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The Story
You buy a pair of shoes; they're so beautiful you fall in love with them immediately. You wear them every day - you've never found a better fit. You take care of them, clean them when they're the slightest bit dirty, and you keep them in the box they came in when they're not in use.Then time passes and you find yourself losing the patience to take such good care of your shoes - they are just shoes after all. So you wear them out and you don't notice the sharp edge on that escalator, and that piece of gum on the ground, or that piece of plastic jutting out of the side of the steps. You walk and you run and you jump and you don't pay attention because there are just too many other things appealing to your senses.
One day you notice a stain on your favourite shoes, and you hold it up to take a closer look. Wait, where did that cut come from? When did the sides get so scratched up? What happened to the soles? How did this soda stain come about?
And then you try to clean them, but of course not all stains go away, and you cannot return it to its original state. You wear them out a bit more, until you realise that it no longer makes you feel the way you used to, and so you throw them out - not without some hesitation and regret.
Why couldn't they last the way you wanted them to, forever?
But I am not shoes.
Are you lost ...like me?
Last night while walking home, I walked past a beautiful grey cat, too well groomed to be a stray. While I was running my fingers through its soft grey fur, it started purring and turning back periodically to look at me with its large, soulful eyes (dilated pupils and all), so I asked
Are you lost?
before bursting into tears and asking
...like me?
Feast your eyes to feed your dreams
To dream that you are lost suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. If you try to call for help, then it means that you are trying to reach out for support. You are looking for someone to lean on.
Dear subconscious
Like I didn't already know that.
With love,
me.
Eyes on the prize.
For the past 2 years, I have been comfortable; I have had steady progress, the freedom to explore my ideas, and good support all around. There have been ups and downs, but I have worked through the downs, emerging more victorious each time.
I am in control, and my voice is heard. I know what I am saying and doing, and I know that everyone who is watching agrees.
For what could be the first time in my life, I feel like things are stable, and I feel safe.
Yet this ease makes me uneasy. There is a nagging feeling that I could be doing more, I should be doing more, and that I am capable of so much more than this.
So here I sit, trying my darnest to memorize the meaning of words that I ought to have learned in my earlier years (but failed to because I was never bright enough) -- Injudicious, diffident, taciturnity, pellucidity, mercurial, polemical.........the list just keeps growing with each flip of the page.
It's almost like they expect human dictionaries to show up at the exams...
and that is not even the worst part.
I am trying my best to ignore the fact that I am still going to need letters from professors I never had the time to get acquainted with, and the fact that my transcript is worth as much as a rotten banana peel.
Not even going to go into details of what I will have to leave behind if things (miraculously) work out.
They say that comfort make the successful uncomfortable. Fingers crossed that this is true, and that my efforts will actually lead to something. I don't want to look back in regret, forever wondering what could have been.
I feel like a black hole.
“I was told love should be unconditional. That's the rule, everyone says so. But if love has no boundaries, no limits, no conditions, why should anyone try to do the right thing ever? If I know I am loved no matter what, where is the challenge? I am supposed to love Nick despite all his shortcomings. And Nick is supposed to love me despite my quirks. But clearly, neither of us does. It makes me think that everyone is very wrong, that love should have many conditions. Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times.”
Startled awake this morning by a sharp knock from the douchebags upstairs who are clearly convinced that there is no better time to start disruptive renovation works than at 7 in the morning.
Mother --s.
I woke up feeling empty and lost, but I've since had a grilled chicken salad from McDonalds and am feeling better about life.
I can feel my destructive self surfacing and I am concerned about where this is going -- documenting it so that if I did blow up one of these days then I can at least say I told you so.
The last entry -> NY to Home
This 3 month late entry is dedicated to the 2 Americans who love us most.--
So, after saying goodbye to everyone in Asheville, Nicole, S & I took the car up to Philadelphia, where we were going to meet Jacinth and Yaqi, and put up at Kelly's for the night.
I got to drive for a bit on the highway, and while turning into the gas station for a driver switch, Nicole wondered (aloud) how I got my driver's license.
It wasn't my fault - there were no clear lines on the road demarcating the space, only one stingy arrow pointing left, and there was a line of cars, so I imagined myself turning into The Stig and drove as he would.
Whatever, I got us there alive.
After polishing 3 bags of chips/candy, and a nerve wrecking toilet break in the ghettos, we managed to return our car.
Kelly and Yaqi came to pick us up in an SUV (which Kelly had rented to come get us, #mostsincerefriendever)
Because we didn't get a picture together, here's Kelly, Yaqi, Sharissa and Jacinth. For reference. In case I forget.
