stuck in a moment

Life is kicking my trash lately. That sounds so, well, trashy, but I just can't seem to keep up. Kids, keeping up one house, rebuilding another, pregnancy (not that I have bad pregnancies, they're nice and standard, if there is such a thing), but goodness, I cannot get a handle on things. I feel like my house is a mess most of the day and at night (when I'm running on empty) it's time to tidy it up only to get thrashed in a few hours . And food, aaa. I've been trying to do a Cara Clark Health Challenge but I have only been doing it half way because like I said, I can't keep up.

The kids are great, they're just kids. They need to get to school, they need to be picked up from school, they need lunches, they need to play outside, they need to stop playing computer/iPad/iPhone games, they need to watch less TV, they need to go to practices, they're young so they need me to stay at practices, they need to eat a healthy, balanced diet, they need more attention, they need to be read to, they need to be listened to, they need help with bathroom needs, they are stuck in potty talk land, etc. I never really knew the challenge of motherhood and all of the needs associated with it.

I'm utterly grateful for my family. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without them, I'm just having a moment. I don't know how single parents do it. Alone time. Do they ever get it? I can tell that's what I need. It feels so vital now that I'm in the midst of motherhood. I look back on my single days and think of the hour long runs I would take next to the beach, watching the sun set and waves crash. The pink sky, light, salty breeze, no where to go, no people to meet. Gosh. Dreamy. I don't want to go back to that time, but I'm grateful for those memories. I can take a mini vacation in my brain and it actually relaxes me.

I looked at some photos of Winston and Calvin when they were babies tonight and it made me emotional. Being a mom is tough sometimes and I hope they are getting what they need to be happy and to become the best they can be.

I'm grateful for this moment so I can reflect and realize what I can do better.

Okay, time to get out of the moment and move forward. Onward, ho!

10 months

Benjamin is 10 months. This first year has flown by. Not too quickly though, it actually feels about right. I feel like a human again and Ben is still the joy he has been from day one. He took his first steps last Thursday. One or two at the Changs' house and two or three to daddy from the couch. I think he's going to be a coordinated little boy. He loves chasing his brothers, crawls as fast as he can to find them, likes to play chase, loves the bathroom and any open doors, stands up on anything now, doesn't have any teeth, still nursing 3-4 times a day, enjoys table foods versus baby food, likes to be tickled, but doesn't laugh a ton. I love when he burrows his head into the ground when I chase him, like he's just so excited to be caught while crawling. He finally crawls without his belly on the ground. He was really efficient with the army crawl. He's very content. He likes to explore cupboards around the house and enjoys playing with any toys hanging out. Such a wonderful baby.

The Whole Pitcher

I feel asleep in the kids' rooms during nap time, and when I woke up I stared at sleeping Calvin and thought to myself, "What am I pouring into my kids' minds?" I literally thought of an open mind, you know the pictures, and inserted my children's faces and the thought returned, "What am I pouring into my kids' minds?"

My first thought was, "I hope it's LOVE." Not just love, love, but all facets of love. Then my mind really started turning. What kind of love do I want them to understand? What should we try to instill in their minds when they're little? All the experts say that a child's mind/personality is pretty wired by the time he is 5. Eek. That's Win. Do I still have time to make sure he's getting all the loves? I hope so.

Here are the LOVES I would like my children to understand, learn, feel, etc.

Love of learning and discovery: Books, art, music, general education, cooking, drawing, creating, traveling, the world. These, and much more, fall under love of learning. These are all part of lifelong learning and make life worth living. They create joy and inspiration. I hope they love learning and discovering the amazing things life has to offer. I want them to enjoy traveling and experiencing new things. Go places, travel...LEARN!

Love of physical capabilities: Running, jumping, seeing, hearing, touching, spinning, smelling. For me personally, I feel alive and complete when I am using my body. Running gets my blood pumping and my mind thinking clearly. I hope my children will be able to find the joy moving and sensing brings to life.

Love of self: I hope my children love themselves for who they are. They are so unique, so amazing in their own right. I hope I can build them up as much as I can while they are under our roof. The world does enough tearing down. It is my job to build them up and keep them strong. As cliche as it is, I want them to know they are each special. I also want them to be able to stand up for themselves, to have confidence. I hope they follow their own paths and never pay attention to people who want to hurt or bring them down.

Love of others: I want my children to love others, to see that we are all different, but not really. I want  them to enjoy getting to know other people, other customs, etc. I hope they want to serve, help and lift others, to see the benefit of being kind.

Love of God: I hope my children know that God loves them and wants to help them, that He is there for them and also that Christ is there for them. Life gets tough. I have no idea what they will face, but I do know that a strong testimony of God and His Son, can help pull you through the darkest times. Faith, hope, trust, endurance. Religion isn't a bad thing. It is a foundation, a building block and it's all built on the love of God. He loves us, He wants us to succeed. I hope my boys understand that.

Love of nutrition and health: There is nothing like feeling good inside and out. I hope my boys realize the importance of eating healthy foods and taking care of their little bodies. When our bodies are in working order life is so much better, you can accomplish so much more.

Love of affection: I hope I show my boys enough affection. A hug, a kiss, a pat on the back or head, soothing words, holding hands, I hope they get enough of these things from me and are someday able to offer the same affection to those around them.

Here's to pouring the LOVE in and filling their whole pitchers!

Positano

It was better than a postcard. Green mountains topped with wispy clouds, blue sky and sea for miles, colorful, stucco houses built into the hillside, narrow roads and walkways winding their way down to a black rock beach, clear water, seafront shopping and dining, an old cathedral, boats floating out past the break... Oh, Positano, you were incredible.

The busy beach in Positano.

A Positano playground. Talk about a picturesque place to take your kids.

One of the winding walkways.

We spent all afternoon out here on the balcony. It was dreamy and so relaxing.

One view from our hotel.

The balcony. Again. It was so romantic and wonderful to sit out there in the sun. Ahhh.

I want one of these for our house someday. I fell in love with tile on this trip. Portugal sealed that love for me.

Lemon trees. There is something so lovely, fresh, yet nostalgic about lemon trees. They had HUGE lemons at Pompeii. I tried the juice and it was very rejuvenating.

So true. And I love the little boy shoes. That is our "Dolce Vita" right now.

Attack of the mini jellyfish. Kent (and I) were going to go in until we saw a bunch of these guys swimming around.