today's the last day of january. time really flies. there goes the first month of the 2004.
life has been pretty good. i'm formally in the national development squad for road riding. finally i'm recognised for my sporting achievements. that's why i chose to give up running and tri to pursuit road cycling.

because i know i can make it big.

i dont find it a big achievement. it's just the begining of a new chapter. there's gotta be more to come, longer hours on the saddle, overseas races and tours. man. i really dream of that day to race in national colours, wearing the national jersey.

things have been going pretty well too. it wasnt that hard that i expect the first few weeks of school to be. modules are easy this semester, and i always caught myself sleeping throughout all the lectures, something that i reckon that i must change.

i wonder if something will really work out between me and her. i'm actually a little mixed still. am i really ready for another r/s after the shit that had ended a few months back? maybe i should give myself somemore time. funny stuff is, i know her for so long that i know so much about her and she knows so much about me. so much about being understanding eh. heh.

i seriously hope it will work out. it will complete my life. riding, a partner in life, work.

i'm happy with her around. but i guess i'll take things slow this time round. really slow. aint gonna make the same mistakes again. i wonder if she has feelings for me too.

-trust the voice within-

laters.

If a picture paints a thousand words,
then why cant i paint you.
the words will never show,
the you i've come to know.

If a face could launch a thousand ships,
then where am i to go.
there's no one home but you,
you're that's only left me with.

And when my love for life is running dry,
you come and pour yourself for me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
i'd be with you.
tomorrow and today,
beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving,
spinning slowly down to die.
i'd spend the end with you,
and when the world was through.

Then one by one,
the stars will all go out,
then you and i
would simply
fly away...

had a long day in school. 8am-5pm. came home and rode on the trainer for one full hour.
there's this thing about riding and the aftermath endorphin rush. it lifts everything off my shoulders and i just feel so much lighter.

it makes all my worries seems so insignificant. hope that will last till my next dosage.

Plans for the upcoming week:

Monday: Ride 60mins on trainer + Strength training (DONE!)
Tuesday: West Coast Rodalink Ride + Spin with dolphie (~80km)
Wednesday: Try to get someone to chill out with.
Thursday: West Coast Rodalink Ride (~70km)
Friday: Ride on trainer + Strength training
Saturday: S&W Life Saving Module
Sunday: Thomson Sunday Ride

Get it going bird.

looked back at some old pictures on an online album.

who's this girl? she looked so familiar yet i guess i dont even know her name.

riding has been good. always on the breakaway with the strong riders.

time passed fast. january will be almost over i hope.

i still love you.

i promise myself to live everyday with a smile.

am in the comp lab learning computer application.
i have to admit i took a peek at her blog. oh well. i couldnt access it at home so i just tried my luck here.

it made me feel worse.

FUCK YOU KIT LEONG!

wake up little bird. it's over. she's not part of your life anymore. get the fuck out.

the fucky feeling is back. i hope it will wear off soon.

i'll not read her blog anymore. no more.

no more.

long tired day. lecture from 8am-4pm. in between had a 3 hour break and went west mall to chill with my classmates. borrowed lance armstrong's biography - it's not about the bike - from the lib to read again.

tomorrow will be a new day.

one of ma good buddy in school just told me he got hitched. lucky guy he is. im really happy for him. heh. i know how it feels to be in love. well, i guess when he broke with her ex back in june last year, things were pretty hard for him too. i guess marists are just so fragile. really glad that he found happiness yet again.

when is my special one coming along?

started the day with the usual sunday ride. the ride was pretty good. sticked with the peleton but failed to group with the breakaway at the start of lck. was actually planning to bridge the gab, signalled to markado to keep close to my rear twice and pulled up to 50kph, thanks to the draft i've got from the trucks. was getting pretty close to the breakaway and i decided i've done my work and it's time for the rest to do the rest.

took a look back. oops. they are at least 50m behind. damnit. so i just continue to crank at maximum speed till my legs gave way. and rode constant till the peleton pick me up. im getting stronger and stronger i suppose. will wait for another 2 weeks of rest before i resume training again. picked up the team jersey for 2004 today at wendy's. looked pretty beng and the fonts are kinda retro. oh well, at least i have another jersey to ride with.

millen spoke to me at the beginning of the ride that he has got a new frame coming in soon, which will fit me pretty nicely. i realised that i was kinda arrogant with replies like 'okay' and 'alrights'. argh. i hope he didnt get the idea that im acting like a big shot. but i dont really like to talk while im riding seriously.

it will really be a dream come true if he were to sponsor me a frame/fork or a full bike. it's kinda boring riding the same old compact frame for the whole season of 2003. things might change for better, ride better, ride faster ride stronger. win races. [=

school's gonna start tomorrow. will get to see ma classmates again. not really looking forward to it la. big obsticle will be to face her. am bound to meet her someday. argh. kinda irritates me. lucky we're not in the same class or course. *phew*

wanted to take a nap just now but it was freaking hot coz the sun was shinning directly onto the corridoors just outside my room.