A bit about Kelly:
She was my first friend in Junior College. 10 minutes into the start of our first class, Kelly skipped into class with her lovely brown curls bouncing by the side of her perfectly pressed shirt collar, beaming like the rest of us had missed the memo and arrived for class too early instead. (I like to think that the phrase FASHIONABLY LATE was coined by someone who had a friend like Kelly.) So anyway, she skipped to my desk (I was sitting really close to the door,) and decided that I was going to be her friend. Together we spent almost all of our JC days working our asses off for one reason or another, and when we graduated, Kelly went on to become the very successful person that we all knew she would be.
...And so, Kelly is now in America, livin' the life in her big, comfy apartment located right in the heart of the city.
The apartment:
That's Nicole on the most comfortable air mattress in the world (Kelly believes in fine living), on one side of the living room.
Sidetracking, the 3 decisions that I really regret making/not making during this trip are, one, going to Disney World during the disgusting season we were in, two, not going back to Eliada to roll down the hills like a weird ass trespasser, and three, spending too little time in Philly.
Even though S & I had already been to Philly once in '09, I still feel like I still haven't really seen Philadelphia.
Getting back on track, after dinner at an Italian restaurant around the corner (not worth mentioning because the service was so bad that I almost didn't tip,) Kelly brought us to The Ranstead Room, one of the many speakeasies (/spi:ki:zi/ an illicit liquor shop or drinking club in the US during Prohibition) in Philadelphia, where we had some really strong concoctions and I turned bright red in shame. In case you're thinking of visiting Philly, click HERE for a list of really cool secret bars. (PS. Check out the Hop Sing Laundromat!)
Early next morning, Kelly left for school, and we walked around the estate to scavenge for breakfast.
The food took so long that we ended up having to run to the bus stop to catch our bus.
Dragging 2397487 bags under the hot sun is no fun. But being baked for 2 hours in a bus with hot air coming out of the air con vent is worse.
When we finally alighted from the bus I was like...
(S working on her leftovers from lunch)
:D :D :D
2 years ago in Chicago :') I'M SO GLAD WE'RE STILL FRIENDS, GAIZ!
Actually...it's really funny because if you look at the photos that follow, you'll see me disappearing from the camera lens for a bit, and then reappearing in the last photo.
While Sharissa was busy taking selfies, I was picking HUGE rocks to put into her bag.
Now, while Sharissa is a marvellous baker, and my bestest friend in the world, being neat is definitely not her forte. Once she found a 2 week old sandwich at the bottom of her bag and that really elicited a new level of facial contortion from me :6 (that's an emoticon btw, not a secret code. just in case.)
And as expected, she didn't realize that there were 3 HUGE rocks in her bag until much later, when she kept complaining about the weight and I could no longer control my laughter. I am such an asshole, I know.
But anyway, after a bit of waiting, Kimmy spotted us from across the road and.......
KIMMMMYYYY!!! SHARISSAAAAA!!! NICOLE!!!! CAAAAAT!!!! Lol.
This, is Kimmy.
On the first couple of days that S & I moved into the RISE apartments, Kimmy actually came to knock on our door, along with Natalie, Katie and Heather. They were trying to be welcoming, but mid conversation Kimmy got bored of us and left quite abruptly, without saying bye. HAHA. We later found out that Kim didn't like Asians (but then again that seems to be the case for most of the American friends who eventually became really good friends with us,) so I guess that makes us extra special!
What happened after was really ridiculous (...actually, I've never actually had a non-ridiculous time with Kimmy before. Once, she drove her car up the sidewalk and right behind my bedroom window to say HI, and another time she spun her car round and round on the grass like an amusement park ride. This girl has no qualms about punching anyone we find offensive, and shows so much love to the homeless and destitute.)
But anyway, Kim needed to hand up an assignment that was due during the class that started around the time she came to get us (she had to skip that class to be able to spend the day with us,) and we spent half an hour in NYU, watching her pace up and down the door to the tutorial class (tutorial groups are usually really small) deliberating her next move.
But anyway, Kim needed to hand up an assignment that was due during the class that started around the time she came to get us (she had to skip that class to be able to spend the day with us,) and we spent half an hour in NYU, watching her pace up and down the door to the tutorial class (tutorial groups are usually really small) deliberating her next move.
"Should I go in and put my assignment on the desk and just walk out?"
"What if he asks me why I'm not in class?"
"Should I just slot it under the door?" (to which we gave a resounding, mortified "NOOO?!")
