obedient, always cause a big mess and ignoring me most of the time I called. And to be honest, I have gave him quite a few times of good spanking for doing the wrong things over the last 3 weeks I was back for holidays. He has been a good companion to help me get my mind off the things that have been bothering me, he has distract me from holding on to wounds I have and let time take away the pain.

For that now, he has and will be my companion everytime when I goes back home. To train him takes loads of patience, because the previous owner never trained him before. It will be a good practise for me to control my temper and work on my patience... And I wish one day when I settled down and not travel anymore, I will have a dog of my own. 1 that will wait for me to come home everyday and wags its tail when it see me coming from a far...

Coco after his haircut...

His signature post... Telling me he surrender, please don't smack him...

Airports

After taking on this new life, I have been going to the airport extensively...

It’s the place arrivals and departures, happiness and disappointments, expectant heart and heavy hearted...

So many times when I was at the airport, I can always see tears of joy and sorrows, happy and sad faces...

To me, it’s just merely a place that I have to pass thru to get to work.

But then of all the airports in the world, I love KLIA the most...

Not because it has good facilities and nice airport lounges, but its home...

A lot of time, after travelling out of the country for a long time, coming back home is always a nice feeling...

Although there is no one to pick me up from the airport, which is kind of sad... It always feel good if there is someone waiting for you, makes you feel welcomed home and felt that you are being missed...

But then whenever you are on a MH flight (not advertisement), the cabin crew will announced, "We have arrived in KL International Airport, for visitors, we wish welcome to Malaysia and as for fellow Malaysians, Welcome home"...

It really does give a good feeling to hear words like that, and just simple words like these can make a heartfelt warm...

Now that I am back home, it’s just a matter of time that I will have to go to the airport again...

Thankful

How many of us ever thought of being a bird, to fly around the world, go where ever we like to and be free? I did... Now I guess I have achieve it (other than the go where ever I like, cos I can only go where the company wants me to go). To a lot of people, the job I am having now is a dream come true... Getting paid to go to places that to some people its only in their dreams they would go...

But I always believe in order to get something, there are always sacrifices. In order to get this job I have choose to sacrifice my time with my family, my friends, my relationship and also the things I enjoyed when I am at home... In one way, it makes me appreciate more what I have at home, and know who my closest friends are...

How many of us always take our parents for granted? Having nutritious and wonderful meal everyday on the table and sometimes we get bored and decided to eat out? Only when I stay out at places where good food is no where to be found, I finally from deep within my heart miss home cooked food... Every single grain of rice on the plate is full of a mother's love for her child.... And in every prayer they make to the Lord almighty, has uphold me and bless me in every way... I miss you both so much mum and dad...

And how many of us actually said thank you to a friend who hangs out with you? Watch movie with you? Let you make fun of him/her and in return make fun of you? Even just be with you when you feel like you are right at the bottom of the valley? I would like to say thank you, thank you who always let me bully but seldom have the chance to bully me back... Thank you who didn't say anything when I was at the bottom pit, but by your actions you tell me "it's OK"... And thank you, yes all you true and close friends, for including me in your holiday schedules even when I am away and also the short time I have back home...

Dear family and friends, I am back... After long time of hiding away, I am finally back... Physically and emotionally, after few months of confinement, I have recovered, and I am back... Soon, very soon you will see the real me again...