argh.

gonna wake up at 6am on mondays, tuesdays and saturdays. damn. alright. be happy birdie. enjoy life. [=

fuck. why is everything coming back to my mind suddenly? why?

fuck.

i just realise that i've been thinking about stuff more than i did while i was working back then. haiz. when it's gonna end? when will i eventually get over the whole shit and move on?

nothing great was done today. brought the wheels down to SW to change the rim tape, went to look at bikes over at trek3 frankle and cannesia with dad. went to temple and bugis area after that with the rest of the family. came home and cleaned up my room a little and tidy up my little trophy stand on the wall. pretty impressive collection i'll say. but what do they really signifies? what had i achieved?

nothing great.

let everything be over soon. please.

Happy New Year! Man. It's 2004 already. Pretty fast eh. Last night I was still blogging about what happened in 2003. Hmmm, guess perhaps I'll blog more often over here.

Woke up at 0700 today, and went to join the usual thomson ride. Big turnout. But for my team, only me, bernard and david turned up. Pretty slow start with schroder riders at the front, kept to the near front of the peleton to avoid chasing through sharp bends and traffic lights. Things were going pretty relaxing and slow until KT joined in at the start of mandai.

After the junction over at the zoo, I caught myself in a break with KT, a couple of schroder and cannasia riders, and those real strong riders. Damn. The rest of the peleton was caught over at the traffic junction.

I blew up after the first climb over a neotiew, the not-so-steep climb with crazy winds. I was 2nd in the paceline, right behind KT! How crazy can it get? I knew i couldnt take it anymore so i moved out to the right for one the rider behind me to close up the gab with KT. But he shouted at me and asked me to close up the gab. So i got off my saddle and tried to close up the gab a little and went off in the end. At least i did my job eh?

The rest of neotiew/lck i was riding with this team absolut guy, taking very short pulls because i was totally drained off by riding in the break. The main peleton finally caught up with us at the end of LCK and had a easy ride back drafting everybody else. Followed a schroder rider who attacked on the first climb over at bukit timah, and i caught myself with a good 50m gab with the main pack. So i went onto the drops and worked on a little break by myself until the final climb.

The bukit timah stretch was good, going >40kph all the way. But sadly there wasnt a final sprint outside NJC because everyone stopped at the traffic light above that.

Met Patrick over a newton circus after the ride. This guy woke up late and met us at newton instead. Had a good talk with him and azmah, first time having a serious chat with this malay lady rider. She was telling us about her races, sponsorships and stuff. At least i know more about such things now.

Alot of people noticed that I have improved quite abit on my bike. Perhaps all those rest were good. Just a ride a week till mid jan will be nice. Reached home around 1130, had a shower and lunch and slept the whole afternoon away.

Somehow I really hope that the national youth development thingy will work some training programs out. I have no cca in school, so most of the time it will just be going to school and back, and riding on my own or with my team. I really hope something will come that i'll look forward to and occupy my time.

Worked ended yesterday, they actually called me up today and asked if i wanna work today coz YC wanted to take a offday. Hell no. I'm only left with 4 days before school starts. Well, work took my mind off alot of stuff for the past 2 months. Got me out of the house everyday and return home drained.

Donno lah.

Been thinking about stuff again. I wondered if i've really moved on. Maybe i still do have feelings for her still. I though I told myself so many a time that someone more appreciative and nice will come by soon. Maybe in a few months time? Perhaps it's really so difficult to forget someone. Been reading stuff on sgforums.com, lots on relationship problems. One thread was like saying 'It isn't about forgetting your ex, it's about getting used to life without him/her.'

Actually it had been so long since i had someone in my life. I adapting pretty good at it. I bought a mp3 player which will keep me company when i travel. I began to contact friends whom i haven't contacted in a while. I still do get messages quite frequently, everything seems to be back to normal pretty well.

School starts on monday. Wonder what am i gonna do if i do see her. Say hi? Smile? Or take her as a complete stranger? I guess she don't even give a shit about me now. Argh.

There must be someone better out there waiting for me.

11 years in a boy school really affected me quite alot. In good ways and bad. I still find myself pretty shy infront of girls, but it's better than before. It's just so nice to be in a relationship. All those TLC, sweet nothings, hugs and kisses. It feels like that I'll be alone with myself for a pretty long time, maybe I wouldn't even get attached for a few years to come.

Just get used to it.

Am i really that desperate?

Childish. Naive. Immature.

Well well. That's pretty much for the first day of 2004. Tomorrow will be a better day. Guess I'll stay online and find people to talk to tonight.