"Should I wait for someone to come out to pass it to them?" *after 2 minutes* "no one's coming out!!!"In the end she ran down the stairs to slot it into her professor's mailbox. WTV, YOLO!
A little bit of NYU.
I braided her braids while she was printing her work.
But anyway, we went out for some Thai food later that night, (mmmmmmmm Pad Thai) and went back to Kimmy's to catch up on sleep.
Kimmy had written down a list of things and places she wanted to do and go with us, out of which we chose Coney Island for day 2. Best decision ever. Cold air and a friendly sun -- we really couldn't have asked for a better day.
The amusement park was closed for the season and everything in the gift shops were ludicrously priced, but being on a real boardwalk on a beautiful day with 3 of my favourite people in the world more than makes up for everything.
(Bought those pants from Old Navy for US$6, and the jacket from Wetseal for US$10. #iloveamerica)
Afterwards we speed walked back to the city and did a bit of speed shopping (Understatement. In actual fact I feel like we were jogging to places the whole time we were in NYC.
Kim's idea of a leisurely stroll is walking at 30km/h, and she practically turned into Sonic the Hedgehog when we told her we were going to be late for our next appointment.)
You probably can't tell from this picture, but Nicole, S & I were all panting when this was taken.
Dinner with Natalie, Lisa and Charlie.
Dinner ended early, and of course the four of us couldn't just let our last night together (in what could be years) end without doing something unforgettable. And so, with no internet access on our phones (meaning no Yelp! to tell us where to go), and very little money on hand, we decided to cross the road and head into the first bar in sight.
The first bar was okay, we had our round of drinks and then moved on.
In the second bar there was an awful band playing noise pollution, and about 5 other people, clearly inebriated. We had our drinks from the barmaid, and then moved on.
Now in the third bar, a beach themed bar with a very sandy floor called Surf's Bar (that's a lot of bars in one sentence,) we ordered our drinks. There was a martini, a glass of wine, something else I can't remember, and my Sangria.
When our drinks came and we all took a first sip, I thought that I was dreaming the entire thing up, and that I had in fact somehow fallen asleep in a basket of very wet and dirty laundry that's been left sitting for the past week. It took me a while to realize that it was the Sangria. It tasted like dirty laundry wtf? We played a drinking game that revealed the most hilarious, deepest, darkest secrets, most of which I don't even remember anymore, and Kim got frustrated by how slowly I was finishing my dirty laundry water, and took a big gulp and finished it.
After one more round, we took the subway back to Kim's. It was funny because I was bright red, and we were giggling at everything that was clearly not funny.
While walking back to Kim's, it started to drizzle, and then to pour. I walked as fast as I could because it was cold as hell, and left the 3 of them behind, doing some stupid drunken bra dare. A kind soul shared his brolly with me (actually, he wanted me to take the brolly while he made a dash for his apartment, but I refused because...siao ah?) and I concluded that CHIVALRY'S NOT DEAD (at least not in Brooklyn!)
The morning after our great night out was both sad and hilarious because of how we had to scramble to the airport and bus station to not miss my flight and S's bus to Boston.
Kimmy sent me to the airport where we met a mysterious angel in a long black coat who kept appearing only when we needed directions. It felt surreal, leaving America again. Sometimes it doesn't feel like America is 9000 miles away because of how easy it is to catch up with them over the internet (facebook/whatsapp), but I still wish America was closer, and cheaper/easier to get to.
Well, with that I conclude all of my entries about the USA roadtrip this year.
Till next time!
ORL to AVL
Part...I give up counting.
Part whatever: THE PART WHERE KATIE DRIVES LIKE A SUPERSTAR
LOOK, MA, NO HANDS!
No, but seriously, Katie drives better than anyone I know. Plus she loves driving, so S & I let her take the wheel for the whole 10 hours from Orlando to Asheville (hahaha)
Because we left Disney at 6, by the time we got Katie from her humongous estate and started our drive, it was close to 8 at night. By 12am, we decided that we had to stop for the night. We chose a random motel in a random town (there are so many of those right off the highway), and K scared us with a whole bunch of stories about truckers stopping at these motels for overnight romps with random chicks they pick up along the way.
They're gonna come for us. What if one of them jumps out of this bush?! What if we get abducted by the group of them? They're right around the corner!!!
Really doesn't help that most murder scenes in the movies take place in motels.
We got checked in, put our stuff down, and inspected the beds. S found a suspicious pale-yellow stain on her pillow (hahahaha) while Katie found a strand of short hair in our bed.
I hate motels.
Started the next day pretty early, and the moment we saw mountains in he horizon, we all started bouncing in our seats -- MOUNTAINS! I SEE MOUNTAINS! WE'RE CLOSE WE'RE CLOSE WE'RE CLOSE OMGOMGOMG!!!! (this came mostly from Katie, who was so excited you wouldn't have guessed that the last time she went back to Asheville was less than 6 months ago. T_T)
Along the way to Asheville, Katie told us that truckers have special walkie talkies in their trucks that allow them to communicate with other truckers close by - that's why they always seem to move in synchrony.
When we finally arrived at Asheville, I swear my heart exploded with emotions -- it's one of those strange combinations of sadness, nostalgia, happiness and excitement. It was overwhelming.
Seems like just yesterday that we were doing these:
(...surviving 16 hour shifts -- and the word "surviving" cannot be more apt, considering the kind of physical aggression we faced at work, -- ending the night with Westville & Cookout, driving around downtown and throwing themed parties...)
In the blink of an eye, 2 years have passed, and while we have all moved on from our year as interns, Asheville has more or less remained the same. *wipes tears*
So anyway! Our first stop in Asheville was the airport where we picked Nicole up, with me looking a little like this:
NIIICOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
This is the lovely cottage we spent the next 3 days at -- parquet flooring, huge windows, soft, comfy beds, spacious kitchen and ample space outside? I love American homes.
Over the next 3 days, we spent time
like Neely, Kamira, Ebony, Adrianne, Le-Keisha and Brittany (+ Nurse Sam & Erika, and a couple of others who left shortly after I got thrown out of Westville by the biggest bastard in the world, who sports a really disgusting and dirty looking mop of curly crap on his head.)
It was nice seeing everyone again, and finding out that little has changed since we left (save for that one really exciting and lovely new union.) I wish we had driven back to Eliada (where it all began) to see some fireflies & old friends, or at least take some pictures on the cornfield, but I guess that can wait......till.....the next time I'm back...........
Anyway, we also spent our time walking around Downtown Asheville (we never buy anything from these boutique stores -- I'm too smart to spend $50 on a dress I know they ordered from Taobao)
And met with Leah, Meg and Eliana to do some serious demolition work at the Wild Wings Cafe
- Also where I had my FAVORITE DRAAAAAYYYNKKKKK (caps because I cannot emphasize my love for Coronarita enough!)
And visited Y O L O for my favorite froyo,
Cup on left (mine) = $4
Cup on right (Le-Keisha's) = $6
Wtf I forgot how cheap froyo was in Asheville. Another reason why I love Asheville.
On one of our days in AVL, we drove up the Blue Ridge Parkway (this used to be my favorite thing to do)
to hike up the Craggy Pinnacle
(that's Theo, Fallon's baby)
#bff ! :)))))))))
The wind was so strong that I really thought I was going to get blown off while posing for the photo above.
Later, we tried to take a group shot and....
Katie's hair clearly had its own ideas on how the picture should turn out. So we tried again, and.......
It still didn't work out very well, and Theo (the dog) started to get a little concerned, and so we took another shot and..........
Nope. Still no.
So we changed our spot, and got someone else to take a photo for us, and......
Yup.
This was it.
So that concludes our little walk up Craggy Pinnacle. We used to go on so many hikes, and I wish it was the right season for tubing and rock sliding, but even if it was, I doubt we'd have had enough time to do everything I wanted to do(/that made me fall in love with Asheville.) But since we didn't have the time and opportunity to do those things, here are some #throwback pictures of our life in NC:
Anyway! Also worthy to mention is Teawan, who drove a couple of hours back to Asheville to spend our third day with us. We went shopping for yoga pants, had Papa's & Beer for dinner and spent the rest of the night in at Heather's, where Teawan gave me a private Yoga lesson.
We also saw Scott, who came to the house to visit us despite being unwell.
So much love for these two :))))
& with that, I'm going to bring our visit to Asheville to a close. I'd like to thank everyone who made this trip possible -- like Fallon + Heather who made their lovely house available for us, K McNutt who rode with us, and brought me back to the Craggy Pinnacle (my first time was with her + Heather, too!), Le-Keisha & Eliana who came to Asheville just to spend the weekend with us, Leah + Meg who made time to see us, Adrianne + Kamira + Ebony + Brittany who came out and for being yourselves, Neely + Scott for being such a cute pair, and all the others who came to Westville (like Heather + Nurse Erika & Sam -who exclaimed, at one point, that we were the best batch of RISE interns).
I love you, Asheville :)
Till next time!
